Be Good Listener


Junior Member
This is an excerpt from one of Farhat Hashmi’s speeches. Its translated more or less meaning.

If you see today’s children they want someone who is compatible and intelligent. At one time they only wanted someone who has good career. But now they want someone that can be companion, understand them etc. In relationship the most important aspect is communication. But there are many instances where our communication is dysfunctional.

Its done incorrectly. We say something while the other person makes something else out of it. Sometimes we are not listening, if we are listening we make joke out of it and sometimes we do whatever.

So I am going to point out few things with regards to communication that harm relationships which we can avoid and our relationships get better.

The first thing is not listening attentively. When someone is speaking to you, husband is speaking to you, ‘ok, ok’ but she is focused on finishing her work. What was way of Prophet (saw)? When someone would speak to you, he would shift his focus completely towards that person , he would shift his complete body towards that individual. (Tirmidhi)

If we practice just this sunnah, if child comes running from school or got up from sleep mother leave whatever work she is doing and drop everything & hug the child. Just small action provides such motivation & happiness to the child. At that moment, we don’t care who came and went. Who said what and what they didn’t say?

In our mind something else is running, someone comes to the house from outside they see people in the house are upset they get upset. Now who should try to understand who? It begins with something really small or it happens with not listening. If someone is speaking, the other person abruptly leaves the room. This is why its integral that we follow this practice of Prophet that we truly be good listener. Not just with our husband but also with our children. You will see many conflicts will get resolved due to this.

We don’t make an attempt to understand the other person’s point of view. Half way through if we find something we disagree, right away we object. Because we have our own assumptions and we accuse the person ‘this must be why that person said it’. Most of the times its not that but something else. For example husband says to his wife whenever you speak you always complain. He knows that as soon as I get home wife will start complaining about children, neighbors, in-laws or whoever. He makes mental block, he is not present even though he is there but not presently (listening). He doesn’t bother listening and wife continues to constantly complain. Now there becomes a barrier between the two. If both of them (husband and wife) can cooperate, big or small talk, good or bad talk, pleasing to me or displeasing to me, its boring or not, irritating still tolerate it and listen properly. You will see that there are many ‘complains’ that go away just through listening.

For this it requires patience, especially for something we don’t like to hear. Why should we listen? We listen to follow practice of Prophet (saw) whenever he would listen he would listen attentively and be mentally present. Lot of times we say ‘yes yes ‘ and then if someone asked ‘what did I say?’ So the person will say ‘I have no idea what you said.’