marriage

[Iberia]

Assalam mu alaikum. I have a brother who is interested in potentially marrying a sister he knows from his college. Alhamdullilah she is a convert sister who is very pious and has been muslim for three years now. The brother is from Bangladesh. He came across her while carrying the dawah. He realises however that he must keep away from her especially when she is on her own as prescribed by allah so that any chance of illegal intermingling are avoided. How is the brother to go about persueing her before giving a proposal?

Jazakallah

 

[Peace2u]

Assalam mu alaikum. I have a brother who is interested in potentially marrying a sister he knows from his college. Alhamdullilah she is a convert sister who is very pious and has been muslim for three years now. The brother is from Bangladesh. He came across her while carrying the dawah. He realises however that he must keep away from her especially when she is on her own as prescribed by allah so that any chance of illegal intermingling are avoided. How is the brother to go about persueing her before giving a proposal?

Jazakallah

I would suggest getting a Muslim sister involved, someone who can perhaps ask her if she is at least considering marriage at this stage. If she is then she can tell her about the brother who is interested in her.

Salam alai kum

 

[user expired!]

asalamualaykum,

if she has a brother then he should contact him if not then
if he has a sister then he should ask her to conctact the other sister and then apeak to her wali

 

[massi]

It's very easy go ahead. he go to her and ask her to married him it's easy .
he has three methode :
1- send a good honest sister to talk with her
2- if she has a wali ( her father or brother but it must be a muslim) and talk with him.
3- he go to her and talk with her about marriage directly. Incha Allah he will gain her Amin .

 

[Iberia]

Brother/sister user expired. I dont think she has a brother and neither does the brother have a sister. She is the only person in her family who has converted to islam everyone else is christian to my knowldge.

How would the brother deal with this situation?

 

[ShaheedU]

wa alaikumassalaam,

If the college has an ISOC, then going through head bro/sis might be a good idea.

 

[devotedsoul]

I live in australia and same from the same country. If he from Australia then I may help him.

 

[Iberia]

Sis/bro shaheedu whats a ISOC dont get what that is?

Jazakallah sis/bro devotesoul. Subhanallah you are from bengali aswell. Unfortunatly the brother is not from australia he is from england b'ham.

 

[ShaheedU]

Sis/bro shaheedu whats a ISOC dont get what that is?

Assalaamualaikum

Arghhhh, you put 'sis' first! nonono, its BRO definitely!

ISOC= Islaamic Society. Unis/Colleges usually have one, basically its the prayer room.

I was just thinking the Ameer and Ameerah could sort something out for these two muslims.

 

[Iberia]

This convert sister is very special. Bro shaheedu she is the head of the islamic society in my college. So I cant go to the head.

 

[Iberia]

I mean the brother cant go to the head.

 

[user expired!]

asalamualaikum,

Brother Iberia im Bengali if it helps.

1)If the brother is serious then he should do istikhara and go for it NOT do istikhara and wait for a reply!

2)Going through the Isoc is a gud idea depending on the maturity of the Isoc members!

3)Does the brother have any other friends in the Isoc?
if yes does any of his friends have any sisters invovled in the isoc if not try and get them to meet her after school or sumthing!

4)My advice is NOT to go to her directly as i have seen through sum of my own friends that the relationship between Practising Brothers and sisters can get strong and they can easliy fall into Harram.

5) if ur not still sure go to ur local Imam and ask him for advice!


p.s Brother Iberia try to remind the brother this is a sensitve Issue as the backgrounds of both of them is so different and having sum experience in livng in a Bengali household one should take extra care.

 

[Iberia]

I mean the brother cant go to the head.

 

[user expired!]

asalamualaykum

Im not sure of this but i think he can email her ! il try to find out.

 

[Iberia]

Bro/sis user expired. I read number 3 and that would not be feesable as the islamic society is fairly new and not many people have joined the society yet. The brother is fairly new to the college and does not no that many muslim people. Number 4 is something that the brother has seen a lot and does not want to go any where near that jahil path. I do understand the thinking of our mothers and fathers who have come from the crem de la crem of backwardness ie bangladesh. But they should realise that the best for their son or daughter lies in the hands of a pious man or woman not in wealth and beauty. Dont they realise that they will have better grand children who will be for the benefit of islam. Many of the convert brother/sisters are better muslims than the already born muslim brothers/sisters because they have studied the deen.

