*Please help me*

[Believer1985]

Salam
i have previously visited my Islamic teacher and told her everything. She told me my marriage had been nulified, so i am actually single. the only thing binding us is a piece of paper that has my signature on it. i need to sort that out but my family thinks i AM married, just because it is OK from their perspectives. they see/hear what they want to see/hear and not the truth

 

[zakariya]

iam not strenge but please check it befor saying

salamu alakum warahmatulahi wabarakatuhu

the only what i can say to u is u have a man to marry u som women
west even cant gate one
in america millions of women haven a man we not talking about marriege even somthing use west haram way so please open u mind and eyes
dont be blind person open heart for this person and tray to be a welcome to him lat him talk coud be good for u many ways ans say alhamdulilah becoue
u gat a muslim bro to marry u and som even sis haven this
subhanalah i realy dont now way iam advise to u
couse the word u use is west man word to blind people like u
so i shoudant to advice u becouse u history totaly blind so the only one can understand is west men becouse thay love it muslim women saying like this
and i now this word wre u gat this so blid for ever lol
salam

 

[Believer1985]

Salam
I did not entirely understand your reply, but I am not blind.
I do not have to marry him just because he is available. isnt marriage meant to involve love and devotion afterall?

May Allah guide you and forgive you for having called me blind.
I've noticed many people here are openly judgemental...do you not know it is wrong to judge one another in Islam? May Allah forgive all of you who judged me here!

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Sister you used the word that you are dyslexic. That was your word. That is a reading disability and use stated that you were. I simply told you that is not an excuse. There are many dyslexic people in the world. It is a disability. However it does not stop people from making rational and logical decisions.

You did not get the responses you wanted. This is part of being an adult. No-one is judging you. I only responsed to your statements. If you were reduced to tears it is no bearing on the sisters who responded. The reality is there are many deserving women in need of Muslim husbands. Just be fair to yourself and get a divorce/nullification. Be honest with yourself and come to peace with yourself.

It is not my position to judge. You asked for honesty and I was honest. You are very young and do not have the life experiences that allow you to see the lovely position you are in. But it is your choice. Make the decision that will least hurt everyone; if you are unsure please do not marry a man and be bitter when you become a mother. That would hurt many innocent people.

 

[Believer1985]

It is not my fault I have the mind of someone a few years younger than me. It is the way Allah created me.
Dyslexia does not specifically mean Reading Difficulty. there are many types.
why would i put my family through this on purpose? i am unhappy and know this isnt a game.
May Allah guide you for being so cold towards me! (that is my truth)

 

[OmarTheFrench]

Try to talk with him may Allah can help you.

 

[IslamIsLight]

assalamu aleikum to all
I agree with the siter that we shouldn't be harsh here.
I didn't like some of the replies here..Mirajmom,she is only 19 .Yes we can be honest but in polite way,without attacking anyone,or being rude...

Sister shared her story here with us .she came to this forum to find suport and help ,and we are attacking and judging her
She shared her problem and her disability, and Allah knows best
As someone said in above post u need to find a knowledgable person ,who can help u to annulate the paper and the merriage InshaAllah
Everything will be solved,InshaAllah....
And I can understand the situation when some people want to get married just to get out of their countires
U going thru all this and u know better
We don't know all the sotory and can't judge here
May Allah help you and make it easy for u
waaleikum salam

 

[Believer1985]

That is my plan. Thanks

 

[Believer1985]

Salam and THANK YOU aisha1114!
Your words are most kind.

I will see what I can do. I am afaid as my dad can be violent. i know hes unhappy that i wish to break up the relationship

This man will come to England tomorrow (Aug 20) and all my famil will be there. Aunts and Uncles ect. it will be so hard!
pray to Allah for guidance and support

Salam

 

[melissa123]

Salam,

I agree that some of the posts have been harsh, because for you this must be a scary and intimmidating situation. You werent forced into this situation, however, it seems like you said yes out of pressure, thinking it would make things better for a while, but in fact it has made the situation harder for you. All I can advise is that you must either end it now, or make the decision to give the brother a chance in the hope that he is a good man. Either way, you should make a decision now and go through with it, rather than not have your mind made up about this. It may help give you courage if you have a plan now...

