Is it ok to sorta dislike your father in secret?

IslamAllTheWay

New Member
:salam2:

I dont know If I hate my dad or not. But sometimes I just dont want to be around him. And sometimes his conversation can sometimes be so annoying. When Im like somewhere in the house, and when I hear my dad walking, I always say , Pls pls dont come in here. Because he might joke around with really stupid jokes. And sometimes he tells the whole family that we need a family administration or something. ??????

My question is like what is asked in the title. But also you can be kind and gentle with your father in person. But just not liking him in the inside???Does god like that ?will he still answer your prayers if you're like that?
 

pcozzy

Junior Member
:salam2:

be cautious from the whispers of the shataan. A joke is by no means taking you away from Islam. You must force yourself to love your mom and dad and appreciate the blessings that you have one. Please don't let this continue, many many hadith on how to treat your parents almost all mention to be kind to your parents.

If you don't like the jokes then pray to Allah so he can assist you with a solution but don't dislike your parents no matter what.

:wasalam:
 

IslamAllTheWay

New Member
:salam2:

be cautious from the whispers of the shataan. A joke is by no means taking you away from Islam. You must force yourself to love your mom and dad and appreciate the blessings that you have one. Please don't let this continue, many many hadith on how to treat your parents almost all mention to be kind to your parents.

If you don't like the jokes then pray to Allah so he can assist you with a solution but don't dislike your parents no matter what.

:wasalam:

Im not treating my dad in a bad way or anything. When Im with him i talk to him in a friendly way , I even treat him in a nice way. But i was asking from the inside of you , Can you like dont like him?

I am thankful for my blessed parents. I make dua to bless them both. But its just my dad thats not making me like him.
 

IslamAllTheWay

New Member
Salamu alaikkum... The parents are the greatest gift to us from Allah (swt) and you would have not paid any of them even if you serve them all your life, because thats how much they go through to bring you up. Hating the sins your dad commit is a different thing. But hating your father in general is not islam. You love your father in Islam. Well try to tell your father about him changing his habits and tell him you do not feel comfortable when he jokes about you. But inshallah may Allah make it easy for you, Ameen!



Inshallah!!!!
 

pcozzy

Junior Member
Im not treating my dad in a bad way or anything. When Im with him i talk to him in a friendly way , I even treat him in a nice way. But i was asking from the inside of you , Can you like dont like him?

I am thankful for my blessed parents. I make dua to bless them both. But its just my dad thats not making me like him.

There will be times when Allah swt places a test on a person to see their level of faith. In other words how far will you go with these feelings.

Having said that, first look at the whole picture, there has to be good and may be some bad in every person even if he or she don't believe. An example would be sayedna Ibrahim PBUH. His father prayed to idols, Ibrahim PBUH, was drawn to Allah because he was choosen by Allah to be a messenger. Ibrahim, prayed to Allah to forgive his father repeatedly. Knowing that his father will not succeed in the day of judgement unless he repents to Allah as one and only one.

How much hurt do you think in a situation like that that Ibraheem went through, even with the proof that Allah; revealed via his miracles... He still held firm in asking Allah for his dads forgiveness.

I think the story of Ibrahim would be very beneficial. I also respect the fact that you are inquiring about it. My parents throughout my life have placed me in a very difficult position. I, however, remember what the prophet PBUH has taught us and stand firm on that knowledge. If they ask for 1 I will give them 2,3,10 whatever I can give to forfill their request. This is not about money, its about being there for them. Taking the small talk, complaints, orders, burden, etc.

Remember One day in sha Allah, you may have children and how would you like them to be. You usually end up being treated how you treat your parents. Not saying you treated them bad, at all. Just be patient, its most likely will subside.

