Im so down right now, I dont know what to do....

Discussion in 'Women, Family, and Marriage' started by Cindy123, Jun 12, 2014.

  1. Cindy123
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    Cindy123 Member

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    Hello,
    I grew up in a dysfunctional family and you can literally say that Im the black sheep. I always tell the truth and the rest of the family gives me stress and in addition to this I stress myself all the time. It goes so far that I live with anxiety and depression and confusion and constant worry. Currently Im studying but I dont really know if in the future I can be that independent person that one must be in that profession. Whatever, for my family Im never enough and that pattern has been absorbed by me internally. It has gone so far that they provoked me and my father and I beat each other and i called the police...my sister and my brother can do anything..travel with friends etc..but I cannot....its not even the question of being religious..my elder sister can but in my case its always as if the whole family doesnt want me to grow up and be independent, they always want me to be dependent on them and dumb and always say yes and be nice even if my heart hurts...I called the police and they told them that I was depressed and the police told us that it was a family matter. We kinda resolved that issue but nowI have this utter disgust for myself. As if I have done something bad..my name is listed in the police list and all my life I have been perfect..really perfect...now my clothes are kinda dirty and I hate myself for being so emotional and easy to provoke but I cannot change the past and it still kills me. I got a proposal and I said no because I was so ashamed of myself and my whole situation...what if the next day my future husband will beat me or call me bad..I have no one who would stand by me as my own family makes me always feels the guilty one. Now I have found a guy who is into medicine and all that( i have this contact from an online site) and this feeling again appears..omg..hes a doctor and Im on the polices list..someday if he finds out or i have to tell him about my real self...because Im honest..he would look down on me..:cower:..Im scared to death...I cant shake this feeling of failure away...my sister has a clean sheet and Im the failure..I dont know what to do...Im shaking right now.....thinking that I dont deserve anyone on earth..Im so ashamed of myself...depressed since it happened...and also: I isolated myself over all these years and I really have no self worth left..who wants to be with someone like me who cant really interact with the world?
  2. SonOfAdam
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    SonOfAdam Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Selam Aleykum Sister,

    Calling the police for help does not put you on a list or go on any record that someone can search you on. Don't worry. They get 1000's of these calls a day so do not even track them- that is why they blew you off, they just don't have the time or resources to help for such domestic family matters.

    You just need to mature a bit inshallah it sounds to me. What you are going through is common in a lot of families (Favoring one child over another and being unfair). Please be patient and don't let others negative views affect you. Being shy and modest at home is a very nice trait and is nothing to be ashamed of.

    Keep going to school and make some friends inshallah if you are afraid to socialize. Everyone goes through changes in life and maturity and wishes they can change things in the past. Just learn from your mistakes and don't get stuck on them and try to be more positive inshallah. You should seek a good husband always and don't view yourself as worthless, any Muslim on Earth is worth more than the whole Earth and the Kaba even. If it wasn't for Muslims being here, the Earth would be destoryed. Don't let Shaytan's whispers affect you either. Get closer to Allah SWT and your life will become much better inshallah, I promise. If you have iman and good knowledge of Islam and firm belief in the next life, then anything that happens to you in this life is insignificant.

    May Allah SWT make things easy for you and straighten your affairs. Try to be more easy going and let things slide, don't take everything to heart.
  3. zubairwallcraft
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    zubairwallcraft Member

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  4. zubairwallcraft
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    zubairwallcraft Member

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    Asalamualaikum. sis just one example. in the history of islam Hazrat Umar stands among one of the greatest sahabas or companions of prophet muhammed salallahu alaihi wasallm. in fact the prophet went on to say that if Allah wished any prophet after me it would be Umar because he has all the qualities.

    but in his earlier days hazrat umar was so carless and incompetent that when he used to take the goats for grazing he would return with one or two less. His family would scold him n say "o umar what will u do in life when u can't even do this task properly." the same umar after turning to Allah, with Allahs will became the Amir of Muslims.

    u should read about him it will inspire u. n ask n trust Allah to help u for ur future.
  5. Cindy123
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    Cindy123 Member

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    Thanks..I can accept that mistakes happen when it comes to my friends or other people but seeing my failures always brings me down.

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