 

[IslamIsLight]

salamu alakum warahmatulahi wabarakatuhu

the only what i can say to u is u have a man to marry u som women
west even cant gate one
in america millions of women haven a man we not talking about marriege even somthing use west haram way so please open u mind and eyes
dont be blind person open heart for this person and tray to be a welcome to him lat him talk coud be good for u many ways ans say alhamdulilah becoue
u gat a muslim bro to marry u and som even sis haven this
subhanalah i realy dont now way iam advise to u
couse the word u use is west man word to blind people like u
so i shoudant to advice u becouse u history totaly blind so the only one can understand is west men becouse thay love it muslim women saying like this
and i now this word wre u gat this so blid for ever lol
salam

assalamu aleikum
wow
We don't need to be rude here
Do u know her situation,Do u know her,her history ,that u saying is blind,???????????how can u make such a conclusion and call her blind


TO EVERYONE ON THIS FORUM

WE DON'T JUDGE NOBODY HERE
WE DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT
WE HAVE TO BE POLITE

waaleikum salam

 

[melissa123]

I agree, at this time she needs our advice and support... this must be so hard for her, she didnt know that she could be in this situation maybe...

 

[jabba]

:salam2:
inshAllah take a look at this thread if you haven't so already
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16835

 

[Aapa]

Salaam.

I was not being rude. I was being honest. The young woman stated many excuses for a decision she made and now wants out. Part of being an adult is to be accountable for making a decision and its consequences. That is called adult.
We live in a world where there are many people with serious issues. Women who have chidren to feed at the age of 19 and do not know where the next meal is coming from. We have widows at the age of 19. We have young women who are forced into prostitution to feed their families.
Sisters...do not make the ummath weak by giving poor excuses. Because the bottom line is a poor excuse. I work with people with disabilites and I advocate for them. The sister put her issues out there. If she does not like the responses..that is on her. I wrote the truth.
I do not have time for this. We have major issues to deal with for the sake of Islam. There are millions of Muslims without food and water. For the sake of Islam young woman come to your senses and think.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam sister,

I am a little late in responding to this but I have finals this week in school and don't get much time online. You call yourself obtuse but I think you sell yourself short in this respect. Your post was clear and concise and you were succinct in decribing the problem and your emotions surrounding the issue. And while you may be mentally younger than your biological age you still comes across as understanding what a marriage contract is.

You have many options though deciding between them may be difficult. You can go greet this man tomorrow and see if there can be a succesful marriage made of your union. You state his mother has used less-than-trustworthy methods to marry her children off but that may not reflect upon his character. Afterall we can only be held responsible for our own actions.

However, as you stated, we have not met these people and do not know their character. What is the man like? Is there a reason you are opposed to being married to him? Did you speak with him while you were in different countries or are you still virtual strangers? If you have communicated with him was there something that made you uncomfortable? These are legitimate worries if your instinct is telling you not to trust this person if you have already met and spoke with him. If you have not then maybe it is simply fear speaking to you.

The second option is to refuse to consummate the nikah and divorce him. This is your right in Islam and no one can remove that right from you. You say your father is prone to violence, would he abuse you if you divorced? If so then I recommend you finding a safe place to be before calling off the marriage.

None of this is easy because the situation surrounding your nikah was less than ideal. While you are young I do not find you obtuse or unintelligent...quite the opposite. I know you are afraid and probably panicking at this point and I will pray dua for you tonight. I am sorry you are in pain and feeling trapped but be strong sister, in the end this may turn out to be awonderful blessing. try to keep your wits about you and trust in Allah.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[Mrmuslim]

salaam alikom

With all do respect to you all, NON of you in her shoe so dont start saying for example:
you are an adult you said yes that mean you agreed etc ...
What kind of excuses you all talking about..? have you been under pressure from the whole family to the point you have not choice except saying YES ?

Give me a break... what I see that most of you are attacking the sister rather than advising her, judging her based on your own opinion

ISLAM dosnt call marriage by force and what I see in this situation is forcing by keeping talking to her for a the whole Wmonth since she SAID NO first time, to the point she had to say Yes.

When some one asked for marrige and I am sure she already seen the guy and she said NO that means NO.

some of you say you werent rude well please read your post again if you dont feel you been rude ..BUT when otherS read it and think your post sound rude then Your post is rude


If any one of you have a good advise to post you are most welcom to post but making one of the members cry and attacking them more than advising please then keep your advise to your self.

For the sake of Islam young woman come to your senses and think.

last but not least that dosnt mean who ever comes to marry a young woman she have to agree on him IF she have excuse and she dont like him then this VALID excuse in Islam

Any excuse she have even if its tiny excuse may be in your eyes is NOTHING , but for her its a big issue so please all of you THINK before you reply dont try to pass fatwa's.

at the time of the prophet peace be up on him, a woman came to the prophet peace be up on him and she want the divorce because she just didnt like her husband she cant live with him and the prophet peace be up on him granted it for her from her husband.


Take in consideration what sisters and brohter said in positive way, even though it sounded rude they mean good insha Allah.

