How to talk to Parents ???

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Hopetogoparadis

Junior Member
assalam alakum


I understand we should be kind to parents even if they are non muslims. For Muslim parents, but what if we cant be kind to them when they are against our deen ? I mean, when they tell us to do a haram or maybe their view on a issue is against Islam, we can easily get angry (at least for me, i can get angry and not be too calm when i respond to them) This is maybe not because they are against Islam, but maybe out of ignorance or maybe its a test from Allah for us. In the case, when we can not talk to them nicely as we should do, then do you think its better just not to say anything ?

For example, if they tell us ''shave your beard'' again and again, should we just keep being calm instead of saying ''Its Sunnah, you dont understand relgion, what kinda Muslim you are etc etc ?'' because you know, sometimes its irritating and we cant talk to people nice when they say something against our belief. So in such cases do you think its better to be calm and shut up instead of warning our parents with not a loving and kind manner ?
 
hayat84

hayat84

I'm not what you believe
:salam2:brother,I understood your mood,I've passed from there when I began my muslim life.my strenghtness and courage made me pass every obstacle above all with my mum,who I really love very much,but when she tried to put some critics about Islam and muslims,about our way of life,about the fact males make Tahara....I was clear like the water and showed her step by step what Quran says.in a few weeks she changed her way to talk and was really kind toward me and my muslim family,without being harsh,but explaining time by time our reality,even if it seemed to repeat each time the reasons why I've take this choice.you should be delicate,but DIRECT,it doesn't matter if they'll feel disappointed,you have your deen and they have theirs.show them Surat al Kafiroon,with my parents it worked,indeed,my father got interested to Islam and is more close to me about this matter.my mum,alas,she's still far,but she respects me:wasalam:
 
H

Hopetogoparadis

Junior Member
jazakallahkhairan sister, for your story about this : )
But you know, we males are more hot blooded, like we can blow up easily, i guess its different with sisters. You can talk calmly easily, while we are ready to shout and get angry ''nooo, you are wrong, you are doing wrong'' you know what i mean ? Of course its not good at all but... So i would like to hear from brothers as well who kinda had similar issues
 
ilyas_eh

ilyas_eh

Used to be active here!
Hopetogoparadis said:
assalam alakum


For example, if they tell us ''shave your beard'' again and again, should we just keep being calm instead of saying ''Its Sunnah, you dont understand relgion, what kinda Muslim you are etc etc ?''
Click to expand...

wa alaykkum assalaam wa rahmatullah

when we were toddlers they were the one who taught us to say 'la ilaha il-Allah' and now after we gain some knowledge about the deen these waswasa comes to us to ask them these sort of questions. may Allah save us all from hurting our parents. I accept it is harder sometimes. I lose my cool easily too. But never ever go to the extreme of hurting our parents feelings. Until few years back, (if you are a teenager or in 20s) they you knew you more than you knew yourself. may Allah have mercy on our parents.
 
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ismael ibrahim

New Member
Hopetogoparadis said:
assalam alakum


I understand we should be kind to parents even if they are non muslims. For Muslim parents, but what if we cant be kind to them when they are against our deen ? I mean, when they tell us to do a haram or maybe their view on a issue is against Islam, we can easily get angry (at least for me, i can get angry and not be too calm when i respond to them) This is maybe not because they are against Islam, but maybe out of ignorance or maybe its a test from Allah for us. In the case, when we can not talk to them nicely as we should do, then do you think its better just not to say anything ?

For example, if they tell us ''shave your beard'' again and again, should we just keep being calm instead of saying ''Its Sunnah, you dont understand relgion, what kinda Muslim you are etc etc ?'' because you know, sometimes its irritating and we cant talk to people nice when they say something against our belief. So in such cases do you think its better to be calm and shut up instead of warning our parents with not a loving and kind manner ?
Click to expand...
:wasalam:whatever your parents will do for you you don't have an access of desobey them because to get aljaana for children is under the foot of their parents.so you have to be calm in order to get aljaana.
 
