Hello Everyone

[trying2learn]

My name is Nicole, and I am 25 years old. I was raised a protestant christian, and I am married to a wonderful man who is a muslim. Together we have two children Rasha (who is 3 but will turn 4 next month) and a son Sami (who is 1 but will be two next month. I am currently attending college online to get a bachelors degree in psychology. I am in the preocess of converting to Islam now (I know it sounds weird but I am learning as much as I can before I convert so I can have a good understanding). My family has no idea, (many stopped speaking to me because I married a muslim man, and some like my father still speak to me but make it a huge talking point to say they hate my husband soley because he is arab and muslim) This hurts me and hurts my heart for my children seeing on how they are half-arab and muslims. I don't know how to approach my family about me wanting to convert. My husbands family has been fantastic, in fact I think I shocked them when I told them I wanted to convert (I had been asked twice in 6 years about converting and I told them no both times). I just need some advice on how to handle one's family after converting, especially since most of them believe stereotypes. ( I have tried for 6 years and before to help them get rid of the stereotypes but to no avail).

Oh, I apologize if I have already posted this, with my young children, all the household chores, school, learning arabic and Ramadan my mind is very hectic! Thank you ahead of time for reading my story, I don't know what to do. All I know is I am going to convert, my family will not change my mind, but I don't want to lose them. Thanks again!

 

[elysetexel]

Salaam aleikum

And welcome on this forum.
Hopefully your family is in good health.
Family can be hurt by our discissions and choises, but someday they will see that everything isn't changed.
Iam so happy for you that you want to convert! It was the best choise in my live and I hope that everybody's family here will understand later on.


ma al salama

 

[Al-Kashmiri]

Dear Nicole,

Welcome to TTI. I'm pleased to here you're interested in Islaam and thinking about making that big step. Don't worry, you're idea of trying to gather as much knowledge as you can before you convert appears to be rather normal. However, there is no harm in converting and learning at the same time. In fact it is probably better for you contrary to common belief (that one needs to know loads to be a Muslim).

The situation you've described can be tough as I'm sure you're aware and have experienced. If you feel worried about your family, you can always put them off and not let them know, until you feel comfortable, confident and ready.

Whatever the decision, you've come to the right place (inshaa' Allaah), as our community has plenty of revert Muslim women, many of whom share experiences like yours. I'm sure that they can provide better help and advice than me.

 

[sister herb]

:salam2:

Welcome to TTI forum. Hopely you will find this informative.

from your (also revert) sister

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

sweet sister Nicole,

i'm very pleased to kno that you have decided to revert to islam.it's going to be wonderful for you inshallah(Allah's willing.my best wishes are with you.

you have come to the right place.we have a lot of sweet revert sisters(two already welcomed you) and they can give you good advice on your family problem.

i hope that you enjoy your stay with us and benefit from everyones contributions here.welcome!!to your very own TTI family

take care,

All the best.

 

[trying2learn]

