Advice to one who does not want to get married

Abu Sarah

Allahu Akbar
Staff member
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Advice to one who does not want to get married

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You should note that people are not all the same when it comes to marriage. The basic principle that marriage, which was the way of the Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), is prescribed, applies to all people, but it may be more important in the case of some people than others.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

With regard to marriage, people are of three types:

1 – Some fear that they may fall into haraam things if they do not get married. Such a person has to get married, according to the majority of fuqaha’, because he has to keep himself chaste and protect himself against doing haraam things, and the way to do that is getting married.

2 – For some it is mustahabb. This is the one who feels desire but there is no danger of his falling into haraam. It is better for him to get married than to devote himself to naafil acts of worship. This is the view of ashaab al-ra’y and it is the view of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them and their deeds).

Ibn Mas’ood said: If I only had ten days to live and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I had any desire to get married, I would get married, for fear of fitnah (temptation).

It was narrated that Sa’eed ibn Jubayr said: Ibn ‘Abbaas said to me: “Have you gotten married?”

I said: “No.”

He said: “Get married, for the best of this ummah are the ones with the most wives.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5069).

Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said: Tawoos said to me: “Either get married, or I will say to you what ‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: Nothing is keeping you from getting married except impotence or immorality.”

3 – Those who have no desire, either because they were not created with any desire, such as one who is impotent, or they had desire but it has disappeared due to old age, sickness and so on. There are two opinions:

(i) It is mustahabb to get married because of the general meaning of what we have discussed.

(ii) Remaining single is better for him because he cannot achieve the purpose of marriage, and he would be preventing his wife from becoming chaste by marrying someone else. And he would be harming her by keeping her for himself, and he is exposing himself to obligations and duties that perhaps he cannot fulfil, and he is distracting himself from seeking knowledge and worship with something that is of no benefit to him.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The apparent meaning of the words of Ahmad is that there is no difference between the one who can afford it and the one who cannot. He said: a man should get married and if he can afford to spend he should spend, and if he cannot then he should be patient.

This applies to one who is able to get married. As for the one who cannot, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches them of His Bounty” [al-Noor 24:33]. End quote from al-Mughni (9/341-344).

As this point we would like to ask you about the reason for this aversion to marriage.

If you think that not getting married is an act of worship by means of which you can draw closer to the Lord of the Worlds, and you think that if you avoid marriage this will raise you in status before Allaah, you are mistaken and there is the fear that you may be sinning.

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Three people came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet :saw:(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asking about the worship of the Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When they were told, it was as if they regarded it as too little. They said: Who are we in comparison to the Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? Allaah has forgiven his past and future sins. One of them said: As for me, I will pray all night forever. Another said: I shall fast all my life and never break my fast. Another said: I shall keep away from women and never get married. The Messenger of Allaah :saw:(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and said: “Are you the ones who said such and such? By Allaah, I am the one who fears Allaah the most among you and I am the most pious, but I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5063) and Muslim (1401).

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Remaining unmarried for the sake of worship

Allaah has enjoined marriage, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty”

[al-Noor 24:32]

And it was enjoined by the Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065; Muslim, 1400.

And there is the story of the three men who came to ask about the worship of the Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When they were told about it, it was as if they thought it was not much. One of them said, “I keep away from women and I will never get married.” The Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to this man and to his companions that he :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) fasted and broke his fast, he stayed up praying and slept, and he married women. Then he said: “Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5063; Muslim, 1401.

This story indicates that the Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned against the monasticism practiced by the Jews and Christians, both men and woman.
Al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah li’l-Buhooth al-‘Ilmiyyah wa’l-Ifta’, 18/17
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If you do not want to get married because you have no sexual desire, or you think that you are not able to fulfil the duties of marriage, and you are afraid of falling short in meeting a wife’s needs, I say to you: In that case there is no sin on you if you do not get married, but do not rely on your thoughts and notions. Rather you should consult a specialist doctor and ask him for advice, for he is most able to diagnose your condition, and he may have some advice for treatment that has never crossed your mind. So do not hesitate to visit him and do not let shyness stop you, for matters of medical treatment are not the place for shyness.

