I need some advice on how to make it better between my husband and I. I understand that right now it is ramadan. But the other night my husband invited some of his friends to our house. There was about 8 ppl in our little one bedroom apartment and they was really loud and I couldnt get any sleep because of it. I have to be to work at 6:30 am and they all stayed until 3 am. I didnt go and say anything to any of them or my husband until they all had left. When they did my husband asked me why I had slammed the bedroom door when everyone was here and he was embarrased. I didnt do any such thing. Yes I was mad but I didnt show any of them until they was gone and I said something to my husband. He got mad at me because I said something to him and was upset about it. Im trying to understand but when I get mad I have a problem of yelling and cussing at my husband. He doesnt like it and I try not to do it but he makes me so mad that I have to. That would be the only thing that I am guilty of but I was kept up all night when I had to work the next day. Now hes not talking to me and I HATE IT. How do I fix this problem with him and make it better between us. He is a very head strong person so I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need help
- Thread starter dkader
- Start date
amirah80
*Fear Allah*
:salam2:
Salam Alaikum Sister
You have to refrain from yelling and cursing at your husband. I know you may be upset but yelling and cursing will just create another problem and a resolution for the first problem will not be found. Normally when a husband feels disrespected in that way he shuts down and does not even care to talk about anything with you. So now you have a husband not communicating with you and the problem is still not solved. So yelling is defintely not the way to handle it.
I do not know if this only occurs in Ramadan or not but if it does Alhumdulilah Ramadan will be finished soon. So maybe that will eliminate the late night visitors and you two can go back to what is considered normal for your household.
Also, being you have to go to work and they are making alot of commotion that keeps you up. Just when the guest depart speak to your husband in a gentle manner, explain the problem and ask if the next time they could tone it down. I learned the hard way by not being gentle! What I do know is if you ask your husband something and be calm and in a gentle manner they tend to do alot more and listen to your request.
I am married too and I have had similar problems like this here and there. But, if it is not routine for him to have late visitors I would let it go just to keep the peace.
If you guys are still not communicating I would recommend apologizing and inshallah he will do the same. But, if he does not do not stress yourself about it. Just know when you apologize it was the right thing to do because the way it was handled by you was wrong. I do not know about you but if me and my hubby have a agruement I cannot sleep good.
So I would rather have the friends over a night and not sleep good then have a issue with my husband and get the same thing "no sleep".
Inshallah sis everything will be better. Just try to remain patient and hold your tongue. Sometimes the tongue can get us in alot of trouble.
Salam Amirah80
Salam Alaikum Sister
You have to refrain from yelling and cursing at your husband. I know you may be upset but yelling and cursing will just create another problem and a resolution for the first problem will not be found. Normally when a husband feels disrespected in that way he shuts down and does not even care to talk about anything with you. So now you have a husband not communicating with you and the problem is still not solved. So yelling is defintely not the way to handle it.
I do not know if this only occurs in Ramadan or not but if it does Alhumdulilah Ramadan will be finished soon. So maybe that will eliminate the late night visitors and you two can go back to what is considered normal for your household.
Also, being you have to go to work and they are making alot of commotion that keeps you up. Just when the guest depart speak to your husband in a gentle manner, explain the problem and ask if the next time they could tone it down. I learned the hard way by not being gentle! What I do know is if you ask your husband something and be calm and in a gentle manner they tend to do alot more and listen to your request.
I am married too and I have had similar problems like this here and there. But, if it is not routine for him to have late visitors I would let it go just to keep the peace.
If you guys are still not communicating I would recommend apologizing and inshallah he will do the same. But, if he does not do not stress yourself about it. Just know when you apologize it was the right thing to do because the way it was handled by you was wrong. I do not know about you but if me and my hubby have a agruement I cannot sleep good.
So I would rather have the friends over a night and not sleep good then have a issue with my husband and get the same thing "no sleep".Inshallah sis everything will be better. Just try to remain patient and hold your tongue. Sometimes the tongue can get us in alot of trouble.
Salam Amirah80
F
foxpro
Guest
salamu alykom
sister
her you will find book talk about The Muslim Woman and Her Husband
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?y2ymyynymjo
sister
her you will find book talk about The Muslim Woman and Her Husband
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?y2ymyynymjo
You may or may not want my advice.....I make him so miserable over it he won't THINK to bring his loud friends into the house anymore......I will refuse to cook for them......if it is planned that is one thing but after years of that mess it 's time for them ALL to grow up and go home to their wives. I no longer deal with it.....So they all now go sit at Starbucks even after closing, yes even in the dead of winter.........I started coming out of the bedroom not caring who was in there and telling him to be quiet nice first, then louder, then angry.........The way I see it, I don't invite my friends here he shouldnt' either. We have kids in school and I work early. IT IS HIM WHO NEEDED TO RESPECT THAT! Ask him to take his party somewhere else.
