How do I correct myself?

[AshamedlyDefiant]

:salam2:

Hello again. Well, I'm afraid I haven't made much progress at all since we last spoke. I continue not to pray (not even casual duas), haven't given any zakaat, still am sinning left, right, and centre... Outwardly, I remain fairly composed. I greet the other Muslims I pass, hoping that somehow, somewhere down the line something inside of me will click back in place.

I know that deep down my soul is Muslim, but on the surface I manifest Kufr. I know that a part of me is Muslim because I can't seem to go more than 5 minutes (literally) without thinking of God, my future, my current disposition... All day, every day, even in the midst of my sinning.

Something's wrong with me. I don't know exactly what it is, but I have some educated suspicions. I have been diagnosed in the past with an unfortunate mental disposition: a symptom of our times, manifested in my mind as "Bipolar Disorder". Regardless, I see this as a poor excuse for why I don't exercise more self-control. God made me the way I am, for His own reasons, and I should make the most of what I have.

I feel my life falling apart. It's entirely possible that I'm only a few steps away from a complete collapse, a falling from grace, landing me on the streets without food, work, or any person that would care. I don't want this to happen. I'm capable enough not to let this happen, yet I'm acting ignorant enough that it might.

Please God, help me regain my whole sanity again. Help me become a true Muslim again. Steer me away from sin, back to my prayers, and onto the straight path again. Ameen.

I know there isn't much you can do for me, good people of TTI. I know that I must do this myself... but, please, won't you give me some encouragement? Won't you show me some of the Hope that God gives the believers?

I am ashamedly defiant...

 

[Muslimah-S]

Walikumasalam brother
We have ups n downs in life.
I'll give u an example in a picture u need white n grey parts to give u a true picture. So in life we will face good and bad. But Patience (Sabr) and Shukr (Grateful) is the key. Be patient in time of hardship and be grateful in times of happiness. This way all ur worry will be over inshallah.This world has evil, But Allhamdulilha Allah (swt) gave Islam a perfect way to live.
In my oppinoin the best thing for u to do is ask forgiveness as Allah is the Oft Forgiving the Merciful.
Start with the basics again. Read 5 of ur salah with complete devotion. Every day is like a resit of exam, Everyday is an oppertunity to change.
To find rest in ur heart do Zikir (rememberance of Allah) e.g. Subhanallah (Glory to Allah). Fully concentrate and continue to say it till u remember nothing but Allah. Zikir is the Gathering of Angels. As long as u do Zikir the Shatytan cant come to u.

"Those who believe and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction. 13:28

keep in remembrance the name of the Lord and devote thyself to Him wholeheartedly. 73:8

Allah's Apostle (Sal-allahu-aleihi-wassallam) said: If anyone extols Allah (Subhan Allah) after every prayer thirty-three times, and praises Allah (Al Hamd-u-Lillah) thirty-three times, and declares His Greatness (Allah-u-Akbar) thirty-three times, ninety-nine times in all, and say to complete a hundred: "There is no god but Allah, having no partner with Him, to Him belongs sovereignty and to Him to praise due, and He is Potent over everything," his sins will be forgiven even if these are as abundant as the foam of the sea.

Narrated by Abu Hurairah (Razi Allah Ta'lah Anhu); Muslim transmitted it.

Brother

Ur Only hope is Allah never give it up.
Ur only belief is Allah never forget it.
Ur only goal is Allah never leave it.

Heavans full of Hardhips-Struggle to achieve it
Hell is full of desires- Leave it.

If Allah brings u to it Allah will bring u through it. Trust Allah. He alone is enough for u brother.
May Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen

 

[ibn azem]

:salam2:

What can I say to you dear brother? How much did you really prosper living that kind of life till now? Much...little...none?
How about stopping once and reflecting, and I mean really handbrake?!

Are you so weak that you aren't able to start and reflect upon this life, why did Allah create all this, why did He bring you here? You see yourself in this life and confirm it but do not see the reason why! Is that wise?

