:salam2:brother's and sister's.Am confused and need your help.My doubt is that i have many boy friends(not lover's) I normally chat with them through text and phone calls i came across to one Islamic book stating that men and women should lower their gaze at each.If that's the case, are we then allowed to be doing such things as i mentioned above..........THANKS
PLEASE HELP
- Thread starter Gayer
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nyerekareem
abdur-rahman
:salam2:
the book you have come across was stating the right thing. all throughout my life i have had many female friends. actually i have had more female friends than i have had male friends. today, i hardly have any because i have grown more serious in my deen. every now and then they try to contact me to hang out with them like i used to. i always end up making myself unavailable.
there will be times when contact with the opposite gender is unavoidable, especially here in america. therefore, one has to try their best to avoid such happenings. i mean, i've known these women most of my life, so it's not easy to let them go like that, but if i don't i could be putting my jannah at stake.
another thing to consider is that insha'ALLAH you will be getting married someday, and your marriage will be very strained if you have members of the opposite sex calling you, sending you text messages, and even visits at the coffee shop. it's really not worth it.
saffanah
speak good or silent
Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullah
Sister,this book is right, we should lower our gaze toward men.
So, it will be better if you chat only with female friends.
Others may say, what's wrong if we talk to boys? because it will lead you to another acts (i.e. see each other, arrange meeting, dating...) and Allah forbids that to protects us from evil things.
So, ukhti (my sister),
Be patience in doing good deeds, may Allah guide you always...Amin
Sister,this book is right, we should lower our gaze toward men.
So, it will be better if you chat only with female friends.
Others may say, what's wrong if we talk to boys? because it will lead you to another acts (i.e. see each other, arrange meeting, dating...) and Allah forbids that to protects us from evil things.
So, ukhti (my sister),
Be patience in doing good deeds, may Allah guide you always...Amin
Munawar
Striving for Paradise
:salam2:
Sister it really hard to tell who is chatting with you on the other end. There are always a lot of bad people roaming around the internet. Plus chating or text messaging can grow into something else too.
Brother nyerekareem has given you a good advise.
----
Brother nyerekareem - A question for you:
How those ex girl friends of yours react when they find out that you cannot see them anymore because you are now a Muslim? Do you try to give dawah to them? If you do then what happens?
I don't want to intrude just curious. I will appreciate if you could reply. Thanks.
Sister it really hard to tell who is chatting with you on the other end. There are always a lot of bad people roaming around the internet. Plus chating or text messaging can grow into something else too.
Brother nyerekareem has given you a good advise.
----
Brother nyerekareem - A question for you:
How those ex girl friends of yours react when they find out that you cannot see them anymore because you are now a Muslim? Do you try to give dawah to them? If you do then what happens?
I don't want to intrude just curious. I will appreciate if you could reply. Thanks.
nyerekareem
abdur-rahman
:salam2:
Sister it really hard to tell who is chatting with you on the other end. There are always a lot of bad people roaming around the internet. Plus chating or text messaging can grow into something else too.
Brother nyerekareem has given you a good advise.
----
Brother nyerekareem - A question for you:
How those ex girl friends of yours react when they find out that you cannot see them anymore because you are now a Muslim? Do you try to give dawah to them? If you do then what happens?
I don't want to intrude just curious. I will appreciate if you could reply. Thanks.
:salam2:
it's a very weird situation, because in order for me to give dawah to them, i'd have to go to haram places in order to do so. i rarely have free time to meet with them and when they do have free time they want to meet in a bar. so it makes things very hard. and as long as they want to meet in these places, they will not be getting dawah from me in that atmosphere. insha'ALLAH they will give me a good opportunity to give dawah to them.
abu'muhammad
Junior Member
as-salamu alaykum
Limits and conditions within which a man may speak to a non-mahram woman
My question is about the adab or the manner between a brother and sister?
I need clarifcation, are we allowed to give salam to sister who is not your muhram or talk to her as you talk to a brother, and how much you allowed to talk?
and what about the non-muhram who are cousine, for example the uncles daughter Am I allowed to give salam and talk to her, and how is her life?please provide for me daleel(proof) and what about marriage?
what allowed talk and salam, ( what is allowed and not) all these things!
because today people mixed between culture and deen, when you tell them about that they say you are bringing new religon!, even alot brothers who relgious don't know this, you may see salafy brother talking weetlgy to sister who were nikab and not his muhram,
Praise be to Allaah.