ShyHijabi
Junior Member
Salaam,
It was very inconsiderate for your husband to have a bunch of people over until the crack of dawn while you are sleeping. It sounds like some ground rules need to be established and one of those are a curfew. With the exception of big holidays like Eid and family get togethers (on the weekend) I think you guys should set up a time when only you two are allowed in the home, no one else.
Argueing and yelling won't solve the problem and when it happens again it will just continue the cycle. If you have to, write a list of do's and don'ts.
Wasalaam
~Sarah
It was very inconsiderate for your husband to have a bunch of people over until the crack of dawn while you are sleeping. It sounds like some ground rules need to be established and one of those are a curfew. With the exception of big holidays like Eid and family get togethers (on the weekend) I think you guys should set up a time when only you two are allowed in the home, no one else.
Argueing and yelling won't solve the problem and when it happens again it will just continue the cycle. If you have to, write a list of do's and don'ts.
Wasalaam
~Sarah
a_brother
Make dua for us all
Aslamo Alaikom
Sister diane, you haven't changed even though you changed your user-name...lol
sister dkader, i don't know about your life style in your house, but i think, friends staying until 3 am is late... there is nothing better than going gentle. if he was wrong, you don't have to go wrong in trying to solve the problem... i would suggest not to speak when you are mad and stay quit... hard at beginning, but easier as you try to get used to it.... keep in mind, Allah is watching our deeds... if your husband do you wrong, Allah sees and hears... you don't have to do him wrong also... if each one of you tries their best to be patient, then, inshaAllah, you'll have a much better life... Be patient sister
Ways of Strengthening Patience
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35574
Forgiveness
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43317
Sister diane, you haven't changed even though you changed your user-name...lol
sister dkader, i don't know about your life style in your house, but i think, friends staying until 3 am is late... there is nothing better than going gentle. if he was wrong, you don't have to go wrong in trying to solve the problem... i would suggest not to speak when you are mad and stay quit... hard at beginning, but easier as you try to get used to it.... keep in mind, Allah is watching our deeds... if your husband do you wrong, Allah sees and hears... you don't have to do him wrong also... if each one of you tries their best to be patient, then, inshaAllah, you'll have a much better life... Be patient sister
Ways of Strengthening Patience
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35574
Forgiveness
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43317
Aslamo Alaikom
Sister diane, you haven't changed even though you changed your user-name...lol
sister dkader, i don't know about your life style in your house, but i think, friends staying until 3 am is late... there is nothing better than going gentle. if he was wrong, you don't have to go wrong in trying to solve the problem... i would suggest not to speak when you are mad and stay quit... hard at beginning, but easier as you try to get used to it.... keep in mind, Allah is watching our deeds... if your husband do you wrong, Allah sees and hears... you don't have to do him wrong also... if each one of you tries their best to be patient, then, inshaAllah, you'll have a much better life... Be patient sister
Ways of Strengthening Patience
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35574
Forgiveness
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43317
I will never change, too old to change. But if you are always NICE about they sheepishly say sorry and smile and then they do it again over and over....why is it so wrong for a woman to exert her emotions? When they are legit? Being kept up all night when you have to work early is complete disrespect from the husband.
a_brother
Make dua for us all
Asalamo alaikom sister Diane
it is so wrong for a woman and a man to exert her emotions?
Don't Get Angry - It's Makrooh!
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vironchopin
New Member
Salaam,
The best thing among husband and wife is to communicate and communicate and communicate. It is ok to disagree and in many occasions these are the things that bring both of you together.
However in your case, sis dkader, just express your dislike of that matter to your husband. I am sure he will listen. Don't forget to pray too. It is powerful.
Wassalaam
The best thing among husband and wife is to communicate and communicate and communicate. It is ok to disagree and in many occasions these are the things that bring both of you together.
However in your case, sis dkader, just express your dislike of that matter to your husband. I am sure he will listen. Don't forget to pray too. It is powerful.
Wassalaam
Salaam,
The other side of the coin is simply this: he brought his friends home..this was a once in a blue moon experience...he did not go out..there were no women..there were no drugs..no alcohol...he brought his friends home to his wife...
You want to make it better...why not allow him to have one night of fun in your home.
He was home. He was with his wife...
Apologize to your husband...so what you were a little tired for work..you could come home the next day and take a nap...you could have called in sick and had fun with your husband..it all depends on how you look at a situation.
The other side of the coin is simply this: he brought his friends home..this was a once in a blue moon experience...he did not go out..there were no women..there were no drugs..no alcohol...he brought his friends home to his wife...
You want to make it better...why not allow him to have one night of fun in your home.
He was home. He was with his wife...
Apologize to your husband...so what you were a little tired for work..you could come home the next day and take a nap...you could have called in sick and had fun with your husband..it all depends on how you look at a situation.
