For Those who think Marriage is a problem

hussain.mahammed

a lonely traveller
Sheikh Ul Hadith Maulan Yusuf Motala Sahib is one of the senior disciples and khulafa of the late Shaikhul-Hadith Hazrat Maulana Zakaria Sahib rahmatullahi alai. Born in 1946 in India he started his studies at Jamea Hussainia, Rander Gujarat and eventually graduated from the renowned Islamic University, Mazaahirul Uloom, Saharanpur. In 1968, upon the instructions of his Shaikh, he migrated to England to set up the first Islamic University in the United Kingdom known as Darul Uloom Al-Arabiyyah Al-Islamiyyah, Bury. At present he is the founder and patron of numerous Islamic Institutes throughout the world. His students, who number hundreds, are spread across the globe occupied in the service of deen in varying capacities. In short a remarkable individual of rare intellectual and practical talents.

Moulana Khalil Ahmed Kazi​

All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him. We seek His assistance and forgiveness. We believe in Him and place our trust in Him.
We seek refuge in Allah from the mischief of our souls and our bad actions.
He whom Allah guides no one can mislead,
and he whom Allah misleads,
no one can guide.
We bear testimony that there is no deity except Allah.
He is alone and has no partner and we bear testimony that
our leader and master Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger.
O Allah, shower your everlasting peace and blessings
on him and on his descendants and his companions.


Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur’an:“O Mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from him He created his wife (Eve), and from them He created many men and women. Fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual rights), and (reverence) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah ever watches over you.” (4:1)

“O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared. And die not except in the state of Islam (as Muslims).” (3:102)

“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah and fear him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger he has indeed achieved a great achievement.” (34:70-71)

The Holy Prophet said:“Marry such women as are affectionate, child producing for I wish to outnumber the nations through you.”
(Abu Dawood & Nasai)


“Nikah is my Sunnah.” (Ibn Majah)

“Whosoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” (Bukhari)

Friends! On this auspicious occasion of Nikah, I pray to Almighty Allah that He may instil Muhabbat (love and affection) between the married couple, that through this bond of marriage, pious and righteous children are born, and also that Muhabbat and Ulfat (loving bond) is created between the families of the married couple. In addition, I invoke unto Almighty Allah that He may find for all our young boys and girls pious and suitable partners (Ameen).This Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Holy Prophet (pbuh).

Simplicity would be the hallmark of every Nikah performed by the Holy Prophet (pbuh). We are instructed in the Hadith that when a suitable partner is found for a girl, then haste should be made in performing the Nikah. A major reason for the marked increase in the number of unmarried boys and girls in present-day society stems mainly from neglecting the sound advice given in this Hadith. Nowadays the Nikah is delayed in spite of having found a suitable partner for ones son or daughter. For the sake of personal convenience, like going on a holiday or waiting for the arrival of some guest, or some other programme, we unnecessarily delay the marriage.

I am conscious that this moment is one of joy and happiness. I do not want to dampen it. But I must also digress a bit from the main topic of marriage and express the anguish of my heart at the suffering of fellow Muslims, while we continue to indulge in comforts and luxuries. As you know, the Holy Prophet (pbuh) and his Companions did not avail of luxuries despite having the opportunity to do so; instead, they made rigorous Mujahadah (endeavour). By the Barakah (blessings) of their Mujahadah each Companion became a great warrior, who strove and persevered.

When we look inward into our own lives it reveals quite the opposite. We have become so attached to worldly comforts and luxuries that it has, indeed, become difficult for us to discharge our own necessities without relying on others. Over indulgence in ease and comforts is also a significant reason for our misfortune and downfall. If only we realized the true concept of Islamic brotherhood then to continue in extravagant celebrations would really hit the raw inner of our consciousness.

Presently, throughout the world, hundreds and thousands of fellow Muslims are suffering at the hands of non Muslims. So many of them are held captives by the enemies of Allah, and the respect and dignity of so many others is being looted, and above all, our brothers and sisters are helpless with no one to confront the perpetrators of their misery. In this dire situation, our brothers and sisters are really in need of every sip of water, every piece of grain and every single penny.

