As-salaamu'Alaykum,
Sister, remember though supplication (done properly) is the only thing that repels/changes (some evil that may have touched us but through supplication Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta'aala) protected us from it) the Divine Decree. That is another one of its benefits.
It is clear that Alhamdu'lillaah you have been blessed by Allah in other areas of your life. Therefore only Allah knows why your supplication for good spouse has not come about. However the case for a Muslim when supplicating is always good as the Prophet
said (so take solace in that, Subhaan'Allaah it makes one think that when I/others supplicate and it is answered does that mean one's condition in the Hereafter will be more difficult? i.e. we got our rewards here, may Allah have mercy on us).
It is not appropriate (for many reasons) for me to know the nooks and crannies of what you have gone through in searching for a spouse (i.e., the effort, your expectations and so on). But as per the ruling from IslamQA in my previous post it is true that we can't expect to get what we want after doing the legislated action (if only it was that simple and Allah can do it although it wouldn't even affect His Dominion, remember Allah is Most-Wise regarding whether the thing we supplicate is suitable for us. Allah is Able to do All-Things, similar to that brother who was told he would only live for two days but ended up living for two months, Allah can bless a person with something that seemed rationally impossible:
And (remember) Zakariyya (Zachariah), when he cried to his Lord: "O My Lord! Leave me not single (childless), though You are the Best of the inheritors."
So We answered his call, and We bestowed upon him Yahya (John), and cured his wife (to bear a child) for him. Verily, they used to hasten on to do good deeds, and they used to call on Us with hope and fear, and used to humble themselves before Us.).
(Qur'aan, 21: 89-90).
(And I think the same happened when the angels visited Ibrahim (alayhis-salaam) and said he would be blessed with a child but his wife responded in astonishment that she would be able to conceive at such an old age (I am sure this is in the Qur'aan but I can't remember which Soorah, I hope somebody can post).
Also, I say this looking/examining myself first and with all respect, but we should seriously inspect our lives top to bottom. Look at where we could be disobeying Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta'aala) without even knowing because that thing could be hampering us when we supplicate to Allah.
Remember and I say this to myself but it is difficult for us to remember when we are going through hardships/distress that Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta'aala) will have answered our supplications in the past.
When I read that portion of how Ibn al-Jawzi responded to the Shaytaan (i.e., the insinuating whispers) because of the delay in his supplication it should make one shiver (the determination and belief in Allah). If only Allah could bless us with some of that. Your right that when showing patience during difficulty we won't be displaying joy (there will be sad/frustrating times). But the way we should try to respond is showing determination (being strong) in the delay and fighting those enemies that attempt to sway us onto dangerous paths. Just like Ibn al-Jawzi fought, if only we had the determination to do the same (I think if everyone examined themselves they would probably see the same, i.e., they supplicated, something opposite happened to that (they showed sadness and frustration) but in the end what one supplicated for, Allah answered it (then one sees that the test they went through was because Allah knows what is in our best interest. I look back and see this (I can't recall the instances but I am sure they are many, Subhaan'Allaah).
Ask Allah plainly to bless you with a good spouse (at the best times, before end of Salaah (taslim), in the last third of the night, in the soon Ramadan) calling upon His Most Beautiful Names (and ensuring that there is not something in your life that could hamper Allah answering your supplication) and look to make the effort where you may have not searched thoroughly enough before.
May Allah bless you with a good spouse. Ameen.
