He is marrying a Hindu girl...

[MzAmerykah]

:salam2:

A Muslim friend of mine, with whom I desired to marry, proposed to a girl 3 days after I expressed this to him. He proposed approximately 4-6 weeks after dating her and told me that he chose her because he's known her twice as long as he's known me and because she is not afraid to be affectionate with him and makes him feel wanted and blah blah blah.

I asked him what her religion was and he told me that her grandparents were Muslims and other members of her family are Hindus, but never addressed her religion. He told me he doesn't care what her religion is as long as she agrees to allowing him to raise their future children as Muslims. Then a week or so later he sends me a message assuring me that he has taken the time to find out that now she plans on reverting. I really do not believe this is in fact the case. I feel that he is telling me that to get me off his case about the whole thing.

I read on Islam Q&A: "Evil actions should be changed by any accountable person who sees them and is able to do something about it. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever among you sees an evil action, then let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.” Narrated by Muslim (70) from Abu Sa’eed."

I reminded him that marrying a Hindu woman is wrong according to Islam (unless she converts beforehand) and asked him if it is really worth risking the fire for this woman and he said it is! He also said its about what he needs and wants and that's it. He further said that I was attacking him and his iman.

Did I do anything wrong by telling him this? Also, should I pray Istikharah? This is not really my problem, but I am upset over this and I feel horrible that he feels I have attacked him. Lastly, he wants to remain friends, but I feel that is inappropriate. I don't want to be rude, but should I just ignore him from now on?

Any advice or suggestions on where to go for advice would be appreciated.

 

[Meekaal]

The case as described shows that this particular man is following his desire. Preferring a (possibly) Hindu who might become a Muslim does not propose any competition to an already Muslim woman.

He should be told clearly that his marriage to a Hindu woman is prohibited and if he insists and proceeds with the marriage then he is in fact committing Zinaa (fornication). If, however, the woman becomes a Muslim and he marries her, then there is nothing wrong and you should not intervene.

If telling him nicely doesn't work, it might help to get more serious. If he still insists after this, you may ignore him.

 

[mufakkir]

Salaam 'Alaikum,

MashaAllah the advice of brother Meekaal is very sensible. I would like to add that the episode shows a very bad aspect of this person's character. Advise him in sincerety and make clear to him that his actions are not permitted by Islam. However, without seeming to be disrespectful, you should not have been 'friends' with a male non-mahram in the first place. Since you have sought to marry this person, and his subsequent refusal, comments about you and the proposed marrying of a Hindu, it should be clear to you know that there is some flaw in this person's character. Even if he heeds your advice on the impermissability of marrying a Hindu, perhaps you should reconsider your affection for him. Do you really wish to marry a person who would do this?
WaAllahu A'lam

was salaam

 

[doctor38]

2:221 وَلا تَنْكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنَّ وَلأَمَةٌ مُؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِنْ مُشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ وَلا تُنْكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنُوا وَلَعَبْدٌ مُؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِنْ مُشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ أُولَئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ

which translate into

"And do not marry Al-Mushrikât (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allâh Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikûn[1] till they believe (in Allâh Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikûn) invite you to the Fire, but Allâh invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayât (proofs, evidence, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember."

So what he is doing is NOT allowed by direct Ayah of the Quran. You might want to show him this Ayah from the Quran.

 

[MzAmerykah]

:salam2:

JazakAllahu Khayran for the advice.

I acknowlegde the wrongdoing in communicating with him and I continuously ask Allah Subhanahu wa-ta'ala to forgive me and to take away any desires I have of marriage with him now that I see his true character.

When I reminded him (in an email) that what he is doing is against Islam, I sent him several supporting Hadith, but I didn't include the above ayah because I know he is already aware of it. (He was born Muslim.) Maybe I should have??? But at this point, I feel that if I say anything else, it would cause a hostile reaction because in his response he said everything I say is "negative and abrasive". Furthermore, he said that this is the problem with reverts and born Muslims...that we don't respect others when we encounter some "new found wisdom." Lastly, he basically warned me not to say anything else to him:

"I would turn down the volume on your antics towards me and the marriage thing for real. Its not going to change how I feel about this person...I feel like I did the right thing. I don't regret my decision not one second...She is a spiritual person and that is something I admire."

