How can I honor my Parents and follow Islam

[proudmuslimah]

I need all of your advice.

I am in a difficult position. I reverted to Islam this past summer. My parents (Christians) are 100% against it. They threaten to disown me, and accuse me of alienating my entire family. Their most recent guilt trip has been concerning my grandparents and how they will not understand what they did wrong and why I am dressed so differently...I have attempted on several occasions to have civilized conversations with them about my reasons for converting, but they seem only to yell and beg me to forget Islam. I feel they are very effected by the media and the negative light Islam is portrayed. They believe Islam to be evil and violent. It pains me so much that they cannot share in my pure happiness and peace.

They also make horrible accusations against my fiancee without knowing him, or wanting to get to know him. They have already refused to be present at any Islamic wedding, and I fear I will deeply offend my future husbands family.

I know it says that I must honor my parents, but how can I do this when their beliefs are so different than my own.

What is worse is the fights are taking place during Ramadan...It is making me feel horrible.

?????

 

[Mabsoot]

Assalamu alaykum sister,

You must have patience and deal with them in a good manner. It is indeed unfortunate that your parents react in such a way.

Hopefully they will change and see that you are a better person. You will always be their daughter and part of their family. There is nothing in the world that can change that. If they truly love you, then they should respect the choice that you made.

Unfortunately, if they do not listen and keep arguing and behaving badly, the better thing for you will be to get married and live elsewhere. There is not much else I can say at the moment.

Allah is the one who guides. InshaALlah i really hope your parents will understand and at the very least respect your decisions.

The believe Islam to be Evil and violent? Muslims are amongst the least violent people. What about all the bloodshed done by Christian countries? or by other terrorist groups? How many people have they killed in Iraq, AFghanistan? George Bush and Tony Blair both say that their Christianity guided them to wage the Iraq war.

Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives, according to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey. (The Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman’s Lifespan: 1998 Survey of Women’s Health, May 1999)

One in five (21 percent) women reported she had been raped or physically or sexually assaulted in her lifetime.


In a national survey of more than 6,000 American families, 50 percent of the men who frequently assaulted their wives also frequently abused their children


Between 1979 and 2001, gunfire killed 90,000 children and teens in America. (Children's Defense Fund and National Center for Health Statistics)

Read This: Terrorism and the Oppression of Women Has Nothing to Do With True Islam.

Ibn `Umar (May Allah bepleased with them) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "A believer continues to guard his Faith (and thus hopes for Allah's Mercy) so long as he does not shed blood unjustly".
[Al-Bukhari].


wasalaam.

 

[Mrmuslim]

I need all of your advice.
I am in a difficult position. I reverted to Islam this past summer. My parents (Christians) are 100% against it. They threaten to disown me, and accuse me of alienating my entire family. Their most recent guilt trip has been concerning my grandparents and how they will not understand what they did wrong and why I am dressed so differently...I have attempted on several occasions to have civilized conversations with them about my reasons for converting, but they seem only to yell and beg me to forget Islam. I feel they are very effected by the media and the negative light Islam is portrayed. They believe Islam to be evil and violent. It pains me so much that they cannot share in my pure happiness and peace.
They also make horrible accusations against my fiancee without knowing him, or wanting to get to know him. They have already refused to be present at any Islamic wedding, and I fear I will deeply offend my future husbands family.
I know it says that I must honor my parents, but how can I do this when their beliefs are so different than my own.
What is worse is the fights are taking place during Ramadan...It is making me feel horrible.
?????

Salaam Alikom Sister,
May Allah give you all the strength to face what you going through with your family, Remember you have this blessed month (Ramadan) make Du'aa and beg Allah to easy the matters between your family and inshallah it will happen.
be kind to them and sweet and firm on what you have choosed, you never know this might be a test from Allah for you.

You are getting rewards while you facing this problems, its hard specially since its coming from 2 closest people in you life. We as born Muslim dont understand what kind of problems the new Muslim face with thier family May Allah help them all.

Remeber Muslims faced the same problem you are facing now from the early time of islam at the time of the Prophet Peace be up on him,His own family and relatives disowned him harmed him in every way they could, they even beat him peace be up on him, he faced a lot of trouble in order to deliever this religion to us.

