FreedomFighter
Junior Member
:salam2:
no offence intended
As she passed her son’s room one night, Adam’s mother heard a booming voice cry out, “To be or not to be! That is the question.”
“Adam!” said his mother, knocking on the door. “What are you doing in there?”
“Exactly what you told me too,” said Adam. “You said I should stay in my room until I learn how to act properly.”
It was sweltering hot outside. The teacher came into the classroom wiping his brow and said, “Thirty-four today. Thirty-four.”
“Happy birthday to teacher…happy birthday to you..” sang the class.
One night two burglars broke into a house. As they climbed through a window, they suddenly heard the sound of loud voices arguing upstairs.
“Wait a second,” said the first robber, “we can’t rob this family.”
“But why not?” asked the second robber.
“Because,” said the first robber, all chocked up, “it sounds like too much like my home.”
Two mice captured an elephant. The first mouse said to the second, “You guard the elephant while I go get help.”
When the first mouse got back with some friends half an hour later, the elephant was gone.
“What’d you do with him?” asked the first mouse of the second.
“I don’t know where he is!” the second mouse responded.
The first mouse got really angry.
“Don’t you lie to me! I can see that you’re still chewing!”
Ben calls the hospital. He says, “You gotta send help! My wife, Heather, is going into labor!”
The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?”
He says, “No! This is her husband!”
-------------------------
Sam : How am I supposed to write a five page essay about my brain?
Mike : Easy, just hand in five blank pieces of paper.
Student A : How long is it possible for a human being to live without a brain?
Student B : I don’t know. How old are you?
Tommy : I just hired a scientist to clone my dog.
George : How does the dog feel?
Tommy : He is beside himself.
Boy : Teacher, Johny keeps looking at my answers.
Teacher : Don’t worry, he wont find anything.
Student : You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn’t.
Teacher : Did he hurt you?
Student : No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.
Teacher : Sally, use the words ‘depart’, ‘decide’ and ‘deface’ in a sentence.
Sally : Depart of your hair should never hang over decide of deface.
Teacher : Who can tell me what ‘Dogma” means?
Student : It’s a lady dog that’s had puppies, Sir.
Teacher : Name two pronouns.
Student : Who? Me?
Tom : Would you punish someone for something they have not done?
Teacher : Of course not.
Tom : Oh. Good, because I haven’t done my homework.
Student 1 : Why are you going around school telling everyone I’m an idiot?
Student 2 : I’m sorry. Is it supposed to be a secret?
------------------------
Q : What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a computer?
A : A mega-byte!
Q : Why was the thirsty alien hanging around the computer?
A : He was looking for the space bar!
Q : What’s a witch’s favourite PC option?
A : A spell check!
Q : What is a bird’s favourite computer part?
A : A SEEDY Rom!
Q: Why did the spider cross the computer?
A : To get to his website!
Q : What happens when two snails have a fight?
A : They slug it out.
Q : What did the bug say when he hit the windshield?
A : I don’t have the guts to do that again!
Q : What’s the difference between dinosaurs and dragons?
A : Dinosaurs are still too young too smoke.
Q : What did the elephant say to the peanut?
A : I’m nuts about you!
Q : Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
A : Because his Daddy was a Mummy.
Q : Why didn’t the mummy come to the monster party?
A : Because he was all tied up.
Q : Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A : He’s all right now.
Q : Why did the child study in the airplane?
A : He wanted a higher education!
Q : What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A : A walkie-talkie!
Q : What do you call an owl with a sore throat?
A : A bird that doesn’t give a hoot!
Q : Why don’t bats live alone?
A : They like to hang around with their friends.
Q : Why did the pelican refuse to pay for his meal?
A : His bill was too big.
Q : What did the fish say when he hit the wall while he was swimming?
A : Dam!
Q : What part of a fish weighs the most?
A : The scales.
Q : Why does history keep repeating itself?
A : Because we weren’t listening the first time!
Q : Why did the idiot throw his wristwatch out of the window?
A : He wanted to make time fly.
Q : Did you hear about the idiotic ghost?