:wasalam:
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
Asalamu alaykum wrwb, i could answer this for you since i felt EXACTLY as you described just a few weeks ago. My father is the kind that really does not know much about dealing with children or in this case teenagers. He had hurt me in a few ways which to my family members was a casual thing and *not a big deal* but to me it was a *HUGE* deal. however i spent much time thinking back at all the things he had said to me that hurt me. I came to the conclusion that i needed to forgive him, that if i held a grudge it would only be my loss and that i would be the one committing a sin by holding grudges. so i asked myself if it was really worth holding a grudge against my own parent...i came to the conclusion that i was just being human and that i needed to let go of all that and think of my akhirah. I assure you that this feeling will subside when you come to know how much your parent actually loves you despite the way they act or what they say. Just be patient and if you could sit down with your father and try to befriend him do so. and if not just leave the matter to Allah and trust in him that everything will be fine inshaAllah. patience is the way and we must remember that the ticket to paradise is expensive. overlook and pardon him for the dumb jokes. they're just jokes, try to make sense of it. Leave the matter in the hands of Allah swt and go on with your life and try to strive and do that which is right. There are those who've lost their parents and who wish that they could get them back. but we'll never know how much we love our parents, until one day we wake up and they're gone. Then on that certain day, we will be the ones to regret and be remorseful and at that time it will be of no use. i was in a situation similar to yours, but Alhamdulillah Allah took care of it. Asalamu alaykum wrwb. and last but not least one saying that fits us all human beings
"Allah gives and forgives, Man gets and forgets".
 

Nurain

Junior Member
Asalammu'alaikum

I know your predicament quite accurately. For years I dislike my father but for reasons like he insults us, he spat on me once before (when I played truant but I feel the punishment wasn't right), he beat us up when we were naughty until our body was blue black all over, his jokes are hurtful and I hated hearing him talk about people in a nasty manner. When he comes in a room I will cover the side of my face with a palm so I won't see him there. I had great difficulty looking at him while making conversation with him. On top of it all, he shouts at us and call us names because we do not share with him things which we usually share with our mother. I have tried sharing things about my life with him before, only to be scolded. My position is very difficult. Did the same things here happen to you?

Thus what I did (this was before I started praying and keeping Allah in mind) was to avoid him. I'd thought, the lesser of him the better. We only discuss important things. I do not want to hear him call me stupid, which he often does. My father has an anger problem and he could be bitching about others even after he finish solat.

Things took a turn from me (in terms of my iman) and one day I dreamt of both my parents passing away. Masha'Allah. In the dream, they both looked serene. My mother looked afraid and was silent. My father was the only one who spoke to me. I asked him, How is life in the barzakh (thereafter)? And somehow I knew he did not want to worry me by saying: It is okay, but the pain (of being tortured) hurts. Masha'Allah. I woke up crying, repenting, realising that there is no big a flaw of my father that I cannot at least treat him properly and as a daughter, give Allah my sincere du'ah for him. Because when you die, one of the things which is still ongoing is the du'ah of your child. If my father cannot change and become a better person, I will du'ah often for him to be protected in the afterlife. And du'ah for his character insha'Allah he will change with my du'ah.

There is no too big a flaw than not having your father there at all. Meaning, when he has passed on, and you will start to wish you can hear one more of his stupid jokes.

I hope this helps you. This is my personal experience. Learn to let go. Masha'Allah, may Allah the Almighty reward your patience.
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
And may i add, that disliking your father in secret is not ok. He may not know, but Allah swt knows. and It will also constantly come to your mind and annoy you and eventually drive you nuts. so it has an effect on YOU. think of it that way too. asalamu alaykum wrwb.
 

Nurain

Junior Member
I would also like to add that gazing at your parents lovingly is also a form of ibaadah.

Wasallam
 

PARVEZ SHAHIDI

Junior Member
Remember One day in sha Allah, you may have children and how would you like them to be. You usually end up being treated how you treat your parents. Not saying you treated them bad, at all. Just be patient, its most likely will subside.:wasalam:
Assalaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh.

ALHAMDU-LILLAH, I like this paragraph from all the replies. It sums up everything. Treat your parents the way you want to be treated by your children. Your children might also find something (Saitan will whisper in their ears) to hate you.

One thing for sure, when your parents will not be here, you will miss them. When my parents were alive I did not care much, but now I miss them too much.


Wassalaam 'alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh.
 

Munawar

Striving for Paradise
:salam2:
Brother and sisters,
Please listen to this Jummah lecture of Sheikh Yasir Qadhi regarding this issue:

http://www.halaltube.com/uncomparable-love

This will InshaAllah answer your questions and help you in fixing your attitude too and guide you towards Allah's forgiveness and Jannah.
I am sure you will like this lecture.

:wasalam:
 

justme1983

Junior Member
Assalamu alaykum,

I can remember being frustrated with my parents and even as an adult, we can become irritated with them. It's natural and it's a test, like others have said. From your post, it just seems like you're dad is goofy (stupid jokes, family administration.....) and I bet it can be annoying but maybe he's just trying to bond with you....trying to make you laugh or be likeable.

