:salam2:
Lately if you have been browsing you would have noticed a lot of threads started by me based on my personal situations and problems but I do so out of desperation because I have no place else to go, the learned brothers at my masjid or infact anywhere show a sense of annoyance everytime i approach them so I decided not to bother them and will take the stance of sorting the problems on my own. So please I beg your pardon once again and would be grateful for your input.
Now i dont know whether it is a legit excuse or whether it is Shaitaans way of messing with me, but I have been an EXTREME introvert since I was little, partly attributed towards a childhood where some events of an abusive nature have taken place and partly because I have learned to never trust anyone due to the previous reason stated. I have friends BUT VERY FEW ... close ones and nothing more beyond that. I have always been very aggressive towards anyone who comes to close to me (whether man or woman, exceptions are those whom I completely trust), like i said this is due to some traumatic childhood memories which I cant disclose because it was preordained and I have no issues (Alhamdulillah) about it.
Right now I am 24 years old , married alhamdulillah ... and it is only in the presence of my wife that I feel comfortable to socialize, let alone be myself in front of other people. But when she is not around, the mere thought of being in a crowd makes me anxious, makes me perspire more than usual and makes me want to run away from the place. There are exceptions: like work place or addressing a crowd etc with the SOLE CONDITION that they are at a safe distance from me.
Other problems I face that causes me panic and anxiety.
*Being in an elevator full of people
*Being in a crowd full of strangers and they are staring at me
*If i am standing and a crowd of people are behind me
*If i am between groups of people ahead and behind me.
But I find solace if i take the following steps.
*If I pretend that I am invisible
*If i am at one corner of the room and the crowds in an eagle eyes point of view (not that extreme)
I mentioned all these to make you guys understand the problem that I am facing..... I am a muslim man and it is obligatory for me to pray in congregation but in a mosque I would be praying with strangers I have never met (that is not the problem.. in my mind i know they are my brothers in Islam but its my body that rejects it and goes into panic mode ... the trigger being their shoulders touching mine in salah)... and due to such problems above I cant pray at the beginning Rows nor the middle... its only when I pray at the end rows that gives me composure.
Sometimes by Allah's grace it doesn't affect me, sometimes I am so paniked I want to run and be in one corner all by myself so I can focus on ALLAH and not on my trigger points.
Everytime I go to congregation salaah I SWEAT so PROFUSELY even under the AC and I can see the discomfort and disgust of the brothers on either side and they show a sense of Eeekyness when they have to touch shoulders with me. My mouth becomes so dry due to the nervousness that I can think straight. As a result I have to change my clothes 5 times because so much sweat made me produce odor as well and i cant wear the same for the next prayer. I keep trying hoping that things will change.. sometimes it does, sometimes it just over escalates that I feel traumatized and my brain shuts down and images of my trauma flashes (not all the time but under extreme conditions). I decided that I would pray in the last row but when gaps in the front are there I am bound to step forward and thats when my trigger points are started yet again
But when i am on my own and with people whom i am familiar with .. i am normal ... i smell good and i behave normal and my mind is calm.
PLEASE give me some practical steps on how to improve, dont tell me do this dhikr and do this (I KNOW i should invoke Allah's name and remember him and I alhamdulillah do, but I need a humanized approach , if someones marriage is in a mess , they should invoke Allah for help but they also need to do counseling for marriage ...as in every problem has a spiritual aid and a practical aid ...hence the insistence on the practical steps) ... my wife said these are symptoms of Agoraphobia ...I just want to do what is right and i want to pray in a mosque , be in a group where knowledge is being discussed. But I can seek anyone's help because no one literally seems to care.
JazakAllah to anyone who responds because I would be anxiously waiting for responses and ANY help would be gravely appreciated....
Lately if you have been browsing you would have noticed a lot of threads started by me based on my personal situations and problems but I do so out of desperation because I have no place else to go, the learned brothers at my masjid or infact anywhere show a sense of annoyance everytime i approach them so I decided not to bother them and will take the stance of sorting the problems on my own. So please I beg your pardon once again and would be grateful for your input.
Now i dont know whether it is a legit excuse or whether it is Shaitaans way of messing with me, but I have been an EXTREME introvert since I was little, partly attributed towards a childhood where some events of an abusive nature have taken place and partly because I have learned to never trust anyone due to the previous reason stated. I have friends BUT VERY FEW ... close ones and nothing more beyond that. I have always been very aggressive towards anyone who comes to close to me (whether man or woman, exceptions are those whom I completely trust), like i said this is due to some traumatic childhood memories which I cant disclose because it was preordained and I have no issues (Alhamdulillah) about it.
Right now I am 24 years old , married alhamdulillah ... and it is only in the presence of my wife that I feel comfortable to socialize, let alone be myself in front of other people. But when she is not around, the mere thought of being in a crowd makes me anxious, makes me perspire more than usual and makes me want to run away from the place. There are exceptions: like work place or addressing a crowd etc with the SOLE CONDITION that they are at a safe distance from me.
Other problems I face that causes me panic and anxiety.
*Being in an elevator full of people
*Being in a crowd full of strangers and they are staring at me
*If i am standing and a crowd of people are behind me
*If i am between groups of people ahead and behind me.
But I find solace if i take the following steps.
*If I pretend that I am invisible
*If i am at one corner of the room and the crowds in an eagle eyes point of view (not that extreme)
I mentioned all these to make you guys understand the problem that I am facing..... I am a muslim man and it is obligatory for me to pray in congregation but in a mosque I would be praying with strangers I have never met (that is not the problem.. in my mind i know they are my brothers in Islam but its my body that rejects it and goes into panic mode ... the trigger being their shoulders touching mine in salah)... and due to such problems above I cant pray at the beginning Rows nor the middle... its only when I pray at the end rows that gives me composure.
Sometimes by Allah's grace it doesn't affect me, sometimes I am so paniked I want to run and be in one corner all by myself so I can focus on ALLAH and not on my trigger points.
Everytime I go to congregation salaah I SWEAT so PROFUSELY even under the AC and I can see the discomfort and disgust of the brothers on either side and they show a sense of Eeekyness when they have to touch shoulders with me. My mouth becomes so dry due to the nervousness that I can think straight. As a result I have to change my clothes 5 times because so much sweat made me produce odor as well and i cant wear the same for the next prayer. I keep trying hoping that things will change.. sometimes it does, sometimes it just over escalates that I feel traumatized and my brain shuts down and images of my trauma flashes (not all the time but under extreme conditions). I decided that I would pray in the last row but when gaps in the front are there I am bound to step forward and thats when my trigger points are started yet again
But when i am on my own and with people whom i am familiar with .. i am normal ... i smell good and i behave normal and my mind is calm.
PLEASE give me some practical steps on how to improve, dont tell me do this dhikr and do this (I KNOW i should invoke Allah's name and remember him and I alhamdulillah do, but I need a humanized approach , if someones marriage is in a mess , they should invoke Allah for help but they also need to do counseling for marriage ...as in every problem has a spiritual aid and a practical aid ...hence the insistence on the practical steps) ... my wife said these are symptoms of Agoraphobia ...I just want to do what is right and i want to pray in a mosque , be in a group where knowledge is being discussed. But I can seek anyone's help because no one literally seems to care.
JazakAllah to anyone who responds because I would be anxiously waiting for responses and ANY help would be gravely appreciated....