If you say that you are afraid of being poor, and you do not have enough wealth to look after a family, I say to you: Try your best to earn a living and be content and think positively of Allaah, for He has promised on the lips of His Prophet :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that He will help the one who wants to be chaste and seeks that which is halaal by getting married.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are three whom Allaah is bound to help: the mujaahid who strives (in jihad) for the sake of Allaah, the mukaatib (a slave who has made a contract of manumission with his master) who wants to pay off his manumission, and a man who gets married, seeking to remain chaste.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1655), classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

If you have something that you want to achieve – such as a certificate, a position, a project and so on – and you say that you want to achieve that first, then you will get married, we say to you: Why are you ignoring marriage for that reason?

Marriage has never been a barrier to achieving things, rather in most cases it is a support and a help. That is just the whisperings of the shaytaan, which he has instilled in the minds of many young men so that it has become prevalent in our culture and society, and you hear many of those who have delayed their own marriages or the marriages of their sons and daughters saying such things, and our society has become burdened with problems resulting from large numbers of single men and women, and the delay of marriage, but despite that we have not seen any achievement, development or progress, whereas the first generation of Muslims used to hasten to do good and they did not delay marriage, and their achievements were the greatest and most complete of achievements.

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Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (20/421):

What is required is to hasten to get married, and no young man or young woman should delay marriage for the sake of studies, because marriage does not prevent any such thing. It is possible for a young man to get married in order to protect his religious commitment and morals, and enable him to lower his gaze. Marriage serves many purposes, especially in this day and age. Because delaying it is harmful for both young women and young men, every young man and every young woman should hasten to get married if there is a man who is compatible with the woman, and if a man can find the right woman. End quote.

And over and above all that, how about if you realize that marriage will protect half of your religion?

It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whomever Allaah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half. Narrated by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (2/175), al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat (1/294) and al-Bayhaqi in Shu’ab al-Eemaan (4/382). Al-Haakim said: This is a hadeeth with a saheeh isnaad, although they (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) did not narrate it. Al-Dhahabi said in al-Talkhees: it is saheeh. It was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (2/192).

How about if you realise that by getting married, you will have followed the advice of the Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5065)and Muslim (1400).

How about if you realize that by producing a righteous child you will have ongoing charity (sadaqah jaariyah), if you raise him with good morals and faith, and you will be rewarded for your marriage if you seek reward with Allaah for that.

al-Imaam al-Nawawi saied :

If the aim is to obey Allaah, to follow the example of the Messenger of Allaah :saw: (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), to have a righteous child, to keep oneself chaste and to protect one’s private parts, eyes and heart, etc., then it is one of the actions of the Hereafter and a person will be rewarded for it. If there is no such intention, then it is permissible and is one of the actions of this world which is solely for enjoyment. It will not be rewarded, but there is no sin involved. And Allaah knows best.


Fataawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 179
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By getting married, you will be protecting yourself, lowering your gaze, and closing the door to one of the greatest means by which the shaytaan deceives people. You may not feel the seriousness of that now, but fitnah may come from places a person does not realize, so you should be keen to close the door before it is opened without you realizing it.

The Prophet :saw:(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5096) and Muslim (2741).

Marriage is a source of tranquillity and peace, and it is the best of the pleasures of this world. In it is that which Allaah has made a sign for His slaves, and He has mentioned it in His Book so that they may think and ponder the greatness of His might, may He be glorified and exalted.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”

[al-Room 30:21]

Can there be any hesitation after this?

Be resolved and put your trust in Allaah, and Allaah will help you, and will provide you with a righteous wife who will help you to obey your Lord and He will bless you with righteous offspring who will be a stored treasure for you with Allaah in the Hereafter.
 

sky_012

Junior Member
i didn't know not marrying because u think u will get closer to Allah SWT by not marrying is bad, i always think i don't want to get married sothat i'll have more time for worshipping and asking forgiveness for my previous sins
also, i don't know what to ask to Allah SWT, when i want to ask Allah SWT a pious husband, i feel ashamed because i think i'm a bad person and i don't deserve good , but i don't want a bad husband who 'll bring me into hell , because of bad way of life so the only solution which comes to my mind is not getting married; InshAllah i won't think that anymore, i'll put my trust in Allah SWT and ask Him the best for me for this life and especially for the hereafter
 

nadine

New Member
salam

it is the first time i visited this web and i feel so confortable that i forget the reality, my own life.