So...in conclusion, if I do say anything else to him, I will just send him the ayah that Doc38 quoted and be done with the situation.

Thank you again for your advice. I pray that this post will be beneficial to any others who may experience a similar situation.

 

[Safiyah_]

Is it bad for a muslim to marry a non-muslim?
Cuz i know several people who did..

 

[erica5127]

I think that if not for religous reasons, for your own emotional reasons you might want to ignore him, if you are really meant to marry him, Allah will marry you to him, but I just hope you don't let this upset you or get you off track in life. May Allah be with you while working out the problem.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Is it bad for a muslim to marry a non-muslim?
Cuz i know several people who did..

It is permitted for a Muslim male to marry a Jew, Christian, or Muslim. The scholars say it is ideal to marry a Muslim though since there is a greater chance of basic agreement on how to raise the children.

A Muslim female is only allowed to marry a Muslim male. The rules for a Muslim man are very strict when it comes to his behavior and obligations towards his wife. If the man is not Muslim there is no way to expect or enforce these requirements from him.

It's not a matter of "bad" it is the direct commands from Allah swt and we should not transgress them.

 

[ShyHijabi]

:salam2:



No Sister, I may warn you, the sentence you said is against Islam. A Muslim Man cannot Marry a Jew, Christian or a Mushrik woman. It is unlawful to marry a mushrik and a disbeliever woman. She is unclean to him. If a Muslim man gets children from a mushrik woman, Allaah will never forgive him, it will be a big deal at the day of Judgement, unless if a Muslim man realizes that he has done wrong. Similarly, It is unlawful for a muslimah to marry a mushrik man.

Not true brother.

What is the ruling on marrying a Jewish or Christian woman? Are the Jews and Christians of this age regarded as people of the Book or as mushrikeen?.


Praise be to Allaah.

Marriage to a Jewish or Christian woman is permissible according to the view of the majority of scholars. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (7/99):

There is no difference of opinion among the scholars concerning the permissibility of marrying free women of the people of the Book. Among those from whom this view was narrated are ‘Umar, ‘Uthmaan, Talhah, Hudhayfah, Salmaan, Jaabir, and others.

The rest of the daleel can be found here:
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/44695/marrying%20jew%20christian

A Muslim man is allowed to marry a female that is Al-Kitaab. I am not stating anything against Islam. Rather to say opposite would be an attempt to make haraam that which is halaal.

 

[doctor38]

:salam2:



No Sister, I may warn you, the sentence you said is against Islam. A Muslim Man cannot Marry a Jew, Christian or a Mushrik woman. It is unlawful to marry a mushrik and a disbeliever woman. She is unclean to him. If a Muslim man gets children from a mushrik woman, Allaah will never forgive him, it will be a big deal at the day of Judgement, unless if a Muslim man realizes that he has done wrong. Similarly, It is unlawful for a muslimah to marry a mushrik man.

Bukhari you are wrong. Muslim Men are allowed to Marry Jew and Christian women.

 

[Asiya-sparkles]

The case as described shows that this particular man is following his desire. Preferring a (possibly) Hindu who might become a Muslim does not propose any competition to an already Muslim woman.

He should be told clearly that his marriage to a Hindu woman is prohibited and if he insists and proceeds with the marriage then he is in fact committing Zinaa (fornication). If, however, the woman becomes a Muslim and he marries her, then there is nothing wrong and you should not intervene.

If telling him nicely doesn't work, it might help to get more serious. If he still insists after this, you may ignore him.

Assalam alaikom wa rahmat allahi wa burrahktohu,
I would amend this advice just slightly, as a female without any legitimate reason to have contact and as a sister who would desire contact with this brother in a halal way, I would strongly suggest that you pass this concern on to the community Imam who should advise the brother accordingly. One reason is because he is more likely to respond with wisdom and the other is because you wont be the cause of bringing him bad news (it may be that at some point in the future he reconsiders your proposal inshallah)

After having advised the Imam (if not directly then via a letter but with honourable communication - so speak of your brother in a way that he would like and consider his intentions in the best light - you also cannot know the intentions of this woman, her conversion may turn out to be a blessing for her - and that is the best outcome) then you should remove yourself from this situation as at the moment you are also likely to be involved in fitnah, this wont be good for you and may cause harm to your reputation along the way.

Allah knows best, but please, be patient and realise that indeed, Allah azza wa jal and He does know best and do what is best for you sister.