Ok to explain things to you. When my husband has to work the early shift at work I would never dream of bringing my friends over. I would of went to their homes or went somewhere else. Its kinda under the respectful card of an relationship. Even after he has worked the night shift and Im off the next day I go somewhere so I can be quiet so he can sleep. I respect him on these things and I expect the same. He wants me to respect him and I want the same thing.
I dont know but i think i might have a very stubborn husband or what but even when I have spoke to him in a gentle voice that night he still didnt listen to me. I called him into our room and asked him to please quiet it down some. And to no avail it just didnt happen. Never once did i go and yell or say anything to him in front of his friends. I know I disrespected him by yelling at him but its like everything I say to him goes out on ear and out the other and I get frustrated with him and myself.
Salaam,
It is not that you are being anything but loving and kind. I just see a larger picture. You are blessed to have a husband. This is a blessing. Do not let the once in a blue moon incident lead to a communication breakdown. At the end of the day you two have each other. Now work on having three or four of you.
It is not that you are being anything but loving and kind. I just see a larger picture. You are blessed to have a husband. This is a blessing. Do not let the once in a blue moon incident lead to a communication breakdown. At the end of the day you two have each other. Now work on having three or four of you.
meer suhail
ILM seeker
well said sis mirajmom
sis Dkader listen and think for what sis has said there ,,,
we dont know much about whats going on there ,
but at times you can sacrifice some of your sleep for someone ,
isnt this funny we will stay up all night to have fun ourselves and not worry about tomorrow no matter how hard is our JOB ,
well hard job is never problem when you dont sleep less one night ,boring job is acutally when you have nothing to do and all you can think of is sleep ,
when it comes to ourselves we forgot every boundry but to unwilling to forgive others ,
and in the end u atleast got by minimum 2 hours to sleep ,time to complete on sleep cycle ,lol in american army terms you had your power nap ,
chill out and talk and work out problems no need to fight or yell ,
that will accomplish nothing
anger is fire that does nothing but just burns your inside ,
May Allah bless you both
and fill hearts 'both of you 'full with love towards each other.
sis Dkader listen and think for what sis has said there ,,,
we dont know much about whats going on there ,
but at times you can sacrifice some of your sleep for someone ,
isnt this funny we will stay up all night to have fun ourselves and not worry about tomorrow no matter how hard is our JOB ,
well hard job is never problem when you dont sleep less one night ,boring job is acutally when you have nothing to do and all you can think of is sleep ,
when it comes to ourselves we forgot every boundry but to unwilling to forgive others ,
and in the end u atleast got by minimum 2 hours to sleep ,time to complete on sleep cycle ,lol in american army terms you had your power nap ,
chill out and talk and work out problems no need to fight or yell ,
that will accomplish nothing
anger is fire that does nothing but just burns your inside ,
May Allah bless you both
and fill hearts 'both of you 'full with love towards each other.
cmelbouzaidi
Junior Member
:salam2: it is ramadan sister and a great time for forgiveness and patience. If this is yr husband's worst fault, bear with it and try to reach an agreement. In the big scheme of things, having a few friends around and staying up til the wee hours during ramadan is not so offensive. Be happy he is not running the streets chasing women as so many wives deal with. Choose yr arguments wisely sister and don't sweat the small stuff, it is not worthit. Take advice from a sister that has been happily married for 17 years. Wassalam::
IbnAdam77
Travelling towards my grave.
:salam2:
according to the sister, they leave the home at around 3:00 am....its very late I guess...it is not advisable for muslims to have unnecessary talks and fun in the night time....especially in the 3rd half of the night....praying Qiyam al-Layl or Thahajjud is much more beneficial...when ALLAH (swt) asks who is asking me for forgiveness?, its a shame on us to do something else...
as per the problem the sister have, my advice is to be patient and ask ALLAH(swt)...rasoolulaahi (saw) said that the reward for patience is none other than Jannah...so never let shaitan attack your life...just try peacefully, inshaALLAH the problem will be solved...
may ALLAH (swt) make life easy for you and all the muslims...amiin...
wassalam
-brother IbnAdam-
according to the sister, they leave the home at around 3:00 am....its very late I guess...it is not advisable for muslims to have unnecessary talks and fun in the night time....especially in the 3rd half of the night....praying Qiyam al-Layl or Thahajjud is much more beneficial...when ALLAH (swt) asks who is asking me for forgiveness?, its a shame on us to do something else...
as per the problem the sister have, my advice is to be patient and ask ALLAH(swt)...rasoolulaahi (saw) said that the reward for patience is none other than Jannah...so never let shaitan attack your life...just try peacefully, inshaALLAH the problem will be solved...
may ALLAH (swt) make life easy for you and all the muslims...amiin...
wassalam
-brother IbnAdam-