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:salam2: 
The Man and His Truck
A Story About Gentleness
by sister Zabrina Abu Bakar
My mobile rang late that evening. The first thing I heard when I answered the call was a sobbing sound on the other line. I immediately recognized the voice.
A dear friend was in tears after being yelled to by her boss over some administrative mistakes that she admitted had done accidentally. She knew that she was wrong and deserved to be corrected. As a professional, she could admit and accept her wrongs gracefully, and she had no qualms correcting them. However, according to her, that was not why she was crying.
What hurt her was more of the way she was handled; the yelling and shouting by the boss, plus the throwing of the document file in her direction. That was what shattered her that day. Who could blame her? Anyone would be shaken if treated in such a way. I know I would. Calming her down took some time, but the "pep talk" to build up her self-esteem and motivation again took longer, much longer.
As I sat there, thinking sadly of my friend's experience that day, I could not help but ponder on why some people take pleasure in being harsh when getting their point across. Why do some people choose aggressiveness over a simple advice? Do they enjoy watching others squirm? What goes on in their mind when they yell and shout? Is the mistake worthy of the humiliation they inflict? Would they, themselves, accept being embarrassed and disgraced that way? Couldn't a simple discussion, done in a civilized manner do the job for them? Couldn't advice be given privately instead of making sure that one's voice was heard through the four walls of the office?
It was a heartbreaking moment for me when I was reminded of my Lord's attribute:
`A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Allah is gentle and loves gentleness. He gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness nor for anything else." (Muslim)
Subhan Allah! Allah is kind and gentle. Almighty Allah, the Creator and Owner of everything and everyone, is kind and gentle. Who are we? We do not even own the cloth we wear, the eyes we use, the air we breathe, the smile we show, the eyelids we batter, the teeth we chew with, or the water we drink. Who are we to act in such a harsh manner as if we are perfect? It's as if we have never done and would never do any mistakes! As if we are infallible! Astaghfirullah! My heart beats sadly for my friend.
I remembered a hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
Jarir narrated that the Prophet said,"He who is deprived of gentleness is deprived of good." (Muslim)
That is so scary. A person deprived of gentleness is deprived of good? Who in their right mind would want to be deprived of good?
I also remembered reading the Qur'anic verse that has become one of my compasses in dealing with others:
[And speak to him [Pharaoh]mildly, perhaps he may accept admonition or fear Allah.] (Ta-Ha20:44)
When I first read this verse, it truly surprised me.
What did Allah tell us to do? Even with a dictator like Pharaoh, we are asked to speak gently. You know Pharaoh? Yes, the Pharaoh who chased Prophet Musa (Moses), the one who had wronged Prophet Musa's people and killed male babies. Yes, that one! And how was Prophet Musa ordered to deal with such a person? With gentle speech! Can you believe that? Even to a person with a history like Pharaoh's we are asked to deal gently; subhan Allah!
And what was the reason given? So that perhaps — nothing guaranteed because it was still Pharaoh's choice — he could be reminded of Allah through our gentle speech. Subhan Allah! What did that tell us? A person, regardless of his or her behavior and action, is entitled to be addressed gently.
Maybe my friend's boss should be reminded of this verse. Maybe he should ask himself, was my friend worse than Pharaoh? Because even Pharaoh who denied Allah and His Prophet was to be handled gently! Surely, my friend is nothing close to Pharaoh, right?
I reminded myself of this quote I read somewhere before: Extract the honey, but do not break the hive.
How true this quote is! To get the honey, we should not break the hive. Instead, we should carefully, systematically, and gently approach it. Failure to do so would result in us getting bee stings all over, qualify us for hospital admission, and might even land us into a new home6 feet under! Let alone I know it seems a little bit farfetched here, but these things do happen.
Let me share with you a story I read sometime ago about a man and his son:
A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his 3-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint.
The man ran to his son, knocked him away, and hammered the little boy's hands into a pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I am sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "But when are my fingers going to grow back?"
"When are my fingers growing back?" I could not imagine the regret this father must have in his heart. Could you even imagine it? Was the satisfaction worth the pain after? Was the action during rage by the father justified? Could the finger ever grow back? How could the father possibly answer his son?
As I sat there thinking of my friend and this poor boy, I asked myself this question: Have I ever hammered someone else's fingers? If yes, why did I do it? If yes, whose fingers were they? Why do I have to get that hammer and hurt those fingers? What if their fingers were beyond repair and had to be amputated?
I felt a heavy feeling in my heart, and I pray to Allah to forgive me if I have done something unthinkable as such. And to all my friends out there, forgive me if I have hammered your fingers. Please find somewhere in your heart to forgive me whenever you looked at your amputated fingers, if any.
What about you, my friends? Have you ever hammered anyone's finger simply because you could not control your temper? Think about it. Think hard because always, the doer forgets but the receiver does not. Just imagine that your fingers are amputated. How would you feel? Do you want to make others feel that way too?
In the end, whenever you feel like showing your anger, remember these two stories — Pharaoh's and the boy's. May we all take heed, amen.
:astag:May Allah Guide Us And Forgive Us!:tti_sister:AMEEN.
