Feel left out....

[dianek]

Salaam,

In an earlier post I responded to you and stated something to the effect you will find yourself seeking the company of Muslim women as you become more comfortable with Islam. You just have to be creative and find a new way to chill.
Also, Muslim women enjoy spending time with their children. It is considered an honor and a major responisbility. So we tend to create activities that include the children. The foucs is the family..with hubby going out as needed. It is a choice for women. I do not know many Muslim women who need to have a " girls night out" we are kinda of, sorta boring and spend time with our little treasures.
Good luck.

Well, I always need a mental health break.......where do you draw any excitement out of life. Gosh.....I want to do things like sky diving and deep sea diving......I want to feel that I lived some while I was here. And yes I love my babies, but there has to be something when they are all grown up and if you abandon yourself soleley to being a mother and wife, then where does that leave you when your house is empty? I bore easily! I do enjoy my children but the constant bickering and mess making that makes me insane in conjunction with working full time it is very draining. There has to be a way to VENT!!!!! Thank God though, my husband is taking me away next Friday without our kids so that he and I can spend some time alone in the Mountains!!! Can't wait. And if he backs out, be sure there will be a body being shipped back to Tunis....(just kidding, but a price will be paid!) My kids DO NOT know how to behave.....they are hyper and obnoxious and after 8 hours + at work, I have NO tolerance for it. Maybe my husband should work harder so i can stay home....wouldn't that be wonderful....

 

[UmmOf3]

That sound like me sometimes hehe... Well, okay, alhamdulillah I cant complain, every 2nd weekend my two oldest kids go to their father, so only my husband, our daughter (almost 3 yrs old, in her TT's) and I are left home alone. We both work full time, and only weekends we can relax.

Life is full of kids, there are teachers conferences to go to, meetings with pedagogic team because of my sons autism, doctors, behaviour terapist... bla bla, list is endless...

We can never go somewhere alone, me and him, so we have created our own ways to be alone, after kids sleep, see a movie, eat together... take a FAST trip to the store while the 9 yrs old and the 8 yrs old watch the 3 yrs old (superviced by our landlord though hehe).

What we do, is that we go by ourselves, somewhere... Like to the capital (takes a good 6 hours by train though), just to meet up with old friends, have a nice time, and go back after a couple of days. I love going to the capital hehe, i can get loads of hijabs My husband usually just go to his parents, as he usually brings our daughter when he goes out for outings like that hehe...

 

[xohanifaxo]

saalam
thats just satan reminding u of ur past....don't do it

 

[gangstaat]

Really good example u gave xohanifaxo .

 

[xohanifaxo]

lol....thanks

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

It is a personal choice. No-body's kids behave. My sons were wild in a store. I had to tell them to go and sit in the car for me.
I can only say...start by not comparing your life to others. Yes. children will drive you crazy and when you work all day and there is no time to pray...it is enough to drive you to tempatation.
It is a change of focus. And no matter what be good to your husband when he comes home.
Mothers spoil their sons...take over where his mother left off. He has given you children. Love him and all your children. Let those who want to chase after this world watch Oprah. You have to be grateful of your very full plate.

 

[dianek]

Salaam,

It is a personal choice. No-body's kids behave. My sons were wild in a store. I had to tell them to go and sit in the car for me.
I can only say...start by not comparing your life to others. Yes. children will drive you crazy and when you work all day and there is no time to pray...it is enough to drive you to tempatation.
It is a change of focus. And no matter what be good to your husband when he comes home.
Mothers spoil their sons...take over where his mother left off. He has given you children. Love him and all your children. Let those who want to chase after this world watch Oprah. You have to be grateful of your very full plate.

I know this is going to sound selfish....but what is being done for ME, by giving so much to them 24/7.......I fulfill my requirements and beyond....I have a lazy husband and I am not going to enable him by SPOILING him like his mother did.....I say men need to grow up and if they want to receive they need to give too........it is supposed to be give and take and I don't see where he gives anything but what he deems important. I WISH I had time to watch Oprah and Dr. Phil......they atleast can validate that women need a life too......outside of the family and work.

 

[dianek]

try telling my kids to go sit and the car......I will get a temper tantrum in the middle of the store....so I stopped taking them anywhere and that is why I get so bored with everyday home life......and my children are far to young to leave in the car while I grocery shop.......The only one I can deal with sanely of my 11, 5, 3 and 8 month old is the baby! Even the 11 year old is a pickle.....she plays the divorced parents game with me and she HATES my husband! So imagine being in a home where you can NEVER win......

