about widdows

[sanya]

Assalamu Alaikum!
My husband died 12 yrs ago.From first merridge i have 2 kids. 17 and 15 yrs old. Any mother will care of own kids, thats why i have to work. I live in europe and working in restaurant, and some time i have to serv wine. I know it's haram, but at moment i have not choice. 5 years ago i met muslim men and he merrid me. He doesn't want if im working and serving wine, but i have to care of my kids. My husband has good enaff relations with my kids, but as he always saying-they not his kids. What i have to do? Tell 4 my kids, sorry, i have new family now and u can live as you want?Or i have to ignere my husband and continue work and care of my kids? When he merrid me he should not take responsibility of my kids too? Where is solution to make both sides happy? I love my kids too much, and husband too.

sanya

 

[misalat]

:salam2: sister,

I would suggest you must follow the instructions given to you by your husband. so long as he is the real husband, it's his own responsibility to care for you - feed, shelter, clothe - including for your children. It's his choice to marry you plus your children, and for the more, if you are serving wine, then you should obey your husband. Allah is the provider and will always be there for you.
this is my opinion.

 

[American Muslim]

Dear sister,

this is a thorny situation that would trouble the Prophet Suleyman (PBUH). I am certain that a brother or sister here will give you an answer based in ahadith. I am not a mufti, or a scholar. I am just a muslim, like any other, and here is my advice.

Every prophet, from the torah through the Seal of the Prophets (peace be upon all of them), has advised us to treat fairly and with respect, widows and orphans. Your husband is not required to love your children. However, as your children, when he married you he assumed financial responsibility for all three of you. I am not certain of the legal adult age in the country you live in, but I do not think your children have reached that age.

If nothing else, your husband is required to give them the respect due to any other Muslim. This includes financial assistance. If your husband does not want you to work, surely he knows he must support your children until they reach the age of maturity?

This should not be a choice between husband and children. Place your faith in Allah Ta'alla that every thing will work out for the best. I will remember you in my du'a.

 

[UmmOf3]

Salaam aleikum

I get the feeling that he refuse to support the children here? Is that right? Because islamically, they should be supported by their father in case of divorce, but when it comes to a widow, he should be more than happy to support them, as it is so much blessing in taking care of orphants.

 

[Happy 2BA Muslim]

Assalamu Alaikum!
My husband died 12 yrs ago.From first merridge i have 2 kids. 17 and 15 yrs old. Any mother will care of own kids, thats why i have to work. I live in europe and working in restaurant, and some time i have to serv wine. I know it's haram, but at moment i have not choice. 5 years ago i met muslim men and he merrid me. He doesn't want if im working and serving wine, but i have to care of my kids. My husband has good enaff relations with my kids, but as he always saying-they not his kids. What i have to do? Tell 4 my kids, sorry, i have new family now and u can live as you want?Or i have to ignere my husband and continue work and care of my kids? When he merrid me he should not take responsibility of my kids too? Where is solution to make both sides happy? I love my kids too much, and husband too.

sanya

Assalamu alaikum Sister,

First of all, welcome to TTI!!! We are happy to have you with us.

As my brothers and sisters mentioned, your husband should be responsible for you and your children. This really depends on what you both agreed to when the marriage contract was written.

It is haraam to work and earn a living by helping people to consume haraam things such as alcohol and pork. The payment for that is haraam, because this is a kind of cooperating in sin and transgression, and Allaah prohibited that when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“…but do not help one another in sin and transgression…” [al-Maa’idah 5:2]

Based on that, it is not permissible for you to carry on working in this job, because it involves cooperating in sin and transgression, and not denouncing evil.

You should also remember that whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better than it, as Imam Ahmad (22565) narrated from Abu Qataadah and Abu’l-Dahma’ who said: We came to a man from among the people of the desert and said: Did you hear anything from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)?

He said: Yes, I heard him say: “You will never give up anything for the sake of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, but Allaah will give you something better than it in its stead.” Al-Arna’oot said: Its isnaad is saheeh. It was also classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah, hadeeth no. 5.

No matter what hardship you may face in life, it is still easier to bear than seeing this great evil and working in places upon which the curse may fall, and earning haraam money in which there is nothing good for you or your family. So hasten to get out of this bad situation.

Based on a fatwa from Islam Q&A

If you think that you have no other choice and that this is a life-and-death necessity, you should speak to an Islamic scholar or reliable imam in your area to look into your matter, and say it is permissible based on your circumstances.

and for the more, if you are serving wine, then you should obey your husband.

This is not correct. We should not give Islamic rulings based on our opinion. It is not permissible for you to obey him, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“There is no obedience in disobedience to Allaah; obedience is only with regard to that which is good and proper.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7257; Muslim, 1840.

Be kind and gentle when you advise him, and ask Allaah to set his heart straight and make him come to his senses.

I ask Allaah to make things easier for you and to provide for you out of His bounty.

 

[Aapa]

Salam,

Sister I do not know the country of your residence. However, in many countries such as the United States when chidren have a parent who is deceased the government compensates the family. I strongly suggest you seek help from the social services to assist you. This is not charity. The child is given assistance until he is 18.
Forgive me but taking this route would take the burden of responsibilty from your shoulders. Many Muslims have to put food on the table in western worlds and due to extreme prejudice have to work in horrific conditions.
From experience I know that a marraige is more important than any job. As an older married woman I speak with authority and from the heart...pleasing your husband will lead to economic freedom. Please understand i am not trying to judge..but listening to a husband strengthens the family unit.

 

[umm hussain]

Walaikum salam warahmatullah

I think a man who cannot take care of your children is not a suitable man. he knew he was getting into a marriage with a woman with children so it is not like he didnt know what he was getting himself into. Taking care of children has reward in it from Allah considering their father is no more. if he cant do it for you then he should do it for Allahs sake. From what you said it seems like there seems to be some sort of pressure to choose between him and the children. if this is the case then sister choose the children they definitely need you, he or you can always find someone else to marry but children cannot find more parents and put into consideration that one parent has already passed away and then to lose another parent to a MAN, definitely not.

it also seems like he will only take care of you financially but not the children therefore the need for you to work, is this right? Please sister if this is the situation I feel you are better off on your own with your children You say you love him and the children but I feel the love of a mother should be greater than the love for a man. Inshallah you will find someone who will take care of you and your children.