GENDER confusions proves confusing......

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

:salam2:my family
i hope everbody here is in the best of spiritual and physical health and imaan

i got to ask a question,your advice and counsel...........AgAiN

to many it may be funny but here goes the rant.....
a couple of months ago i came to know a very nice sister,on her request we made friends and shared mails....she gave me her email address first.....she seems nice and pious mashallah.but something came up to here some days ago and she attacked me with the accusation of being a guy cheating on her.........acting like a sister and that she's going to quit on me

i was very annoyed........it was a pathetic day....told her to carry on with being the quitter and not to think of talking to me till she was sure that ALLAH knows about my gender better then her....and that i'm not ashamed or miserable about how or what HE created me alhumdulillah

:lol:i'm a very proude girl when it comes to being and acting one.....i don't see why shouldn't i be

okay so the question:like i said sis is very nice and pious mashallah.she started something very good and with an open invitation for everybody to join in...i did too....but now that she doesn't trust me and wants whatsoever nothing to do with me,should i pull out of taking part in that good thingy tooi mean part of me did coz it was a good act and part of me joined in to encourage her and others to carry on.....well that too i thought as a good act.....

so should i stop or continue.....

i'm asking coz i too don't want to have anything to do with ppl who don't trust me.there is no point doing so......it's not like i was taking part in it JUSTfor HERi just did it coz it was a good opportunity to perform good but she might think it this way since to her i'm some stinking stalker.....
she must have her reasons for believeing so so no grudges i think.......but no talking either

so what do i doanyone???consider both pionts plz

jazakallah khaira for your patience and time

may ALLAH bless you.ameen
keep me in your duas
ALLAH HAFIZ and

 

[muslimaislam]

Salam Alikum

I would check your intentions of what you are doing.
If the intentions are good carry on but if they are bad, I would stop.

But Allah knows Best.

Salam Alikum

 

[ahmed_indian]

she attacked me with the accusation of being a guy cheating on her.........acting like a sister

,

have a voice chat with her for a minute. then she'll know that u are a sister.

also dont push too much into relation, if u find her indifferent towards you, move out.

but frm moving out, i dont mean cutting off the relations.

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Salam Alikum

I would check your intentions of what you are doing.
If the intentions are good carry on but if they are bad, I would stop.

But Allah knows Best.

Salam Alikum

sisi hellooooooo!!!!what are you talking aboutyour post makes it look like you're tellin if i really am cheating on her and doing stuff to impress her........then i gotto stop .........i don't see why should girls think soooo special of themselves that they wud think even the girls talking to them are actually guys....i don't think anyone wud go as low as that.....

like i said i was doing wha i was doing with intentions to please ALLAH........that stuff sometime felt like a useless job to do but i new it was shaitan shoooing me off so i continued only for getting HIS(swt)'s pleasure..........but now that she might think i'm doing it to get her attention(she thinks i'm a guy remember!!)so is it appropriate thing to do?????

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

,

have a voice chat with her for a minute. then she'll know that u are a sister.

also dont push too much into relation, if u find her indifferent towards you, move out.

but frm moving out, i dont mean cutting off the relations.

jazakallah kahria for your kind response brother....your advice is a good one but i don't see how she'll see sense even after that...as far as i know then she'll go like i've recruited some girl to talk to her and all......i mean her first question was like "so brother what is your name".i thought she's made a mistake but then she went with saying how she won't talk to me anymore since i was a boy

well i don't feel like pressing my company on ppl who don't want me around there is no point doing so......it was just hurting at first then somehow i managed to take it as a funny thing......how she'll get a nasty shock on the day of judgement.....

i've moved out.....we haven't talked till now.she doesn't and i don't either....but if she wants me she's welcome......up to her....

just that i dunno what to do about the job i did when things were trusty trusty

 

[Asja]

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa baaraktuhu my dear sister.

This really made me worry for you and I do not know which advice to give you. I think you should try to explain her that you are sister,and show her your photo or talk with her, so she can hear your voice and prove that you are a girl,not a man.
But it made me confused why she would think that you are not actualy sister, since you said that you know each other well. May Allah help you my dear sister,and if happens that she does not belive even after hearing your voice than you should not talk with her anymore as it is not your fault for anything.

May Allah bless you

 

[Maha*]

It seems to me like you'll be losing someone who's special.. and it doesn't seem worth the fight. It's just a misunderstanding, all you have to do is ask her how you can prove it to her and do that. And ask her also, how would you know if SHE's infact a girl. It goes both ways, she shouldn't be all angry at you. Honestly, it's usually quite easy to tell whether it's a girl or boy from the style and content of writing. Tell her if she can't figure that out, then it's her problem cause it's quite obvious you're a girl. You should try the voice call, it's worth the try. Why don't you tell her exactly what you wrote in this thread?!

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa baaraktuhu my dear sister.

