I never want to marry anyone else.

[Shasmeen]

Salaam brothers and sisters

I was involve in a "relationship" with someone and now he is being forced into a arranged marriage. He says he loves me, but do not want to go against his parents wishes. They want him to marry from the own culture as we are from different etnic groups and countries. He resides in my country and they back in his home country.

I love this man very much, we have not commited zina. My heart belongs to him. I pray for him to become a practicing muslim and I send him info to increase his imaan. I made istikhara a wile ago and everything went well. Even though I didn't see him much, my love grew for him. Then a short while ago he told me what his parents wants.

I pray to Allah that even if we can't be together in this life, can I be with him in Jannah Inshallah

The prophet (PBUH) said that marriage is my sunnah, but what if I don't want to marry someone else??

Advice please?

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

The brother is not forced into marrying anyone. He is just going with the cultural pressure of pleasing his parents. That is pure culture. It is stupid.

Now, that I am in the matchmaking business it is crazy. People want their sons to marry the girl next door. The same culture, the same class, I mean these people are tribal. I just shake my head.

Now...are you willing to be a second wife? Why not..if your heart belongs to him. He can have a wife that will please his family and he can have you,too.

 

[Ayyub]

Assalaam walaikum,

The brother is not forced into marrying anyone. He is just going with the cultural pressure of pleasing his parents. That is pure culture. It is stupid.

Now, that I am in the matchmaking business it is crazy. People want their sons to marry the girl next door. The same culture, the same class, I mean these people are tribal. I just shake my head.

Now...are you willing to be a second wife? Why not..if your heart belongs to him. He can have a wife that will please his family and he can have you,too.

:salam2:
There is nothing wrong if a muslim wants to please his parents and accepts their wishes. If the girl that the parents of the man chose for their son wouldn't be to his iking then surely he wouldn't have accepted it.

Besides that there is no love outside marriage in islam. Islam always talks about love after marriage.

If the sister gives him up which I advise her to do and be patient for the sake of Allah (swt) then surely Allah will reward her with a far better man in Imaan and character.

 

[Shasmeen]

Assalaam walaikum,

The brother is not forced into marrying anyone. He is just going with the cultural pressure of pleasing his parents. That is pure culture. It is stupid.

Now, that I am in the matchmaking business it is crazy. People want their sons to marry the girl next door. The same culture, the same class, I mean these people are tribal. I just shake my head.

Now...are you willing to be a second wife? Why not..if your heart belongs to him. He can have a wife that will please his family and he can have you,too.

Aapa, he fears of breaking his mothers heart. They feel by him marrying in his home county he will always visit them there. Doesn't make sense to me, cos he has been going all along.

That is a excellent question. I don't know, we never discussed it. If he is willing to, I'll first pray about that.

As for me living alone, I must admit its something challenging. But I don't want to marry any Tom, Dick or Harry. I'd rather offer my life for Allah.

Salaam

 

[Shasmeen]

:
If the sister gives him up which I advise her to do and be patient for the sake of Allah (swt) then surely Allah will reward her with a far better man in Imaan and character.

My brother,

I understand what u saying, but believe me when I say I never want to marry anyone else. I have asked everyone to stop asking me to meet people. I refuse to...

I would much rather spend my time in prayer than to "interview" potential life partners. If I do come agross as stubborn, that is not my intention. But I'd much rather die and be with him in Jannah InShaAllah than to open my heart for anyone else.

Salaam

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Brother,

I have seen the aftermath of many young men who come to our countries and then marry the girl back home.
Fine, but do not be a hypocrite and leave women and children here that you walk away from.

That has nothing to do with Islam.

And there is nothing wrong with pleasing your mother as long as you do not lie to anyone else.

I would be a sad woman if the only reason a man married me was to please his mother.


Sister,

If this does not work out...let it go...and you will meet other people. Trust me you will have many marriage offers. And they do not stop.

 

[helpinghumanity]

Assalaam walaikum,

Brother,

I have seen the aftermath of many young men who come to our countries and then marry the girl back home.
Fine, but do not be a hypocrite and leave women and children here that you walk away from.

That has nothing to do with Islam.

Assalamo alaikum aapa,

please correct me if I am wrong.
The sister said she was in a relationship. That doesn't automatically means that she was married. Besides consoling the sister, we should also discourage the actions so that those who are young don't fall in the same trap of shaytan

This thread should educate those who fall in love before marriage.

