revertmuslimah
Junior Member
Asalaamu Alaikum brothers and sisters
Ok here goes, I'm going to tell you my story, my, I am a U.K Chinese muslim who was very westernised and secular (I'm now training to be an R.E teacher!). Growing up I didn't have a very happy childhood I was bullied at school and my home situation wasn't great, I felt I had nowhere to turn. At one point I was desperate to kill myself, I felt that no-one would ever love me. Physically I was very unattractive, bad acne, braces, boy's hair cut, too skinny oh and I had to wear glasses too. However it got better when I hit 17 my skin cleared up I got contact lenses and my mother couldn't forcibly cut my hair any more, my skin cleared up my braces came off. Suddenly overnight I had become attractive, no boy would have looked at me twice before and now they couldn't stop staring. At first I was really self-concious, then I began to become vain when I realised what power beauty holds, I wouldn't walk out the house without make-up on and I loved all the male attention I got. I did some very bad haram things which I regretted even then. I was known at uni for my looks.
I began to realise I was seeking the approval of others especially men and I thought that being beautiful was the way to do it. I had always felt that there was much more than being attractive how ever I just lapped it up. I had never had true friends, my friends were all jealous of the way I looked and the attention I got. They hatched plans against me and conspired to make me feel bad, they always left me out of social gatherings. I met guys who were only after one thing who only cared about how goodlooking a girl was and getting into her knickers. This pattern of unhappiness went on for nearly a year. I had a friend who's father was muslim he gave me an english translation of Al-Quran which was borrowed from me and never returned. I had muslim friends all non-practicing. I had this idea that Islam was an exclusive club you had to be Asian or Arab and born into. I had not met any practicing muslims, and therefore had a distorted view of Islam and muslims. It was during this time I realised good looks are not that important they are only skin deep. I realised how shallow I had become, I didn't want to be judged solely by my physical features but by my character. It was just so easy to buy into the whole western idea of beauty being the most important possession of a woman. I had been brainwashed my the media, by society and by my own insecurities. I had never really truly been happy, all the good things in my life were always tinged with bad.
Alhumdulillah I met my now fiance at uni he was non-practicing at the time and we have been together nearly 4 years now. When we first met we had a western boyfriend/girlfriend relationship which only changed when I reverted.
Well I had always been interested in Islam from the time of my GCSE's but didn't learn much as we were taught by a butch rugby player of a P.E teacher who didn't have a clue about R.E. At uni I had considered looking into Islam but was dissuaded by what I saw and what a friend told me. After uni I took a year to go and work and discovered how soul-destroying office work is. I decided I needed to find what I wanted to do, choose a career, I decided I wanted to be a teacher. So ok thats decided but teach what? English? maybe but my degree wasn't related, Social sciences? the courses at the uni's were too far away from where I wanted to be. Then eureka!!! R.E it is one of my favourite subjects when I was at school and perfect in Oxford not too far away from my now fiance.
So I started my teacher training course, moved into halls, went out clubbing and drinking, the same stuff as when I was at uni. This time a lot more sensibly. There was however still a very big gap in my life a kind of emptiness that teaching alone couldn't fill. While I was on the course I had become very good friends with a practicing muslim woman, for some reason we clicked as soon as we met and I spent a lot of time with her and we became very close. I really admired her confidence and demeanour, she just had a wonderful manner and was a great person to be around. I just felt so happy around her, she introduced me to another muslim woman also doing teaching but science we became close as well, she had a totally different personality, really girly and silly so much fun to be around. We became good friends too. This was before my reversion. I decided to look into Islam more and more and seriously considered reverting however I went to the mosque with the girls a couple of times. The first time we went to the mosque as a class to watch Jummah it was an amazing experience, just watching I felt like I was in the presence of something amazing (now I know it was Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) and his noor) SubhanAllah and the second time I prayed Jummah with one of the girls it felt so good. I also cover my head both times on these occasions proper hijab and modest clothing. Both of which I felt so comfortable with not self-conscious at all.
I then met a brother quite through what I saw as coincidence (though now I realised it was Allah guiding me) who was very practicing and I told him I had considered reverting, he immeadiately told me so many things and encouraged me to ask him lots of questions which I did. A lot of issues I had with Islam were reconciled through his answers to my questions he gave me a copy of Al-Quran, some literature and some CD's to listen to. He put me in touch with a white british revert sister and I chatted to her and met up immeadiately i felt a bond with her. After that I decided that I would revert at the same time I was teaching Sharia Law to my Year 11 pupils at their request this allowed me to do my own research into Islam. I had been ummming and ahhhhing over whether or not to revert because I am the type of person if they do something they have to do it properly 100%. for about a week I was speaking to my muslim friends and they told me to pray for guidance Allah (subhana wa ta'ala). The fact that I was getting upset over it meant that Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) had already opened my ears and ears and heart and was guiding me to the right path. I could not refute the truth any longer I was always meant to be a muslim Alhumdulillah. Once I made the decision I told all my muslim friends and they were really supportive. I decided that the week after I would make my Shahadah in the local mosque with the Imam, all my friends and my now fiance as my witnesses. SubhanAllah It was fantastic I felt so at home so loved and cared for and I honestly felt as if I had been born again. I'm still waiting for my certificate!