 

[user expired!]

asalamualaykum,
I agree with every thing u said but u have to realise that peopl in genreal dont like to 'to go out of the box' if u know what i mean.

We are a people who have a strong culture and quite extrem traditions which need to be reconsidered but to our parents this has been the norm and everything else is different but to us it is the opposite.

anotherr thing we have a in our community is gossip mongeres who will go around telling other peopl
'oh this boy gt married to a white girl cos he knocked her up'
just spreading deceitful rumours, Pride and family honour is a biggy in the asian subcontinent which has its benefits but if that gets Tarnish it seems we have lost everything.

We have to try to understand thier mind sets and what they came from and where they are know thats all im trying to say.

but Iberia make me 1 promise and that is u dont do the same and allow ur own children to marry from another culture or country !

 

[Iberia]

asalamualaykum,
I agree with every thing u said but u have to realise that peopl in genreal dont like to 'to go out of the box' if u know what i mean.

We are a people who have a strong culture and quite extrem traditions which need to be reconsidered but to our parents this has been the norm and everything else is different but to us it is the opposite.

anotherr thing we have a in our community is gossip mongeres who will go around telling other peopl
'oh this boy gt married to a white girl cos he knocked her up'
just spreading deceitful rumours, Pride and family honour is a biggy in the asian subcontinent which has its benefits but if that gets Tarnish it seems we have lost everything.
We have to try to understand thier mind sets and what they came from and where they are know thats all im trying to say.

but Iberia make me 1 promise and that is u dont do the same and allow ur own children to marry from another culture or country !


Alhamdullilah bro/sis I love your 'out of the box' analogy. Its fantastic. My mum and dad are exactly that. About the mainly hindu traditions they carry in their minds I am also very familiar with. But the paragraph about gossip mongers and back-biting is something Im terrified about most. It scares the life out of me. Something as innocent as a brother wanting to marry a convert sister (through the right shariah channels) who is very pious will defo be turned into 'oh this boy gt married to a white girl cos he knocked her up' . And I know there will be controversy. It is such a shame and a disgrace.
It seems to me bro/sis that you know this older generation community very well because the way you look at this community is exactly the way I do.

I always talk to my brothers about islam and alhamdullilah they do talk to me about marriage and I tell them everytime that my children and your children will definatly not just marry people of their own race. They will marry people from other races (mainly white convert sisters because they are pious.lol). Infact I told my younger two brothers that if mum and dad dont be around when it is there time they will marry another race person.

 

[devotedsoul]

self purification is must before marrige

This convert sister is very special. Bro shaheedu she is the head of the islamic society in my college. So I cant go to the head.

Sister,

Why u not help this brother. I know u r limitation but try and it's easy for a girl to reach to another girl. As a Bangladeshi guy living in sydney. I could realize that brother speacially if he is from the work of dawah, then I recommended him but the only thing before doing somethgin for him pls be sure he spents 4 months in the path of Allah as this is v important for a guy for his self purification.

We r doing the dawah work here in Australia and we know lot of ahwal about reverts in Auastralia as wel as little about UK. So, pls before doing some thing or if u do some thing for him pls advise him to spend 4 months in the path of allah. Then if he has self purification then he can do a lot and this sister and all other new and non-muslim will get lots of benifit from them inshallah.

 

[Mrmuslim]

salaam alikom,

I really dont see any BIG issue here. ! if she is a head of ISLAMIC org. in university She must have some kind of contact with Imam or shikh in your area, I dont see any one metion to go and talk with the IMAM, If Imam knows you well enough he can ask the sister on her behave.


Allah knows best, but if she dont have a wali who is Muslim I think best one go through is Imam in your area who you think know you and know her, since she is head of islamic org. in the university,


wa salaam alikom