Oh friends, is this really a time to indulge in extravagant celebrations, merrymaking and rejoicing? This is surely against the trend of Islamic brotherhood, and I say, it is also against humanity! When you see the abundant favours of Allah so freely granted - especially when you sit to eat - then your eyes should be filled with tears. At the same time, reflect on the plight and suffering borne by Muslims in Bosnia, Somalia, Philippines, Burma and so many other places. Muslims whose situation is most distressing. Despite what prevails before our eyes, are we going to be like the ostrich with its head in the sand?

In this present era, the warning bells of danger to our Faith can be heard ringing aloud. Although the situation is better here (as compared to that in other countries) but we cannot be complacent. The tide of moral and religious degeneration is reigning down on us from all sides. We regularly hear incidents of how our progeny is being exposed to the ills prevalent in this society. We must, therefore, be aware of the dangers and maintain a vigilant eye. We should reflect on what is happening and take a firm grasp of the declining moral and religious situation in this society.

In spite of hearing the plight and misery of Muslims, our feelings seem to remain static, and we are largely unresponsive to their plight. We should try to alter this kind of outlook. Most importantly, we should try and generate a genuine feeling for our Muslim brothers and sisters. We should consider their suffering as our own. We should not behave in apathetic manner, unaware of what is happening to them. Let us conduct ourselves honourably, sharing their woes and grief wherever they may be in the world. Their suffering, displacement and slaughter should be felt by all of us.

I have deliberately shed light on this subject because, nowadays, our wedding functions have become such that vast sums of money are spent and this suggests a kind of indifference to the suffering of Muslim at large. I, for one, do not condone this kind of attitude. On occasions like this, I only wish that greater accountability would be taken. As I have already explained, there are so many Muslims throughout the world in need, so many oppressed, so many destitute and so many in need of every grain, yet our inner eyes remain closed.

Thus, we will only truly realize the extent of our self-deception once we have left this transitory world. How we deceived our own selves. Only then will we truly appreciate the significance of assisting the needy and helpless Muslims. If we are not able to do anything else, then, at least we should develop a sincere concern for our fellow Muslims and pray for them. Even this will not be overlooked by Almighty Allah, who will, Inshallah, accord us with much blessing and reward.

I now return to the subject of my initial discussion, that Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh). This sublime act is such that it cannot accommodate any other custom; simplicity, as I explained at the outset, is its hallmark. As such, there is no need for a large assembly or congregation for its commemoration.

I will now briefly mention the nature of simplicity observed in weddings conducted at the time of the Holy Prophet (pbuh) . Once the Holy Prophet noticed a stain of Itr (perfume) on the garment of one of his Companion, Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah . Although use of Itr was Sunnat, it would generally be applied only for special occasions like a wedding, or on significant days like Friday and Eid. Seeing the blot, the Holy Prophet (pbuh) enquired of Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah : “Have you married?” He replied, “Yes.” The Holy Prophet further asked, “Whom did you marry, a virgin or a widow?” He replied, “A widow.” The Holy Prophet said, “Why did you not choose a virgin, that you might play with her and she might play with you? I see you as a young man.” Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah replied most gracefully, saying: “O Prophet , my father was martyred in the battle of Uhad. He left behind nine small sisters. Had I married a virgin then she would have become the tenth. That is why I have married a widow, so that with her age and experience she could provide upbringing and training for my sisters.”

From this incident we can deduce that despite the presence of the Holy Prophet (pbuh) in Madina Munawwarah, there was no question of delaying the Nikah to the extent of even informing let alone inviting him.