When I had been considering whether or not to revert I had been wearing a headscarf everywhere as I thought it would be a good idea for me to try it out and Alhumdulillah I loved it I felt so natural and the difference in how men treated me was amazing a lot more respect no more leering looks.
My now fiance who was non-practicing at the time I decided to revert was dead against me reverting as he thought that I was doing it for him so that we could marry I told him that he was not that important! He actually tried to forcibly remove my headscarf the first time he saw me wearing it! I just kind of sprung the reversion on him you see. This opened up a can of worms for our relationship I said to him immeadiately no more sexual relations as it is haram which was obviously very difficult for him and me as well but I adamant. It took him about two weeks to come round to the idea of me reverting and he started supporting me. The other effect of me reverting was that he began to feel extremely guilty for not practicing and my reversion made him feel very bad he then decided that he would start practicing again. This was difficult for him as he had not prayed properly since he was a child and didn't know how to pray properly and didn't even understand Islam himself due to the way he was brought up. I told him 2 weeks ago that I couldn't be with him unless he married me, so he had to decide whether or not to marry me. This was a big step for me but because it is haram for a man and woman to be alone togther even if they are not having sexual relations because the third person is shaytan. This made me feel extremely uncomfortable about being alone with him and made me issue this ultimatum. throughout our relationship I had always wanted him to marry me and commit but had never had the guts to actually give him an ultimatum. Islam gave me rights and respect as woman and I knew what we were doing was wrong so I gave him the ultimatum we didn't speak while he decided what to do. During this time I had decided that he would probably split up with me anyway so I decided to split with him instead and find a husband so I rang him to do this. He told me he had come to a decision and had an action plan too on how to get married. The cultural differences would mean this would not be easy I am Chinese and he is Pakistani and he would have to tell his parents in a gentle manner slowly.
Well I told him I didnt want to be with him as he wasn't practicing enough and we didn't speak until he called me at 7.00 am he had been driving around as he couldn't sleep. We agreed to meet up to talk face to face about this and eventually I realised why he wanted to marry me because he knew that I would be good for his Iman and that he could see himself going crazy and doing lots of haram things if he wasn't with me and also he loves me more than anything (those are his words not mine!). he also decided that he wanted to be more religious. Alhumdulillah well we agreed that he would tell his parents he wanted to get married soon and have a plan in place so that we can get married without hurting our parents feelings. I'm waiting for my engagement ring still!!
Well since I had reverted I had been seriously worried about how to tell my parents I was now a muslim. I thought it best to tell them that part first before the marriage part in case they thought that I was doing it for my fiance. Well I went home with my hijab on dressed modestly only my mum was home, she was more amused than anything else and watched me pray with curiousity. My dad was working till late and I was ready to sleep by the time he got back. So the next day we spent some of the morning talking about my reverting and they seemed fine with it we went out for lunch as a family my sister was back at home too. I decided not to wear my hijab out as they didn't like it. They seemed at first to accept my faith but they said to me that I shouldn't cover my head as as long as the faith is in my heart that is all that matters. I felt so bad not covering my head but it wasn't worth the argument. My parents increasing started to lecture me and shout at me the atmosphere deteriorated rapidly it ended with me leaving their house and going back to Oxford. They said some very nasty things to me like I was going to be a terrorist and I had been brainwashed. It ended up with them both yelling at me while i was crying my eyes out. I understand they have a lot of prejudices and are uneducated but it really hurt and I dont know what to do now. We haven't spoken since.
Reverting to Islam has been such a positive experience for me and I have never been happier.I don't regret it for a second and I would do it again. I have found true friends and a peacefulness I never had before everything has been easy apart from this one test but my Iman is strong and I pray inshAllah thaty it will continue to grow. I feel like I'm myself now and I have been able to solve many issues in my life through Islam. Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) has blessed me with so much and I will always truly be grateful. Any advice anyone can give me on how to deal with my parents especially the headscarf business would be appreciated.
May Allah bless us all and allow us to keep our Imans strong and our actions worthy of rewards. May he have mercy on us all and allow us to reach Jannah.