I will end with the story of Sa`ad ibn Abī Waqqās سعد بن أبي وقاص‎ he was an early convert to Islam

Sa'ad relates:
When my mother heard the news of my Islam, she flew into a rage. She came up to me and said: "O Sa'ad! What is this religion that you have embraced which has taken you away from the religion of your mother and father...? By God, either you forsake your new religion or I would not eat or drink until I die. Your heart would be broken with grief for me and remorse would consume you on account of the deed, you have done and people would censure you forever more.' 'Don't do (such a thing), my mother,' I said, 'for I would not give up my religion for anything.' However, she went on with her threat... For days she neither ate nor drank. She became emaciated and weak."
"Hour after hour, I went to her asking whether I should bring her some food or something to drink but she persistently refused, insisting that she would neither eat nor drink until she died or I abandoned my religion.
I said to her, 'Yaa Ummaah! In spite of my strong love for you, my love for Allah and His Messenger is indeed stronger. By Allah, if you had a thousand souls and each one depart one after another, I would not abandon this religion for anything,'
When she saw that I was determined she relented unwillingly and ate and drank. It was in relation to this that the Qur'anic verse 31:14-15 was revealed

" And if they(parents) contend with you that you should associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them, and keep company with them in this world kindly, and follow the way of him who turns to Me, then to Me is your return, then will I inform you of what you did-- "

May Allah help you in your situation and make it easy on you inshallah

Wa salaam alikom

 

[mosabaig]

Allah is greatest

Assalam O alakum,

After every hardship there is ease,
Like after Ramadam there is Eid,


Keep smiling

 

[Mashkuran]

Salam 3lamkum,
I totally agree that you should have some patience, but we are also told by Allah that those who do not follow the religion of Allah and submit to Islam is not one of our kins, like Nabii Ibrahim (ASWS) and his father, Nabii Noh ( ASWS) and his son, and Nabii Lot( ASWS) and his wife. So if your parents keep interfering in your religion maybe you should try to keep away for a while and just have telephone contacts to see how they are, as that is a duty you should keep towards them, as to hte respect but not to obey them.

 

[yasmin623]

i could understand you...

assalamualaikum...

I could understand you...I am a convert too...Please understand that every hardship Allah swt give us, there will be a great reward behind it...! Please pray to Allah. Let Allah listen to yr sorrow. Ramadan is the holy month that Allah answer our prayer. Perform Tahajjud prayer at midnight and pray to Allah. Look for Lailatul Qadar and pray in the night...Request Allah to soften yr parents heart and most of all lead them to the right path of Islam...

May Allah give you the strength and blessing always,

wassalam,
yasmin

 

[Muslim_Leyla]

Selam my Muslim Sister

selam sister!! i totally understand where your coming from 'coz my friend was a convert too! her parents was against her faith in islam too!! Sadly, her parents never accepted her after she converted into a muslim girl!! Her parents thought she was betraying her family and her ex-religion (Christianity). But if her parents really loved her so much they would have accepted her for who she was!! Some parents accept their kids even when they turn out to be gay...lol!! Now my friend is living happily with her Muslim husband!! she is the mother of 2 beautiful boys!! She has no contact with her parents any more! It was sad that her parents rejected her!! You should still have contact with your parents no matter what you decide to do in your life!! Speak to your parents gently!! Make them understand where your coming from!! Show them that muslims are not terrorists (what da media makes us out to be sadly)!! If your parents are certain that they would not accept you, then you have no choice to turn to Allah (s.w.t)...If someone or something is trying to come between you and your faith in Islam then you chould avoid having contact with that person or thing!! Sometimes we have to do things in life that we don't want to!! Live your life accordingly to the teachings of Islam 'coz that way you will benefit in the next life!! you'll be rewarded with paradise!! You won't know your parents or anyone else in that life!! You came to earth on your own, you'll leave earth on your own!!
Islam is about bringing peace!! Smiling at the face of your enemy...promoting peace even to your enemies!! Good Luck my Muslim Sister!! and I hope that Allah (s.w.t) will bless muslims like you who are in such confusing situations!! Ameen!!

Your Muslim Kurdish Sister Leyla......From London

 

[yasmin623]

Assalamualaikum...

Sister Leyla...Perhaps things are not as simple as you think. I suppose you are a born-muslimah? Or at least you faced no problem in yr convertion to Islam. I do not agree with your friend who lost contact with her parents. She should try to gain back the relationship with her parents so that she could perhaps invite them into Islam one day. It is not easy but we have to try our best and of course do not forget our prayer to Allah.

I do advise Sis proudmuslimah to be patience and take one thing at a time. I talked to my parents about not eating pork first...then slowly not eating other haram meats...then when they accepted...i told them i am gonna fasting in Ramadan...and so on...Of course in the first place, I talked nicely to them before i convert until they, to certain extent, can accept the fact. Today, my parents prepare one set of cooking utensil at home especially for me to use when i am　back to my hometown. It is not easy but it is workable because your parents love you. That`s the reason why they feel so hard to let you `go`. And many of my converts friends are successful... Please do not let go your parents no matter how they treat you...You are their hope to gain way to Jannatul/Paradise...

May Allah make things easy for you...

wassalam,
Yasmin623

 

[Nightwind]

Patience is the key

Assalam alaikum sister,

Patience is the main key. Also, arguments will never help teach them that you have improved your life. My family, my mother, my children all turned away from me when I reverted to islam. They had lived with all the bad press that taught them of the evil and the oppression of women by islam. We who revert know better but the family still need to see for themselves that you are not going to be harmed.