Fi amanillah

 

[MzAmerykah]

Assalam alaikom wa rahmat allahi wa burrahktohu,
I would amend this advice just slightly, as a female without any legitimate reason to have contact and as a sister who would desire contact with this brother in a halal way, I would strongly suggest that you pass this concern on to the community Imam who should advise the brother accordingly. One reason is because he is more likely to respond with wisdom and the other is because you wont be the cause of bringing him bad news (it may be that at some point in the future he reconsiders your proposal inshallah)

After having advised the Imam (if not directly then via a letter but with honourable communication - so speak of your brother in a way that he would like and consider his intentions in the best light - you also cannot know the intentions of this woman, her conversion may turn out to be a blessing for her - and that is the best outcome) then you should remove yourself from this situation as at the moment you are also likely to be involved in fitnah, this wont be good for you and may cause harm to your reputation along the way.

Allah knows best, but please, be patient and realise that indeed, Allah azza wa jal and He does know best and do what is best for you sister.

Fi amanillah

:salam2:

Thank you for your advice. I live in a large US city, so there is no "community imam" so to say. Also, we do not go to the same masjid. I have thought about speaking to the imam at my masjid, but I am not sure if the brother would be willing to speak with him.

So I have resolved that it is probably best that I just continue to pray on the matter and not say anything further to him. He comes from a Muslim family; I am actually friends with his sister. So I am sure that I cannot be the only person who sees the wrongdoing here. Maybe there is something that I do not know about the situation. Perhaps, the girl is sincerely planning to revert. For that I pray. And if he were to reconsider me, I am not sure that I'd be on board with that because of the evident issue with his character. It scares me to know that the brother says he is willing to risk the fire for this.

 

[ozmiester786]

Firstly, emotional and rational thoughts are to be served separately on the table, not medium or done but rare. There are certain etiquettes in terms of addressing oneself to a prospective partner and I feel in my area (not that i'm saying you have transgressed sister) bro's and sis's go about the wrong way of approaching marriage. There are various factors that hinder this rather largely talked about issue, but i personally agree that it comes down to lack of education being passed down the ranks, understanding of the issue or miscomprehension from elders/scholars. But this is a story for another time and place. Back to the topic at hand:

So he intends to marry someone else, how does that now become your issue? At that point in time both parties should've walked separate ways and that would've been the end of that. Ok sure you've highlighted what danger he is putting himself into by marrying a female who is of non-ahlil-kitab but you have done your part by raising this to his attention. Remember Allah guides whom He wills & that power is undoubtedly beyond our grasp. You are in an emotionally frail state, i don't blame you i've seen many brothers and sisters tread the same path then realising further down the track the mistakes they've made. But alhumdolilah we can take this as a learning curve and progress from it inshallah ta'la. Trust me sister tawakul is with Allah (swt) and i'm positive if you follow that golden rule He'll be sure to send you someone with much better aklaaq, adaab etc. My two cents. ma'salam.

 

[MzAmerykah]

Firstly, emotional and rational thoughts are to be served separately on the table, not medium or done but rare. There are certain etiquettes in terms of addressing oneself to a prospective partner and I feel in my area (not that i'm saying you have transgressed sister) bro's and sis's go about the wrong way of approaching marriage. There are various factors that hinder this rather largely talked about issue, but i personally agree that it comes down to lack of education being passed down the ranks, understanding of the issue or miscomprehension from elders/scholars. But this is a story for another time and place. Back to the topic at hand:

So he intends to marry someone else, how does that now become your issue? At that point in time both parties should've walked separate ways and that would've been the end of that. Ok sure you've highlighted what danger he is putting himself into by marrying a female who is of non-ahlil-kitab but you have done your part by raising this to his attention. Remember Allah guides whom He wills & that power is undoubtedly beyond our grasp. You are in an emotionally frail state, i don't blame you i've seen many brothers and sisters tread the same path then realising further down the track the mistakes they've made. But alhumdolilah we can take this as a learning curve and progress from it inshallah ta'la. Trust me sister tawakul is with Allah (swt) and i'm positive if you follow that golden rule He'll be sure to send you someone with much better aklaaq, adaab etc. My two cents. ma'salam.

