my husband and I are reverts of 4 years and my husband has kids from before me. We married before we even came into islam but since being in islam its been a struggle becuase my husband has kept alot of secrets from me. He has kids which he can see on a sunday, they are not allowed around our kids and i think that is not fair. they are catholics so they are kuffars. I feel like he doesnt try hard enough to get the mum to just accept that he has moved on after 7 years as that is how long weve been together for and just let the kids intergrate? when my husband first reverted, the kids mum wanted him to prove himself to her first before the kids to come around us but 7 years on, they are not allowed to our house or be around our kids! Should i say nothing to him no more as it has caused so many arguements in our house.
advice please
- Thread starter nadirah79
- Start date
q8penpals
Junior Member
Salam
My first husband had 2 children from his previous marriage. I will just tell you this - there is nothing you can do, and you really should stay out of it.
Do I think she should let all the kids get to know each other? Of course. But, it is between your husband and her; if you get in the middle, it will do nothing good. The best you can do is try to get pictures of your step-kids, and maybe have your husband make videos when he is with them to share with your kids, and videos of your kids to share with them, so the kids get used to the idea of each other, and at some point, they will want to know their siblings.
But seriously, speaking from experience, do not let yourself get in the middle - the ex will despise you for interferring in HER kids, and your husband will get upset at being in the middle of you and the ex. I know it stinks, but just remember, the kids will be teenagers and older soon, and then the ex will have a difficult time keeping them from their father if they really want to seem him.
My first husband had 2 children from his previous marriage. I will just tell you this - there is nothing you can do, and you really should stay out of it.
Do I think she should let all the kids get to know each other? Of course. But, it is between your husband and her; if you get in the middle, it will do nothing good. The best you can do is try to get pictures of your step-kids, and maybe have your husband make videos when he is with them to share with your kids, and videos of your kids to share with them, so the kids get used to the idea of each other, and at some point, they will want to know their siblings.
But seriously, speaking from experience, do not let yourself get in the middle - the ex will despise you for interferring in HER kids, and your husband will get upset at being in the middle of you and the ex. I know it stinks, but just remember, the kids will be teenagers and older soon, and then the ex will have a difficult time keeping them from their father if they really want to seem him.
assalamaleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu, q8penpals
I hear what your saying but I didnt expect to marry into all this. If i knew from the beginning he had 3 kids, i wouldnt of entertained him but he told me he only had 1 and he never came clean until after we were married, 1 sounds better than 3 in my eyes.
I will just sit back and keep my mouth shut and the eldest of his daughters is 12! so maybe something will have to give eventually, only thing is she doesnt ask to stay with us because she doesnt want her mum to start crying.
Jazakallah khair
I hear what your saying but I didnt expect to marry into all this. If i knew from the beginning he had 3 kids, i wouldnt of entertained him but he told me he only had 1 and he never came clean until after we were married, 1 sounds better than 3 in my eyes.
I will just sit back and keep my mouth shut and the eldest of his daughters is 12! so maybe something will have to give eventually, only thing is she doesnt ask to stay with us because she doesnt want her mum to start crying.
Jazakallah khair
ummyasiin
Striving for Janatul firdous
ok, first problem is the mother is a kaffr. The 2nd is your the one he is with. The issue with her mayb the fact that 1, she may be jealous that her kidz may like you and want to adopt your ways, oh no that cant happen(sarcasm) it would be the same vice versa, your children are being raised islamically inshallah so you wouldnt want them over her house singing, dancing, blessing food in a name other than Allah(swt),so you would want to cautious about there enviornment, right. since this is a (new) situaction between them ofcourse she will take time for adjustment, and depending on HER depends on the time she will take. Now, normally, I would say your suposed to b the third party between them anyway through islam, but situactions, dont allow because of LIES, im in the same situation, the differance is I let my bint visit, as much as she wants to be with her abu, I dont like it but I do and she is muslim as well, but the house hold isnt. It comes with maturity. in conclusion, Save yourself than your family, if it causes fitnah in your house and dosent take away from the care of your own kidz, leave it alone inshallah.
ummyasiin
jazakallah khair for your views on this situation and yes the mum doesnt want her kids to like me. but i could go on about the whole situation but im just gonna let it be. she is not worth the fitnah which it causes in my house so im just gonna let it be. If ive had to put up with this nonsense for 7 years, i can keep on going. inshallah, i will just focus on my beautiful blessings from allah and make myself strong in dene inshallah
jazakallah khair for your views on this situation and yes the mum doesnt want her kids to like me. but i could go on about the whole situation but im just gonna let it be. she is not worth the fitnah which it causes in my house so im just gonna let it be. If ive had to put up with this nonsense for 7 years, i can keep on going. inshallah, i will just focus on my beautiful blessings from allah and make myself strong in dene inshallah