Child abuse...?

[Guided&Proud]

Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters,
My parents have abused me emotionally and physically from ever since i can remember. Due to this, i have had no proper upbringing or childhood. I can't blame them for it, i have a big role in it too. I admit that at times i can be stubborn, irresponsible and...to be honest, not an ideal child but it's as if they don't understand me. I am mostly anxious about my two brothers because they also share the same pain as me. One of my brothers is 11 years old and the other one is almost 2 years old (and not even he escapes the abuse). Recently at school i have had exams and from all the stress of doing well and family issues, i have developed a psychiatric disorder (but i do not want to name it). My parents and I argue 24/7 and not one day goes by without someone being hurt (physically or emotionally). After all the blood, sweat and tears, they explain that it is not their fault and that they are mentally ill (excuses). However, when i suggest they get help, they get angry and call me names (and the hitting may start again).
They've hit me in public (in front of friends and family members) and have threatened to kill/disown me on numerous occasions. I've can't eat or sleep or concentrate at school without thinking about the pain that not only I, but my brothers are going through. People say that it will get better but they don't mean it and it hasn't gotten better yet. I know this life is a test and i have put all my trust in Allah Subhanhu wa ta'ala. If you have any advice, let me know asap! Jazakallah khairan.

 

[auroran]

:salam2:

Poor sis. Insha' Allaah you will get through your trial and have a lot of patience because Allaah azza wa jal is with the patient person. Your situation makes me feel sad my dear sister.

We are to be nice to our parents so treat them in the best manner (if you guys argue because of your behaviour). Ukhti what is the nature of the arguments and how do they start?

Insha' Allaah ta'aala you're in my du'aa's.

:salam2:

 

[sister herb]

:salam2:

Oh my dear sister, your story is so sad. I think you should get some help from outside for your family problems; both to you, your parents and also to your little brothers. I have no idea where you are living and what kind of system is in your country. Can you go to meet some trusted adults/officers and tell them about situation (if you can be sure it doesn´t cause more harm to you by your family)?



I make dua to you.

 

[trudi]

hello. i hope you and your brothers do find peace, but have you got no family who will step in and speak for you.. i am being a typical mum and just want to give you a cuddle. is there no way you can go with your brothers to a family member or school teacher, because it doesnt sound like it will get better if your parents dont get help.. i hope they do for the sake of al of you,,, take care xx

 

[Guided&Proud]

:salam2:
@ fourteen: They compare me to others and claim that they deserve a better child than me. They also say that they will disown me and they have almost done so in 2 occasions.
@ sister harb & trudi: My family members don't seem to care, they witness it and ignore it (they're un-religious and sort of arrogant). I don't want to get police or other adults involved, for the sake of my parents (they would be humiliated and embarassed...they believe strongly in family honour). I care a lot about my parents and i couldn't accept myself if i got them in trouble. Jazakallah for your support, may allah reward you all for your kindness. :tti_sister:

 

[al-fajr]

Wa-alaykum assalam wa rahmatullaah,

Firstly, I'm saddened to read of your situation, may Allaah protect you and your brothers and improve your home life, Ameen.

This is a really quite sensitive. I would want to ask what your background is before suggesting anything at all. To go to a school teacher/officers is a very detrimental thing to do in any familial relationship.

A parent-child relationship is one of the most sensitive, it needs to be approached with a lot of care. Its not a case of pupil-pupil bullying where you go to a school teacher and they seperate the pupils!

I've known of incidents where young muslim children have been placed in non-muslim foster care, the damage this does is sometimes beyond repair. I can't begin to describe how heartbreaking it is to see these very young children so tormented by the experiences in their short lives (sometimes, worst things happen in foster care than what got them there in the first place).

I would much more readily recommend approaching a family member rather than anyone else, who may well not be Muslim and therefore have very little or no understanding of what is appropriate for the family.

May Allaah aid you.

 

[ditta]

Wa-alaykum-us-Salaam wa'Rahmatullaah,

It is saddening to hear about your situation sister. May Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta'aala) accept the supplications and may Allah protect you, your brothers and guide your parents so that they think and ponder over their actions. Ameen.

If you are unable to approach any person in authority or related family, then what about neighbours (the females among them and the males for your brothers)? There must be somebody near to your house that you could retreat to during the daylight hours to avoid any arguments. However this could intensify the problem in the evening if they probe where you have been.

Whether or not the excuses of being mentally ill are legitimate or not (it is difficult to say, it could be simply patronising you) it sounds like a clash of cultures. The way they have been brought up and the values they possess (everything corresponds around the family honour, whether Islam clashes or not is irrelevant) compared to how you have been brought to an extent (practically the values you will have picked up from school/friends and Islam).

I hope I don't come across in the wrong way but it sounds like a typical Pakistani (or any other South Asian family). Threat's of disowning if you don't listen to what they say (often it relates to marriage), the absolute sacredness of the family's honour (the whole concept is ridiculous, what will other's think?).

There is a limit as to what I (or others) can do/say apart from ask Allah that He provides a way out for you. You stated that contacting a responsible adult is not possible because you want to protect your family's honour (its basis is in the eyes of the people rather it should be obeying Allah) and sister al-Fajr stated the potential repercussions that can result in being taken away from your parents.

However, then what options have you left?

Is it not possible to sit down with your parents (preferably Mum because they are gentler, I don't mean to generalise) and talk it out? I don't mean to lay all the blame at your parents although that's how it comes across. You stated that you can be unreasonable on occasions. Therefore, look and be aware in that moment before responding stubbornly or acting irresponsibly to try and defuse any conversations that can escalate into arguments. Be patient and try to be merciful with them because it might soften their hearts so that they might question (their action and your response). If it leads to further difficulties, then I am unsure on what you can do.

Indeed, Allah is the All Powerful, All Aware and Protector. I ask Allah that He provides a way out in your situation. Ameen.