help please

[amyaishazouaoui]

In this query is a message for us all. Firstly the difficulties of life should not be the reason why we should stray. The rewards of being stead fast are so huge that the trials in reality are minuscule in comparison. I know that is easier said than faced. May Allah grant us all patience. Pause however for a minute; let us take some time out from our life, think and we realize we are worthy of nothing. The pleasures of paradise and the rewards therein are not a deserved right. Far from it! In fact we are usually rewarded in this life it self. So let us all be patient. Verily after every difficulty there is relief. Do we not trust the Lord?

We must also look at another issue and that is of the level of care and support we provide to the new members of our community. We must look at the example of the Ansar of Medina. They opened the doors of their houses, the fruits of their crop and even a share in their properties to the refugees from Mecca. Do we provide any support at all to the new converts/reverts?

:salam2:

Sadly very few people help us the way we should be helped, we end up helping each other and sticking together.


WRT the thread. Try and get her to keep her child, I know it probably doesnt seem like it for her now but there is so much blessing in having a baby, it changes your life.

There is financial help available from the ummah, I suggest you look at places like the central mosque.

Do not worry about other finances either, there is alot of help young mothers can get from the state. Inshallah she will be suitable for income suport until her child is 16 and she can train and get a job by then anyway. Its not easy I know but inshallah she will get there.
Benefits are enough to live on anyway.

A mothers love is something special, if she aborts her child she will for ever be thinking what if??
If she keeps him/her she will see smiles, little teeth appearing.
I have a 6 months old boy and mashallah i couldnt be without him, he is what I am living for at the moment (after Allah). We sit there laughing at eachoher, and nothing is funny, its so, subahanallah amasing. My life isnt easy and I am going through such a big test, he is what is keeping me going.

All I keep reminding myself of when i get tired and things get hard is that I will be rewarded inshallah.

Things have been really testing lately but alhamdulillah my iman is getting better, there is only comfort with Allah.

INshallah I will remember her in my dua. :tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister:

 

[sista sahra]

jazakullah,

inshallah i hope allah makes things more easy for u 2!

 

[visionusman]

:salam2:

Sadly very few people help us the way we should be helped, we end up helping each other and sticking together.


WRT the thread. Try and get her to keep her child, I know it probably doesnt seem like it for her now but there is so much blessing in having a baby, it changes your life.

There is financial help available from the ummah, I suggest you look at places like the central mosque.

Do not worry about other finances either, there is alot of help young mothers can get from the state. Inshallah she will be suitable for income suport until her child is 16 and she can train and get a job by then anyway. Its not easy I know but inshallah she will get there.
Benefits are enough to live on anyway.

A mothers love is something special, if she aborts her child she will for ever be thinking what if??
If she keeps him/her she will see smiles, little teeth appearing.
I have a 6 months old boy and mashallah i couldnt be without him, he is what I am living for at the moment (after Allah). We sit there laughing at eachoher, and nothing is funny, its so, subahanallah amasing. My life isnt easy and I am going through such a big test, he is what is keeping me going.

All I keep reminding myself of when i get tired and things get hard is that I will be rewarded inshallah.

Things have been really testing lately but alhamdulillah my iman is getting better, there is only comfort with Allah.

INshallah I will remember her in my dua. :tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister:

Assalamualaikum. It is probably quite unlikely the muslim community will wake up suddenly to all of its combined responsibilities. However as individuals we should do our best. Do you have any specific ideas about things we should do?

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

Assalamualaikum. It is probably quite unlikely the muslim community will wake up suddenly to all of its combined responsibilities. However as individuals we should do our best. Do you have any specific ideas about things we should do?

:salam2:

Well Mr GP is ermmmmm kinda loking into things. had this master plan, but im on "pause" at the moment due to my situation. But inshallah when it improves I will be on task.

There are small groups all over the coutry who help muslims, but none of us know about each other. Is quite difficult when for example we get contacted by a sister in oxford who need help!!!! We've even helped a sister in brighton!!!

Its a great problem. There are even many groups in birmingham, I will give you an example of our issue....

....a group was set up last year and a sister went to the stall at an event and asked if she could help out and also inform her of our group that has been going for a few years...... the sister at the stall pretty much blanked her and began talking to the next person that came, they werent even intereted in anything.

We alhamdulillah have been lucky and recieved a government grant because of the place we meet in birmingham. This has allowed us to purchase books that we can all use and inshallah benefit from and also provide some activity materials for the kids, such as a paracute and paints etc.

We need to unite and forget about our differences and also have one goal, to support each other for the sake of Allah. Some groups have been eager to help out but organise events where their "tareeka" is promoted.

The main problems i have come across with reverts are:

Housing - sisters get thrown out of their homes (particularly asians) and its much harder for sisters to make them selves known to the ummah,we cant exactly go to the mosque at every salat and get to know the community easly. Therefore not really getting the support we need!!

relationships - sister are generally weaker and get into trouble easily. If they can have somewhere safe and stable to go, they are less likely to "fall for the wrong guy" / marry just because they need to be looked after, even if they are not ready, many sisters feel that they have to, just to have ome stability, they end up in relationships where they are abused used etc, and when they come out of them, they need looking after them again.

places to go to learn islam and not culture. - and also place they can go/people to ask where they can get a correct answer without feeling shy or have taboos.
That is self explanitory - if birmingham didnt have Abu Usamah, i dont know where i'd go for help/talks/info etc!!!

there you go a little introduction...

 

[visionusman]

I totally agree sister amyaishazouaoui. Of course we need to look at the bigger picture. Do let me know if there is ever any thing I can do to help any one you think needs some kind of support.

Or for that matter if any one else needs any help. A brother could get in touch directly I guess and a sister could get in touch with another sister or an organisation, who could in turn ask us all for contributions in any way (could be material, financial or physical).

 

[sista sahra]

salaam,

i was jus reading ur reply 'Housing - sisters get thrown out of their homes (particularly asians) and its much harder for sisters to make them selves known to the ummah,we cant exactly go to the mosque at every salat and get to know the community easly. Therefore not really getting the support we need!!'

thats so true! even tho this sista was not trown out of her house as she has her own, she does not hav any other sista to talk to besides me! and mayb if there were more sista's in her life she would hav the encouragement of following the deen more better! and it is very hard to make new friends i only meet her at my work placement!

 

[suryani]

i jus want to say to Wiseguy74 about her getting married to this guy, i think thats the last thing she wants to do, he is the cause for all this, as in he does not help her psycally, intellectally,socially or emotionaly!

he reverted a couple of years ago and did not teach her about the deen, the already have a child together and he does not provide for them, i hav adviced her to live him!


Assalamualaykum,

Your bell ends, if you think that he is the sole cause of this situation. ‘It takes 2 to tango’, like it or not she is also the contributing factor to this situation.

Allahamdolillah! It would be great, if they do get married, repent together, and start a new. Nevertheless, if they do get married, for the sake of getting married and end up causing further damages and sending each other to nebulous directions. Should they then, still be encouraged to get married?

Even with the existence of their 1st child, he is still not ready to be a dad what more a husband. He is not budging, regardless of what you do/say to invoke some form of common sense and responsibility (for e.g. poked his eyes, smacked him around abit, throw a few of ‘Yo Mama’ insults, mess around with his electronic gadgets etc etc etc

Look into your child’s eyes; can you honestly say he is a burden? He will be, only if you believe so.

Responsibility is not the result of maturity, but the cause of it. Responsible to self, responsible for all aspect of our lives and our situation. A parent knows his basic responsibility-period.

From what I understand, she is at a stage where she is fully aware of his shortcomings which is why now with your help she is in search of a more logical and practical solutions for herself and her children.

Planning is the key, so she can work backwards from her intended goals.
In terms of planning, realistic ecology of goals and details.
Seeing them through and what it takes to make it happen.

In her University, they should have an Islamic Society/Student body, approach them. For every organisations/mosques she seeks help from, she has to make sure, to specify to them the type of help she needs?
For e.g. If it is money, then for what purpose?
Tuition fees? Books?
For her 1st child? Schooling? Clothing? Food? Medical?
Rent/Payment for her house? Transportation?
Hospitalisation? Monthly check up?

It is mortifying and ironic that in London with thousands of Muslims, it is still very hard to find a properly functional Muslim Women helpline. I am just very proud of you Sahra for being that helpline

 

[Wiseguy74]

Assalam O Alaikum,

Couples are always like this, today they say I love you tomorrow I hate you and the day after tomorrow I love you.

Sister, both your friend and her boyfriend are newly converts and have done something which certainly Allah(swt) don´t like. To me all this has happened because of the lack of knowledeg of Islam. How would this guy teach your friend Islam when he himself dont know about it. The best among you is the one who is kind to his wife, says our beloved Prophet(pbuh). Did he knew that? I dont think so. (to me they were not living less than a married couple)

You Being a good practising Muslimah should try your best to make them realise what they have done and ask them to repent because Allah(swt) is all forgiving, "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (39:53)

Ask them to think about the child they have and the one who will soon come. InshaAllah. Think about the questions these kids will ask in future. Bring some sensibel people involve in this, those who you think this guy have great respect for. I know its not easy but thats what Islam is all about. You do your best and leave the rest on Allah(swt) because it is Allah(swt) who gives hidayat, "It is not required of thee (O Messenger), to set them on the right path, but Allah sets on the right path whom He pleaseth (2:272)"

Why am I telling you all this? read the following:

In most of their secret talks there is no good; but if one exhorts to a deed of charity or justice or conciliation between men, (secrecy is permissible): to him who does this, seeking the good pleasure of Allah, We shall soon give a reward of the highest (value). (4:114)

Prophet Mohammad(pbuh) asked His companions, "Shall I tell you a virtue better than optional Prayers, Fasting & Charity?" His companions said, " You must tell us that virtue, O Messenger of Allah(swt)! He said : To make peace between people , for hate & mutual conflict uproot good deeds, just as a razor removes the hair.

Certainly, it is allowed to adopt a child in Islam but their are certain terms and conditions for this which I am not in a position to tell you, you should consult your Imam for this.

Wassalam
Brother

 

[Wiseguy74]

Assallaamuailkum,
I thank you, Sister Sahra for offering support and sourcing out solutions to help our newly revert Muslim sister. May ALLAH SWT reward your kindness and effort. Allhamdulillah, now your girlfriend has a new life as a Muslim and as a Muslim mother.

I would like to share with you an experience that I had. A couple of months ago, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. Her Muslim boyfriend didn’t want to get married and had left her. Her Muslim mother told her to have an abortion as she had brought shame to the family. I knew at the back of my mind, if she had really wanted to abort the baby she wouldn’t come to me for opinions or alternative options, as it was clear what was expected of her-to abort the baby.

Yes we all know, she has committed a sin but who are we; only HIS mere creations to judge her or her baby? Here we have an unwed, single Muslim mom to be. She felt ashamed, abandon, frightened, betrayed, angry, worried, sad….. To those emotions I told her to seek refuge in ALLAH SWT for HE knows best, to repent to ALLAH SWT when one recognise and acknowledge her mistakes.
I apologise to all, if what I have said or about to say will offend or upset anyone.

Sister Sahra,
These were the few questions I posted to my girlfriend/conversation that transpired at the initial stage(to the best of my memory);

•To commit a murder you must satisfy 2 elements, the intention to kill and causing of death. You have the intention to abort; and if you go through the abortion you have caused the death. Abortion=Murder? Do you want to murder your own unborn baby?

•What happens during an abortion? Do you know the different types of abortion procedures? In a particular case, the abortion is done with a loop-shaped knife which the Doctor uses to scrape the wall of your uterus; cutting the baby and placenta into smaller parts and pulling them out of your body.

•You moved on, get married but you are not blessed with children. The unborn child was the closest experience to motherhood that you had; a child living, breathing, growing in your belly and you aborted him. Can you then, look back and say that you have made the right decision?

•Do you think that this unborn child will bring you shame? What happens if he grows up to be Imam, Doctor, Teacher or an Engineer who will do well for himself and contribute to other Muslims around him?

•Do you think that this unborn child will be a financial burden? When it is up to ALLAH SWT to decide the rizq for you and your unborn child.

•There are so many childless Muslim couples, why deny them the opportunity and the experience to love and care for this unborn child?

•We named all the sisters & brothers who we knew that have donated their time, effort & money to children of single moms/dads whilst they were at work/university to further their education. We have seen the struggle and yet their children turned out to be intelligent, happy, beautiful Muslim children because of the support they got from the Muslim Community.

I later learned from another friend, that my girlfriend flew thousands of miles just to see me because my opinion mattered a lot to her. I do not know what would have happened; if I had said the wrong things or was too busy to see her that night because she had pre-booked an appointment to have the abortion the next day. Sometimes we unconsciously do not realise, to guide/advice someone to what is correct; is a great responsibility.

Allhamdullilah, Baby Adam is due in couple of weeks, Inchallah we will be seeing him very soon. I pray that your girlfriend and her babies will always be safe, shower with unconditional love and support. You never stand taller until you stoop to help a child. You cannot go wrong when your moral judgment is based on teachings of Islam.

* Mirajmom- You are right, Sister Sahra go seek help from the mosque/professional counsellor, find out what kind of health/legal/financial aid is available for her but it also depends on where she lives too.

Masha Allah Sister May Allah(swt) give us more sisters like you. Ameen