dilek
OntheWayOf ALLAH
Bismillahirrahmanirraheem
Shelter
“Ya Allah take everything from me… all my desires, sadness, all enjoyments, my clothes, books, friends, family, and all worldly happiness… but please never touch your love in me.. let your love with me.. The light will be gone, all doors will be shut to my face, I don’t have any place to go if you let me alone... I am full of sins... I’ve come to your door; I don’t have any word to express my repentance. Just my tears are my loyal fellow, please believe in them, accept them… I have saved all drops for you only; they are from the deepest part of my heart where none of my sins touch before. Only that part of my heart is pure. I can not say I come to you as how you created me first time. I became dirty. Where I touch I ll make it dirty as well. My hands are dirty, my eyes see only dark, my ears hear just nonsense words, what about my feet... they have already forgotten to bring me to you… Forgive me, forgive me Ya Raheem, Ya Afuuv, ya Gafuur Allah…” she got tired of crying and put her head on the sajdah and waited until her heart calm down. Then when she raised her head, her eyes weren’t shining any more, she was looking dull eyes to around. “There is no meaning in the life. Why am I living for?”
… When Elif listened to herself, she got afraid. Was she about to lose her conscious? Or was she at the edge of a hard depression? What was the meaning of such a weakness?
She shook herself and she remembered the lyrics of the song for Prophet Youssef, how was it… “ a way from the deepest hole to palace. Who doesn’t know the truth supposes they are in an isolated desert. But the real lovers reach to their Lord from that way. Youssef turns into his heart and embraces his Rab.”
“Yes! This is the way of freedom!” she said to herself “Destroy your ego, burn your selfishness and reach the purity.” She stood up quickly and started to search for something. Where was it? Sure she could have never found if she rarely touched it. However she wasn’t hopeless, and didn’t stop searching. She looked over the bookcase, under the printer, in front of the windows… but nowhere… Ya Allah where was it... She took a deep breath and then stopped for a second. Then she went to directly bathroom, renewed her ablution and returned back to the room. Slowly she went near her computer. Ahah it was over there. She knew it! Ahh this dark red cover, how beautiful that colour with it! Before taking it to her hand, she thought “Show respect! Whose words are you going to read?” and with a slight hesitation she took her veil and covered herself well. Then finally she was ready for the meeting. She reached to the Quran and first touched the smooth surface of the cover, then smelled it… Hmm was that smell of rose? No, it was musk…No no… Something so soft, delicate.. it was missing… it was love…
She opened a page “Alif…” That was her name! She didn’t realise that before. Just one letter was her name! “ ا “ … what was special with it? It was tall, like standing, while thinking like that it looked strong as well. Standing against all hardships… She read again “Alif-..” , stopped again. Because the letter was very fragile in sound. How it could exist both so soft and hard at the same time in just one body. She compared herself with the letter. Was she also strong in appearance? Yes sure, no one could say the opposite of it. She had her own way in her walk; while she was speaking there was always a respect around her. What about that fragile side? Did she herself have such a fragile side inside her? … She remembered the beginning of the day… How she cried and lost herself in her tears… Yes, that was her weak point. The fear of losing her imaan, and being away of Allah…”Ya Allah protect me and strengthen my imaan!” she uttered the words with an increasing fear. It was so terrible to think she lost her way and far from Allah… She hugged her Quran and closed her eyes tightly… She thought “that is my shelter. There is nowhere more secure.” Then she slowly returned her reading… “Alif-Laam-Meem-Saad O dear Prophet a Book has been sent down upon you, therefore may not your heart be disinclined towards it, so that you may give warning with it, and as an advice for the Muslims. O mankind, follow what has been sent down to you from your Lord, and do not follow other administrators, abandoning this very little do you understand.”
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dilek