In brief, what the fuqaha’ have said about women’s voices is that they are not ‘awrah in and of themselves, and there is nothing wrong with listening to them when there is a need to do so, so they do not forbid listening to them, but certain conditions apply, as follows:
The woman should speak without elongating the words, making her voice soft, or raising her voice. It is haraam for a man to listen with enjoyment, for fear of fitnah (temptation).
The decisive factor for knowing what is haraam in the matter of women’s speaking is what is included in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):
“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery, etc.) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner.” [al-Ahzaab 33:32]
What is forbidden is being too soft in speech. It is obligatory for women to speak in an honourable manner, which means, as the mufassireen explained, that they should not make their voices soft when addressing men. In conclusion, what is required of the Muslim woman when she speaks to a non-mahram man is that she should adhere to what is mentioned in this aayah. She should refrain from what is forbidden and should fulfil her duties. She should speak only when necessary, and only about matters that are permissible and honourable, not evil. Between a woman and a non-mahram man there should be no intonation, gestures, chat, joking, flirting or playful talk, so that there will be no room for provocation of desires and doubts. Women are not prevented from talking to non-mahram men when it is necessary to do so, such as dealing directly with them when buying things or conducting any other financial transaction, because in such cases it is necessary for both parties to speak. A woman may also ask a scholar about some legal Islamic matter, or a man may ask a woman such questions, as is proven in various texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Within the guidelines described above, there is nothing wrong with a woman speaking to a non-mahram man. It is also permissible for men to greet women with salaam and vice versa, according to the most correct opinion, but this greeting must be free of anything that may provoke desire in the person in whose heart is a disease, so as to be safe from fitnah and pay attention to the regulations outlined above.
If there is fear of fitnah being provoked by this greeting, then the woman should refrain from either initiating or returning the greeting, because warding off fitnah by neglecting the greeting is warding off mischief, and warding off mischief takes precedence over doing something useful. (See al-Mufassal fi Ahkaam al-Mar’ah by ‘Abd al-Kareem Zaydaan, vol 3/276). And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
Limits and conditions within which a man may speak to a non-mahram woman
My question is about the adab or the manner between a brother and sister?
I need clarifcation, are we allowed to give salam to sister who is not your muhram or talk to her as you talk to a brother, and how much you allowed to talk?
and what about the non-muhram who are cousine, for example the uncles daughter Am I allowed to give salam and talk to her, and how is her life?please provide for me daleel(proof) and what about marriage?
what allowed talk and salam, ( what is allowed and not) all these things!
because today people mixed between culture and deen, when you tell them about that they say you are bringing new religon!, even alot brothers who relgious don't know this, you may see salafy brother talking weetlgy to sister who were nikab and not his muhram,
Praise be to Allaah.
In brief, what the fuqaha’ have said about women’s voices is that they are not ‘awrah in and of themselves, and there is nothing wrong with listening to them when there is a need to do so, so they do not forbid listening to them, but certain conditions apply, as follows:
The woman should speak without elongating the words, making her voice soft, or raising her voice. It is haraam for a man to listen with enjoyment, for fear of fitnah (temptation).
The decisive factor for knowing what is haraam in the matter of women’s speaking is what is included in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):
“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery, etc.) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner.” [al-Ahzaab 33:32]
What is forbidden is being too soft in speech. It is obligatory for women to speak in an honourable manner, which means, as the mufassireen explained, that they should not make their voices soft when addressing men. In conclusion, what is required of the Muslim woman when she speaks to a non-mahram man is that she should adhere to what is mentioned in this aayah. She should refrain from what is forbidden and should fulfil her duties. She should speak only when necessary, and only about matters that are permissible and honourable, not evil. Between a woman and a non-mahram man there should be no intonation, gestures, chat, joking, flirting or playful talk, so that there will be no room for provocation of desires and doubts. Women are not prevented from talking to non-mahram men when it is necessary to do so, such as dealing directly with them when buying things or conducting any other financial transaction, because in such cases it is necessary for both parties to speak. A woman may also ask a scholar about some legal Islamic matter, or a man may ask a woman such questions, as is proven in various texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Within the guidelines described above, there is nothing wrong with a woman speaking to a non-mahram man. It is also permissible for men to greet women with salaam and vice versa, according to the most correct opinion, but this greeting must be free of anything that may provoke desire in the person in whose heart is a disease, so as to be safe from fitnah and pay attention to the regulations outlined above.
If there is fear of fitnah being provoked by this greeting, then the woman should refrain from either initiating or returning the greeting, because warding off fitnah by neglecting the greeting is warding off mischief, and warding off mischief takes precedence over doing something useful. (See al-Mufassal fi Ahkaam al-Mar’ah by ‘Abd al-Kareem Zaydaan, vol 3/276). And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid