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Fictional Romance & its Devastations!
Asslamo Allaikum All,
I had to run away before completing my point so here is the rest of it…
I concur with the points made by numerous brothers/sisters about rejecting “FICTION” entirely as I believe that rejecting it entirely lock, stalk and barrel will impede learning (as illustrated by me previously) however I must disagree with some of the brothers and sisters about fictional romance…
1) With the grace and mercy of Allah (SWT) I have some experience in talking, discussing many intimate matters (which are otherwise not discussed openly) with young Muslim brothers both in Europe and the US and some of the questions and issues that I have discussed over the years truly belong in the gutter and should be flushed down the toilet. I find that many “ideas” that germinate in the minds of young Muslims in the West are directly imported from either “reading” or “watching” fictional romance (Hook, Line and Stinker). These youngsters (I have mostly dealt with brothers) have limited contact/conversations/discussions with women but have turbo-charged imaginations!
2) I also have some experience in advising Muslims couples who are going through difficulties in their marriage and again I find that a lot of Brothers & Sisters have “Preconceived ideas” about how their spouse should behave (emotionally and physically) and in a lot of situations it just isn’t possible
I place the blame if not entirely but a large proportion of it on “Fictional Romance” in circulation in the print and electronic media. Media definitely shapes our thoughts and shapes our ideals as to how our partner/spouse should look like and behave like. Just look at people in popular TV programs and you will notice that most real people (teenagers, middle-aged and older) physically look nothing like the ones that are on display.
In my humble experience/opinion if one reads or watches “Fictional Romance” during teen years it can have devastating impact because a person is still taking in information and forming ideas about the world and people around them…Subconsciously you can develop ideas about how your future partner/spouse would look like, how they “should” behave and how “intimacy” should be handled between the two of you…Consciously you can be driven towards zina (fornication) or be driven towards having an illicit relationship (trying to put the romance that you have read/watched into practice).
In my humble experience/opinion if one reads or watches “Fictional Romance” during older years it can have devastating impact on your marriage (or future marriage) life as again you start to develop “ideas” which your partner/spouse can NEVER bring to reality no matter how hard they try…I don’t like prejudging people but I have noticed it numerous times when talking with Brothers/Sisters who are undergoing difficulties in their married life
Please note that the social structure of Islam depends upon fulfilling your obligations and responsibilities and forgiving people when your rights are not being fulfilled; in my humble experience/opinion “Fictional Romance” teaches the exact opposite i.e. to maximise personal “satisfaction” & “desires”…
All humans naturally have titillations of the heart and fancies of the mind but these emotions MUST be curbed and NOT allowed to roam free (or worse yet allowed to develop into fetish(es) by turbo-charged imaginations or Shaytaan). I have spoken to many Brothers who have complained about deficiencies in their spouses (emotionally or physically) but I try to reason with them and encourage them to discuss these matters with their spouses and be patient as even if these deficiencies are real (in my experience they are often NOT rather they are preconceived and often occur when the “Honeymoon Period” in the marriage is over [Surprise, Surprise]) I ask them to forgive and forget as they are themselves NOT perfect.
In short “Fictional Romance” can have devastating impact on a person’s life (at whatever stage it may be)…I like to bring in some examples and stories to backup my point but in this case I am omitting them as this is a general forum and read by many underage Muslims; I would however like to request all Brothers/Sisters to evaluate their thoughts (about opposite sex) and genuinely critique them and if you do so honestly; you will be surprised to find that a lot of them are not your “original thoughts” rather you have taken them from “Fictional Romance” that you have read or watched! Be honest & take the test!
In the end I would like to specially request all my Brothers/Sisters who are in a relationship to read and consider the last paragraph.
“Fictional Romance” is nothing but poison and has no place in the life of a Muslim; the level of authorship or pen-ship is irrelevant as this is utter trash and can have devastating impact of your “Real Life”
Teens or older; Avoid this rubbish (like black plague) and stick to the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Allah (SWT) and his beloved Rasul (Sallaho Alaiahe Wassallam) have eloquently and clearly addressed romance in detail as it is but in human nature to be “LOVED & BE LOVED”
P.S: As always asking for knowledgeable Brothers/Sisters to critique and correct where necessary.
