marital advice

[seekingtruth2]

assalaamu al3ikm
I have a friend, male, who is muslim, divorced and father of a beautiful little girl, who lives with her mom. He is in college working on his masters degree in engineering, working part-time and running an online travel agency. He has great personality and is fun to be around.
It is bothering him, as he is arab, whether or not he should marry to an arab or an american girl.
The previous wife was american but it did not exactly work out, obviously. So he is worried about remarrying currently, though he wants to, he is just afraid of making another mistake....
He personally does not think there is a difference, but, is there? (ie; a difference between marrying to an arab or an american muslim)
So which does everyone think he should marry to, american or arab?
ma3as salaama

 

[IslamIsLight]

salam aleikum
Brother ,Muslim is a Muslim no matter american or arab or etc...
And only Allah swt knows the future ,nobody can predict it ..
Your friends marriage may colapse with either one ,no matter what nationality his wife will be ,because its in the hands of Allah .
And I dont like when people start deviding on arabs and non arabs and etc...
There is no such a thing in Islam .The deen is the most important and not nationality of the person ...

waaleikum salam

 

[muhsinah]

It's not a person's nationality/race that determines whether a marriage will work out or not; it's their piety and character.
He should review WHY his previous marriage failed. Was it his fault? Let him be objective and review himself without bias. Did he perform his duties as a husband? Was he patient and kind and loving towards his wife? Did he treat her well understanding that 'women were made from the top part of the rib and the topmost part iis the most crooked. If you try to straighten it, you'll break it and if you leave it, it'll remain crooked'? Did he keep in mind at all times that no one is perfect and that everyone has faults which should be borne with and not criticised constantly for a peaceful existence?
I say this because, if he was the one at fault, no matter how many times he remarries, the marriage will not be successful and happy until he learns to correct himself. If the fault is with him, he should then learn to overcome the problem; a new way of thinking, being more patient, being more open-minded, etc....whatever's going to work.

If, however, he checks all these (and more) objectively and concludes that it wasn't his fault, then let him look at his ex-wife (objectively, again) and determine what she did that caused the break-up of their marriage. Once he has highlighted the behaviour that upset him, let him find the cause of the behaviour. Once more, did he trigger that reaction from her or is it part of her personality. If, again, he's free from blame, then he should look at the personality trait that caused that behaviour. Now, when he goes wife-searching (from any race) he should look for that trait and any other that affects him negatively. Whoever has that, he should avoid because he knows they won't be compatible.
And above all, he should perform istikhara for each potential and have faith that Allah will grant him who is best for him.
May Allah help your friend (and all of us too!).

 

[Bawar]

:salam2: Sister!

When a muslim man or a muslim woman wants to find a partner for marriage, the best criterion would be her/his TAQWA and personality.

Other criteria may not prove to be a successful way of measuring a person's suitability to get married to.

May I ask (i sincerely hope you won't mind) if you have ever thought of getting married to him yourself?

It seems that there is a great deal of understanding between you two.

Wassalam

 

[shari]

:salam2:

A good Muslim Lady will do, There is no question of Arab or Non-Arab in Islam

 

[seekingtruth2]

:salam2: Sister!

When a muslim man or a muslim woman wants to find a partner for marriage, the best criterion would be her/his TAQWA and personality.

Other criteria may not prove to be a successful way of measuring a person's suitability to get married to.

May I ask (i sincerely hope you won't mind) if you have ever thought of getting married to him yourself?

It seems that there is a great deal of understanding between you two.

Wassalam

yes there is a great deal of understanding between us but we cannot marry.....it has nothing to do with him or his personality.......

i know everyone here thinks that he can marry to an american,but i am thinking that american cannot marry an arab, i think the cultural differences are too great and that it will seriously affect a marriage do you not think?

 

[Fatime]

I do not think it will affekt that much,offcourse its depending on the spouses too.
Im happily married with a arab, we do not have any problems because of different culture, i was born and raised in Finland and i seriosly dont think the culture here is so different from urs in us.
The most importent thing in marriage is not rase but faith!

 

[dianek]

yes there is a great deal of understanding between us but we cannot marry.....it has nothing to do with him or his personality.......

i know everyone here thinks that he can marry to an american,but i am thinking that american cannot marry an arab, i think the cultural differences are too great and that it will seriously affect a marriage do you not think?

Salaam....as an American woman married to an Arab man, it doesn't make things in marriage easier by adding in all the cultural differences and expectations of each other. I live and fight over it EVERYDAY.