Confused! What to do...

ConfusedUK

New Member
Hi All,

As my name would suggest I'm greatly confused at this time, if I could tell you my story I would be greatful & most appreciative of any guidance...

First off, Im a white male from the UK who has not had a religion of any kind since my early teens but as a child I was christened & used to attend church weekly.

Flashforward 10 years or so to this time last year...I met a wonderful asian woman who as well as having one of the kindest hearts Ive ever known, introduced me to Islam & opened my eyes once again to religion, we have been the best of friends for that year & it is now that Ive relised that I have feelings for this woman & want to ask for her hand.

I guess what Im asking from everyone here is what should I do?

Im ready to take Islam into my life fully but I fear that her family will only see it as a gesture so that I can marry their daughter without her being with a non-muslim. As anyone experienced this before? Would the community accept me as a brother even as a revert?

I dont want to hurt anyone, especially the woman I loves family & I couldnt see her community turn there back on her just for me asking the question.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thankyou.
 

arzafar

Junior Member
If you want to become muslim then you have to forget about meeting her because mixing of sexes is strictly prohibited in Islam.

my advice would be

1. to leave her alone for now
2. research Islam on your own for a few weeks.
3. If you are convinced that it's the truth then convert otherwise forget her.
4. practice Islam (five pillars) for a few weeks.
5. Once you have been practicing for few weeks and faith has entered your heart, read some books about Islamic marriage. (rights and responsibilities)
6. Only then ask for her hand from her father/brother/guardian.

all this process would take around 3-6 months during which the two of you must not meet each other. Do not be hasty!!!

also make sure you get your info about islam from the correct sources. This forum is a good place to start.

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=69

May Allah help you in your search and guide you to the straight path.
 

TheKnowledgeSeeker

A Believer In Heart
Hello,

I totally agree with Arzafar but instead of weeks, i would make it months. If i was the father of this girl i would probably say no too due to the fact it frankly seems like you want to become a Muslim to marry the girl. Take a year off without contact with the girl, learn more about the religion, see if you are attract to the religion or to the girl and go from there. May God guide in the right path!! Ameen!! Best of luck to you!!
 

Aminah 4 Allah

I beleive in Allah
Hi,

My name is Jill, I am a "white" Canadian revert to Islam. My husband is also a white Canadian revert to Islam - he reverted to Islam before we got married. He was concerned that some people may have seen this as a conversion for marriage but it was his own decision and he was not pressured by me or anyone. In fact when he went to the mosque to make his testimony of faith the Sheihk (the name for a Muslim minister/pastor) had a lot of questions for him about his intention with converting to Islam and if he was really doing it of his own free will or if he was doing it just so he could be married to a Muslim woman.

In my experience with the Muslim community here in Edmonton I would not have any concern over converting to Islam and then becoming married to a Muslim woman in a short period of tme. It is definitely a good idea to do this entirely independently of the woman whom you are interested in marrying. In fact in the Quran it even says that a woman can be married to a man who was initially non-Muslim as soon as he accepts Islam:

Wed not polytheist women till they believe, for lo! A believing bondwoman is better than a free idolatress though she pleases you; and give not your daughters in marriage to polytheists till they believe, for lo! A believing slave is better than a free idolter through he pleases you. These invite to the Fire, and God invites tot he Garden, and to forgiveness by His grace, and expounds thus His revelations to people that perhapys they may remember. (Quran 2:221)

In Islam, it is encouraged that if you want to be married then you should be married. The 2 pervious posts have some very good points - you have to be careful about how you meet the woman you wish to marry. You cannot be alone with her as this is not allowed in Islam unless you are married. There are too many temptations that enter into our minds and hearts when we are alone with a member of the opposite sex. I am sure you can understand this.

It takes a different amount of time and a different amount of information for God to open each of our hearts to Islam. Some people can study Islam for 10 years or longer and never be sure if this is the religion they believe in. Others can read one verse of the Quran and know that this is what they have been searching for their whole lives. That's what happened to me. I had been exposed to Islam in my religious studies class at my Christian high school but as soon as I read the first verse of the Quran my heart was in shock! I could hardly stop myself from crying! It was exactly what I had been waiting to read and to know my entire life! Praise be to God!

To get an overview of what Islam is really about I would suggest reading "A Brief Illustrated Guide to Understanding Islam." You can read this guide online: http://www.islam-guide.com/ . I would also suggest that you visit the local mosque in your area. Anyone who comes to a mosque interested in Islam is generally very well received with open arms. When you go to the mosque just let any of the brothers there know that you are intereted in learning more about Islam and he will likely take you to see the Sheikh or if you feel comfortable you can approach the Sheikh yourself. It might even be helpful to call ahead and arrange a meeting with a brother or the Sheikh himself so you feel more comfortable knowing that you have an actual "appointment".

I hope this helps you. May God guide your heart to the straight path.

Jill :hijabi:
 
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