So sister if you did istikhara and you dont like this person ask an Imam or shiekh to get involved with your family if your teacher who have islamic knowldege said its not a marriage then you need to talk to your family and get imam involved.

Allah help you.

Wa salaam alikom

Wa Allah knows best


wa salaam alikom

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Brother, I am the one you quoted. I am dismayed that you would think my response was rude. I am anything but rude. The young woman is whimiscal.
We can not beat around the bush when a person is about to make a major decision in her life. She is scared; she made a poor decision. Now she has to confront the people whose lives will be affected.
Yes, I stand by what I wrote. We have too many important issues regarding women. Brother what can you say to me about marriage. Brother what can you say to me about supporting a family without a husband. Brother how can you answer me about the widows of war at 19; brother how are you going to tell me I am rude when there are mothers who have to feed their children and have no food.
Brother, I was not rude. I was real. The young woman choose to cry. She has to stand by her decision. It is that simple. If anything you owe me an apology. You know my age, I have posted here for a long time. I am honest.
I am a woman of my word. I am the oldest female on this forum and I am a counselor. I have never been treated so poorly by a brother. Brother, I am very saddened by your remarks. I take this to heart.

 

[Mrmuslim]

salaam alikom

Sister I respect your opinion in my view it sounded rude, all what you said has nothing to do with this sister there are sisters who dont have any support there are sisters who are widow, there are sisters who supporting thier children alone, but do you want to add her to these sisters too?

She have been under P R E S S U R E it dosnt have to be a pressure by hand, she Said Yes under pressure it dosnt COUNT islamically.

All what you said I respect it, and yes I quoted you because I dont agree with your words, it sounded more likly that sisters are wasting thier time if they refused a brother... and I am sure marriage is more than we know.

Well i dont mind apologyzing if you feel I owe apology ( I am sorry ), having different opinion dosnt mean I am mad with you or with your post.

But the way you wrote it sound rude to me, the sister did what she did while she was under pressure, and now she feels what she did wasnt what she wanted, same thing when some brother and sisters get forced to study certain fields just because thier parents force time in to it, and later they know they shouldnt made or choose the field they are studying..

But as some of yous said WHO knows may be it work out, but the way she been married is NOT right islamically if that what we are talking about ISLAMIC way.

Wa salaam alikom

 

[Aapa]

Salaam Brother,

Forgive me, I still contend that I was not intentionally being rude. You did use a good word pressure. But brother, pressure is internal. The young woman brought pressure upon herself.

Is it not incumbent upon Muslims to be honest. Yes, I am including this young woman with all women. I did not state the other women felt sorry for themselves. Many of the women I described are humble women. There is nothing wrong with these women. As a matter of fact they would make excellent wives as they have learned the lessons of life, of surviving, of being grateful, of being patient, and of being postive, that no matter what conditions are presented to them they will keep on keeping on, with a lowered gaze and a smile in their eyes.

Islam does not nor will it ever coerece women into anything.


This is an ongoing issue. There are many women who are raised in the west and do not wish to follow the advise of their parents. I have seen cases whereas young women married men raised in the east and it was a disaster. It is very difficult. Yes, there are cultural clashes. The young woman brought up many issues. One serious issue is the physcial abuse. The second issue is "papers". Those would serve well on other threads.

 

[Amirah20]

salaam alikom

Sister I respect your opinion in my view it sounded rude, all what you said has nothing to do with this sister there are sisters who dont have any support there are sisters who are widow, there are sisters who supporting thier children alone, but do you want to add her to these sisters too?

She have been under P R E S S U R E it dosnt have to be a pressure by hand, she Said Yes under pressure it dosnt COUNT islamically.

All what you said I respect it, and yes I quoted you because I dont agree with your words, it sounded more likly that sisters are wasting thier time if they refused a brother... and I am sure marriage is more than we know.

Well i dont mind apologyzing if you feel I owe apology ( I am sorry ), having different opinion dosnt mean I am mad with you or with your post.

But the way you wrote it sound rude to me, the sister did what she did while she was under pressure, and now she feels what she did wasnt what she wanted, same thing when some brother and sisters get forced to study certain fields just because thier parents force time in to it, and later they know they shouldnt made or choose the field they are studying..

But as some of yous said WHO knows may be it work out, but the way she been married is NOT right islamically if that what we are talking about ISLAMIC way.

Wa salaam alikom

true brother! I was so surprised to see what many people said. This is one of the main reasons why I would never turn to these people for advice. Sis Believer I’m sorry for the way some ppl here responded. Anyone who wants to respond be nice or be quiet. Sis Believer keep us updated inshaAllah.

love ya fisabillilah.