As salaam wa rahmathullah
The real reason why I opened this site was to get help. I alo don't understand where to post this so sorry if i posted in the wrong section.
I don’t want to sound like an annoying brat but I’m not. I feel like I’ve failed at everything miserably. My friends all have stable life while I’m still stuck at a community college (5years). I have nothing going for me. Ever since I’ve been placed on academic probation I felt like I’ve been behind in school. Finical Aid used to pay for my classes but since I was placed on probation, they took it away from me. The college wanted me to take 2 classes at time per semester until my gpa got up to 2.0! I’m the oldest in my family whose supposed to be setting a good example for my siblings but instead they all have their sh..t together while I don’t. My younger sister is graduating before me next semester (Mashallah)
My siblings and I all attend an Islamic Quran school and we go there to learn and memorize the words of Allah. And sadly their all ahead of me in Quran and inshallah I think 2 of them will finish this year. But me I’m sooo behind and I just feel like quitting because I’m the oldest in that Islamic Quran School and was there for many years and not getting anywhere. My dream was to become a hafiz but it looks like I will never become a hafiz. My parents are also making it worse for me by pressuring me to finish quickly. My younger sister the one that’s graduating before me is also finishing the Quran before me. My parents tell me all the time that I’m useless and will never accomplish anything and I think their right ;(
I work at a retail job and I hate it so much. I want to work at an office job or do work-study but I always end up at fast-food and retail jobs. I applied to soo many jobs but no luck on anything. I’m also losing most of my friends because they have all graduated or either got married or moved away and some transferred to a university and me nothing. I’m so depressed with my life and my parents make it worse for me.
Another major problem is my family. My mother likes to control every aspect of our life including my dad. She is so annoying and I have kept my mouth shut, never disrespected her. But as the years goes by, she irritates me so baldy. My mother doesn’t want to do anything and she believes she shouldn’t have to plus she carries this really bad culture (and I hate it). She wants me to work fulltime and hand her all my money to her, wants me to become a hafiz so her friends could be like omg your such wonderful mother, she also expects me and my other sister to take care of my little sibling. While my father works. What’s her role in her life… nothing but to dictate everyone else in our family? She doesn’t work or do the chores around the house because that’s our job, she doesn’t go to school and recently attend a Islamic Quran class for adults and they only meet up once a week! Yet she complains about how we do our job..how we don’t make enough…how we don’t treat her right.
My parents fight every day in front of the kids they say the worst things to us and to each other. There has been even when they both got physical and the little ones were crying. My mother tends to curse everyday like “I wish you were dead or I wish..” I don’t even want to say some of things because it’s sooo bad. My dad is sick and tired of her. My younger sister is planning to escape by finishing her college than walking out the door. Me I can’t cause I’m behind and I think my younger littler brother who repels so baldy will one day run way. She thinks were the problem and not her. We’ve all tried to talk to her but she doesn’t want to listen. She doesn’t appreciate what her daughters do but instead wants more. Every sing day and I mean it theirs a problem in our family. I feel like were cursed and the cure to the curse is separate us to different countries.
I’ve thought about suicide but never and will never have the courage to do it! Friends and people always tell me to never give up hope but I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I have no control in anything and nothing. I feel so hopeless and I stopped caring for myself. I lost so much weight due to depressing and loss of sleep. People tell me every day at work or down street if I was anorexia. My parent’s pressure me way too much and it’s reaching the breaking point. No one ever wants to listens to me. My escape would have been marriage but after going through all of this with my parents’ marriage became a nightmare. I used to love kids and wanted to have 5-6 but now I’m lucky if I have one. I also feel unattractive to men and sometimes despise them.
My health is getting worse although I work and make the most in my family. I don’t have any money or insurance for dental and I have three cavities that are rotten. I can’t sleep at night without waking up like 4-5 times and I weigh 107 for a person whose 5’7talk, a normal healthy weight would be 140 and no where am I close. My skin is too dry and my bones are fragile. I’m very weak. The last time I’ve been to a doctor was like three years ago and last summer I was hospitalized for stomach virus. My money goes to her and no bills are ever paid on time or we end up paying so many charges due to late bills. I don’t get it? My sister, my dad, older brother and I all work and the government help us pay rent. Yet we don’t know what happens to the money. When we ask her what happens to the money she gets very angry starts screaming start saying you think I spend the money on myself?? I can even save my own money; she gets angry if I don’t give it to her and her excuse are we have to pay for gas. I work to darn hard with my job and if I’m lucky I get 50-100 dollars out of my paycheck. I spend those 50-100 dollars on food for the next two weeks or products because I’m girls and I need some stuff plus I pay for gas.
I feel like I wasted my teenage years taking care of my parents, working and stressing over the bills at a young age that now I just want life to be done with! I can’t stand anything anymore even the littlest stuff bothers me. I want to run away so baldy. I’ve dream of being in island where no one exists not even creators. I hate myself, my family, job, college and everything else. I feel like I’m being punished for something but I can’t think of anything. I do believe in Allah and his prophets. Please I want real answers not because “Allah is testing you”.
