Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh akhi,
To tell you the truth, that is our test in this temporary world. Every moment our imaan and faith will be tested as Allaah said in His beautiful ayaat:
"And We will surely test you until We make evident those who strive among you [for the cause of Allah ] and the patient, and We will test your affairs." 47:31
"[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving" 67:2
It is Allah's rights as Al-Khaaliq (The Creator) to test us, His makhlooq (the creations) every once in a while. But do remember akhi, that everytime you feel like you are being far away from Allaah, grab back your heart, do lots of dhikir and repent to Him. Repent, Repent, Repent as in a hadeeth, it was stated that even the Prophet sallallahu a'layhi wa salam used to repent 100x daily. The keyword here is repent and also always feel shukoor (thankful) for everything that He has given in our life.
"And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe." 14:7
"Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful" 39:53
It was narrated from Abu Moosa ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qays al-Ash’ari (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah spreads out His hand at night to accept the repentance of the one who sinned during the day, and He spreads out His hand by day to accept the repentance of the one who sinned during the night, (and that will continue) until the sun rises from the west.” Narrated by Muslim, 2759.
It was narrated from Abu ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will accept the repentance of His slave so long as the death-rattle has not yet reached his throat.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3537; classed as hasan by al-Albaani.
At some point in life, I do feel lost. I do feel as if Im losing my heart and I prayed that may Allah cleanse and make pure of my heart and grant me guidance that will make me steadfast on the True path. Allaah is there, so long as one is humbly making supplication to Him. Yes, we do fear at times that we will turn around, being our bad self again, but know that, one is strong to fight with such evil inshaAllaah with a firm faith and trust in Allaah.
InshaAllaah we will always make dua'a for each other as this time of our life is a fitnah. Remember Allaah in your heart in a great deal, no matter during when you are alone or among the throngs of people, then indeed Allaah will remember you as much as you do.
I will leave with two ayaat, inshaAllaah a reminder for myself first and foremost:
"O you who have believed, if you support Allah , He will support you and plant firmly your feet." 47:7
"Support Allaah" here if you refer to another tafseer means to support Allaah's deen, to help put this deen at the highest place that is possible, then inshaAllaah you will feel akhi, that every step in your life, Allaah is there to help you as He is Sufficient as Your Helper.
"And strive for Allah with the striving due to Him. He has chosen you and has not placed upon you in the religion any difficulty. [It is] the religion of your father, Abraham. Allah named you "Muslims" before [in former scriptures] and in this [revelation] that the Messenger may be a witness over you and you may be witnesses over the people. So establish prayer and give zakah and hold fast to Allah . He is your protector; and excellent is the protector, and excellent is the helper." 22:78
I seek forgiveness if I have erred in any of my words and indeed all goodness comes from Allaah, every goodness is SOLELY from Allaah subhanahu wa Ta'ala.
May Allaah make us steadfast in His deen and die in the Sirat al-Mustaqeem. Ya Muqaalib al-quloob thabit quloobana a'la deenik. Ameen Ameen Ameen.
Wa'alaykummusalam wa rahmatullah.
ameen.