Thus, in the time of the Prophet (pbuh) , whenever a suitable partner was found for a boy or girl, the Nikah would be conducted without delay. It would not be treated as something so significant as to require the attention or approval of the Holy Prophet (pbuh) . For this reason Hazrat Shaikh Rahmatullahi alai used to say, “I can’t understand all these formalities for Nikah, because Nikah is an Ibadat (act of worship). When someone intends to perform two Rakats of Salat then must he print posters and send everyone cards asking them to assemble in the Jame Masjid before performing the two Rakats?” What a beautiful explanation Hazrat Shaikh provided. Since Nikah is also an Ibadat, then what is the need to print cards and gather a large congregation?

Hazrat himself practised what he preached. He married two of his daughters with Hazrat Jee Maulana Yusuf Saheb and Hazrat Jee Maulana Inamul Hasan Saheb respectively. The occasion of their marriage coincided with the annual graduation ceremony at Mazahirul Uloom, Saharanpur. Both prospective son-in-laws were to graduate. Hazrat, prior to leaving for the graduation ceremony, went home and called out that I propose to wed Maulana Yusuf with such a daughter and Maulana Inamul Hasan with such a daughter, naming each daughter. This was the only type of announcement made in advance of the wedding.

Hazrat Maulana Ihtishamul Haq Saheb, who happened to be the maternal uncle of the daughters and also the brother-in-law of Hazrat Shaikh, as well as being a member of the household, became upset at not being consulted about the marriage. He protested saying that he was the maternal uncle of the girls, and as such, he should at least have been consulted prior to their Nikah. However, Hazrat’s stance remained the same. As Nikah is an Ibadat what is the need to notify everyone. The participants of the marriage were informed and that was sufficient.

On the contrary, we have created so many unnecessary formalities that if perchance the wedding feast is not held on the day of the wedding, we make full amends by holding a large Walimah (a meal after consummating the marriage) the following day.

The practise of Walimah was also celebrated by the Holy Prophet but not in the same manner in which we are accustomed to. When Khaiber was conquered, among the prisoners of war included Hazrat Safiyyah , the daughter of a Jewish chief. Hazrat Dihya Qalbi requested the Holy Prophet for a maid. The Prophet said, “Go and take any slave girl.” He took Hazrat Safiyya . At this, the other Sahabah approached the Prophet and said: “O, Prophet of Allah! Banu Nazir and Banu Quraizah (the Jewish tribes of Madinah) will feel offended to see the daughter of a Jewish chief working as a maid. We therefore suggest that she is only suitable for you.” The Prophet called Dihya and said, “Take any seven slave girls but leave her (i.e. Safiyya).” The Prophet then freed her from slavery and married her. In the tradition reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, we are further told that they had left Khaiber and on the way, Umme Sulaim dressed her for marriage and at night she sent her as a bride. The following day Walimah feast was arranged with whatever was available.

The point I really want to elicit from this story is the manner in which the Walimah was organized. It was such a simple affair. The Holy Prophet asked his companions to bring their own food. He spread out an eating mat and some brought dates and others cooking butter. This was the manner in which the Walimah of Allah’s Messenger was celebrated.

Friends! The teachings of our religion, as exemplified by the Holy Prophet , impress upon us simplicity. We need to change our approach and attitude to life and adopt these simple and noble practises. I again reiterate that there is need for us to change our present outlook. We should replace our indifference and apathy to the suffering borne by fellow Muslims and replace it with a genuine feeling of love and consideration.

Only then will we merit the pity of Allah. If we are sincere Muslims then let us mirror the loss sustained by our brothers and sisters. Such should be our grief that it shows on our faces, cause feelings of pain and revulsion in our hearts and makes sour the food and drink we consume. This should be a natural reaction to hearing any kind of tragedy befalling Muslims. Alas, there is a great need to re-establish true Islamic brotherhood in this day and age.

In the end, I pray to Almighty Allah that He grants us all the Tawfiq (strength and ability) to appreciate the delicate age we live in and that He fully rectifies us in all respects (Ameen).

And our last call is that all praise be to the Lord of the worlds and peace and blessings be upon the Master of the Messengers, his descendants and his companions.
 

hussain.mahammed

a lonely traveller
Marriage is a basic remedy for the sexual appetite. Alternative solutions are merely to enable you to bide your time until the proper circumstances for marriage arrive: maturity, adequate financial resources, and a virtuous woman.