:salam2::ma:
The Man and His Truck
A Story About Gentleness
by sister Zabrina Abu Bakar
My mobile rang late that evening. The first thing I heard when I answered the call was a sobbing sound on the other line. I immediately recognized the voice.
A dear friend was in tears after being yelled to by her boss over some administrative mistakes that she admitted had done accidentally. She knew that she was wrong and deserved to be corrected. As a professional, she could admit and accept her wrongs gracefully, and she had no qualms correcting them. However, according to her, that was not why she was crying.
What hurt her was more of the way she was handled; the yelling and shouting by the boss, plus the throwing of the document file in her direction. That was what shattered her that day. Who could blame her? Anyone would be shaken if treated in such a way. I know I would. Calming her down took some time, but the "pep talk" to build up her self-esteem and motivation again took longer, much longer.
As I sat there, thinking sadly of my friend's experience that day, I could not help but ponder on why some people take pleasure in being harsh when getting their point across. Why do some people choose aggressiveness over a simple advice? Do they enjoy watching others squirm? What goes on in their mind when they yell and shout? Is the mistake worthy of the humiliation they inflict? Would they, themselves, accept being embarrassed and disgraced that way? Couldn't a simple discussion, done in a civilized manner do the job for them? Couldn't advice be given privately instead of making sure that one's voice was heard through the four walls of the office?
It was a heartbreaking moment for me when I was reminded of my Lord's attribute:
`A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Allah is gentle and loves gentleness. He gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness nor for anything else." (Muslim)
Subhan Allah! Allah is kind and gentle. Almighty Allah, the Creator and Owner of everything and everyone, is kind and gentle. Who are we? We do not even own the cloth we wear, the eyes we use, the air we breathe, the smile we show, the eyelids we batter, the teeth we chew with, or the water we drink. Who are we to act in such a harsh manner as if we are perfect? It's as if we have never done and would never do any mistakes! As if we are infallible! Astaghfirullah! My heart beats sadly for my friend.
I remembered a hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
Jarir narrated that the Prophet said,"He who is deprived of gentleness is deprived of good." (Muslim)
That is so scary. A person deprived of gentleness is deprived of good? Who in their right mind would want to be deprived of good?
I also remembered reading the Qur'anic verse that has become one of my compasses in dealing with others:
[And speak to him [Pharaoh]mildly, perhaps he may accept admonition or fear Allah.] (Ta-Ha20:44)
When I first read this verse, it truly surprised me.
What did Allah tell us to do? Even with a dictator like Pharaoh, we are asked to speak gently. You know Pharaoh? Yes, the Pharaoh who chased Prophet Musa (Moses), the one who had wronged Prophet Musa's people and killed male babies. Yes, that one! And how was Prophet Musa ordered to deal with such a person? With gentle speech! Can you believe that? Even to a person with a history like Pharaoh's we are asked to deal gently; subhan Allah!
And what was the reason given? So that perhaps — nothing guaranteed because it was still Pharaoh's choice — he could be reminded of Allah through our gentle speech. Subhan Allah! What did that tell us? A person, regardless of his or her behavior and action, is entitled to be addressed gently.
Maybe my friend's boss should be reminded of this verse. Maybe he should ask himself, was my friend worse than Pharaoh? Because even Pharaoh who denied Allah and His Prophet was to be handled gently! Surely, my friend is nothing close to Pharaoh, right?
I reminded myself of this quote I read somewhere before: Extract the honey, but do not break the hive.
How true this quote is! To get the honey, we should not break the hive. Instead, we should carefully, systematically, and gently approach it. Failure to do so would result in us getting bee stings all over, qualify us for hospital admission, and might even land us into a new home6 feet under! Let alone I know it seems a little bit farfetched here, but these things do happen.
Let me share with you a story I read sometime ago about a man and his son:
A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his 3-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint.
The man ran to his son, knocked him away, and hammered the little boy's hands into a pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I am sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "But when are my fingers going to grow back?"
"When are my fingers growing back?" I could not imagine the regret this father must have in his heart. Could you even imagine it? Was the satisfaction worth the pain after? Was the action during rage by the father justified? Could the finger ever grow back? How could the father possibly answer his son?
As I sat there thinking of my friend and this poor boy, I asked myself this question: Have I ever hammered someone else's fingers? If yes, why did I do it? If yes, whose fingers were they? Why do I have to get that hammer and hurt those fingers? What if their fingers were beyond repair and had to be amputated?
I felt a heavy feeling in my heart, and I pray to Allah to forgive me if I have done something unthinkable as such. And to all my friends out there, forgive me if I have hammered your fingers. Please find somewhere in your heart to forgive me whenever you looked at your amputated fingers, if any.
What about you, my friends? Have you ever hammered anyone's finger simply because you could not control your temper? Think about it. Think hard because always, the doer forgets but the receiver does not. Just imagine that your fingers are amputated. How would you feel? Do you want to make others feel that way too?
In the end, whenever you feel like showing your anger, remember these two stories — Pharaoh's and the boy's. May we all take heed, amen.
:astag:May Allah Guide Us And Forgive Us!:tti_sister:AMEEN.
:salam2::ma:
yes such are cases with ours. We take poison as medicine for our ailment. that should'nt be there . A person on deen can only be saved from such horrible disasters.