I never felt anything in the religion that my parents practiced, (Protestant Christianity-Presbyterian), I appreciated their efforts but I always had so many questions that could not be answered. I felt as if I was the odd man out so to speak. I felt like an outsider, like no one wanted me or needed me. I had a hard life, and it made me question if there truly was a God and if there was why he allowed a child to endure so much hardship. I will tell you a little about my life. I was born 3 months premature to teenage parents who were forced to get married because of the pregnancy. I almost died as a newborn. My parents fought alot, and my mom was an alcoholic and drug addict, and my father worked 12 hours a day. This left me to care for my 1 year old brother (unitl he was 2 1/2) by myself, and Iwas 5 and 6 years old, making sure he was fed and clean and changing his diapers. My parent divorced when I was 6, and I lost my mother (we were not allowed to see her anymore). My father got a new girlfriend and we moved in with her, she cut all my hair off like a boy, and punished me constantly. She would tell lies about me to my father and urge him to beat me. They eventually got married and the abuse got worse, she called me horrible names, and beat me, she even choked me once and I thought I was going to die. I was 16 at this point. I was punished starting at the age of 12 by not being allowed to leave my room or talk to anyone in the family, I was not allowed to eat with the family, I had to eat alone, after cleaning up after them when they were done eating. But even then I was not allowed to eat what they had, I had to make something for myself. I was not allowed to use the stove, and ended up eating peanut butter sanwhiches or hotdogs everynight for 5 months. I was finally able to leave my fathers home and live with my grandparents. Shortly after moving in with my grandparents my grandmother (who was my angel on earth, and my best friend) was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer and I had to watch my best friend die, I watched her draw her last breath and I saw the life leave her body, she was the first person whom I had ever loved with my entire heart that had died. During this time I was being molested by an uncle, and no one believed me (at this point I was 17-19 years old). I became engaged to who I thought was a great guy. We had everything bought for the wedding and 4 months before the wedding he pressured me into sex. I gave in thinking we only had four months until the wedding, and he was my first. He broke up with me not even a month later and called the wedding off. During all this time I prayed for God to help me, I prayed to Jesus to help me. I begged, I cried. No help ever came, and I turned away from religion. I found my real mother and moved 500 miles away from everything I ever knew to be near her. I met my husband 3 days later. And we have 2 beautiful children, and he is the one who asked me to learn about Islam. With the help of books, the internet and his family I did learn and I am learning. The more I learned about Islam the more I could feel the ice melting from my heart. Things aren't peachy in my life yet. Yes I have a wonderful husband and my two darling children whom I should have never had according to many doctors and many medical tests. But my father still does not talk to me, he never talks to or sees his own grandchildren, purely because of his hate towards my husband for being arab and muslim. This still brings great pain to my heart for my children and for the fact this man is still my father. I cannot change him as much as I wish I could. And no matter what I say to him to help him have a better understanding of Islam his eyes are shut and his ears are closed to the information. I am thankful for what I do have, and I am so thankful that I found Islam, it has brought me peace and a love I never felt with the religion of my parents. Thanks for reading I wanted to add to my story in case it could help someone else, inshaAllah.

 

[arzafar]

I never felt anything in the religion that my parents practiced, (Protestant Christianity-Presbyterian), I appreciated their efforts but I always had so many questions that could not be answered. I felt as if I was the odd man out so to speak. I felt like an outsider, like no one wanted me or needed me. I had a hard life, and it made me question if there truly was a God and if there was why he allowed a child to endure so much hardship. I will tell you a little about my life. I was born 3 months premature to teenage parents who were forced to get married because of the pregnancy. I almost died as a newborn. My parents fought alot, and my mom was an alcoholic and drug addict, and my father worked 12 hours a day. This left me to care for my 1 year old brother (unitl he was 2 1/2) by myself, and Iwas 5 and 6 years old, making sure he was fed and clean and changing his diapers. My parent divorced when I was 6, and I lost my mother (we were not allowed to see her anymore). My father got a new girlfriend and we moved in with her, she cut all my hair off like a boy, and punished me constantly. She would tell lies about me to my father and urge him to beat me. They eventually got married and the abuse got worse, she called me horrible names, and beat me, she even choked me once and I thought I was going to die. I was 16 at this point. I was punished starting at the age of 12 by not being allowed to leave my room or talk to anyone in the family, I was not allowed to eat with the family, I had to eat alone, after cleaning up after them when they were done eating. But even then I was not allowed to eat what they had, I had to make something for myself. I was not allowed to use the stove, and ended up eating peanut butter sanwhiches or hotdogs everynight for 5 months. I was finally able to leave my fathers home and live with my grandparents. Shortly after moving in with my grandparents my grandmother (who was my angel on earth, and my best friend) was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer and I had to watch my best friend die, I watched her draw her last breath and I saw the life leave her body, she was the first person whom I had ever loved with my entire heart that had died. During this time I was being molested by an uncle, and no one believed me (at this point I was 17-19 years old). I became engaged to who I thought was a great guy. We had everything bought for the wedding and 4 months before the wedding he pressured me into sex. I gave in thinking we only had four months until the wedding, and he was my first. He broke up with me not even a month later and called the wedding off. During all this time I prayed for God to help me, I prayed to Jesus to help me. I begged, I cried. No help ever came, and I turned away from religion. I found my real mother and moved 500 miles away from everything I ever knew to be near her. I met my husband 3 days later. And we have 2 beautiful children, and he is the one who asked me to learn about Islam. With the help of books, the internet and his family I did learn and I am learning. The more I learned about Islam the more I could feel the ice melting from my heart. Things aren't peachy in my life yet. Yes I have a wonderful husband and my two darling children whom I should have never had according to many doctors and many medical tests. But my father still does not talk to me, he never talks to or sees his own grandchildren, purely because of his hate towards my husband for being arab and muslim. This still brings great pain to my heart for my children and for the fact this man is still my father. I cannot change him as much as I wish I could. And no matter what I say to him to help him have a better understanding of Islam his eyes are shut and his ears are closed to the information. I am thankful for what I do have, and I am so thankful that I found Islam, it has brought me peace and a love I never felt with the religion of my parents. Thanks for reading I wanted to add to my story in case it could help someone else, inshaAllah.