This really made me worry for you and I do not know which advice to give you. I think you should try to explain her that you are sister,and show her your photo or talk with her, so she can hear your voice and prove that you are a girl,not a man.
But it made me confused why she would think that you are not actualy sister, since you said that you know each other well. May Allah help you my dear sister,and if happens that she does not belive even after hearing your voice than you should not talk with her anymore as it is not your fault for anything.

May Allah bless you

sis i dunno i'm done explaining to her i did my best in the last email i send her and if she's fine with things the way they are than i think i'd let her be.....just that i'm not sure about me question should i do it or stop it???

about what made her think this way i'm not sure....but may be due to one of the following reasons;
1stly may be coz me and some of my friends were making jokes about how i was not allowed to enter"the sisters only area"......i had requested for membership but things were delayed a lil and we were laughin that may b they thought i was a boy.....just kiddding each other...i think she read the conversation and became all serious about it....

2ndly mayb coz i send her a lot of miss you's when she was gone just a couple of days back....but d that with almost everybody

or mayb coz i said her surname was used by some ppl here for their wives......or to old ladies for respect.....and to lil girls when making fun of them....like just kidding with them

so i dunno what 's in her mind but i want ot know about what to d about my confusion of contiing or stopping.......

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

It seems to me like you'll be losing someone who's special.. and it doesn't seem worth the fight. It's just a misunderstanding, all you have to do is ask her how you can prove it to her and do that. And ask her also, how would you know if SHE's infact a girl. It goes both ways, she shouldn't be all angry at you. Honestly, it's usually quite easy to tell whether it's a girl or boy from the style and content of writing. Tell her if she can't figure that out, then it's her problem cause it's quite obvious you're a girl. You should try the voice call, it's worth the try. Why don't you tell her exactly what you wrote in this thread?!

well everyone who wud say they love me and is friendly to me is special for me sisiyour one of them hehehe
jazakallah kahria for you reply.....and yeah i'm not sure about explaing anymore since everybody is talking about voice proof........skype won't be a problem but suppose she then say stuff like that is a girl you are a guy
:lol:you are right how do i know she's or you're a girl too.
nah sis i trust ppl what they say......if they lie it's between them and ALLAHi got my imaan to worry about and my things straight
teling ppl they are lying without surety will end me being the one whose lying not to mention in trouble.......cud be the person i doubt is close to ALLAH....in that case i'm dead.....it's better and easier for me to trust ppl for what they tell me..........
no i'm not tailing her anymore.....it's not that she's not a good sis......it's just that if she thinks she's better off without me the that's okay.......i'm not a prophet right!!! ppl can dibelieve me........it's her problem anyways...



my problem is my question which my sweet TTI family seems to miss in order to get me in talking terms with that sis...someone plzz answer wat shud i do about that job?????

 

[Basicofislam]

:salam2: I think i did not get you. Are you trying to say you are a girl and the sister thinks you are a guy and that you cheated on her. If that is the reason. I want to know what made her think you are a guy. Did you ever make her feel u r a guy? This is a islamic knowledge website and it is ok once but try not to post things not related to knowledge about islam. And if it is true what i understood from your question. Tell her you are a girl. And you know Allah is the judge and can see everything and whoever is lying will be punished. And if you are on the right just tell her the truth and if she is not willing to accept walk away.

 

[Asja]

:salam2: I think i did not get you. Are you trying to say you are a girl and the sister thinks you are a guy and that you cheated on her. If that is the reason. I want to know what made her think you are a guy. Did you ever make her feel u r a guy? This is a islamic knowledge website and it is ok once but try not to post things not related to knowledge about islam. And if it is true what i understood from your question. Tell her you are a girl. And you know Allah is the judge and can see everything and whoever is lying will be punished. And if you are on the right just tell her the truth and if she is not willing to accept walk away.

Assalamu alaicumu wa raahmatullah wa baarakatuhu

Dear sister, it is truth that this site is for learning about Islaam Alhamdulilah, but seeking advice is aslo from Islaam,so it is fine from that side that our sister has opened the thread.

And she is not trying to say that she is a girl, but she is our sister in Islaam,and like you could understand that some other sister thinks wrong. And Allah knows the best.

How many times I have repeated" sister", " girl" in this post.

May Allah bless you

 

[samiha]

:salam2:

In my opinion, she does not have any grounds or basis for suspicion, and thus is actually wronging you if she has hastily jumped to conclusions!

As it is said, in the Qur'aan, "O you who believed! Avoid (indulging) much suspicion: truly some suspicion are sin." (49 : 12)

The Prophet has also said, "Avoid suspicion, for airing suspicion is the most lying from of speech." (reported by Al-Bukhari and others)

Having said that, I think you should still ask her for what reasons she believes you are a male. And firmly state that you are a female. Lol, I dont usually encourage swearing by Allaah, but this is a bit of a matter of honor, in the sense that how could one be called other than the gender they are and be questioned on the grounds of what intention / procedure they approached others? To be slandered in this manner is quite wrong. If you assure her and swear by Allaah, she should not have further doubts upon you. And if she does, then I believe it's upon her, and you should not have anything else to do with it.