The Messenger of Allah, May Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “O young men! Any of you who are able to marry should do so. It lowers the eyes and protects the private parts. Any of you who are unable to do so should fast. Fasting is a protection for you.” Young men are addressed because they have the strength and youthful vigour. They are subject to sexual desire for women and are generally not free of it.

An Nawawi said, “My companions consider the term ‘young men’ to cover all those who are between the age of puberty and thirty years old.” The Prophet [peace be upon him] prescribed marriage for those who have the means for it and those who do not have means should fast and control their desires until the time Allah opens the way for them. We find the source of this in the Noble Quran where Allah Almighty says:

“Any of you who do not have the means to marry believing free women may marry believing slave girls who are owned by those among you. Allah knows best about your belief – you are all equally believers. Marry them with their owners’ permission and give them dowries correctly and courteously as married women, not in fornication or taking them as lovers. When they are married, if they commit fornication, they should receive half the punishment of free women. This is for those of you who are afraid of committing fornication. But to be patient would be better for you. Allah is All-Knowing, Most Merciful.” (Surah an Nisa: Ayah 25)

This is a dispensation from Allah and a mercy for those Muslims who lack the financial resources to marry believing free women. He therefore unlocks another door for them, but still concludes by saying, “But to be patient would be better for you,” since marriage to slave-girls entails risks in respect of the upbringing of the children which result from it. Islam desires strong progeny who will grow up with dignity, honour and clear lineage and establish Muslim society on firm foundations. That is why the basis of all marriages must be thoroughly sound. Otherwise, it is better to be patient with your sexual desire and to remain abstinent, a policy endorsed by Allah in Surat an Nur when He says:

“Those who cannot find the means to marry should be abstinent until Allah enriches them from His unbounded favour.” (Surah an Noor: Ayah 33)

This call for abstinence and purity is only demanded when a man does not possess adequate financial means to marry. However, when he has the means, marriage becomes an obligatory duty in the Shari’ah. Listen to the guidance of the noble Prophet [peace be upon him] regarding the necessity and importance of marriage. It is related from Anas ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, that he heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, “Whosoever wants to meet Allah pure and purified should marry free women.”

Abu Ayyub, may Allah be pleased with him, said that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Four things are part of the sunan of the Messengers: henna, perfume, siwak and marriage.”

‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al ‘As, may Allah be pleased with both of them, said that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “This world is passing enjoyment. One of the best kinds of provision it contains is a woman who helps her husband regarding the Next World. A poor man is one who has no wife and a poor woman is on who has no husband.”

Abu Umamah, May Allah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There is nothing more beneficial to a believer after fear of Allah Almighty than a virtuous wife. When he orders her to do something, she obeys. When he looks at her, she delights him. When he requests her to do something, she carries it out. When he is absent from her, she is faithful to him both n respect of herself and his property.”

Anas, May Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,” Any man whom Allah provides with a virtuous wife has been helped to half his Deen, so he should fear Allah regarding the other half.”

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There are three people whom it is mandatory for Allah to help: someone who does jihad in the way of Allah, a slave who has been given a contact to free himself and desires to fulfil it and someone who marries out of the desire to preserve his chastity.”

Abu Buhayh, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Whoever is affluent should marry. If he does not marry, he is not with me.”

Anas ibn Malik, May Allah be pleased with him, said “A group of people came to the houses of the wives of the prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, to ask about the worship of the Prophet. When they were told, it seemed that they thought that the amount was not sufficient. They said, ‘Where are we in relation to the Prophet?’Allah has forgiven him his past and future errors,’ One of them declared, ‘As for myself, I will pray all night,’ Another said, ‘I will fast continually and never break it.’ Another said, ‘I will withdraw from women and never marry.’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace came to them and said, ‘Are you the people who said such and such? By Allah, I have more fear of Allah than you and more awareness of Him, but I fast and break the fast, and sleep, and marry women. Anyone who is averse to my Sunna is not with me.’”