You were born and found you parents, relatives, this Earth and the whole Universe all, ready for you, and you did nothing to maintain it and neither does anyone else in this world apart from Allah, and you just use all its goods which He gave to you and stopped giving thanks to Him as He deserves it the most!
Now contemplate about life and death, why do we live and die and why will Allah bring us on the Day of Qiyyamah all to account?

Why would tyrans and criminels and sinners (who never repent in their life) be left unpunished?

Why would the pious, sincere, honest and devout people spend all their life in the Path of Allah and then not get paid their due in the Akhirah from Allah? Does that make sense?

Where is the sense anyway - your sense? You are intellegent - as you sound alhamdulillah, and know that there is the truth in you, so why not reveal that whole Truth and set your self free with the permission of Allah?
Why not start and learn about all that from Him - the One Who has the answers -all of them?!

How many people have been through the same stage in life like and have found their strength and peace and reason in their life through what Allaah has tought us in His Qur'an and that which the Messenger of Allah came with!
That is the only healing dear brother and the most effective one wallahi.

Now you expected that I say humble and only kind words to you but you are not impressed by them are you?
You need to wake up finally and give a kick to the Shaytan subhanallah - you make him controll you while you are stronger!

So as a brother is Islam I want you to start today and make a change for good and that with courage and determination - and it will pay of by the will of Allah.

Allah is the Most Merciful dear brother, seek His forgiveness and help sincerely and He will surely grant you help and forgive you as He said so:

"O those of My servants who have transgressed against your own selves, despair not of Allah's mercy. Allah does forgive all sins, for surely He is the most forgiving most merciful one." (39:53)

Assalamu alaykum.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam dear brother,

You've been diagnosed as bipolar, are you medicated? I ask because I think if your body chemistry can be sorted it may help you psychologically. To me you are describing clinical depression. Too many people will not seek the professional that can help with psychological issues because there is a stigma attached to it. Getting medication for a psychiatric issue is the same as a diabetic taking their insulin, there is no shame in it.

If I were you I would do just one prayer a day to start out with...one of the smaller ones such as fajr or mahgrib. We must first try little steps before taking long strides. Your soul is hungering to submit again...that is why you think of Allah swt constantly. As always we are here as your brothers and sisters to listen and help where we can. I will pray for you tonight in mu duas..may Allah ease your path dear brother.

~Sarah

 

[Saifu deen]

:salam2:

Mashallah, you have so much concern about becoming a good muslim, and believe me brother Allah (SWT) can see that, and can hear you sweet intentions of becoming a good muslim.... Remember Allah (SWT) love those who remember Him (SWT) within themselves. Remember that every muslim is here for a test, and you are here to be tested my brother. And the condition that you had, can be treated by Allah (SWT) and then doctors. We as muslims are required to seek medical attention, and we will recieve Ajar from Allah (SWT)..

You are strong my brother and can face it and successed by trusting in Allah (SWT). Remember my brother such a negative feelings pleases shaytan specially if you stop pray. Be optimistic my brother, and refrain from any words or action that can make you feel low, instead say that you have been honoured by Al-mighty (SWT) for being a muslim. The more we feel angry and sadness the easier for shaytan to twist our head. Start by having wudu on continious bases, recite al-kursi, visit the mosque and meet rightious brothers, avoid being alone because it only make us think negatively specially when we are facing calamities, smile my brother , remain in a state of purity ''As Allah (SWT) love those people in a state of purity. Even if you dont pray but have wudu keep saying istagforallah wa atubu illiah,alhamdullah, allah akbar.. Allah (SWT) said with dhikr (rememberance'' people relax despite the calamity upon them... Take a step by step, wudu, remember Allah (SWT), do anything that make you proud of yourself, a new activity sport, meeting brothers for a meal, or recitation of Qu'an. The more you positive, the firmer your step will be, and if you ever thought about negative thing say la hola wa qowata ila billah' and remember one negative thought you are pulling the robe to the wrong side, immediatly think positive because you are strong because you are a muslim... And use the strongest weapon a muslim have Dua ''Supplication to Allah ''...