Jazak Allahu khair
Wa alaikum asalaam
Revertmuslimah 
Ok here goes, I'm going to tell you my story, my, I am a U.K Chinese muslim who was very westernised and secular (I'm now training to be an R.E teacher!). Growing up I didn't have a very happy childhood I was bullied at school and my home situation wasn't great, I felt I had nowhere to turn. At one point I was desperate to kill myself, I felt that no-one would ever love me. Physically I was very unattractive, bad acne, braces, boy's hair cut, too skinny oh and I had to wear glasses too. However it got better when I hit 17 my skin cleared up I got contact lenses and my mother couldn't forcibly cut my hair any more, my skin cleared up my braces came off. Suddenly overnight I had become attractive, no boy would have looked at me twice before and now they couldn't stop staring. At first I was really self-concious, then I began to become vain when I realised what power beauty holds, I wouldn't walk out the house without make-up on and I loved all the male attention I got. I did some very bad haram things which I regretted even then. I was known at uni for my looks.
I began to realise I was seeking the approval of others especially men and I thought that being beautiful was the way to do it. I had always felt that there was much more than being attractive how ever I just lapped it up. I had never had true friends, my friends were all jealous of the way I looked and the attention I got. They hatched plans against me and conspired to make me feel bad, they always left me out of social gatherings. I met guys who were only after one thing who only cared about how goodlooking a girl was and getting into her knickers. This pattern of unhappiness went on for nearly a year. I had a friend who's father was muslim he gave me an english translation of Al-Quran which was borrowed from me and never returned. I had muslim friends all non-practicing. I had this idea that Islam was an exclusive club you had to be Asian or Arab and born into. I had not met any practicing muslims, and therefore had a distorted view of Islam and muslims. It was during this time I realised good looks are not that important they are only skin deep. I realised how shallow I had become, I didn't want to be judged solely by my physical features but by my character. It was just so easy to buy into the whole western idea of beauty being the most important possession of a woman. I had been brainwashed my the media, by society and by my own insecurities. I had never really truly been happy, all the good things in my life were always tinged with bad.
Alhumdulillah I met my now fiance at uni he was non-practicing at the time and we have been together nearly 4 years now. When we first met we had a western boyfriend/girlfriend relationship which only changed when I reverted.
Well I had always been interested in Islam from the time of my GCSE's but didn't learn much as we were taught by a butch rugby player of a P.E teacher who didn't have a clue about R.E. At uni I had considered looking into Islam but was dissuaded by what I saw and what a friend told me. After uni I took a year to go and work and discovered how soul-destroying office work is. I decided I needed to find what I wanted to do, choose a career, I decided I wanted to be a teacher. So ok thats decided but teach what? English? maybe but my degree wasn't related, Social sciences? the courses at the uni's were too far away from where I wanted to be. Then eureka!!! R.E it is one of my favourite subjects when I was at school and perfect in Oxford not too far away from my now fiance.
So I started my teacher training course, moved into halls, went out clubbing and drinking, the same stuff as when I was at uni. This time a lot more sensibly. There was however still a very big gap in my life a kind of emptiness that teaching alone couldn't fill. While I was on the course I had become very good friends with a practicing muslim woman, for some reason we clicked as soon as we met and I spent a lot of time with her and we became very close. I really admired her confidence and demeanour, she just had a wonderful manner and was a great person to be around. I just felt so happy around her, she introduced me to another muslim woman also doing teaching but science we became close as well, she had a totally different personality, really girly and silly so much fun to be around. We became good friends too. This was before my reversion. I decided to look into Islam more and more and seriously considered reverting however I went to the mosque with the girls a couple of times. The first time we went to the mosque as a class to watch Jummah it was an amazing experience, just watching I felt like I was in the presence of something amazing (now I know it was Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) and his noor) SubhanAllah and the second time I prayed Jummah with one of the girls it felt so good. I also cover my head both times on these occasions proper hijab and modest clothing. Both of which I felt so comfortable with not self-conscious at all.
I then met a brother quite through what I saw as coincidence (though now I realised it was Allah guiding me) who was very practicing and I told him I had considered reverting, he immeadiately told me so many things and encouraged me to ask him lots of questions which I did. A lot of issues I had with Islam were reconciled through his answers to my questions he gave me a copy of Al-Quran, some literature and some CD's to listen to. He put me in touch with a white british revert sister and I chatted to her and met up immeadiately i felt a bond with her. After that I decided that I would revert at the same time I was teaching Sharia Law to my Year 11 pupils at their request this allowed me to do my own research into Islam. I had been ummming and ahhhhing over whether or not to revert because I am the type of person if they do something they have to do it properly 100%. for about a week I was speaking to my muslim friends and they told me to pray for guidance Allah (subhana wa ta'ala). The fact that I was getting upset over it meant that Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) had already opened my ears and ears and heart and was guiding me to the right path. I could not refute the truth any longer I was always meant to be a muslim Alhumdulillah. Once I made the decision I told all my muslim friends and they were really supportive. I decided that the week after I would make my Shahadah in the local mosque with the Imam, all my friends and my now fiance as my witnesses. SubhanAllah It was fantastic I felt so at home so loved and cared for and I honestly felt as if I had been born again. I'm still waiting for my certificate!