The importance of marriage in Islam.

The reasons for the immense importance held by marriage in the life of the Muslims are summarised in the following points:

It is obedience to the command of Allah, who says in the Quran: “Marry those among you who are unmarried and your slaves and slave girls who are righteous. If they are poor Allah will enrich them from His overflowing favour.” (Surah an Noor: Ayah 32)

• It is following the guidance of our beloved Prophet [peace be upon him] and the Messengers of Allah since Allah Almighty said in His description of the Messengers: “We sent Messengers before you and gave them wives and children too” (Surah ar Ra’d: Ayah 38). An aspect of Allah’s love for the human race lies in enabling them to have children perpetuate the human species. The child is the goal of both the legal contract and the physical pleasure it sanctions. However, there is no pleasure in the life of the Muslim which does not entail subsequent responsibility as shown in this case by the upbringing of children.

• It gives repose and delight to the soul since sitting with, looking at, and playing with one’s spouse allows the heart to relax and strengthens it for worship. Without this the soul would grow wearied and turn away from the truth. The Almighty says: “Among His signs is that He created for you spouses from yourselves so that you might find repose with them. And He has placed between you affection and mercy. In that there are certainly signs for people who reflect.” (Surah ar Rum: Ayah 22).

• It fortifies the heart against Shaytan by satisfying sexual desire and therefore averting the dangers of unbridled sexual appetite. It is like an impregnable fortress which protects the Muslims from fortification and so saves them from falling into abyss which plunges people into the lower levels of Hellfire in this world before the Next. There is no more effective way of dealing with sexual energy.

• It provides an arena for combating and disciplining the lower self through taking care of the family and looking after their needs, putting up with their faults and failings, and striving to bring them up well and guide them to the right path. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “What a man spends on his family is sadaqa.” He said, “A man is rewarded for the mouthful he gives to his wife.”

Truly man should be amazed at the wisdom of the way his lord deals with the sexual instinct. It allows the sexual appetite to be satisfied, provides man with progeny and encourages him to strive on behalf of his family. Every aspect of the human self is taken into account and the result is a pure fruit whose fragrance permeates all parts of Muslim society Muslims are encouraged to satisfy their sexual instinct and by doing so achieve good in this world and the Next.

This made the leaders among the Companions and the Followers eager to marry as they were to please Allah and His Messenger. ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I force myself to have sexual intercourse hoping that Allah will bring forth by means of it another human being to glorify and remember Him.”

Ibn Mas’u d, may Allah be pleased with said, “Even if only ten days of my life remained, I would still get married because I would not like to meet Allah unmarried.” He also said, Seek wealth through marriage in conformity with the words of Allah, ‘If they are poor Allah will enrich them from His overflowing favour’ (Surah an Noor: Ayah 32)”.

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal said, “Anyone who calls on you not to marry has called you to do something other than Islam.”He, May Allah have mercy on him, married two days after the death of his wife and said, “I do not want to spend a night as an unmarried man.”

Courtesy: ibnayyub
 

hussain.mahammed

a lonely traveller
The Wise Woman

Our tradition is full of advice to women in general, especially those who are getting married. Advice such as: how to be a good wife, how to be a righteous wife, how to fulfill her husband's needs, etc. What is conspicuous about our heritage is that most, if not all of this guidance is based on the assumption that it is the woman who should do her utmost and make sacrifices for the sake of her husband and her house. This issue is looked at as a “sacred” mission. It is a must that the woman has to do because she should only blame herself if the marriage collapses.
Imagine the amount of physical, mental, and psychological burden imposed on women, and how much work they have to do in order to keep their marriage, their houses, and their families intact? These concerns are not taken into consideration because, strangely enough, we do not give enough attention to women's concerns and their sacrifices. Why do we have so much literature with advice for women, while this literature ignores the role of man and the nature of sacrifice he has to make in order to keep his family intact as well?