I love you for the sake of Allah ..

 

[TheHumbleWun]

Asalaamalikum,

My dear brother you are so blessed to have this daily conscious about Allah swt in your day - how can you not. And in this time there are people by whom a complete year passes and they never think about God or fear God.

You didn't find TTI by accident, Allah swt knows your intentions and how gentle your heart is towards Him. Perform your daily salat and read the Quran and reflect deeply on the words - what a better time, especially since Ramadan is right around the neck!

Smile for us

Your brother in Islam
-----------------------------
"And we will surely test you with some fear, hunger and shortages of property, people and produce. But give good tidings to the steadfast. Those who, when a calamity befalls them say: "We belong to Allah and to Him we return." Upon these are prayers from their Lord and mercy and these are the rightly-guided ones" (Al-Baqara 155-157)

 

[wantobeMumin]

Asalamualykum brother

I just saw myself in You. I have been there where you are in wait of something to happen, just a flick that might light up an ever lasting fire, somtheing that might take you so near to Allah that there is no comming back. I have been there where i deny the existence of Him in order to see his sign. I played games with Him, with words, with action. Yet He was with me in my thoughts each and every second. Allah forgive me for being so defainte in past. I have passed that stage Allhamdulila.I dont know what compelled me to reply to ur post but my advice is that you need to ask help from him and please force yourself to pray because Allah dont answer prayers from peaople who dont hold on to thier prayers.InshaAllah this ramazan you can probably get back on track. I dont consider bipolar as a disease, its all in the head. read sura Al Inshirah as much as u can and ask Allah to let u see things correctly and understand them wisely.

I tel u what, expect an answer from Him. I had a dream that i was dead and people refuse to pray namaz e janaza for me and they were kicking me all over my body and instead of feeling any pain i was still begging em to pray for me , but offcourse they cudnt hear me. that dream still gives me chills , i get goosebumps by just remembering it. when i woke up from the dream i saw my mother praying on the floor in my room. i woke up crying and did not stop crying for hours. i knew what it meant ..... it was time to change
:mashallah: when u are thinking about God all the time, u r a good muslim. u just need to do what we are all told to do, pray and ask forgivness.Guaidance is only from Allah.

 

[khalillulah]

:salam2:
brothers and sisters remember him in your prayers.

Astaghfirullah start praying immediately bro.
maasalam.
uzkurnii fii duaaikum.

 

[Southrn_Muslimah]

:salam2: Brother.

What you need is a good support system where you live. I am sure any brother there would be glad to help ya I cut off most of my friendships where there was no motivation. Even though they said supported me, they would make snide remarks. Therefore, I deemed them not genuine. Whenever I felt the way you did my sisters called me nonstop to help rope me back into the folds of Islam. It takes babysteps. When I jumped right into Islam, I almost burned out, but alhamdullilah I took babysteps. I was in that mentality where I was stubborn to Islamic advice. I saw it as they do not like me, but indeed they did like me just wanted me to stay on the straight path. I was still detaching my old self from the new me.

It was a hard path for me in the beginning, but Allah (SWT) has made it easy for me. I do not want to go back to that darkness. YOU have to dig yourself out of the hole. The benefits are great once you see the light.
Start making a to-do list. I have made many and its has helped me tons. If you have difficulty with prayer maybe have a friend every morning call you or pick you up to go to the masjid (then you have no choice )

Babysteps my brother babysteps. I will make du'aa for you, so may see the beauty that I see.


Sarah

 

[Abu-Sayf]

:salam2:

I'm capable enough not to let this happen......

Brother,

With the above statement, there is nothing left to say, we can say all the things you would like to hear, but if you really feel you are capable then what can be said to you. Next time you feel the urge to come on here and ask for help, spend that time doing one of you prayers instead as that is obligatory upon you. If you want Allah to help then you need to make the first step. Allah says:

"....if my servant takes one step towards me, i will run to him...."

So make the initial move, and make it with sincerity, and then do not despair of the mercy of your Lord as he knows what is in your heart.

Wasalaamu Alaikum