Marriage (Choosing a partner)

Wiseguy74

Junior Member
Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little rediculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind.

however everytime the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say "she's not the one!"

the young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing. (which was hard to find). however one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious, and practicing.

on that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each other questions. (as one would expect).

the young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask first.

the young girl asked the young man soooo many questions. she asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habbits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his passtime, his experiences, his shoe size.. lol. basically everything.

and the young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man do you have any questions?

the young man said,it's ok. i only have 3 questions...

the young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, shoot.

The young man's first question was,
1) Who do you love the most in the world, someone who's love nothing would ever overcome?

she said, this is an easy question. my mother.
he smiled

second question, he asked
2) you said that you read allot of qur'an, could you tell me which surahs you know the meaning of?
hearing this she went red and embarrased and said,i do not know the meaning of any yet, but i am hoping to soon inshallah ive just been abit busy.

the third question the young man asked, was
3) i have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are allot more prettier than you, why should i marry you?

hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury, and said i do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty, and intelligence.

and the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an agreement of marriage.

this time, the young mans parents were really angry, and said what did you do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant, and they were relgious like you wanted. what did you ask the girl?? tell us!

the young man said, firstly i asked her,
who do you love the most? she said, her mother,

the parents said so, what is wrong with that??

the young man said, "no one, is muslim, untill he loves Allah, and his messenger(saw) more than anyone else in the world"

If a woman loves Allah and the prophet(pbuh) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithfull to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.

The young man said, then i asked, you read allot of qur'an, can you tell me the meaning of any surah?

and she said no. because i havent had time yet.
so i thought of that hadith "ALL humans, are dead except for those who have knowledge"

she has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, why would i marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best of teachers.

And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.

The third question i asked her was, that allot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should i choose you?

that is why she stormed off, getting angry.

The young man's parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing, we are going back there to apologise.

The young man said i said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.

The prophet(saw) said "do not get angry, do not get angry, do not angry" when asked how to become pious. because anger is from Satan.

if a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband??


so, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on,
knowledge, not looks,
practice, not preaching,
Forgiveness, not anger,
spiritual love, not lust.
and compromise

One should look for a person who
1) Has love for Allah (swt) and the messenger(pbuh)
2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.
3) can control her anger
and another important and crucial factor. that she be
4) willing to compromise.

and it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.
 

Muslimah99

Bosnian Muslimah
very true indeed, however this guy seemed very much of arrogant if you ask me LOL and he also seemed very ironic, especially when the naive girl answered mother instead of Allah and his messenger PBUH, because at that moment he SMILED

OH AND SECONDLY WHO CARES IF HE WAS WELL EDUCATED AND SO HANDSOME? What has that got to do with his qualities as a human being? LOL!

oh & I really do not understand that she didn't know the meaning of NOT EVEN A SINGLE surah?

I know for myself how I would have answered but I also agree that the points of this story are GREAT, even though as we probably all know the messenger used to say (but it ALSO depends on within what context this should be understood...I am NOT a scholar):


The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another."
--------- Sahih Muslim, Hadith 705


The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser." Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27: Narrated Abu Huraira.

And he said, "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." (Muslim)
 

a_muslimah86

Hubbi Li Rabbi
Staff member
very true indeed, however this guy seemed very much of arrogant if you ask me LOL and he also seemed very ironic, especially when the naive girl answered mother instead of Allah and his messenger PBUH, because at that moment he SMILED

sister I think he smiled because he thought...*oh!..here we go again with another disappointment*

but truth be said..you have to be bold to sit there and test people out like that..maybe it's a guy thing!..I don't think very many girls would do that

nonetheless..the story can be applicable in a real life situation (I'm getting ideas..hehe)

jazaka allah khair for this brother!

wa alaikum assalam
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
:wasalam:

on that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk
Haram!!!!!!

Its only a story, but in real life the man should only meet the girl in presence of her mahram! Not alone. So, I would say this guy is not very knowledgeable about Islam either :p haha

Secondly, it is also not from good Muslim character for him to test someone by provoking them like this and to be rude, like the last question. He deliberately said something to make her angry. This is not from the way of the Prophet :saw: or his companions.

As Muslimah99 stated, it is rude and arrogant. If it was so good to "test" people, the girl should have poured hot tea over his head and seen what he would do.

He can not judge people like that, its not as if he is perfect.

Rather, the most important thing to ask is questions on Tawheed and Aqeedah and other Islamic questions to see if the person really does follow Islam correctly. This is especially important for sisters to ask. They need to make sure themselves, they KNOW enough about Islam to marry someone who is a proper Muslim. Often, girls rush into marriage and end up marrying people who have incorrect beliefs in Islam and are stubborn in them. - They might even get blinded by what they think is good character or good Muslim, but really that person goes against the Sunnah of the Prophet :saw: .

we must make sure that we marry good Muslim partner who cares for Islam. People should help one another learn and be better Muslims. Maybe the girl is sincere in heart and wants to learn and be a better Muslim. Is this guy going to reject a girl simply because she is not as "good" as him?


Wasalam
 

Wulf

Junior Member
A'salaamu'aleikom.

I read this and still I wonder.

How many of us, when meeting for the first time, wear a mask?
A mask that is meant to impress , hiding the real self from view?

The post and subsequent replies are in many ways quite valid, but I would still ask myself whether the face I see, is the real face of the one I am addressing.
Twice I have fallen for the mask, only to see the real person behind the mask, after marriage, when the mask falls to the floor.

Yes, a person may well portray all of the finer qualities that one may look for in a partner, but who is to know what is in store later.
The gentleman in the story, in a futile attempt to impress, by denigrating another, only showed her his true face by his arrogance and boasting. She would be a very lucky woman in that she escaped.

So I wonder. Is this really a story, or a parable of reality?

W'salaam

Ibrahim.
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
Salaam,

The responses have been very illuminating to me. Frankly I would not have been interested in a brother who felt he was in a postition to judge me and condemn me for failing a popquiz. I think it was in her favor that she walked away from him. No one is perfect but we can do so much if we utilize compassion...somethign the brother in question was sorely lacking.

Wasalaam

~Sarah
 

Muslimah99

Bosnian Muslimah
:wasalam:

Haram!!!!!!

Its only a story, but in real life the man should only meet the girl in presence of her mahram! Not alone. So, I would say this guy is not very knowledgeable about Islam either :p haha

Wasalam

LOOL! EXACTLY!

:salam2:
 

Albint_Almuslima

Im Proud 2 B Me!
:salam2:

I started to have a crush on this guy!LOL. however after hearing brother Mabsoots reply i felt like beating this guy up.

I totally agree with brother Mabsoot, this guy had no right to test the girl because it is only Allah who tests.

I beautiful self would also be angry if someone called me ugly and i would have taken off my shoe and gave him a beating!LOL

Salam
 

shaheeda35

strive4Jannah
:salam2:
I agree totally!! We know what really matters when looking for a spouse, so lets focus on that inshallah!!!:hearts:
 
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