:salam2:

that's a very sad life experience indeed. i think you should say your shahdah immediately. Allah has had mercy on you and you finally have the greatest opportunity.

with regards to your family you have to fulfill your rights towards your parents as that is obligatory. But you shouldn't let their behavior become an obstacle in your conversion. You must realize that kaafirs will hate islam no matter what. Generally speaking kaafirs hate islam and therefore the muslims too (rather than it being the other way around as is commonly understood). This fact is mentioned in the quraan in several places. Moreover, this is a perfectly natural phenomena; i mean it's hard to explain but when you do become a muslim you will realize why.

 

[trying2learn]

How do I honor my father when he is the way he is, and having turned his back on me?

 

[arzafar]

How do I honor my father when he is the way he is, and having turned his back on me?

you must obey him in everything that doesnt go against Islam or your own rights.

 

[MohammedMaksudul]

How do I honor my father when he is the way he is, and having turned his back on me?

:salam2:

Allah (s.w.t) say's that we can not even express feelings of irritation to our parents. But speak kindly to them and obey them. But yes we can not obey them, if they ask us to disobey Allah. Sister, when creating a list of priority of love in our life, Allah (s.w.t) and His Rasul :saw2: has to be on the top and then the rest (like family , friends, etc). If our parents ask us to disobey Allah (s.w.t) or His Rasul :saw2: then we have to try to speak to them kindly and make them understand. But, if they persist on saying bad things and being resilient to Islam we also have to persist in giving dawa'h to them (i.e. inviting them to Islam). And leave the rest on Allah. But remember, you can not disobey Allah or his messenger :saw2: to please your family. If they hate you for accepting Islam and move away from you, it is their loss and not yours. You should still then try to speak to them and be kind to them. Show them that no matter how much they try to show hate to you (they may insult you and behave so bad that might hurt you a lot), show them love and kindness. Allah willing, they will one day realize the truth and repent.

And yes, don't wait any more sister. You never know when death comes, so don't waste a single second. Say your shahada and become a Muslim. So that you may be saved from Hell fire and entered into everlasting Paradise.

 

[MohammedMaksudul]

:salam2:

Sister, I feel really sorry for you. Sister, Allah tests us and that is the purpose of this world. I am sure if you surrender to Allah with full devotion, Allah willing you will be given so much happiness that will never end, The Paradise. A man who was the happiest man on earth would be shown a glance of hell and he would be asked what do you think of your life on earth? He would say, my life was the worst. A man who was in most severe pain on earth, will be asked the same question after shown a glance of heaven. Then, he will say my life on earth was the happiest. So, sister don't lose hope and don't be sad. Endure your situation patiently and with tolerance and be steadfast. I am sure you have been patient all along, otherwise you wouldn't have come this far. InshAllah, your two children will be blessed to be very good Muslims and you and your family will be blessed with prosperity and InshAllah one day you will have no sorrow or regrets. Alhamdulillah.

 

[xAllahKnowsBestx]

:salam2: sister!

That's such a sad story, brought tears to my eyes. But I'm so happy for you!! Mashallah. You should be proud of yourself cuz Allah obviously loves you a lot and has guided you throughout that horrible past!

 

[Munawar]

:salam2:

And yes, don't wait any more sister. You never know when death comes, so don't waste a single second. Say your shahada and become a Muslim. So that you may be saved from Hell fire and entered into everlasting Paradise.

:salam2:
Brother Mohammad the sister has already comverted to Islam. She is a Muslimah. :ma:

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=72593
----

Sister Nichole, your story is really sad. But Allah has now given you peace and happines and a good husband and wonderful children. Be thankful to Allah and try to do what He commands regarding one's parents.
I know it is difficult but Paradise is not cheap. Any good you will do will not go to waste.

 

[a_stranger]

Dear sister: be sure that all your sufferings will be your way to Paradise . Now your shown clearly how ugly is to be ignorant of the purpose of life and how beautifull Islam is . Come closer to Allah by prayers and Duaa :tti_sister:and your hear will be brightened and you will forget all those sufferings . I pray that Allah reward you in Firdowes Alaala.