surely, most of the time, our intention is not to backbite others. we just want to talk about ourselves.. we are just trying to figure out what is going on in our lives while justifying to others the actions that we take or the emotions we feel. but we fail to realize that, in trying to relieve ourselves of the pressure we deal with on a day to day basis, we undoubtedly are going to have to touch on the actions and statements of others, especially if we feel that the limbo we are in is a direct result of somebody else's actions or faults.
as muslims, we are supposed to hide the faults of our fellow brothers and sisters [as long as they don't involve something that requires exposure]. in regards to someone's shortcomings and sins, whether major or minor, we are warned against broadcasting them. there is a hadeeth you all know in which the Prophet, salallaahu alayhi wa sallam, stated that the believer who hides the sins of a Muslim in the dunya will have his sins covered by Allah ta'aala on the Day of Judgment. SubhanAllah! how many of us miss out on the opportunity to have our sins covered up by Allah on the Day when these sins could be the weight that places us in the Fire?! instead of approaching the person we are angry with, or discussing the situation with them one-on-one, not "on the mimbar" so to speak, we instead let the world know: things are going wrong in my life and it's because of this action and that action and this action of so-and-so.
so my advice to you is: be very cautious when you speak to others about the events in your life that relate to those besides you. think before you open your mouths.
it is a shortcoming i have noticed in women AND men [and men have become just as bad these days when it comes to the idle use of their tongues]. many muslims seem to think venting about your problems with others is protected because you are telling 'the truth', or that, because one surely cannot live without expressing himself, it can't be backbiting! i've had big arguments with people about this subhanAllah, and i guess, as we remember the many ahadith that state that good character is the heaviest thing on the Balance, i felt it necessary to say that, while there is nothing wrong with sharing our experiences and private moments with those close to us, if venting means exposing the faults or sins of your fellow brother or sister in islam, then it is best to fear Allah and complain instead to the One with the power to grant you tranquility and rectify your affairs.........