A

alaimakhalid6767

Junior Member
Hopetogoparadis said:
assalam alakum


I understand we should be kind to parents even if they are non muslims. For Muslim parents, but what if we cant be kind to them when they are against our deen ? I mean, when they tell us to do a haram or maybe their view on a issue is against Islam, we can easily get angry (at least for me, i can get angry and not be too calm when i respond to them) This is maybe not because they are against Islam, but maybe out of ignorance or maybe its a test from Allah for us. In the case, when we can not talk to them nicely as we should do, then do you think its better just not to say anything ?

For example, if they tell us ''shave your beard'' again and again, should we just keep being calm instead of saying ''Its Sunnah, you dont understand relgion, what kinda Muslim you are etc etc ?'' because you know, sometimes its irritating and we cant talk to people nice when they say something against our belief. So in such cases do you think its better to be calm and shut up instead of warning our parents with not a loving and kind manner ?
Click to expand...

your right we should respect our parent
 
strive-may-i

strive-may-i

Junior Member
:wasalam:

Excerpt: from http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=85120

But the difficulty that Aminah Assilimi had to go through and the sacrifice that she had to make for the sake of her conviction and faith is almost unheard of. There are few who could rely so much on Allah (God) as she did, standing firm and meeting the challenges, making sacrifices, and yet maintaining a positive posture and influencing people around with the beauty of what she found and believed in.

She lost most of her friends, for she was "no fun anymore".

Her mother did not accept her becoming a Muslim and hoped that it was a temporary zeal and that she would soon grow out of it.

Her "mental health expert" sister thought that she lost her mind. She attempted to put her in a mental health institution.

Her father was a calm and wise man. People would come to him for advice and he could comfort anyone in distress. But when he heard that his daughter became a Muslim, he loaded his double-barrel shotgun and started on his way to kill her. "It is better that she be dead rather than suffering in the deepest of Hell", he said.

She was now without friends and without family.

She soon started wearing hijab. The day she put it on, she was denied her job. She was now without family, friends, and job. But her greatest sacrifice was yet to come.

She and her husband both loved each other very much. But, as previously mentioned, while she was studying Islam, her husband misunderstood her apparent changes and they separated.

She could not explain to him what was happening. "There was no way to make him understand what was changing me because I did not know." Eventually he asked her to leave and she started living separately.

After she openly accepted Islam, it went worse. A divorce was now inevitable. This was a time when Islam was little known, much less understood for what it is.

She had two little children whom she loved dearly and whose custody should have rightfully be given to her. But in a grave violation of justice, she was denied their custody just because she became a Muslim. Before giving the formal verdict, the judge offered her a harsh choice: either renounce Islam and get custody of the children, or keep Islam and leave the children. She was given 20 minutes to make a decision.

She loved her children very dearly. It is perhaps the worst nightmare that a mother can have: asked to willfully leave her child — not for one day, month, or year, but forever. On the other hand, how could she keep the truth away from her children and live as a hypocrite?

"It was the most painful 20 minutes in my life", she said in an interview. Those of us who are mothers and fathers, especially of young children, little imagination is needed to feel the pain and torment that she must have passed every second in those 20 minutes. What added further to her pain was that according to doctors, she could never bear another child because of certain complications.

"I prayed like I had never done before. I knew that there was no safer place for my children to be than in the hands of Allah (God). If I denied Him, there would be no way in the future to show my children the wonders of being with Allah."

She decided to retain Islam. Her two dear children – one little boy and one little girl – were taken away from her and given to her ex-husband.

For a mother, is there a sacrifice greater than this – a sacrifice that is done for no material reason but only for faith and conviction?

"I left the court knowing that life without my babies would be very difficult. My heart bled, even though I knew, inside, I had done the right thing." She found comfort in the following verses of the Quran:

[God: there is no god but Him, the Ever Living, the Ever Watchful. Neither slumber nor sleep overtakes Him. All that is in the heavens and in the earth belongs to Him. Who is there that can intercede with Him except by His leave? He knows what is before them and what is behind them, but they do not comprehend any of His knowledge except what He wills. His throne extends over the heavens and the earth; it does not weary Him to preserve them both. He is the Most High, the Tremendous.](Al-Baqarah2: 255)​
 
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