A : He climbed over the wall.
if you guys want more, let me know
no offence intended
As she passed her son’s room one night, Adam’s mother heard a booming voice cry out, “To be or not to be! That is the question.”
“Adam!” said his mother, knocking on the door. “What are you doing in there?”
“Exactly what you told me too,” said Adam. “You said I should stay in my room until I learn how to act properly.”
It was sweltering hot outside. The teacher came into the classroom wiping his brow and said, “Thirty-four today. Thirty-four.”
“Happy birthday to teacher…happy birthday to you..” sang the class.
One night two burglars broke into a house. As they climbed through a window, they suddenly heard the sound of loud voices arguing upstairs.
“Wait a second,” said the first robber, “we can’t rob this family.”
“But why not?” asked the second robber.
“Because,” said the first robber, all chocked up, “it sounds like too much like my home.”
Two mice captured an elephant. The first mouse said to the second, “You guard the elephant while I go get help.”
When the first mouse got back with some friends half an hour later, the elephant was gone.
“What’d you do with him?” asked the first mouse of the second.
“I don’t know where he is!” the second mouse responded.
The first mouse got really angry.
“Don’t you lie to me! I can see that you’re still chewing!”
Ben calls the hospital. He says, “You gotta send help! My wife, Heather, is going into labor!”
The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?”
He says, “No! This is her husband!”
-------------------------
Sam : How am I supposed to write a five page essay about my brain?
Mike : Easy, just hand in five blank pieces of paper.
Student A : How long is it possible for a human being to live without a brain?
Student B : I don’t know. How old are you?
Tommy : I just hired a scientist to clone my dog.
George : How does the dog feel?
Tommy : He is beside himself.
Boy : Teacher, Johny keeps looking at my answers.
Teacher : Don’t worry, he wont find anything.
Student : You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn’t.
Teacher : Did he hurt you?
Student : No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.
Teacher : Sally, use the words ‘depart’, ‘decide’ and ‘deface’ in a sentence.
Sally : Depart of your hair should never hang over decide of deface.
Teacher : Who can tell me what ‘Dogma” means?
Student : It’s a lady dog that’s had puppies, Sir.
Teacher : Name two pronouns.
Student : Who? Me?
Tom : Would you punish someone for something they have not done?
Teacher : Of course not.
Tom : Oh. Good, because I haven’t done my homework.
Student 1 : Why are you going around school telling everyone I’m an idiot?
Student 2 : I’m sorry. Is it supposed to be a secret?
------------------------
Q : What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a computer?
A : A mega-byte!
Q : Why was the thirsty alien hanging around the computer?
A : He was looking for the space bar!
Q : What’s a witch’s favourite PC option?
A : A spell check!
Q : What is a bird’s favourite computer part?
A : A SEEDY Rom!
Q: Why did the spider cross the computer?
A : To get to his website!
Q : What happens when two snails have a fight?
A : They slug it out.
Q : What did the bug say when he hit the windshield?
A : I don’t have the guts to do that again!
Q : What’s the difference between dinosaurs and dragons?
A : Dinosaurs are still too young too smoke.
Q : What did the elephant say to the peanut?
A : I’m nuts about you!
Q : Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
A : Because his Daddy was a Mummy.
Q : Why didn’t the mummy come to the monster party?
A : Because he was all tied up.
Q : Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A : He’s all right now.
Q : Why did the child study in the airplane?
A : He wanted a higher education!
Q : What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A : A walkie-talkie!
Q : What do you call an owl with a sore throat?
A : A bird that doesn’t give a hoot!
Q : Why don’t bats live alone?
A : They like to hang around with their friends.
Q : Why did the pelican refuse to pay for his meal?
A : His bill was too big.
Q : What did the fish say when he hit the wall while he was swimming?
A : Dam!
Q : What part of a fish weighs the most?
A : The scales.
Q : Why does history keep repeating itself?
A : Because we weren’t listening the first time!
Q : Why did the idiot throw his wristwatch out of the window?
A : He wanted to make time fly.
Q : Did you hear about the idiotic ghost?
A : He climbed over the wall.
if you guys want more, let me know
,
:holaaa:
