:salam2:
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them if they do not do so when they are ten, and separate them in their beds.”Abu Dawood (495), classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar al-Muzani said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:
“There is no person whom Allaah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he is insincere to his subjects, but Allaah will forbid Paradise to him.”
According to another report:
“… and he is insincere towards them, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6731) and Muslim (142)
The fact that the responsibility in raising children is shared between the father and mother is indicated by the following:
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded”
[al-Tahreem 66:6]
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:
“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for her flock. The slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (853) and Muslim (1829).
The father’s responsibility for raising his child should be his first priority. The man has wisdom, experience and strength and he can speak with others to find the best means to raise his child. The salaf (early generations of Islam) were very keen to be directly involved in raising and disciplining their children. It is narrated that the ‘Abbaasi caliph al-Mansoor sent word to those of Banu Umayyah who were in prison to ask them: What is the hardest thing for you in this prison? They said: What we have missed out on of raising our children.
The educator must be merciful, forbearing, easy-going and approachable, not foul-mouthed or unkempt, arguing in a manner that is better, far removed from insulting, rebuking and beating, unless the child is one of those who willfully disobey and rejects his father’s commands and neglects his duties and does haraam things; in that case it is better to use stern measures with him, without causing him harm.
Al-Minaawi said: For a father to discipline his child when he reaches the age of discernment [??] means that he should raise him with the characteristics of the righteous believers and protect him from mixing with evildoers; he should teach him the Qur’aan and good manners and the language of the Arabs, let him hear the Sunnah and the sayings of the Salaf and teach him the religious rulings that he cannot do without. He should warn him then smack him if he does not pray etc. That will be better for him than giving a saa’ in charity, because if he teaches him properly, his actions will be among his ongoing charity, whereas the reward for a saa’ of charity is limited, but that will last as long as the child lives. Discipline is the nourishment of the soul, and training it for the Hereafter.
“
O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell)…”
[al-Tahreem 66:6 – interpretation of the meaning]
Protecting yourself and your family from it means reminding them of Hell. Discipline includes preaching, warning, threatening, smacking, detaining, giving and being kind. Disciplining one who is good and noble is different from disciplining one who is difficult and ignoble.
Fayd al-Qadeer, 5/257
Smacking is a means of correcting the child; it is not something that it wanted in and of itself, rather it is resorted to if the child is stubborn and disobedient.
There is a system of punishment in Islam, and there are many punishments in Islam, such as the hadd punishments for adultery, theft, slander, etc. All of these are prescribed in order to set the people straight and put a stop to their evil.
Concerning such matters the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised parents to deter their children from doing wrong.
It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Hang your whip where the members of the household can see it, for that will discipline them.”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani, 10/248; its isnaad was classed as hasan by al-Haythami in Majma’ al-Zawaa’id, 8/106
Al-Albaani said in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4022, it is hasan.
So raising children should be a balance between encouragement and warning. The most important element of all is making the environment in which the children live a good one, by providing the means whereby they may be guided; this means that their educators should be religiously committed, including their parents.
One of the ways in which a parent may be successful in raising his children is to use a cassette player to play tapes of teachings, Qur’aan recitation, khutbahs and lessons of scholars, for there are many available.
This responsibility should be shared with regard to teaching and guiding, each according to his abilities, and Allaah does not burden any soul beyond its scope. It is not permissible for the father to throw the burden of teaching the child on the mother’s shoulders and then become a mere spectator or become heedless about his child’s upbringing nor is it permissible for the mother to do the same thing. It is a shared responsibility to discipline and teach the child. If the father is working hard and the mother has no other job, then her share of the burden will be heavier, and vice versa. They should consult one another and discuss matters so that the mission will be fulfilled in the best possible way, but the basic principle with regard to discipline is that the one who is in charge and bears most responsibility is the father, not the mother.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Sons and daughters have a shepherd to take care of them, when they are small, and the one who takes care of them and directs their affairs is their father or older brother.
“The man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his flock.” Guardians and shepherds of households must direct their families to worship Allaah and to be keen to seek knowledge. They should encourage their children and say, “Come, my son, what you have memorized (of Qur’aan) today? Recite to me what you have memorized,” so that he will be encouraged and he will know that there is someone following up on him. The same may be said of daughters: encourage them and teach them to seek knowledge and act upon it. Be approachable, do not be like some fathers who are like planks of wood in their houses, they do not do anything. Each man is responsible for his family and flock.
Al-Liqa’ al-Shahri (67).