Parents love their children and fear for them. With the world view of Islam at this time, your family are likely terrified for you. I know I worry constantly for my grown sons and even more so for the young ones at home.

Time was of essense for me. I made them know that I loved them and then I gave them the space they needed to think and to watch me and my life from a distance. When they wanted to argue with me over it, I simply smiled, said I loved them then said I will not argue the point. They have their thoughts, I have mine and since we can not agree then it is best to choose civility and compassion than anger and pride. My own mother has no desire to be a Muslim, yet last night when we talked to her in the hospital, she was happy when my husband offered to pray for her.

When people see that you are happier and at peace with yourself, even if they don't agree, they will come around. My family will never change but they have accepted me for who I am and I am a Muslim all the way. We get together for dinners and if I go to their homes there is always halal food for me and my husband.

Kindness will earn you more respect than anger and arguments. Just say Alhamdulillah, pray for them and then live your life in peace. That is what islam is. Respect your family but remember that Allah commands us, obey the parents, UNLESS, they ask you to disobey what Allah has commanded from you. Love them, respect them, give them time. Patience sister. And by te way, a little humor goes a long ways. When they complain that I cover my hair, I simply ask them, when did you get to go out and never worry about having a "bad hair day" ? That usually shuts them up.

 

[Muslim_Leyla]

yasmin623

selam sister yasmin !!! u don't agree with my friend's decision!! if her parents want nothing to do with her what can she do? she tried so hard to get her parents on her side!! she even invited her mother to mosque, which made it worse coz her mother grew more outcast to da teching of islam...there was a fight between hassan (her husband) and her christian brother!! it was a big blow!! for months she tried and she didn't gain anything!! her parents were very selfish and didn't care about their daughter's decision!! they wanted her to be happy!! islam was happiness for her, but her parents hate anything to do with muslims and islam!! her parents told her they don't want to be in contact with her no more....ever since there has been no beep from them!! she is in touch with her brothers, cousins etc. enough is enough!!!

ur muslim sister leyla

 

[zarah]

Assalamu Alaikum



:salam2:

May Allah(Swt) ease yur problems sisters.

Allah(Swt) knows best.

 

[elmorro]

:salam2:


My sister, your parents have the wrong idea of what Islam is about, that's why they are strongly opposing the fact you are now Muslima. Correcting there outlook on Islam is the solution. In an extreme case like this it will take time and a lot of effort. It doesn't have to be by bringing them to the mosque, not at this stage anyway, but by the way you are the Muslima that fears and obbeys the rules of ALLAH. Through that they might see some of the beauty of Islam INSHALLAH. Another thing my sister, the more knowledge you gather about Islam the easier it will be for you to introduce it.

The last thing I would say is it will take time and as it was mentioned before; if your parents love you they will accept you no matter what. The most important thing though is to stay in touch with them.

PS: Thanks alots for this site I am very new to it as I am little new to the language, so excuse my grammar :.)

 

[yasmin623]

My sincere apology...

Dear sis Leyla...

Assalamualaikum...

First of all, my sincere apology if my post did hurt your feelings. To be very honest, I feel sad for your friend too...Things turned out to be like that. Anyway, I am afraid she used the wrong way. At the beginning stage, she should never have a strong move like that because her parents didn`t really agree with Islam at all. I am afraid the best things to be done is to be patient and show her parents that she become happier, better attitude/character, love them deeper. Her husband should also react the same way. I am sorry to say that fighting with her brother is the worst thing to be done. Our Rasul (pbuh) never fight with any kafir like that no matter how they treat him.

A converts has to be very careful in dealing with their non-muslim family. It must be in an appropriate way. One have to try very hard to maintain the relationship for Allah swt ordered us to honour our parents.

I would like to share with you a little story. About 20 over years ago, there was a girl who converted and get married with a muslim man. Her parents strong disagreed with her choice. Because of that, her father was too angry that he felt sick and died. Since then, her family especially her mother can not accept her anymore. Unfortunately, her marriage turned out to be a failure. Her husband got married to another woman and never took care of her and her 3 children. She tried hard to support her children. Alhamdullillah 20over years passed and her children all grown up but she never forget about her mother. She sometimes took a flight back and visited her mother but she was kicked out. Anyway, she tried her best. She banked in money to her mother`s account and her mother finally accepted her money. Over the pass 20 years, without the support of a husband... she never give up...So sister...please compared the situation in this story with the situation of your friend. Think about it.

Of course this is my subjective opinion based on my own experience and observation. Again my sincere apology if it is wrong or it hurt your feelings...I truly hope that your friend can gain back the relationship with her parents...Anyway. please advise her to pray to Allah(swt) for guidance ok...

take care

wassalam,
yasmin