 

[danial]

so it seems ur problem is u dont have family members that will listen to u n stuff. well, arent we ur family too? so u can always come to TTI is vent out all ur problems. as u have seen, everyone lends a listening ear.

after TTI u can go home n enjoy ur real family. and when things get outta hand, come to this family! have you any idea how much support you get from TTI? when i used to come here with my problems, i didnt even get HALF the no. of ppl that listened on TTI. and that by itself was already alot!

u r not a muslim but u are already a part of TTI. i bet more TTIers know you than me although ive been here longer. isnt tt something to feel happy about?

 

[dianek]

so it seems ur problem is u dont have family members that will listen to u n stuff. well, arent we ur family too? so u can always come to TTI is vent out all ur problems. as u have seen, everyone lends a listening ear.

after TTI u can go home n enjoy ur real family. and when things get outta hand, come to this family! have you any idea how much support you get from TTI? when i used to come here with my problems, i didnt even get HALF the no. of ppl that listened on TTI. and that by itself was already alot!

u r not a muslim but u are already a part of TTI. i bet more TTIers know you than me although ive been here longer. isnt tt something to feel happy about?

It is a wonderful forum.....and I love it here.....

 

[dawahforever]

In Islam you can have fun just as long as its halal..like go skating, swimming, riding your bike, hiking, antiquing, decorating, travelling, going to Islamic conferences, potlucks etc, etc...and of course when you pray 5 times a day it releases a lot of stress let me tell you. Drinking and drugs is just Satan's band aid solution for stress. The real healing comes from getting closer to Allah. You haven't replaced the bad stuff with the good stuff that is why you are feeling in limbo and not enjoying the true joys..the peace and serenity you feel when you submit to God..you are waiting to exhale....

 

[danial]

In Islam you can have fun just as long as its halal..like go skating, swimming, riding your bike, hiking, antiquing, decorating, travelling, going to Islamic conferences, potlucks etc, etc...and of course when you pray 5 times a day it releases a lot of stress let me tell you. Drinking and drugs is just Satan's band aid solution for stress. The real healing comes from getting closer to Allah. You haven't replaced the bad stuff with the good stuff that is why you are feeling in limbo and not enjoying the true joys..the peace and serenity you feel when you submit to God..you are waiting to exhale....

makes alot of sense actually!

 

[Happy 2BA Muslim]

Can't wait. And if he backs out, be sure there will be a body being shipped back to Tunisl....

:fighta:

I wished there was some way I could warn him!!!

Sorry! Couldn`t help it. Had to comment.

Take care!

 

[UmmOf3]

try telling my kids to go sit and the car......I will get a temper tantrum in the middle of the store....so I stopped taking them anywhere and that is why I get so bored with everyday home life......and my children are far to young to leave in the car while I grocery shop.......The only one I can deal with sanely of my 11, 5, 3 and 8 month old is the baby! Even the 11 year old is a pickle.....she plays the divorced parents game with me and she HATES my husband! So imagine being in a home where you can NEVER win......

Breath in, breath out, and know this is a temporary phase. Your kids will come around, they will eventually grow up.

We are strightly doing the "Gentle Discipline" thing here, and it works like a charm. Kids are much more behaving now, than ever, and fewer tandrums.

 

[muslimgal]

salam everyone!how r we?

 

[dianek]

Breath in, breath out, and know this is a temporary phase. Your kids will come around, they will eventually grow up.

We are strightly doing the "Gentle Discipline" thing here, and it works like a charm. Kids are much more behaving now, than ever, and fewer tandrums.

What is the "gentle disciplining" thing? Mine only respond when I scream in a deep loud growl, which hurts my throat, then they know I mean business....

May I ask also, how do you and your husband deal with the whole step-father issue? My 11 year old and my husband are always done each others throats. She has no love for the man and has no problem telling him so. And today he told her not to "show her damn face around here again"......leaves me torn on what to do. I know she is disrespectful, but I think he forgets she is only 11......

 

[UmmOf3]

http://www.saferchild.org/tipsfor4.htm thats a great site for Gentle Discipline. It works wonders, we do the whole "Attachment Pareting" style too, alhamdulillah.

Well, we dont have issues with him being a stepfather. Sometimes kids will try to test his limits, specially my son, he do the "You are not my daddy"-thing, and then my husband do the "Ok, I am not, do you want me to drive you to your real father now or now". But they also know that he means business. He is much stronger than I am, I grew up with no rules whatsoever hehe, but he did not.

But then again, my husband is a Norwegian, like I am, we dont have cultural issues hehe. But a dear friend of mine, her husband is not the father of her two girls, but mashaAllah, they call him "abi" now, and they are so close to him, mainly because the small one she does not even remember her father. The big one does, but they did not see him for years. Its a long story why, and its not by purpose either, she is not holding them away from him, just to make that clear, before people jump on my throath...

My kids were 6 and 4 when I married my husband. And they have a good relation to their father, atleast inbetween hehe.

 

[dianek]

http://www.saferchild.org/tipsfor4.htm thats a great site for Gentle Discipline. It works wonders, we do the whole "Attachment Pareting" style too, alhamdulillah.