Stats show that there is only 0.67% chance of marrying your first love.
Loving Allah (s.w) gives you 100% entry to Jannah

 

[Ayyub]

Assalaam walaikum,

Brother,

I have seen the aftermath of many young men who come to our countries and then marry the girl back home.
Fine, but do not be a hypocrite and leave women and children here that you walk away from.

That has nothing to do with Islam.

And there is nothing wrong with pleasing your mother as long as you do not lie to anyone else.

I would be a sad woman if the only reason a man married me was to please his mother.


Sister,

If this does not work out...let it go...and you will meet other people. Trust me you will have many marriage offers. And they do not stop.

:salam2:
Maybe I understood the sister wrong but she didn't say that he is her husband. She wrote that they were in a realtionship which means they were friends or?

If I understood it wrong then I'm sorry but could the sister clarrify what she means with realtionship?

[yt]3z6yoA0Gi1o[/yt]

[yt]p2sh3MzLuzI[/yt]

 

[Shasmeen]

Thanks Aapa, will do.

My brother, I am a revert. We were dating before my conversion, but after that we have been staying away from each other.

And please do not think my conversion had anything to do with him, as no man on this earth deserves such glory. He wasn't even aware of my intentions or actions. He was shocked when he found out too.

So hence my statement "no zina"... So from the day I accepted Islam there was no "relationship"

I pray 5 times a day (minimum) and I wear hijab. Islam is my life. I do not have double standards.

I hear what u say Aapa, but Allah help me, I have no intention of meeting those people.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

No brothers, I understood the sister to be unmarried.

What I was trying to do was to ease the way for her.

We are so quick to jump down the sisters backs.

Let us move this to the sisters only section where the sisters can talk sense to her, please.

I am in no way encouraging her nor any sister to act in a way that would be harmful for them. I just do not want her to hurt so much.

 

[Ayyub]

Thanks Aapa, will do.

My brother, I am a revert. We were dating before my conversion, but after that we have been staying away from each other.

And please do not think my conversion had anything to do with him, as no man on this earth deserves such glory. He wasn't even aware of my intentions or actions. He was shocked when he found out too.

So hence my statement "no zina"... So from the day I accepted Islam there was no "relationship"

I pray 5 times a day (minimum) and I wear hijab. Islam is my life. I do not have double standards.

I hear what u say Aapa, but Allah help me, I have no intention of meeting those people.

:salam2:
Sister if I offended you in any way than I'm really sorry cause it wasn't my intention.

Now that you claryfied it let me ask you if the one you are talking about even asked his parents what they think about him marrying someone outside their tribe?

 

[Shasmeen]

:salam2:
Sister if I offended you in any way than I'm really sorry cause it wasn't my intention.

Now that you claryfied it let me ask you if the one you are talking about even asked his parents what they think about him marrying someone outside their tribe?

Salaam brother Ayyub

Non taken. Yes he did and he says it upset his mom cos she just fell silent and he didn't want to insist. He feels he blessing is important and I do agree.

But back to my original question, is it wrong to refuse to get married?

 

[Ayyub]

Salaam brother Ayyub

Non taken. Yes he did and he says it upset his mom cos she just fell silent and he didn't want to insist. He feels he blessing is important and I do agree.

But back to my original question, is it wrong to refuse to get married?

:salam2:
Yes!
There are a lot of ahadiths which commands muslims to marry even if they think they are strong to not fall into zina.

Here are a few:

The Importance Of Marriage


Kitaab An-Nikaah, Saheeh Bukhaari Vol: 7; Hadith Number:5065
Chapter: The Statement of the Prophet (sallal'laahu'alayhi'wasallam)

'Whoever is able to marry, should marry, for that will help him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.).' And should a person marry (even if) he has no desire for marriage?

Narrated 'Alqamah: while I was with Abdullaah, uthman met him at Mina and said, 'O Abu Abdur-Rahmaan! I have something to say to you.' So both of them went aside and uthmaan said, 'O Abu Abdur-Rahmaan! Shall we marry you to a virgin who will make you remember your past days? When Abdullaah felt that he was not in need of that, he beckoned me (to join him) saying, 'O Alqamah' Then I heard him saying (in reply to uthmaan), 'As you have said that, (I tell you that) the Prophet (sallal-laahu-alayhi-wasallam) once said to us, 'O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to observe fast as fasting will diminish his sexual power'.