:salam2:

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it. However, I think you may have read too far into the matter. If you look back at my original post, I wanted to know if I had done anything wrong by telling him that marrying a Hindu woman is wrong according to Islam because the brother said that I was attacking his iman. This post has nothing to do with the approach to marriage or the fact that he is marrying someone else. So, you are right, that is not my issue.

 

[allah is with me]

sister what ever you did was right..
but, sister , even after you say, and even to that if he does not listen to you, then its better you ignore him..
i know it hurts because one of our ummah is going astray,but we cant help it....
try your level best sister, i say you 'NEVER GIVE UP' try how much you can, and remove him from that evil things...
but, if he does not agree, then leave him on his way..
its better he understands...

 

[MzAmerykah]

Well, I know this may well be resolved but, I got something to say. I think you were wrong, and I think you were attacking him. I don't even know what iman means, I am not muslim. However I think it was pretty childish of you to do that. He's a grown man, whos in love, and obviously the love has transcended whatever he may feel about the marriage religously at the moment.

From what you have posted, it is quite clear to me that you care more about satisfying yourself and religious beliefs than actual love and someone elses personal feelings. If you wanted to marry him, and actually loved him you would understand that. Since I am not muslim, I do admit, I am lacking in knowledge in certain areas.

It is clear as well, that he has no feelings for you, and you don't have any loving feelings for him, certainly none that actually go to something as serious as marriage. This is evident because when you protested, all you had was religous mumbo jumbo to tell him, you said nothing of you're feelings for him, did'nt tell him about any good times you may have had, how you had grown to love him, etc.

Instead, here, from you're own words, was the gist of the argument, (him) I love this girl, I am going to marry her. (You) No, marry me or you'll go to hell. See the difference, maybe he is a firm believer in Islam but if he is willing to "risk the fire" for this women than thats love. In my opinion, you owe him a sincere apology, since from the gray area it looks like you made a last ditch effort to keep something you figure is yours.

If I seem blunt or rude, sorry, its just my personality, I don't mean any offence. Just my opinion. Take care ok

Thank you for your response. I did not find it rude, but I always find it interesting when people (in general) express their opinions on topics in which they have no knowledge. Because you are not Muslim, there are some nuances that you aren't aware of when it comes to marriage in Islam, i.e. marriage is half our deen (religion), there is no dating in Islam, etc. While I appreciate your opinion, I posted the question on this site to find out if Islamically I had attacked his iman (faith). Furthermore, the gist of the conversation was exactly as I typed it in the original post, not as you have put it. (The convo took place via email, as I previously pointed out.)

 

[MzAmerykah]

Although he has been very rude in some other posts, I am afraid that I agree with Tacoscent in this matter. This man is in love with the Hindu women, and knows that she is a Hindu. You have already told him that this marriage is against the Islam religion, so he knows that he is going against his religion if he marries her. Continuing to argue with him about the matter or trying to forcibly prevent him would be rude and pointless.

Anyway, the situation reminds me greatly of the Montagues and Capulets from Shakespeare's play 'Romeo and Juliet'. Their stubborness and refusal to accept that a Montague would fall in love with a Capulet resulted in a great tragedy for everyone involved. As Shakespeare put it, in the end 'All are punished'. :-(

I agree that continuing to discuss this with him would be pointless and I actually said in a previous post that I decided to not say anything further to him. The Montagues & Capulets had a family rivalry. This is a little more serious, as we are talking about religion and the fate of our souls as determined by our actions while on Earth.

 

[MzAmerykah]

sister what ever you did was right..
but, sister , even after you say, and even to that if he does not listen to you, then its better you ignore him..
i know it hurts because one of our ummah is going astray,but we cant help it....
try your level best sister, i say you 'NEVER GIVE UP' try how much you can, and remove him from that evil things...
but, if he does not agree, then leave him on his way..
its better he understands...

:salam2:
Thank you for your response. You are absolutely right; it is very sad to see a member of our beautiful ummah go astray! But we can't worry about everyone else, when we have ourselves to worry about.

 

[BetAmakeR]

Nothing much to say but surely Allah will reward u for your good deed (warning marrying idolatress)

 

[allah is with me]

:salam2:
Thank you for your response. You are absolutely right; it is very sad to see a member of our beautiful ummah go astray! But we can't worry about everyone else, when we have ourselves to worry about.

yes sister you are right..
allah closes the hearts of those who have no fear towards allah....
just pray for that person, thats we an do..