ignorance

[summertime]

:salam2:

I need a bit of help...I need to give a friend advice...she's facing a big problem...she told her Parents that she wanted to marry a guy she knew from university but they refused and now they are forcing her to marry someone she doesnt want to marry...she told them she doesnt mind getting married to someone from their choice but she wants them to find her someone who she would want to marry atleast....they wont listen to her though.... so she told me she's going to leave home my dad would never let her stay with me if he found out why she left so she said she'll rent a place and live alone....if she does that she'll be alone and loose everything...even the guy she wanted to marry in the first place wont be able to marry her if she leaves home....i keep telling her not to leave but she says what do you want me to do ? marry the guy i dont like and be miserable forever??? Her parents wont let her marry anyone outside of their own cast (whatever that means) which is totally unislamic....i don't know how muslims can even even think like that..it's a pity they're acting so ignorant....the thing is i dont know what advice to give her..i feel guilty because i cant keep her at my place...but if she leaves home she will have no where to go


What would be the proper Islamic way to deal with this situation??

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

Wow, there are so many things wrong with her parent's way fo thinking I don't know where to begin. Firstly, the caste system is Hindu based and by forcing her to pick her husband accordingly is wrong, wrong, wrong. They are mimicing polytheistic kuffir and this is a huge sin.

Secondly a forced marriage is not valid in Islam and she simply needs to refuse to sign a nikah. I can understand why she wants to move out, her parents don;t seem to have the first clue about the requirements of being a Muslim parent. Can she move in with a relative? An auntie or cousin? While living alone is not ideal it also is not the end of the world. I live alone and seem to manage my life within reason.

She may need to bring in a third party intermediary, either a relative that can help her out or a knowledgible imam. Her parents obviously don't seem interested in her happiness and maybe will listen to an older, wiser person.


Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[OsMaN_93]

im not sure of this being islamic but
talk to the parents gently and show that she doesn't want to get married to X.
and make them understand how she feels towards X , and the person she wants to be married to.
its not permissable in islam anyway!!
unless her parents know better than she does.. and know that her future with this man will be succefull ....
she shouldn't run away from home ,should she?

 

[summertime]

:salam2:

I know i totally agree with you...it's a pity that this is very common amongst the asian community here in the UK....no one in her family will isten to her as they all think in the same way...her grandparents, Uncles, aunts....no one will be willing to stand up for her......I guess moving out would be the only option....~I just fee so bad for her though..and so helpless because she's going through so much and i can't even help her....i guess the best advice would be to tell that if she moves out ill be there for her and support her with her decision 100%...


i volunteered to talk to her mum and dad but she said they'll probably end up insulting me instead....

 

[gazkour]

Assalamo alikom wa rahmato Allah wa barakato

I get very sad when I hear this cases. May Allah help her out of this situation!

I think it would be good if she moves out(after making Istikhara) just to escape that awful anti islamic tradition( I have heard how narrow minded this parents can be!) . Alternatively she should talk to an imam, so he could talk to her parents and help them understand the right way to procede. EnshaAllah. Allah knows best.

May Allah guide us all.


Assalamo alikom wa rahamato Allah wa barakato

 

[Ahd_786]

Sincere Advice

Dear Brother, Assalam-o-alikum.

I have read the situation,sister is passing through. She seems to be in Uk.

I have seen in my life , real situations like this. I can understand the circumstances to some extent as I am from Asian Culture.

The idea that sister is considering leaving home is totally devastating. This will not end her problems. Rather, leaving home will be a begining for her problems in life.

Asian societies donot accept young girl leaving home. Nobody looks at the circumstances . They look that the girl is a trator to her own culture and society.
Even , you said that, the boy who she wants to marry, may not accept her after leaving home. So what is the point in leaving home. She will never get acceptance in her own family, society again after leaving home.

Now , what should be done? In my opinion, Please donot encourage her leave home by saying that you will sand by her to help. Although you are sincere and want to help her. Trust me, you will not be of any help to her becasue of her situation and position in family and society.

Once , one of my baba "my Mohsim" said, "If ceiling is going to fall upon you, "RUN"... (leave the room). But if sky is falling, "STOP"....

In my opinion, she has to STOP, it means face the situation, see what happens. BEG ALLAH for HELP. If the person, her parents what to marry her is in her FATE, she cannot escape her fate.

She should really ask Allah, if that man is better or the man she wants to marry is better for her. Trust Allah, what Allah will do for her will be better.

she at the same time find someone close to her parents such as family friend, who is educated person, have stong communication and character and can tell her parents in an indirect way that childrens should be considred in their matters in life. or may be some other way that could be suitable in circumstances.

Sometimes, we set our minds based on our own experiences in life. lets suppose, her parents may have a better option for her.but she is not realising this because of the reason that she has never seen her parents choice, never met him, never listened to him.

I say in the end, ask ALLAH ONLY..leave your will at Alllah will.... take what life gives you. sister in islam.

I WISH ,May Allah Help you Ameen.
JazakAllah:tti_sister:

 

[OsMaN_93]

http://www.fco.gov.uk/Files/kfile/Health Guidelines FINAL.pdf

 

[summertime]

Thank you for your advice everyone...

and thankyou for the link brother osman....some of the cases on there were really sad it's awful that such things happen in muslim families....Hopefully nothing that bad will happen to my friend I'm still confused about telling her what to do though....she's loosing both ways..if she marrys the guy who is of her parents choice she wont be happy...and if she leaves she's lost everything

 

[Sauda17]

Wa alaikum assalam sister,

I'm sorry to hear about your friends situation, may allah subhana wa ta'ala help her at this difficult time.To be honest I don't really know what to say, but if it was me I would tell her that I am there for her regardless of her decision.

Apologies, I can't really say much more

Take Care

 

[summertime]

Wa alaikum assalam sister,

I'm sorry to hear about your friends situation, may allah subhana wa ta'ala help her at this difficult time.To be honest I don't really know what to say, but if it was me I would tell her that I am there for her regardless of her decision.

Apologies, I can't really say much more

Take Care

Yes i know what you mean...when she calls me and cries on the phone i don't know what to say to her...I don't want to give her the wrong advice and i find it hard to console her aswell because it's like she's stuck wither ways!!

 

[OsMaN_93]

hey, but if she moves out her perants will be really angry with her
so they will curse hate and never be happy some parents track their children down and hit them astgfrAllah
i kno a story of this^
well best suggestion is that they understand ..why its not halal to do so ..
why dont they let her go back to her country and choose there ?
no offence!!
i mean theres lots of people from the same culture over ther.wateva country sh is from !
wasalam

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

Assalam Alyakium

I agree with Sauda17. I don't know what to say but my best advice is to pray to Allah SWT the create of all. Allah SWT what is best for us. May Allah SWT make it easy on her and her family.

Wasslam Salaam

 

[summertime]

I think she has made a decision..she's going to listen to her parents Your right i guess all we can do now is pray for her !

 

[liaqatkhan]

AOA sister,

May Allah gives the parents of the supposed girl, the understanding of the islam and bless the girl with sabar. i will suggest the girl not to lose hope and remain in her home because leaving home this way is unethical.