Is It Selfish of Me?

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2: brother and sisters

I've been a bit stressed with this one issue..

I work in retail..and I have been considering quitting the job..

the reason for that is..at the work environment I get exposed to things that make me fear for my Iman and my character as a Muslimah..when I am outside of work I feel that my Iman heightens and becomes strong but then come the weekend (that's the only time I work there) I feel like my Iman is being drained away and I feel this guilt when I'm there..I am lucky enough to have an all woman crew at the department I work in..but many times I have male customers and while handing them cash or giving them their items they touch my hand..it's accidental of course..but it makes me conscious of whether or not my wudhu' (ablution) is invalidated..so I can't even read the Qura'an while I'm there (which I do to make up for not being able to pray there)..
so it just gets frustrating..especially because I have been trying to eliminate the haram out of my life one thing at a time..and alhamduliallah..Allah (swt) had been so generous in granting me strength and getting me through my issues and my weaknesses

but..the one thing that had been stopping me is the following..

it's obvious that I work to support myself (somewhat) financially..as in pay for my own shopping sprees..my own food..school supplies..other fees..and what not
if I stop working that means that I will have to ask my father to pay for these expenses..he already pays for most things (alhamduliallah..and I can't thank him enough for it)..but I'm afraid that if I quit..then I would cause a bit of a burden on him financially as our income is fixed and budgeted

I told a friend of mine about it..she said that I shouldn't think that way..because my father wouldn't think of it this way..and in a way I will be "earning" the money because I take care of the house and my sister (who has down syndrome..and has special needs) practically all week because my brothers are all younger (and can't be depended on)..my mom works..and my father has heart disease so he is limited in what he can do physically..

but at the same time..Iman is precious..and having a sound character..is just as precious..and I fear for these two things very much..alhamduliallah I have not done anything horrible..but I don't want something to happen and then begin to think *oh! I should have done this or done that!*..also..the nafs is weak..and shaytan never leaves an opportunity to make you fall into the pits of wrong-doing!..I seek refuge with Allah (swt) from him!..and this dunya is just a transit to one that is better..and I want to make the next one a happy one with good conduct and strong iman..inshallah..with Allah's permission..power..and mercy!

so I don't know..I just thought I should talk about this here..as most of you won't take sides..and will be most likely neutral in telling me what they think is right for me to do..which I think would be the best thing to help me decide..I also plan on praying Istikharah..but I have to make the decision by this friday..so I don't know..I'm just so confused..as most of you can tell by now

baraka allaho feekom for all and any advice from each of you

 

[Muslimah99]

salam aleikum, to answer this I had to issue a fatwa for which I neither have the authority nor knowledge, however I might perhaps say these things; that you should try as much as possible to avoid touching these men and stop having these "panic attacks" because you fear you might loose bits of your imaan. Keep in mind that we have trials throughout life and that nothing is easy and I pray to Allaht that he makes this hardship easier for you insha'Allah, ameen!

It also seems you have many economic problems etc. in your family so sister it wouldn't be a good idea to give up the job even though I completely understand and can relate to where your thoughts and concerns are coming from. I would recommend that you try to keep this up for some time and see if anything changes in your sad situation...insha'Allah it will...

oh and yes another question, don't you have any family members that could help you out (i.e. support you) ?

 

[dianek]

Asalaam Aleykum:

If your job causes stress upon you and your iman, then maybe you should maybe try to find a job that won't. For instance, a call center only requires contact over a phone and many companies are looking for weekend help and bilingual people. Maybe check with your mosque to see if they have positions in any local muslim schools, possibly teaching children on the weekends? OR you could always see if your school offers any positions to students in the library or assistants to professors.........Another option......babysitting for Muslim families. You can't imagine how hard it is to find a muslim sitter for us tired families!

Maybe keep your job until you find a proper substitute job.

 

[a_muslimah86]

don't you have any family members that could help you out (i.e. support you) ?

no sister..I only have my immediate family here in the u.s. (mom..dad..bros..and sister...and i'm the oldest)..I will try to be patient like you recommended..and inshallah it will work out to the better..it's just the guilt and the panic (like you said..subhanallah..I never thought it would be that) that is driving me nuts

Asalaam Aleykum:

If your job causes stress upon you and your iman, then maybe you should maybe try to find a job that won't. check with your mosque to see if they have positions in any local muslim schools, possibly teaching children on the weekends?

you know it wouldn't be a bad idea to check with the masjid and see if they need help..they do have a small sunday school for muslim kids..even if they don't pay..at least it will put close to an Islamic environment which would tone down the fear I have

sisters..jazakonna allaho khairan..inshallah all will go well with Istikharah..patience..and looking around for options

wa alaikum assalam

 

[ditta]

Asalaamu'Alykum,

If the aspect of males touching your handing when give them change is the main issue, then how about trying different methods of giving them their change:

Just placing it on the counter for them to pick up. [This happens on the bus sometimes on the black type thing to place your money to pay for the journey. Its annoying sometimes, because my hands can be cold sometimes and i cant pick up the money and the bus drive may decide to carry on or people are behind me waiting]

Dropping the change in the customers hand, i guess its difficult when you have notes although maybe giving them the note first then the change.