When I had been considering whether or not to revert I had been wearing a headscarf everywhere as I thought it would be a good idea for me to try it out and Alhumdulillah I loved it I felt so natural and the difference in how men treated me was amazing a lot more respect no more leering looks.
My now fiance who was non-practicing at the time I decided to revert was dead against me reverting as he thought that I was doing it for him so that we could marry I told him that he was not that important! He actually tried to forcibly remove my headscarf the first time he saw me wearing it! I just kind of sprung the reversion on him you see. This opened up a can of worms for our relationship I said to him immeadiately no more sexual relations as it is haram which was obviously very difficult for him and me as well but I adamant. It took him about two weeks to come round to the idea of me reverting and he started supporting me. The other effect of me reverting was that he began to feel extremely guilty for not practicing and my reversion made him feel very bad he then decided that he would start practicing again. This was difficult for him as he had not prayed properly since he was a child and didn't know how to pray properly and didn't even understand Islam himself due to the way he was brought up. I told him 2 weeks ago that I couldn't be with him unless he married me, so he had to decide whether or not to marry me. This was a big step for me but because it is haram for a man and woman to be alone togther even if they are not having sexual relations because the third person is shaytan. This made me feel extremely uncomfortable about being alone with him and made me issue this ultimatum. throughout our relationship I had always wanted him to marry me and commit but had never had the guts to actually give him an ultimatum. Islam gave me rights and respect as woman and I knew what we were doing was wrong so I gave him the ultimatum we didn't speak while he decided what to do. During this time I had decided that he would probably split up with me anyway so I decided to split with him instead and find a husband so I rang him to do this. He told me he had come to a decision and had an action plan too on how to get married. The cultural differences would mean this would not be easy I am Chinese and he is Pakistani and he would have to tell his parents in a gentle manner slowly.
Well I told him I didnt want to be with him as he wasn't practicing enough and we didn't speak until he called me at 7.00 am he had been driving around as he couldn't sleep. We agreed to meet up to talk face to face about this and eventually I realised why he wanted to marry me because he knew that I would be good for his Iman and that he could see himself going crazy and doing lots of haram things if he wasn't with me and also he loves me more than anything (those are his words not mine!). he also decided that he wanted to be more religious. Alhumdulillah well we agreed that he would tell his parents he wanted to get married soon and have a plan in place so that we can get married without hurting our parents feelings. I'm waiting for my engagement ring still!!
Well since I had reverted I had been seriously worried about how to tell my parents I was now a muslim. I thought it best to tell them that part first before the marriage part in case they thought that I was doing it for my fiance. Well I went home with my hijab on dressed modestly only my mum was home, she was more amused than anything else and watched me pray with curiousity. My dad was working till late and I was ready to sleep by the time he got back. So the next day we spent some of the morning talking about my reverting and they seemed fine with it we went out for lunch as a family my sister was back at home too. I decided not to wear my hijab out as they didn't like it. They seemed at first to accept my faith but they said to me that I shouldn't cover my head as as long as the faith is in my heart that is all that matters. I felt so bad not covering my head but it wasn't worth the argument. My parents increasing started to lecture me and shout at me the atmosphere deteriorated rapidly it ended with me leaving their house and going back to Oxford. They said some very nasty things to me like I was going to be a terrorist and I had been brainwashed. It ended up with them both yelling at me while i was crying my eyes out. I understand they have a lot of prejudices and are uneducated but it really hurt and I dont know what to do now. We haven't spoken since.
Reverting to Islam has been such a positive experience for me and I have never been happier.I don't regret it for a second and I would do it again. I have found true friends and a peacefulness I never had before everything has been easy apart from this one test but my Iman is strong and I pray inshAllah thaty it will continue to grow. I feel like I'm myself now and I have been able to solve many issues in my life through Islam. Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) has blessed me with so much and I will always truly be grateful. Any advice anyone can give me on how to deal with my parents especially the headscarf business would be appreciated.
May Allah bless us all and allow us to keep our Imans strong and our actions worthy of rewards. May he have mercy on us all and allow us to reach Jannah.
Jazak Allahu khair
Wa alaikum asalaam
Revertmuslimah