Well, we dont have issues with him being a stepfather. Sometimes kids will try to test his limits, specially my son, he do the "You are not my daddy"-thing, and then my husband do the "Ok, I am not, do you want me to drive you to your real father now or now". But they also know that he means business. He is much stronger than I am, I grew up with no rules whatsoever hehe, but he did not.

But then again, my husband is a Norwegian, like I am, we dont have cultural issues hehe. But a dear friend of mine, her husband is not the father of her two girls, but mashaAllah, they call him "abi" now, and they are so close to him, mainly because the small one she does not even remember her father. The big one does, but they did not see him for years. Its a long story why, and its not by purpose either, she is not holding them away from him, just to make that clear, before people jump on my throath...

My kids were 6 and 4 when I married my husband. And they have a good relation to their father, atleast inbetween hehe.

That is wonderful, I will check the website. Yeah, I bet not having cultural differences helps. My 11 has no respect at all for my husband and often makes it known that she hates him and he is not her father and even tells him that YOU CAN"T TOUCH ME! It is because her father somewhat endorses that. She is her daddy's girl and I think resents my marriage to Imed. He tends to push his religion down her throat and require her dress the way he expects her to. And she hates it. Yesterday she threw a fit because she didn't want to go shopping at the outlet mall because HE was going. That turned into the fight from haites.....ended calling her father to come and get her.

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

I know this is going to sound selfish....but what is being done for ME, by giving so much to them 24/7.......I fulfill my requirements and beyond....I have a lazy husband and I am not going to enable him by SPOILING him like his mother did.....I say men need to grow up and if they want to receive they need to give too........it is supposed to be give and take and I don't see where he gives anything but what he deems important. I WISH I had time to watch Oprah and Dr. Phil......they atleast can validate that women need a life too......outside of the family and work.

i think you are a great person .i mean you have left haraam things just cause your husband doesnt like it ,cool.
but thats why it isnt working . u arent getting any return on this investment of yours.because you have put your money in the wrong place.if you properly revert and leave these things for Allah you will get bliss everytime you resist haraam things.otherwise the more you resist the stronger satan will make your desire towards the haraam things. its like you are in the battle ground and facing the hardships without pledging allegiance to any side .no wonder you are burnt out enemies hit you in the chest and friends shoot you in the back and you know what unless you say the shahada {about which God has made it clear in your dreams which is a very big sign} nobody is responsible for you .but that is sad considering that Allah loves you so much and He blessed you with a muslim husband ,good kids and imaan despite what happened in your past and guided you to the right path and you ...how do you thank Allah .is HE asking to be fed by you .:astag:NOR DOES he WANT YOU TO WORK .He provides for the birds in their nests and the whales in the seas ,for the algae that grow on the surface of the sea bed 11 kms down ,for the microbes in the air HE commands the sun To shed its light on the leaves and that food for the leaves ,He commands the rivers to flow .if it did not rain who is there who can make it happen? in our country the government spent 7000 million to cause rain by supersonic explosions in clouds.it failed.if the seed we put in the ground did not grow who on earth would make it grow .is there any who can make a blade of grass and put life in it. so the CREATOR AND THE SUSTAINER is doing all this but why?
so that people can say laailla ha illal laah muhammadur rasoolallah.as long as people keep sayingv this Allah will let everything in the universe exist because the purpose of the creation is being completed.when people feel too proud to say this humble line and expect to flourish that wont happen .because Allah will destroy the universe.so JUST DO IT .who knows tomorrow i will be there or not .so many people die in accidents ,so many people die of heartache, so many people die without kalima.

there is a famous line TO PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE THINK WHAT WILL BE THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS WHEN I DIE.and you will love your kids more .do you want them to remember you as the stubborn mother who came after work to trash them.or do you want to be remembered as the hard working mother who after a tired days work{which she wasnt compulsory to do from islams POV} and still came filled with concern for the kids.
your kids love tanks have become empty.fill them up. not with possesions or short lived fun ..that never fulfills anybody and you are left wanting more , but what fulfills is a common spiritual base..the will of Allah.see when your kids grow up first thing they will realizer is islam is the truth and then theyll hate you guys for not being honest with God. dont you want to be called in heaven as the mother of so and sowho sacrificed this this and this so that her children couyld grow up to be good muslims.and the greatest thin she sacrificed was illusions ,which if she had chased would have given her happiness for a moment or two but were nevertheless hard to give up .and she did this for Allah .so no fear on her today.........claping.subhanallah.nike just do it .read this again and again take out a print out reflect.a glass of wine or rivers of wine in heaven.​

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[ama6621]

a glass of wine or rivers of wine in heaven.

Assalam Alaikum.
A wonderful thought! Diane, are you reading this ?

Assalam Alaikum