Sometimes when we put it in our heads that we don't like somebody, it only makes the situation worse.....we become hateful and mean towards them and our dislike becomes even greater. Try to change your attitude towards him, even if you have to fake it for awhile. Be respectful, laugh at his sillyness, etc.

Think about how hard he works to take care of you and your family. Imagine the day when you will no longer hear his voice or his footsteps. Imagine your father has passed away. How would you feel? Think about that all the time and maybe it will change how you feel towards him. His stupid jokes or comments will become precious to you (or atleast not so annoying!)
 

abu'muhammad

Junior Member
:salam2:,
Islamalltheway


source : www.Islamqa.com


Praise be to Allaah.


The importance of honouring one’s parents is:


Firstly: it is obedience to Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8]


“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’” [al-Israa’ 17:23]


In al-Saheehayn it is reported that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked which deed is the best? He said, ‘Faith in Allaah and His Messenger, then honouring one’s parents…’” And there are many other Aayat and Mutawaatir Ahaadeeth which say similar things.


Secondly: obeying and honouring one’s parents is a means of entering Paradise, as it was reported in Saheeh Muslim from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed.” It was said, “Who, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “The person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise.” (Saheeh Muslim, 4627).


Thirdly: Respecting and honouring them brings friendship and love.


Fourthly: respecting and obeying them is a way of showing gratitude to them because they are the ones who brought you into this world. You should also show gratitude towards them for bringing you up and taking care of you when you were young. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents” [Luqmaan 31:14]


Fifthly: if a person honours his parents this may be the cause of his own children honouring him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Is there any reward for good other than good?’ [al-Rahmaan 55:60]


And Allaah knows best.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Outside is the representation of inside. If inside isn’t well it too affects outside. As brotherly concern, not to have double standard for the person like father.What you don’t like , could be discussed straight away It’s also one of the duty of the people of family to guide each other to good and al-birr (righteousness and piety).

Count the things he taught you , and if you would teach him something good , would be a part of favour in return. He would have overlooked at your follies and dealt with patience during youth thinking he/she will learn as time passes. And over your mischiefs and wrong doing, I surely don’t think he would had asked this question to anyone.

(sorry , if you find me offensive.)


:jazaak:
 

fada_all

Junior Member
assalamo 3alaikom warahmato allahi ta3ala wabarakatoho.

dear brother u can't imagine how i feel when i read ur thread.to tell u the truth; i swear allah to u that i had passed from the same situation as u think
towards ur father.My father "allah bless him with his mercy insha allah and all
dead muslims", was somehow very strict or, in another words ,very severe in treating us ;me and all our brothers, he sacrifies his life for us in order to conitnue our studies ,although he was illeterat, we can't talk with him or even discuss sth with him because all of us were scared of him.the same thing for me as iam the elder one in my family ,from my childhood i can't tell him sth i just ask my mother plz tell him that i need sth. When he allah bless him with his mercy fall ill for about three months u can't imagine how regreted i feel at that time .but couldn't aplogize to him , or even telling him im sorry dad.....But when i pray allh in my douaa for him to regain his health at the same time i pray to allah to give me the chance to apologize for my father .......One sth happend by chance alhamdo lillah and i find an occasion to talk with him i come colsely to him and said im sorry my father for all the trouble i had caused to u ....u can't imagine what it was his answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he answered me easily : don't worry my
daughther how can i be angry of u u r my daughther im happy with u and all of ur brothers i accept anything from u and all ur brothers with pleasure ..i never feel sth bad towards u or ur brothers .. my life was difficult thats why i was severe with all of u in order to be a good muslims and practise ur prayers ponctually .and live ur life peacfully.... and embraced me strongly and kissed me a lot. I feel as if i got rid from sth very heavily was in my back .. and feel satisfaction..and folow all his advices in life ..and i lways ask mercy for him and i pray for himm many times...

brother i tel my real story in order to avoid u from falling at the same mistakes as me . keep always sayig this is my father i have to love freely , those are my parents i have to obey them unless sherk of allah..

i ask mercy for my father and all dead muslims ..
:astag::astag::astag::astag:
thanks so much
wassalamo 3alaikom wa rahmato allh
 
Top