Praying with Husband

[Hannah123]

Salaam alaikum,
My husband was upset with me and didn't pray in the same room...is there anything wrong with this or does anybody know anything about that kind of situation. I don't understand sometimes, i try to warn him about things like nudity in movies and he curses at me. Is it wrong for me to warn him and tell him not to bring those things into our home? i know this is a sensitive issue. Insha'Allah i will get some serious advice on how to handle this situation.
Walaikum,
Hannah

 

[misalat]

:salam2: sister,
:ma: i think this is exact what a good wife should be for her husband.

there is nothing wrong praying with you husband .... he can lead you in prayer if he is not with non - mahram male with him in the congregation. you can pray behind him ... Also you can guide your husband on any issue you think is not right - but you should try to put to him a polite manner that will not show a command, and hopefully he will understand and follow your guidelines.... this is just my own advise as i did not quote from a specific verse.

 

[jabba]

Salaam alaikum,
My husband was upset with me and didn't pray in the same room...is there anything wrong with this or does anybody know anything about that kind of situation. I don't understand sometimes, i try to warn him about things like nudity in movies and he curses at me. Is it wrong for me to warn him and tell him not to bring those things into our home? i know this is a sensitive issue. Insha'Allah i will get some serious advice on how to handle this situation.
Walaikum,
Hannah

Anyone ones who "curses" at you is being ABUSSIVE!! You did nothing wrong sister, sorry I cannot answer the question about him not praying with you, I'm not knowledgable in the subject. But what I can say is that husbands and wives BOTH need to respect eachother

 

[mohsofi_abdullah]

Try to hide your spouses' weaknesses as much as you can, no matter how sinful...
That way your spouse wont have to be that defensive wit his/her sinful actions...
But not publicly like this...
this is quite humuliating for anyone...
sorry, just my 2 cents

 

[jabba]

Try to hide your spouses' weaknesses as much as you can, no matter how sinful...
That way your spouse wont have to be that defensive wit his/her sinful actions...
But not publicly like this...
this is quite humuliating for anyone...
sorry, just my 2 cents

are you serious>

 

[ShyHijabi]

Try to hide your spouses' weaknesses as much as you can, no matter how sinful...
That way your spouse wont have to be that defensive wit his/her sinful actions...
But not publicly like this...
this is quite humuliating for anyone...
sorry, just my 2 cents

She is coming to us for advice and support. We do not know this woman in real life and she is our sister....she is not humiliating her husband as he is most likely not even aware she has sought out advice. If she were living next door to me and spouting his bussiness in the streets then that would be one thing..but she sought advice under the anonymity of the internet.

In a way...the very method she used to seek counsel ensured her husband's "weaknesses" would still be hidden and protected.

Salaam sister,
I am not a scholar and therefore can only offer you encouragement to continue to build your deen and improve your imam. May Allah reward you for your patience and kindness towards your husband. And may He make the way easy for you and soften your husband's heart.

Wasalaam.

~Sarah

 

[umm hussain]

Walaikum salam warahmatullah

It is not a requirement for husband and wife to pray together but can if they wish to and only the husband can lead the prayer with you behind him.

I would suggest you keep reminding him about the evil of looking at awrah especially naked women in women, I feel this is an Imaan issue , movies also have a lot of music and interaction between men and women who are not mahrams and the constant physical contact between them.

You could also suggest to him to keep good company and ensure he prays 5 times a day, preferably in the mosque to help build his Imaan or if you know some sisters with practising husbands you could invite them along with their husbands and leave the husbands to chat on their own inshallah it might help.

You have to ask yourself these questions, are you happy in your marriage, did you marry for the right reasons and are you staying just to please people and most importantly do you love him and does he love you. If the answers are negative I suggest you start seriously looking to see if there is any future in the relationship or it is better to move on. Marriage is supposed to be a wonderful institution with love, companionship and understanding and I think more importantly compromise.

There is a hadith that says something like ......the best among you is the one who is best to his wife...so a man's' character can be measured by how he treats his wife

I would also like to say sis look at how you two interact because I doubt it is possible for a person to just start cursing for no reason there must a root to the problem, however I am not justifying the cursing, there is absolutely no need to do that there are better ways to communicate. It takes two people to make a marriage work and we have to have wisdom when dealing with situations. If things don't work out try speaking to a marriage councillor at the Mosque and in the time make dua.


I agree there is no publicizing a persons sins on the forum since we do not know each other the sister is seeking help for a problem anonymously and we should try to help or not say anything to further upset someone genuinely looking for advice.

 

[hussain.mahammed]

As salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wabrakatuhu
Allahu Akbar, sisters have already responded and very good advices Masha Allah.
Sister Hannah you are doing a very good job, keep doing it for the sake of Allah SUbhanahu wa Taala. Keep making duas for him. Insha Allah , Allah will guide him.
wa/salam

 

[Hannah123]

Assalaam alaikum,
Thank you all for your advice. I know that it is wrong to talk about personal issues with others, which is exactly why i brought it here, noone knows really who i am. Thank you for your encouragement and suggestions. Insha'Allah he will atleast listen to my advice. Thanks again.
Walaikum,
hannah

 

[Globalpeace]

Relationships

Asslamo Allaikum Sister,

Other Brothers/Sisters have given beautiful & pertinent advice to you, Masha’Allah and may Allah (SWT) increase their Eeman (Faith) & knowledge (Ameen).

1) Sister, relationships go in cycles and us men are notoriously bad and have short attention spans.

Sister, we go through pain, longing BUT fail to express it to our partners and think that its MANLY to keep things bottled up; till the dam bursts and all the feelings come running out at the wrong time and place.