Asslamo Allaikum All,
I had to run away before completing my point so here is the rest of it…
I concur with the points made by numerous brothers/sisters about rejecting “FICTION” entirely as I believe that rejecting it entirely lock, stalk and barrel will impede learning (as illustrated by me previously) however I must disagree with some of the brothers and sisters about fictional romance…
1) With the grace and mercy of Allah (SWT) I have some experience in talking, discussing many intimate matters (which are otherwise not discussed openly) with young Muslim brothers both in Europe and the US and some of the questions and issues that I have discussed over the years truly belong in the gutter and should be flushed down the toilet. I find that many “ideas” that germinate in the minds of young Muslims in the West are directly imported from either “reading” or “watching” fictional romance (Hook, Line and Stinker). These youngsters (I have mostly dealt with brothers) have limited contact/conversations/discussions with women but have turbo-charged imaginations!
2) I also have some experience in advising Muslims couples who are going through difficulties in their marriage and again I find that a lot of Brothers & Sisters have “Preconceived ideas” about how their spouse should behave (emotionally and physically) and in a lot of situations it just isn’t possible
I place the blame if not entirely but a large proportion of it on “Fictional Romance” in circulation in the print and electronic media. Media definitely shapes our thoughts and shapes our ideals as to how our partner/spouse should look like and behave like. Just look at people in popular TV programs and you will notice that most real people (teenagers, middle-aged and older) physically look nothing like the ones that are on display.
In my humble experience/opinion if one reads or watches “Fictional Romance” during teen years it can have devastating impact because a person is still taking in information and forming ideas about the world and people around them…Subconsciously you can develop ideas about how your future partner/spouse would look like, how they “should” behave and how “intimacy” should be handled between the two of you…Consciously you can be driven towards zina (fornication) or be driven towards having an illicit relationship (trying to put the romance that you have read/watched into practice).
In my humble experience/opinion if one reads or watches “Fictional Romance” during older years it can have devastating impact on your marriage (or future marriage) life as again you start to develop “ideas” which your partner/spouse can NEVER bring to reality no matter how hard they try…I don’t like prejudging people but I have noticed it numerous times when talking with Brothers/Sisters who are undergoing difficulties in their married life
Please note that the social structure of Islam depends upon fulfilling your obligations and responsibilities and forgiving people when your rights are not being fulfilled; in my humble experience/opinion “Fictional Romance” teaches the exact opposite i.e. to maximise personal “satisfaction” & “desires”…
All humans naturally have titillations of the heart and fancies of the mind but these emotions MUST be curbed and NOT allowed to roam free (or worse yet allowed to develop into fetish(es) by turbo-charged imaginations or Shaytaan). I have spoken to many Brothers who have complained about deficiencies in their spouses (emotionally or physically) but I try to reason with them and encourage them to discuss these matters with their spouses and be patient as even if these deficiencies are real (in my experience they are often NOT rather they are preconceived and often occur when the “Honeymoon Period” in the marriage is over [Surprise, Surprise]) I ask them to forgive and forget as they are themselves NOT perfect.
In short “Fictional Romance” can have devastating impact on a person’s life (at whatever stage it may be)…I like to bring in some examples and stories to backup my point but in this case I am omitting them as this is a general forum and read by many underage Muslims; I would however like to request all Brothers/Sisters to evaluate their thoughts (about opposite sex) and genuinely critique them and if you do so honestly; you will be surprised to find that a lot of them are not your “original thoughts” rather you have taken them from “Fictional Romance” that you have read or watched! Be honest & take the test!
In the end I would like to specially request all my Brothers/Sisters who are in a relationship to read and consider the last paragraph.
“Fictional Romance” is nothing but poison and has no place in the life of a Muslim; the level of authorship or pen-ship is irrelevant as this is utter trash and can have devastating impact of your “Real Life”
Teens or older; Avoid this rubbish (like black plague) and stick to the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Allah (SWT) and his beloved Rasul (Sallaho Alaiahe Wassallam) have eloquently and clearly addressed romance in detail as it is but in human nature to be “LOVED & BE LOVED”
P.S: As always asking for knowledgeable Brothers/Sisters to critique and correct where necessary.
reading, 96% of the books I read are Islamic books and magazines. Reading is very important in Islam, Remember the first Quranic revelation was "Iqra!" "Read!".