Shaikh Abdul Azeez Bin Baaz (rahimahullaah) stated:

Therefore, to get marriage is the correct (thing to do) as a complete obligation upon the one who has shahwa (sexual desires) even if he is not in fear of falling to Zinaa. This is with regards to the one whose situation allows him to get married.

And in this is a (manifestation) of Uthman's righteous moral conduct. It (shows) that the elderly person can get married as long as he has the strength for sexual relations.

And the main address (in this hadith) is directed at the young people, because in most cases they possess greater desires and are more in need of that (i.e. fulfilment of such desires)



[Source: Al-Hulalul Ibreeziyyah Min At-Taleeqaat Al-baaziyyah Alaa Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree Volume 4; Hadith No:5065; Footnote Number 2]

Chapter: About (marrying) several women; Saheeh Bukhaari; Vol 7; Hadith Number:5069
Narrated Said Bin Jubair (radiyallaahu-anhu): Ibn Abbaas (radiyallaahu-anhumaa) asked me, 'Are you married?' I replied, 'No' He said, 'Marry, for the best person of this Ummah (i.e. Muhammad) had the largest number of wives.'

 

[ilyas_eh]

But back to my original question, is it wrong to refuse to get married?

Please let not my post hurt you. Most of the people will not even remember the spelling of their 'Loved' ones after 10 years may be. It will not make sense to you now. But you definitely don't want to waste 10 years of your life only to realize that the emotions have tricked you badly and find yourself in a miserable position.

may Allah make your situation easier for you. Do not haste to make any decision now. If there comes a situation that this person is not going to be for you, khyir in shaa Allah. may be Allah has someone better for you (you may not know!). How can we go against the sunnah of rasoolAllah (peace be upon him) and claim to dedicate our life for Allah?

Note that you said, "As for me living alone, I must admit its something challenging. But I don't want to marry any Tom, Dick or Harry. I'd rather offer my life for Allah."
I'm trying not to derive anything serious out of it but if it is not Tom, Dick r Harry and is the person you love, then your life is not for Allah? If so that is dangerous! You have more than enough reason to keep away from him then!!!!

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

In Islam we do not dwell over the past. Yeah, I know...we do not have the soul mate. I did a lot of reading on this...marriage is the business of earthly life. It is a blessing.

If it does not work out with this brother...trust me on this one...you will get over it...

May Allah subhana wa talaa grant you a pious and righteous brother who practices his faith with no deceit. That is what you deserve. A good man who does not play games.

See sister...there are brothers who love the fruit of what they are given...but do not practice the faith by marrying more than one....he has a right to marry more than one...

AND...should this brother marry you...it can not be secret. It has to be open. It is his right...

( this is not to be mean..but are you gonna be a man or a momma's boy...)

 

[Shasmeen]

Salaam,

Jazakhallah khair for the hadiths brothers. Its good to have guidance and I do welcome it.

I'm content that whatever happens is by the will of Allah.

I pray Allah help me. He knows best. Please keep me in your duas.

Is it wrong to want to be with him in Jannah? Inshallah

Salaam

 

[strive-may-i]

Sister, I remember your other threads and I think We here understand your situation. What you need to do is, stop thinking along these lines. What you are seeing now is reality. The past does not exist. Stop those thoughts. These are not the bitter moments. Don't be lost in some wilderness. This too shall pass. Time conquers all.

Had you ever thought Islam is for you, before reversion? If answer was NO, then trust Almighty, he has better plans for you. Am sure you do agree, reversion was one of best things you did. So, turn to your creator. Trust your affairs in Almighty's hands, it works. Let the future unfold. Pray. May Almighty make it easier for you... Ameen

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Yes, sweetie, it is wrong to wish for him jannah. I do not have the scholarly text to write to you.

It is time to move on from him.

You can not limit the life that Allah subhana wa taala has ordained for you. Why would you?


PM should you need a little help, someone to talk to, let him go, sister, let him go....

 

[Shasmeen]

Jazakhallah khair everyone.

All my questions have been answered.

I will take up up on that offer Aapa.

Salaam

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,


Please do that...and thank you brothers...you all are so quick to help your sisters..