Assalamu alaykum,
This matter is one that can have many different answers, and many interpretations based on who is giving the answer, which is apparent by those who replied to this thread. I respect all of their opinions, but at the same time I must remind, even when discussing we should try to maintain our correct composure.
We are different people, so it is obvious we will have different expectations of others and different desires. As for this situation, just as some people here have supported the brother in saying we should not judge him, as there may be more to him than having a beard and he may just as well be good and maybe will learn... yes that is true. But at the same time, on this degree calling the sister's approach as illogical and irrational is also a form of judging.
From our point of view, we do not know what this sister truly wants from this marriage. Understanding it is her right to say no, we should also then acknowledge perhaps she has a reason for doing so. It should not simply be thrown away as not based on logic.
Is there not logic in the fact that you wish for your partner in this world as yours for your hereafter? And thus would expect him to follow and go for the Sunnah as much as you would or more? When you are a stranger in this country looking as you do, for him to be as well?
Is it not logic to wish for someone to be by your side who will encourage and push you to do more, and help you in regard to what is correct? I mean some women are of the personality which can influence their husbands, bring change and bring them to good, while others cannot.
Marriage is supposed to be a one time thing, it is who you are to spend the rest of your life with and are a partner to. You want that person to be of the same mentality, who will not hinder you in your way. I say this, because I've know of households in which the husband does fulfill his basic duties as a Muslim, but does not go much further and the wives sometimes even if they wish to do more good, are stooped by their husbands. They are prevented from doing more, because the level of their husband is only to that extent. So it's easy to say get married - but once it's gotten to this stage often even if a person were to want to go back they would not be able to!
Different people have different abilities to take things, they have different ways of interacting, and if this person did not believe she could take it, I do not see where the difference lies it in being her right to refuse and her being correct in doing so. As has been mentioned - Imaan is not just in the heart. Imaan is not even just in the words, but in the expression of the actions. Just loving the Sunnah is not enough, not speaking of it, and testifying to belief in it is enough - rather it is in how much you follow and adhere to it, and to an extent this does show in actions/appearance.
So I just wished to defend the side of the sister whom we cannot speak to, and we do not know precisely her reason except what she has spoken of. We do not know what her criteria is or anything at all, so we should not push blame on her.
At the same time, I also agree with the others who say that we cannot judge a brother by his beard - so to speak. We cannot judge his Imaan, and we cannot judge how much he loves the Prophet
or how much he really knows of this subject ... but since this brother who posted does know him, then I encourage him to show him the importance of keeping a beard, the importance of following the Sunnah.
And that if he expects a wife who maintains her Hijaab, a wife who follows the Sunnah and keeps her rights, he should also be a forerunner in this example. As this will show his dedication to what is correct, and the woman who will accept him in this manner along with the rest of his good qualities will inshaAllah be one who will make the best partner.
I feel no need to continue discussing this matter.
May Allah bless all of you and keep you safe.
Thread Closed
wasalam
This matter is one that can have many different answers, and many interpretations based on who is giving the answer, which is apparent by those who replied to this thread. I respect all of their opinions, but at the same time I must remind, even when discussing we should try to maintain our correct composure.
We are different people, so it is obvious we will have different expectations of others and different desires. As for this situation, just as some people here have supported the brother in saying we should not judge him, as there may be more to him than having a beard and he may just as well be good and maybe will learn... yes that is true. But at the same time, on this degree calling the sister's approach as illogical and irrational is also a form of judging.
From our point of view, we do not know what this sister truly wants from this marriage. Understanding it is her right to say no, we should also then acknowledge perhaps she has a reason for doing so. It should not simply be thrown away as not based on logic.
Is there not logic in the fact that you wish for your partner in this world as yours for your hereafter? And thus would expect him to follow and go for the Sunnah as much as you would or more? When you are a stranger in this country looking as you do, for him to be as well?
Is it not logic to wish for someone to be by your side who will encourage and push you to do more, and help you in regard to what is correct? I mean some women are of the personality which can influence their husbands, bring change and bring them to good, while others cannot.
Marriage is supposed to be a one time thing, it is who you are to spend the rest of your life with and are a partner to. You want that person to be of the same mentality, who will not hinder you in your way. I say this, because I've know of households in which the husband does fulfill his basic duties as a Muslim, but does not go much further and the wives sometimes even if they wish to do more good, are stooped by their husbands. They are prevented from doing more, because the level of their husband is only to that extent. So it's easy to say get married - but once it's gotten to this stage often even if a person were to want to go back they would not be able to!
Different people have different abilities to take things, they have different ways of interacting, and if this person did not believe she could take it, I do not see where the difference lies it in being her right to refuse and her being correct in doing so. As has been mentioned - Imaan is not just in the heart. Imaan is not even just in the words, but in the expression of the actions. Just loving the Sunnah is not enough, not speaking of it, and testifying to belief in it is enough - rather it is in how much you follow and adhere to it, and to an extent this does show in actions/appearance.
So I just wished to defend the side of the sister whom we cannot speak to, and we do not know precisely her reason except what she has spoken of. We do not know what her criteria is or anything at all, so we should not push blame on her.
At the same time, I also agree with the others who say that we cannot judge a brother by his beard - so to speak. We cannot judge his Imaan, and we cannot judge how much he loves the Prophet
or how much he really knows of this subject ... but since this brother who posted does know him, then I encourage him to show him the importance of keeping a beard, the importance of following the Sunnah.And that if he expects a wife who maintains her Hijaab, a wife who follows the Sunnah and keeps her rights, he should also be a forerunner in this example. As this will show his dedication to what is correct, and the woman who will accept him in this manner along with the rest of his good qualities will inshaAllah be one who will make the best partner.
I feel no need to continue discussing this matter.
May Allah bless all of you and keep you safe.
Thread Closed
wasalam