I guess after reading and watchinf the all day this site I wish deeply to mary a good well practising muslim. It is for me a confirmation to the necessity to follow the right path.

It is wit a big shy i write my feeling on this post. I am not proud to do but I experience muslim marriage site without success and i am getting older.

My past is very respectful and well educa ted. I do want anymore to be on msn, which I experience as last solution to find a good muslimfor 1 year without result.

I wish to go the right pah coz I feel lost in this pervers world.

Salam
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
Nadine,

Salaam sister. Have you spoken to your Imam about finding a proper match? There are usually a fair number of single Muslim guys who are ready for marriage. There is no shyness in religion and this is about protecting your deen so there is no shame in seeking help from your Imam.

~Sarah
 

hussain.mahammed

a lonely traveller
As salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wabrakatuhu dear brothers and sisters
Jazakumullah khair brother islamic fajr for the beneficient article
Subhan Allah, May Allah bless us with pious spouse

Sister sky_012 , Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala never puts any burden on a human being until he/she has the ability to carry it. Its good to repent but dont go away from the Sunnah. As its been mentioned , The Sunnah is to marry. In fact its been mentioned so many times in The Quran, we dont need to think of any other way. Islam is complete and sealed. We are just to follow it to the best way we can. And Insha Allah , Allah subhanahu Wa Taala will guide us and keep us in the right path. Pray to Allah that He blesses you with a pious spouse who has Taqwa and fear to do anything which is forbidden by Allah Ajwajal

And sister nadine, you just need to put all your trust in Allah. Insha Allah He will make things easier for you and grant you a pious spouse. I remember all my brothers and sisters in my duas and the whole Ummah , May Allah guide us always and keep us in the path of truth.
 

hussain.mahammed

a lonely traveller
I agree with sister sarah, its better to consult your local mosque that visiting muslim match making sites.
I leave you all in the best of everything and May Allah give you what is best for you and take away anything that is not good.
wa/salam
 

Raed

Muslim Student
I send this to one of my friend who thinks marriage is not improtant and give much more reposiblities and less fun..... Hope Allah guided him

:wasalam:
 

visionusman

being content
Assalamaualikum All. What if some one has married once and the marriage didn't work out? I think I fall in the second category, but since my divorce (which has been over a year), I've been put off marraige, I think for ever. I just want to know the correct ruling. Thank you.
 

uzeshan

S.O.A
I make Dua to Allah SAW

i didn't know not marrying because u think u will get closer to Allah SWT by not marrying is bad, i always think i don't want to get married sothat i'll have more time for worshipping and asking forgiveness for my previous sins
also, i don't know what to ask to Allah SWT, when i want to ask Allah SWT a pious husband, i feel ashamed because i think i'm a bad person and i don't deserve good , but i don't want a bad husband who 'll bring me into hell , because of bad way of life so the only solution which comes to my mind is not getting married; InshAllah i won't think that anymore, i'll put my trust in Allah SWT and ask Him the best for me for this life and especially for the hereafter

:salam2:

How can u say u r a bad person.. Let Allah SAW Judge u.. He is most merciful.. Fear Allah SAW and ask for forgiveness.. May Allah SAW give u a pious Husband... Ameen

May Allah SAW guide and protect all of us..
 

Happy 2BA Muslim

Islamophilic
Assalamaualikum All. What if some one has married once and the marriage didn't work out? I think I fall in the second category, but since my divorce (which has been over a year), I've been put off marraige, I think for ever. I just want to know the correct ruling. Thank you.

Wa alaikum Assalam brother,

I`m sorry it didn`t work out in your first marriage. May Allah grant you a pious wife that will make you live happily ever after.

Since you are divorced, you are considered single now. As to which category you belong to, you be the judge of that. You might be in the 2nd category now, but circumstances may change. ;)
 
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