Are you going to bring me tea or must I tell you to??

Ayyub

Junior Member
:salam2:

There was once a sister who posed a similair question to Sheikh Bin Baz (ra):
here is the question and the detailed answer of Bin Baz (ra):

By Shaykh Ibn Baaz (d.1420H)


[Q.3]: Even though my husband - may Allaah forgive him - is a person of good character and fears Allaah, yet he does not treat me with kindness. He is always moody, frowning and troubled at heart - and he often says that I am the cause of this. However, Allaah knows - and all praise is for Allaah - that I do fulfill his rights and try to bring to him tranquility and peace of mind and I try to stay clear of all that which displeases him, whilst patiently bearing his excesses against me. Every time I ask him about something, or speak about a particular matter, he becomes angry and says that my speech is stupidity - even though I know that he is perfectly happy in the company of his friends and associates. However, when it concerns me, then he does not treat me in the same manner, nor with the same feeling. This causes me great hurt and anger and I have often considered leaving the house. I have - and all praise is for Allaah - been educated to a good level and fulfill that which Allaah has obligated me with. O noble Shaykh! If I leave the house with my children, try to educate them and live my own life, will I be sinful in doing so? Or should I continue to live in my present circumstance, abstain from speaking and continue patiently bearing these difficulties? Please advise me as to what I should do - and may Allaah reward you with goodness.

[A.3]: There is no doubt that it is obligatory for the husband and wife to live together in a kind and sociable manner. There should be good manners and treatment between them, along with affection and pleasant behaviour - as Allaah the Mighty and Majestic – says,

‘‘And live with them in honour and in kindness.’’ [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:19]

And His - the Most Perfect – saying,

‘‘And the wives have rights over the husbands - similar to those of the husbands over them - in that which is reasonable. But men have a degree over them.’’ [Sooratul-Baqarah 2:228]

The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘‘Righteousness is good character.’’ [1] And he (’alayhis-salaatu was-salaam) then said, ‘‘Do not consider any good action as insignificant- even if it is meeting your brother with a cheerful face.’’ [2] And he (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) also said, ‘‘The most perfect of Believers in eemaan (faith) is the one with the best character. And the best of you are those that are best to their women-folk, and I am the best amongst you to my family.’’ [3] There are besides these many other ahaadeeth which are a general proof for the encouragement of good character, cheerful meeting and good companionship between Muslims. If this is the general case between Muslims, then good treatment between husband and wife and relatives is even more important. You have done well in patiently persevering and bearing the ill treatment and bad character from your husband. However, I advise you to have even greater patience and not to leave the house, and if Allaah - the Most High - wills, there will be a great deal of good in this and a praiseworthy end for you. Allaah - the Most Perfect – said,

‘‘Patiently persevere! Indeed Allaah is with those who patiently persevere.’’ [Sooratul-Anfaal 6:46]

And His - the Mighty and Majestic – saying,

‘‘Indeed whosoever fears Allaah, obeys Him, turns away from disobedience and patiently perseveres, then Allaah does not cause the rewards of the doers of good to be lost.’’ [Soorah Yoosuf 12:90]

And His - the Mighty and Majestic – saying,

‘‘Only those who patiently persevere shall receive their reward in full without reckoning.’’ [Sooratuz-Zumar 39:10]

And His - the Most Perfect - saying,

‘‘So patiently persevere! Indeed, the end will be good for those who are pious.’’ [Soorah Hood 11:49]

However, this does not prevent you from speaking to your husband with such words, and behaving with him in such a manner, that will soften his heart- and lead to him being pleased with you and fulfilling your rights of companionship. And as long as he is fulfilling the main and important obligations towards you, then try not to ask him for any worldly need, until his heart is opened and his chest is expanded in accepting your request and fulfilling your needs; in this way - if Allaah wills your ending will be a praiseworthy one. May Allaah grant you increase in all that is good, and that the condition of your husband improves, and that he is guided to good character, kindness in companionship and to fulfilling the rights that are due upon him. Indeed Allaah is the best of those who are asked, and only He guides to the path that is straight. [4]

Footnotes:
[1] Related by Muslim (4/1980) from an-Nawwaas Ibn Sam’aan (radiyallaahu ’anhu).

[2] Saheeh: Related by Ahmad (5/63) and it was authenticated by al-Albaanee in as-Saheehah (no. 1352).

[3] Hasan: Related by at-Tirmidhee (1/217-218) who said, ‘‘The hadeeth is Hasan Saheeh.’’

[4] al-Fataawaa (1/193-194)

(Source: Troid.org)

Hope it can be of any help to you sister.
:wasalam:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Yes, sweetie, but we try not to get to divorce. It is a very difficult thing. It breaks a family apart. It breaks hearts.
Allah subhana wa taala in His Wisdom, He who is our Creator, has given us many many ways to try and find a way to love each other before we divorce.

Divorce is a sad thing.

Let us make dua for the sister that she and her husband find a way not to be sad anymore. InshaAllah.
 

shaheeda35

strive4Jannah
:salam2:
Is there more going than getting him a cup of tea? This is not a call for divorce. If he is doing something against the laws of Allah towards his wife, then she should seek counseling to fix it and use divorce as a last resort. Now, if its just about getting him a cup of tea, then he should NOT have to ask you to do it....you should just bring it to him willingly. If he is a good provider and treating you well, why not a cup of relaxing tea to make him happy? Allah knows best.:hijabi:
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Yes. I fear that sometimes our sisters read the illlogic of western media selling the myth of the unfulfilled woman who is an object of the male. Thus, simple acts of showing love become hostile acts of oppression.

Right...you make a cup of tea for him and he ends up massaging your feet...go figure.
 

Bubbybobble

Junior Member
Assalaam walaikum,


Oh now come on sister...what is up with this..she can not get her husband a cup of tea...poor child.

Sister,

I will probably get banned for this but he needs to get him a good second wife.

A cup of tea....does she not understand the road she is wishing to travel. I guess I have to ask this question...does she love him.. you know...when you love something you act it...we love Allah subhana wa taala so we make salat...we love our parents and are obidient to them..

Poor thing...to have the blessing of a husband, to be able to put the perfect amount of water in a kettle, heat up the cream, pour it in the creamer, polish the sugar bowl, spoons on saucers, simple linen napkins, perfect amount of tea, let it brew, throw in a cardomon, pour tea into pot, place on tray and walk to your husband looking as he wishes to see you....and talk to you....to be in his company....


he needs to get a good second wife..a pious believing sister..who knows that to serve your husband is service to Allah.

I hope this is sarcastic. If not, WHAT THE HELL.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

I try never to be sarcastic as I am a believing woman.

I wrote the truth.

And exactly what do you have difficulty with in terms of my response? Do you not think mothers teach their daughters the beauty of serving tea to loved ones? Love is expressed in many ways.

To make a person smile is charity....now think of the blessings of making your loved ones smile.
 
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