However, she should not intimidate you or make you lose out on doing something which is good, simply because of her reactions. If you find good in your actions, then keep doing it inshaAllaah, for the sake of Allaah, and dont let her hinder you.

I wrote this quickly, but with the given information that is my opinion. Allaah knows best.

wasalaam

 

[al-fajr]

Assalamu'alaykum,

Alhamdulillaah this has never happened to me with online contacts, considering the number of times im called 'akhi' on the forum though, its surprising.

To be slandered in this manner is quite wrong.

Lol indeed.

Could be sorted with a phone convo, if it comes to that then so be it, but pre-emptive action cannot be taken on the basis of suspicion and I would be deeply offended by such an accusation, any friendship is based on trust and there is evidently a lack of that.

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Assalamu alaicumu wa raahmatullah wa baarakatuhu

Dear sister, it is truth that this site is for learning about Islaam Alhamdulilah, but seeking advice is aslo from Islaam,so it is fine from that side that our sister has opened the thread.

And she is not trying to say that she is a girl, but she is our sister in Islaam,and like you could understand that some other sister thinks wrong. And Allah knows the best.

How many times I have repeated" sister", " girl" in this post.

May Allah bless you

jazakallah kahira for explaining ....i'm kinda getting exhausted explaining over and over again!!.....love you for that...

as for basicofislam bro/sis,
yeah you got it right.why she got this bizzare idea?i dunno..however cud be for one of the reasons i've already posted above to someone's reply.....sis asja'a i think,........
one thing more the post may have the crappy incident but i did that so ppl can understand the question i had.....which, is very much related to islam
they overlook the question it ain't my fault

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

:salam2:

In my opinion, she does not have any grounds or basis for suspicion, and thus is actually wronging you if she has hastily jumped to conclusions!

As it is said, in the Qur'aan, "O you who believed! Avoid (indulging) much suspicion: truly some suspicion are sin." (49 : 12)

The Prophet has also said, "Avoid suspicion, for airing suspicion is the most lying from of speech." (reported by Al-Bukhari and others)

Having said that, I think you should still ask her for what reasons she believes you are a male. And firmly state that you are a female. Lol, I dont usually encourage swearing by Allaah, but this is a bit of a matter of honor, in the sense that how could one be called other than the gender they are and be questioned on the grounds of what intention / procedure they approached others? To be slandered in this manner is quite wrong. If you assure her and swear by Allaah, she should not have further doubts upon you. And if she does, then I believe it's upon her, and you should not have anything else to do with it.

However, she should not intimidate you or make you lose out on doing something which is good, simply because of her reactions. If you find good in your actions, then keep doing it inshaAllaah, for the sake of Allaah, and dont let her hinder you.

I wrote this quickly, but with the given information that is my opinion. Allaah knows best.

wasalaam

jazakallah khaira ukhti.may ALLAH bless you endlessly for answering the question it's very very........... well dunno........kind nice beautiful,gr8 of you!!!jazakallah khaira........

erm... no sis i don't or atleast try no to swear at all even if it is at the cost of getting hurt it's not liked in islaam to do so.......and if a person going to trust you he/she won't need your swears.......yes i was hurt not coz she addressed me this way but coz she called me somehting i wasn't i have done my explaining to her,now it's up to her.....

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Assalamu'alaykum,

Alhamdulillaah this has never happened to me with online contacts, considering the number of times im called 'akhi' on the forum though, its surprising.




Lol indeed.

Could be sorted with a phone convo, if it comes to that then so be it, but pre-emptive action cannot be taken on the basis of suspicion and I would be deeply offended by such an accusation, any friendship is based on trust and there is evidently a lack of that.

jazakallah khaira for your reply sisi.....first time i got into such a thing,i was pretty shocked myself ,that such a thought is possible to enter someone'd mind.
:lol:how'd be happy to be called a guy sis.....afterall it's nothing near to being a girl...girls are special.........especially if you girl of parents like mine

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Assalamu'alaykum

Maybe you're not emo enough . Try using loads of '!!!!!' and all those annoying emoticons, use the phrase 'ewww' all the time too ..I'll stop there.

I dont really care being called bro on the forum ..happened too many times and if it bothered me every time, I would always be annoyed. (As long as it never happens in real life, I'm happy! Lol)

sis what's all that advice for..........i'm quite contended the way i'm built sis.........mayb i do sound like well like no a girl sometimes....it's not my fault though.... all my childhood friends,cousins,streeties were boys.....seems like the year i was born in was boys only year with me being the exception........i'm unique! guess they have their influence over me even now......
well only ppl rarely call be akhi here.....the only sis who did this is goody good friend now......
btw the thing i was concerned with is answered by sis samiha......what my sis thinks is upto here....i respected her and i respect her choice......did my clearing thing.....think me job is done........she's welcomed and forgiven

jazakallah khayra for your advice sis