The real reason why I opened this site was to get help. I alo don't understand where to post this so sorry if i posted in the wrong section.
I don’t want to sound like an annoying brat but I’m not. I feel like I’ve failed at everything miserably. My friends all have stable life while I’m still stuck at a community college (5years). I have nothing going for me. Ever since I’ve been placed on academic probation I felt like I’ve been behind in school. Finical Aid used to pay for my classes but since I was placed on probation, they took it away from me. The college wanted me to take 2 classes at time per semester until my gpa got up to 2.0! I’m the oldest in my family whose supposed to be setting a good example for my siblings but instead they all have their sh..t together while I don’t. My younger sister is graduating before me next semester (Mashallah)
My siblings and I all attend an Islamic Quran school and we go there to learn and memorize the words of Allah. And sadly their all ahead of me in Quran and inshallah I think 2 of them will finish this year. But me I’m sooo behind and I just feel like quitting because I’m the oldest in that Islamic Quran School and was there for many years and not getting anywhere. My dream was to become a hafiz but it looks like I will never become a hafiz. My parents are also making it worse for me by pressuring me to finish quickly. My younger sister the one that’s graduating before me is also finishing the Quran before me. My parents tell me all the time that I’m useless and will never accomplish anything and I think their right ;(
I work at a retail job and I hate it so much. I want to work at an office job or do work-study but I always end up at fast-food and retail jobs. I applied to soo many jobs but no luck on anything. I’m also losing most of my friends because they have all graduated or either got married or moved away and some transferred to a university and me nothing. I’m so depressed with my life and my parents make it worse for me.
Another major problem is my family. My mother likes to control every aspect of our life including my dad. She is so annoying and I have kept my mouth shut, never disrespected her. But as the years goes by, she irritates me so baldy. My mother doesn’t want to do anything and she believes she shouldn’t have to plus she carries this really bad culture (and I hate it). She wants me to work fulltime and hand her all my money to her, wants me to become a hafiz so her friends could be like omg your such wonderful mother, she also expects me and my other sister to take care of my little sibling. While my father works. What’s her role in her life… nothing but to dictate everyone else in our family? She doesn’t work or do the chores around the house because that’s our job, she doesn’t go to school and recently attend a Islamic Quran class for adults and they only meet up once a week! Yet she complains about how we do our job..how we don’t make enough…how we don’t treat her right.
My parents fight every day in front of the kids they say the worst things to us and to each other. There has been even when they both got physical and the little ones were crying. My mother tends to curse everyday like “I wish you were dead or I wish..” I don’t even want to say some of things because it’s sooo bad. My dad is sick and tired of her. My younger sister is planning to escape by finishing her college than walking out the door. Me I can’t cause I’m behind and I think my younger littler brother who repels so baldy will one day run way. She thinks were the problem and not her. We’ve all tried to talk to her but she doesn’t want to listen. She doesn’t appreciate what her daughters do but instead wants more. Every sing day and I mean it theirs a problem in our family. I feel like were cursed and the cure to the curse is separate us to different countries.
I’ve thought about suicide but never and will never have the courage to do it! Friends and people always tell me to never give up hope but I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I have no control in anything and nothing. I feel so hopeless and I stopped caring for myself. I lost so much weight due to depressing and loss of sleep. People tell me every day at work or down street if I was anorexia. My parent’s pressure me way too much and it’s reaching the breaking point. No one ever wants to listens to me. My escape would have been marriage but after going through all of this with my parents’ marriage became a nightmare. I used to love kids and wanted to have 5-6 but now I’m lucky if I have one. I also feel unattractive to men and sometimes despise them.
My health is getting worse although I work and make the most in my family. I don’t have any money or insurance for dental and I have three cavities that are rotten. I can’t sleep at night without waking up like 4-5 times and I weigh 107 for a person whose 5’7talk, a normal healthy weight would be 140 and no where am I close. My skin is too dry and my bones are fragile. I’m very weak. The last time I’ve been to a doctor was like three years ago and last summer I was hospitalized for stomach virus. My money goes to her and no bills are ever paid on time or we end up paying so many charges due to late bills. I don’t get it? My sister, my dad, older brother and I all work and the government help us pay rent. Yet we don’t know what happens to the money. When we ask her what happens to the money she gets very angry starts screaming start saying you think I spend the money on myself?? I can even save my own money; she gets angry if I don’t give it to her and her excuse are we have to pay for gas. I work to darn hard with my job and if I’m lucky I get 50-100 dollars out of my paycheck. I spend those 50-100 dollars on food for the next two weeks or products because I’m girls and I need some stuff plus I pay for gas.
I feel like I wasted my teenage years taking care of my parents, working and stressing over the bills at a young age that now I just want life to be done with! I can’t stand anything anymore even the littlest stuff bothers me. I want to run away so baldy. I’ve dream of being in island where no one exists not even creators. I hate myself, my family, job, college and everything else. I feel like I’m being punished for something but I can’t think of anything. I do believe in Allah and his prophets. Please I want real answers not because “Allah is testing you”.