My Daughter is a Muslim
Sunday, 08 April 2007
By Eva Vergaelen
Sunday, 08 April 2007
By Eva Vergaelen
Nele Godts grew up with her two brothers in a typical Belgian family. Her parents gave their children all the possibilities to develop their personalities. At the age of 17, Nele converted to Islam and changed her name to Nawal. Now, nine years later, Nawal is married to an Egyptian and teaches Qur’an to her neighbors. This is an interview with Tine and her daughter Nele, or Nawal, to others.
Mother Tine
“My daughter has two names: Nele, the name chosen by me and her father, and Nawal, the name chosen by herself when she entered Islam. Her husband and friends call her Nawal, which means ‘gift.’ For me she is and remains my Nele. And yes, she is a true gift.
When Nele was 17, she converted to Islam. For me, it all happened all of a sudden. I did not realize that she was interested in Islam, so it came a bit as a shock. It would have been easier for me if I would have been more involved, so as to share with her in her new way of life.
The first time we went out together while she was wearing a veil, I did not feel at ease. People were staring at her. Actually, the problems that we faced in our relation were mainly stirred by external factors. I often play the role of mediator when friends or family criticizes my daughter’s religious choice. Although I don’t entirely understand her choice, I respect it and defend her rights. I don’t see her in the first place as a Muslim, but as a young woman with a beautiful heart.
What bothers me is that sometimes there are certain Islamic practices, like gender division and wearing a veil. My generation had to fight for independence against suppressing influence. We symbolized our struggle through ‘liberal’ clothes and gender-mixed activities.
Christian traditions such as fasting, praying, or meditating belonged to the past. Now, I am confronted again with such religious rules, which is not easy. However, I admire the way Nele lives her religion. It really is a way of living, not just some practices. In our hectic lifestyle, we should reconsider the beauty of meditation - be it religiously inspired or otherwise.
Communicating in respect is the key for people of different cultures or religions to living together. Nele does not want to be near people who drink alcohol; however, alcohol in our culture is widely used. No one questions the fact that a birthday dinner goes with a bottle of wine.
Nele does not visit her relatives during festivities, because she knows that alcohol will be served. This is sometimes difficult for others to understand. I respect this, but many others don’t. They start focusing on the things that differentiate us instead of on those that bring us together. As such, social isolation is developed and communication fades away.
I was worried that Nele would be isolated from our society, especially because she wears ‘non-Western’ clothes and a veil, which are associated with foreigners. When she got married to an Egyptian and moved to Cairo, it felt in a way that she was going ‘home,’ to a place where she is considered to be part of. It is amazing the way their life is centered around religion. Our Western lifestyle is centered around time; we live according to our watch.
Nele was an emancipated and critical girl. Entering Islam seemed for me a contradicting choice. However, if I look beneath her veil and long clothes, she still is my strong girl and I am proud of her. Yes, my Nele is called Nawal, and yes, she is Muslim, but she will always remain my daughter whose personal development I support.”
Daughter Nele
“I was merely 17 when I woke up one morning and asked myself whether I believed in God and whether Muhammad (peace be upon him) was His Prophet and Messenger. I answered ‘yes,’ got up out of bed, and went to the mosque in Brussels.
After a long process of seeking the true message of God, I read the story of Prophet Salih. Prophet Salih was sent by God to the people of Thamud. They asked him to prove the existence of God. God sent a pregnant camel, made of rocks, and brought it to life.
While reading this story, I wondered to myself what proof I needed to believe in God. Was I really just seeking excuses not to believe in Him? I opened my heart and was blessed with His love.
I did not have to change my name, but I felt that I was in need of a new identity. My new name was a symbol of a new start. I changed as a person, not in my way of dealing with others, but of looking at life. I have different identities, such as daughter, wife, friend, and sister. I feel at home within all these identities.
I am at home among Muslims who try to live according to Islam. I am at home with my parents and brothers, who love me and whom I love despite our religious differences. Although my family does not understand my religious choice, they give me all the opportunities to develop myself in an Islamic way of life.
It has been nine years since I converted to Islam and, al-hamdu lillah, every day I am more convinced of the choice I made. I try to learn as much as possible about my religion and apply it to my daily life, in order to become a good person and a good Muslim. I share my knowledge with other girls who are interested in Islam and together we grow in our belief. I find it important to be critical towards myself and my belief.
The Qur’an is the word of God, but we are merely people with our own interpretation. We can only try to study Allah’s message and come as close as possible to Him. In the Western context, it is not easy to be a critical Muslim, since Islam is being blamed as the source of all evil. As a Muslim, you tend to defend your religion by isolating yourself as a community. However, as true Muslims, we should always be open for a dialogue.
When I started my life as a Muslim, I was still a teenager. As all teenagers, I was not very open towards my parents. Actually, they suddenly discovered that I converted just when I started wearing the veil. For me, this was a normal step in my religious development; for my parents, it came as a shock.
My communication skills grew over the years. Now, I find it important to involve my parents in seeking solutions when my perception on something clashes with theirs. Although we don’t always understand each other’s choices, we respect each other. As Nawal, I am proud to be a Muslim; and as Nele, I hope that my mother is proud of me being a good person.”
Eva Vergaelen lives in both Egypt and Belgium and works as a freelance journalist, with special interest in gender politics and identity. She wrote a book on female immigrants in Belgium. Eva studied African culture and obtained a master’s in governance and development. She embraced Islam in 2004.