When we look at our tradition we find that, the only advice out there for young men deals with work, politics, status, manhood, etc. The literature focuses on personal promotion and the investment on his own future and self-interests, not the interests of his wife and his family. To women, her house and her husband are depicted as her future and central focus. She is looked upon by the literature as an “incomplete being” that is in constant need of guidance. She is seen as irrational mentally, and in need of continuous advice to be reminded of her role. This is why literature keeps reminding her of her role, and the sacrifices she has to make and the investment she needs to make in her husband and her house.

Women are being treated unfairly, especially those who do not have the opportunity to get an education. Most social values promote male advancement, and consequently, put females down. Women are not given equal opportunities to develop their skills and God-given abilities to compete with their male counterparts.

Let us look at the following advice given by Omama Bint Alhareth to her daughter, Um Iass on her wedding day. This is considered to be among the most famous pieces of advice given by a mother to her daughter throughout our history. She said “Oh my daughter, your are about to leave the nest you were born in and raised in to a nest that you are not aware of, and to a companion you have not been acquainted with. Remember these ten things; you will be better off, and he will be very appreciative to you – submission with satisfaction; be a good listener; be obedient; be careful where he looks or smiles, do not let his eyes fall on a filthy thing of you; be careful of his sleeping time and his food, hunger is upsetting and sleep disruption is annoying; be careful in spending his money, the best in money management is moderation; do not ever disobey an order of his and do not tell his secrets, because if you disobey him you will annoy him and if you tell his secrets you should not feel safe from his tricks; I warn you of showing happiness when he is sad or showing sadness when he is happy.”

by Muneer Attyah

Courtesy: islamonline
 

hussain.mahammed

a lonely traveller
The Wise Man

The wise man is the one who knows what he wants from a marriage. Does he want to add a strong brick to the big building of a strong Muslim Ummah? Does he want to cooperate with his wife on doing what is good and obeying Allah (sw) until they both meet him? Does he realize the nobility of the marriage institution and the goals of the marriage, and that they require great sacrifices?
The wise man is the one who gives more than he receives. He is the one who dresses nicely for his wife, and keeps himself clean just as he demands from his wife that she beautify herself and dress nicely for him. He is the one who realizes that his wife is a human being just like him who likes to see him handsome, clean, and smiling. He is the one who distances himself from all that may annoy his wife or makes her feel inferior. He is the one who does not advise his wife in public or disgrace her, especially in front of family and friends. He is the one who does not criticize her in public at all. He is the one who does not ridicule her appearance if he does not like the way she is dressing. He is the one who assists her in all ways to reach her best. He is the one who gives advice in a loving and compassionate manner. He is the one who does not compare her to other women.

The wise man is the one who tells his wife that he does not imagine a more beautiful and ethical women than her. The wise man is the one who balances his love, and respect for his mother with his love and devotion to his wife and his family. Being a good son does not come by hurting his wife, even for his mother. It comes through loving his mother, and being a devout and religious man in a manner that balances respect to both. He is the one who constantly reminds both, whenever they clash, of the instructions of the Prophet (pbuh) in his treatment of his wives and family.

The wise man is the one who enters home with a smile on his face. He is the one who asks his wife “how was your day?” and makes sure things go well with her and with the family. He is the one who listens to her, and never makes her hear what she does not want to hear. He is the one who respects her and shows her how much she means to him, and how important she is to his life privately and publicly. He is the one who praises her, and shows others how much he values her, respects her, and loves her in front of his family, especially if they do not like her or respect her. He is the one who remembers his family in front of her in a nice manner so she gets to love them, and reconcile with them and knows the value of being a member of a big family.

The wise man is the one who reminds his wife from time to time how much he loves her and respects her, and shows her how much he appreciates her beauty and morality. The list is long. To conclude, the wise man is the believer who does his best to follow the Prophet's (pbuh) teachings and his manner of treating his wives and his devotion to his family.

by Sammyah Hussainat

Courtesy: islamonline
 
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