ATA95
I ♥ Allah (SWT)
Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters. I have done a thread on marriage before but things have changed and I need to explain the new situation.
Since moving on from a girl I used to like I'm back to square one with marriage. I've been doing some researching on the net and come across a few sites which are good but don't necessarily deal with the situation I am in.
First of all I have a few goals before moving on to the stage of finding a spouse.
1. Finish learning Salah.
2. Getting a job.
3. Learning how to drive (not necessarily important but I still aim to achieve it).
4. Finishing school (not necessarily a goal at the moment, I'll explain soon).
I'm 16 and have two years to go before finishing school. I live with my mother who is a Catholic and visit my father who is a Muslim. You may be thinking that why don't I finish the goals above and do marriage through my father? Well to be honest that isn't the case.
I have openly talked about marriage with my mother but she isn't on the same page as I am. I'm trying to get her to understand the value of marriage from the Islamic perspective and in general like it'll protect me from the dangers of fornication. My mother keeps insisting that I just get a girlfriend. I tell my mother that it's forbidden in Islam. However she doesn't believe me even when I explain it.
Furthermore she says even if I have a girlfriend it doesn't mean we will fornicate but to face facts it most likely will turn out that way. Also she wants me to finish school before looking for a spouse. Regarding the 4th goal earlier I had at first agreed to waiting until finishing school but since then have realised I would be waiting at least two years before looking for a spouse which would be a nightmare.
I have left p*rn, masturbating and looking at women etc for Allah (SWT) because I really want to do the right thing which is to get married. To be realistic since I can't keep a lid on these sexual desires which are very strong as I'm a teenager how am I going to wait two years until getting married without releasing these desires?
It's not just desires that are the reason I want to get married. It's much more than that. I've never had a girlfriend or anything like that in my life even before coming to Islam. Another reason why I want a wife is because I want that special person in my life. That person who loves me and I love her in that special way. Someone that I can look forward to come home to at the end of the day. I can't explain these things on here but if you're already married I think you'll know what I mean with the love for your spouse.
The next thing is that my father (regarding the first statement earlier as to why I can't do it through him). My father is a Muslim but not fully practicing. I have talked about marriage with my father but he isn't very interested as he doesn't have a proper conversation about it like by asking questions such as are you ready to look for wife etc. So doing it through my father isn't much better than doing it through my mother.
Now back to my goals I aim to fulfil before looking for a spouse. To finish learning Salah is very important and so is getting a job. Learning how to drive isn't my top priority but I still aim to get it done because it'd be a benefit for the future. Since I've said I won't be waiting two years, I can't count finishing school as a goal before looking for a wife.
The only reliable person I could go to is my Salah teacher who also teaches me Islam. He's a very strong Muslim that fulfills his five daily prayers and is a very kind person.
I have said to my mother that I could get his help with marriage but since she wants me to wait until finishing school she isn't supportive of that option. I also know that I could go looking on some Muslim marriage sites. I have two in mind which are Half Our Deen and Pure Matrimony which look very good. However I have to be at least 18 years of age to use those sites.
To face facts I'm stuck in a roadblock. All the avenues for options with marriage are blocked by one reason or another. I live in the West and as you'd know it's difficult for the most part being a Muslim in that area with sex and many other evil vices being promoted everywhere. This is another reason why I need to get married.
I know I'm 16 and it's still quite young but there's children who get married younger than me anyway. I'm mentally ready for a wife but I'm pretty sure I'll need get some financial basis happening when I get a job. Correct? I have a few questions that need to be answered.
1. What can I do now? (I'm lost, I need some guidance with this).
2. What are the requirements for marriage?
3. What exactly is the process of marriage? (I've got a fair idea of this but need a definitive explanation).
4. What are the different ways I could look for a wife? (I know some like online and through family).
5. What are any other tips or suggestion you can give me?
Thank you so much for reading. I would greatly appreciate it if you could reply.
Since moving on from a girl I used to like I'm back to square one with marriage. I've been doing some researching on the net and come across a few sites which are good but don't necessarily deal with the situation I am in.
First of all I have a few goals before moving on to the stage of finding a spouse.
1. Finish learning Salah.
2. Getting a job.
3. Learning how to drive (not necessarily important but I still aim to achieve it).
4. Finishing school (not necessarily a goal at the moment, I'll explain soon).
I'm 16 and have two years to go before finishing school. I live with my mother who is a Catholic and visit my father who is a Muslim. You may be thinking that why don't I finish the goals above and do marriage through my father? Well to be honest that isn't the case.
I have openly talked about marriage with my mother but she isn't on the same page as I am. I'm trying to get her to understand the value of marriage from the Islamic perspective and in general like it'll protect me from the dangers of fornication. My mother keeps insisting that I just get a girlfriend. I tell my mother that it's forbidden in Islam. However she doesn't believe me even when I explain it.
Furthermore she says even if I have a girlfriend it doesn't mean we will fornicate but to face facts it most likely will turn out that way. Also she wants me to finish school before looking for a spouse. Regarding the 4th goal earlier I had at first agreed to waiting until finishing school but since then have realised I would be waiting at least two years before looking for a spouse which would be a nightmare.
I have left p*rn, masturbating and looking at women etc for Allah (SWT) because I really want to do the right thing which is to get married. To be realistic since I can't keep a lid on these sexual desires which are very strong as I'm a teenager how am I going to wait two years until getting married without releasing these desires?
It's not just desires that are the reason I want to get married. It's much more than that. I've never had a girlfriend or anything like that in my life even before coming to Islam. Another reason why I want a wife is because I want that special person in my life. That person who loves me and I love her in that special way. Someone that I can look forward to come home to at the end of the day. I can't explain these things on here but if you're already married I think you'll know what I mean with the love for your spouse.
The next thing is that my father (regarding the first statement earlier as to why I can't do it through him). My father is a Muslim but not fully practicing. I have talked about marriage with my father but he isn't very interested as he doesn't have a proper conversation about it like by asking questions such as are you ready to look for wife etc. So doing it through my father isn't much better than doing it through my mother.
Now back to my goals I aim to fulfil before looking for a spouse. To finish learning Salah is very important and so is getting a job. Learning how to drive isn't my top priority but I still aim to get it done because it'd be a benefit for the future. Since I've said I won't be waiting two years, I can't count finishing school as a goal before looking for a wife.
The only reliable person I could go to is my Salah teacher who also teaches me Islam. He's a very strong Muslim that fulfills his five daily prayers and is a very kind person.
I have said to my mother that I could get his help with marriage but since she wants me to wait until finishing school she isn't supportive of that option. I also know that I could go looking on some Muslim marriage sites. I have two in mind which are Half Our Deen and Pure Matrimony which look very good. However I have to be at least 18 years of age to use those sites.
To face facts I'm stuck in a roadblock. All the avenues for options with marriage are blocked by one reason or another. I live in the West and as you'd know it's difficult for the most part being a Muslim in that area with sex and many other evil vices being promoted everywhere. This is another reason why I need to get married.
I know I'm 16 and it's still quite young but there's children who get married younger than me anyway. I'm mentally ready for a wife but I'm pretty sure I'll need get some financial basis happening when I get a job. Correct? I have a few questions that need to be answered.
1. What can I do now? (I'm lost, I need some guidance with this).
2. What are the requirements for marriage?
3. What exactly is the process of marriage? (I've got a fair idea of this but need a definitive explanation).
4. What are the different ways I could look for a wife? (I know some like online and through family).
5. What are any other tips or suggestion you can give me?
Thank you so much for reading. I would greatly appreciate it if you could reply.
advised young men who were unable to get married to fast as this is a form of self control.