The two ideas above may sound lame, although try and improvise. More importantly make Du'a to Allah (S.W.T).

Abu Hurairah (R.A) reported that the Messenger of Allah (S.A.W) said:

"He whom Allah intends good, He makes him suffer from some affliction." [Al-Bukhari]

Commentary: Troubles of this world like grief, calamity, disease, poverty, loss of life and property, etc, have a benign aspect for a Muslim in the sense that on account of them he turns towards Allah and begs mercy and compassion from Him because of which his sins are forgiven. Thus, in these troubles there is a blessing for him in the Hereafter.

Abu Sa'id and Abu Hurairah (Radiyallahu Anhuma) reported that the Prophet (S.A.W) said, "Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry or even the pricking of a thorn but Allah will expiate his sins on account of his Patience. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Commentary: This Hadith mentions the special Grace and Mercy of Allah for the Muslims. It relates how Allah turns the hardships and troubles suffered by a Muslim into a means of expiation for his sins. But this is only possible if the believer exercises patience. However, if he starts wailing instead of showing patience then beside suffering hardships, he would be deprived of the reward which lies in bearing them patiently. Thus, he shall have to take the burden of additional sins also.


Have patience, stay strong and safe.

Alhamdulilah

Wasalam

 

[Optimist]

Obviously this is only one aspect of your problem, but I know that in Madhab Hanafi, just touching the opposite sex would not negate your ablution.

This is a fatwa in Arabic if you know it:

http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Fatwa/ShowFatwa.php?Option=FatwaId&lang=A&Id=41160

 

[abdellah007]

salam

just want to add another things.

As i heard before, you can read the quran even you are not in wudu. it is just preferable to hold and read it while u are in wudu.

wassalam

 

[harun]

just want to add another things.

As i heard before, you can read the quran even you are not in wudu. it is just preferable to hold and read it while u are in wudu.

wassalam

:salam2: bro
where did u get this, please?
If you mean reading quran by heart without only wudu, ok this I can confirm,
but if you wanted to say holding the holy quran, especially touching the holy words of Allah (swt) it isn't right to do that without the wudu.
Our dalils:
"In Book well-guarded, which none shall touch but those who are clean" (Sura al Wakia/Ayah 78-79)
Morover it is told that our beloved Prophet (saw) wrote the yemeni people that you can the quran only touch during wudu or after taking gushl if you had to take it (Source Dârimî, Talâk: 3)

My Allah (swt) guide us all!
:salam2:

 

[Jannah03]

Asalaamu alakum uhkti, when i would work with a cash register, i would place the coins on top of the dollar bills and kinda fold the money into their hand so i wouldnt touch theirs...i did it because i dont like to toch others peoples hands like that...Also uhkti, you WONT lose your wudu just because you touched someone....

 

[nyerekareem]

:salam2:

i have heard from various scholars that a woman touching a man's hand does not invalidate one's wudu. even if a dog were to touch us, it still wouldn't break our wudu. some people have been ignorant making people think they had to run away from dogs in fear of breaking wudu; when it is clear that if the dog was to lick any of your eating or drinking vessels it would require that we wash them several times to purify them. islam is a religion that never overburdens the slave of ALLAH SWT. so if touching a dog didn't break wudu, how could a man touching a woman's hand break wudu? what's most important is that you didn't touch hands with men with the intention of doing so. as for the quran being read with wudu only; i have heard from various scholars that it isn't necessary to be in wudu when reading the quran. it's probably nicer, but having clean hands and reciting or reading in a clean place is considered efficient. sometimes people perform certain practices thinking that they need to do it, but in reality most of it is nothing more than bid'aa.

as far as losing imaan, while at work on the weekends, why? you have had strong imaan all week, why let it go down now? that same great ALLAH SWT is the same great ALLAH SWT on the weekend. there may be tests for you, but you have to pass them. i believe that you can. when things get rough for me at work, i take a few deep breaths and try to remember that i'm only in this world as a stranger, i'm just at a stop, i'm travelling for the jannah. when i remember that, all stress and worry just goes away. i pray that ALLAH SWT makes things easy for you. ameen

 

[a_muslimah86]

The two ideas above may sound lame, although try and improvise. More importantly make Du'a to Allah (S.W.T).

Have patience, stay strong and safe.

on the contrary brother..I appreciate you taking the time to think of a solution for me..and even more..I appreicate you finding the comforting words you posted for me..they warmed my heart!..jazaka allah khair!

Obviously this is only one aspect of your problem, but I know that in Madhab Hanafi, just touching the opposite sex would not negate your ablution.

This is a fatwa in Arabic if you know it:

http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Fatwa/ShowFatwa.php?Option=FatwaId&lang=A&Id=41160

I do know Arabic..so I read it..that was excellent cuz it gave me the four perspectives on the issue (though I don't follow any of the school of thoughts) so it was really nice to get a general "feel" of where I fall in the situation..baraka allaho feek

just want to add another things.

As i heard before, you can read the quran even you are not in wudu. it is just preferable to hold and read it while u are in wudu.

wassalam

brother..I don't mean to hassle you but..would it be alright if you can provide me with a daleel for this?..this is the first time I hear something like this!

baraka allaho feekom all

wa alaikum assalam