As-Salamu Alaykum Brothers & Sisters,
Communication in marriage is the paramount of a relationship. Without proper communication, marriages fall apart very quickly. The spouse who recognizes the communication problem first is usually the more alert type. He/She actively wants to rush to solve the problems of the marriage. The other spouse may or may not see the problem. In fact, some spouses might ignore the root issue and continue on with their life. This is where the frustration begins.
Here is some general advice for couples (specifically the brothers) that are going through such problems. This can be applicable for sisters to their husbands:
1. Begin by getting the attention of your spouse. Buy her a gift, take her somewhere nice or simply sit her down. Express to her that you feel pain in your heart and that you need to talk it out with her.
2. If she’s upset with you, apologize to her (even though you may have been correct). You want to apologize for the sake of getting back with her on good terms. Don’t get all defensive and start saying, “well you did this and this…”
3. Don’t approach her as someone higher than her; don’t even approach her as a husband. Rather, approach her as a best friend. So don’t remind her of ahadeeth/ayaat or that you are the man of the house; just talk to her from your heart.
4. Don’t talk about any side issues (such as you don’t like the way she dresses or talks in public etc.). Just focus on the root issue: communication. There wouldn’t be side issues if the communication between the two spouses is excellent. Usually if you tell her to do something, she will have no problem in implementing it unless if there’s something stopping her.
5. If she asks for evidences for whatever the issue is, then present it in a non-offending manner.
6. Make her see the issue from your point of view, and then ask her for her opinion. Don’t ever leave it off without asking her what she thinks.
7. If she says something that offends you, overlook it and focus on getting her to see the issue from your perspective (if necessary).
I despise the silent treatment because of how painful it can be. But sometimes, if the situation calls for it, then it should be used. Otherwise, talking to the spouse about the issue should be exhausted using every means.
Jazakhallah Khair
wsalam
Communication in marriage is the paramount of a relationship. Without proper communication, marriages fall apart very quickly. The spouse who recognizes the communication problem first is usually the more alert type. He/She actively wants to rush to solve the problems of the marriage. The other spouse may or may not see the problem. In fact, some spouses might ignore the root issue and continue on with their life. This is where the frustration begins.
Here is some general advice for couples (specifically the brothers) that are going through such problems. This can be applicable for sisters to their husbands:
1. Begin by getting the attention of your spouse. Buy her a gift, take her somewhere nice or simply sit her down. Express to her that you feel pain in your heart and that you need to talk it out with her.
2. If she’s upset with you, apologize to her (even though you may have been correct). You want to apologize for the sake of getting back with her on good terms. Don’t get all defensive and start saying, “well you did this and this…”
3. Don’t approach her as someone higher than her; don’t even approach her as a husband. Rather, approach her as a best friend. So don’t remind her of ahadeeth/ayaat or that you are the man of the house; just talk to her from your heart.
4. Don’t talk about any side issues (such as you don’t like the way she dresses or talks in public etc.). Just focus on the root issue: communication. There wouldn’t be side issues if the communication between the two spouses is excellent. Usually if you tell her to do something, she will have no problem in implementing it unless if there’s something stopping her.
5. If she asks for evidences for whatever the issue is, then present it in a non-offending manner.
6. Make her see the issue from your point of view, and then ask her for her opinion. Don’t ever leave it off without asking her what she thinks.
7. If she says something that offends you, overlook it and focus on getting her to see the issue from your perspective (if necessary).
I despise the silent treatment because of how painful it can be. But sometimes, if the situation calls for it, then it should be used. Otherwise, talking to the spouse about the issue should be exhausted using every means.
Jazakhallah Khair
wsalam