2) We are also notoriously polygamous and flirtatious.

3) Our physical needs are SHORT, SHARP and can be EASILY met.

Combine 1, 2 & 3 and you have a disaster WAITING to happen!

Sister, in my humble opinion if he chosen NOT to pray with you, its not that big of a deal.

Him cursing you can indicate a deeper issue?

This may not necessarily be a serious issue as we can be right condescending 1 minute & Angels the next!

Is there something troubling him? Work? Money? Intimacy?

I suggest that you two calmly, politely, lovlingly, affectionately, considerably, tactfully sit down and have a conversation, Insha’Allah.

Something idiotic that I wrote a while ago; that may also help…

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11643&highlight=jogging

Salaam alaikum,
My husband was upset with me and didn't pray in the same room...is there anything wrong with this or does anybody know anything about that kind of situation. I don't understand sometimes, i try to warn him about things like nudity in movies and he curses at me. Is it wrong for me to warn him and tell him not to bring those things into our home? i know this is a sensitive issue. Insha'Allah i will get some serious advice on how to handle this situation.
Walaikum,
Hannah

 

[jabba]

ERMMM no one seems to be upset in the least that the husband curses at this sister??? I guess it's just been swept under the rug

 

[Happy 2BA Muslim]

:salam2:

Dear sister, Thank you for your question and the confidence you place in your Brithers and Sisters on TTI.

In the first place, a Muslim must develop a good attitude and commendable conduct. He has to avoid the things that incur the wrath of Allah and say only that which is best. Allah says:

“And say to My that they should (only) say those words that are the best. (Because) Satan, verily, sows a state of conflict and disagreements among them. Surely, Satan is to man a plain enemy” (Al-Isra’: 53)

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

“The believer does not slander, curse, or speak in an obscene or foul manner.”

Abu Ad-Darda’ (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

“Allah hates the obscene, foul-mouthed person.”

So, the believer has to develop the attitude described in the Qur’an and exemplified by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), especially towards his family. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said,

“The best of you is the one who is best to his family.”

Ash-Shawkani (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “Here we are told that the best of the people are those who are best towards their families because the family are the ones who most deserve cheerfulness, good attitude, and kindness; benefits should be brought to them and harm warded off from them. If a man is like that, then he is the best of people, but if he is the opposite, then he is the worst type. People often make this mistake, so you see a man who, when he meets his family he treats them in the worst and most unkind manner, and when he meets strangers who are not part of his family, he is gentle and polite and kind to them. Undoubtedly a person who is like that is deprived of divine support and is going astray from the straight path. We ask Allah to keep us safe and sound.” (Nayl Al-Awtar)

This is Shaikh Al-Munajjid`s reply to a Sister with a very similar situation:

There is no doubt that the problem you have described is very sad and painful. There is no alternative to turning to Allah, for He is the One Who makes a way out of every difficult situation. The following are a few points of advice:

1. Your husband needs someone to advise him. Look around for a suitable person to do this.


2. Avoid making him angry. Again, avoid making him angry as much as you can.


3. Whoever sees the problems of others will see his or her own problem in perspective. There are husbands who beat their wives on the face and injure them and break their bones; some kick their wives out of the house in the middle of the night and lock them out; others do not give their wives a penny, and even take their money and jewelry; some eat outside the house and never bring food home for their wives and children, leaving them to beg from their neighbors; others drink alcohol, take drugs, and bring prostitutes to the house; some do not recognize Allah at all; they do not even know the direction of the qiblah. I myself have dealt with these and other cases involving the problems suffered by wives; these examples are not made up. Perhaps looking at the problems of others and putting things into perspective will offer some consolation and make you feel better.


4. Think about your husband’s positive aspects—his religion or his relationship with you or his spending and so on. Perhaps this will help to reduce your negative feelings towards him.


5. Remember that what you are suffering is a test, one of the trials that Allah decrees for whomever He wills in this life, to see how people will behave. So face it with patience and the hope of earning reward. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

“How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for everything is good for him, and this applies only to the believer. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it, and this is good for him; if something bad befalls him, he bears it with patience, and this is also good for him.”


6. Think about the tragedy of divorce and what would happen to the family in this case. A wise woman may put up with something bad in order to avoid something even worse, because some evils are less than others.


7. Write him a letter, reminding him of the Prophet’s advice concerning women.


8. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

“Many women have come to the family of Muhammad, complaining about their husbands. Those (husbands) are not the best among you.”

If he becomes angry, wait until he calms down, then stir his pity by calmly saying words such as, “Is this how you treat the mother of your children and the one who is closest to you?” Also, remind him that what he has done is not among the characteristics of the believers and that Allah is able to deal with him. Then disappear and leave him to think things over. In most cases, if the husband has any shred of decency and real character, and religious sensitivity, he will apologize.


9. Some marital problems can only be resolved with the passage of time, as the number of children increases and they grow up and the husband grows to love them even more. This makes the wife more precious to him, too, as he sees her as the one who is bringing up and protecting his children. As he also increases in maturity and in his understanding of the realities of life, he will realize the evil of what he has done and his behavior will improve, so he will stop doing some of the things he used to do. Hoping for improvement is a good thing: people live on hope.


10. Du`aa’ (supplication) is the refuge of the believer. How many times, I wonder, have you prayed to Allah to reform your husband? Persist in du`aa’ in the ways and times that Allah most likes to respond.


Patience undoubtedly brings a great reward. You as a wife must also be patient and put up with your husband’s annoyance."


Source: www.islam-qa.com

 

[nyerekareem]

Salaam alaikum,
My husband was upset with me and didn't pray in the same room...is there anything wrong with this or does anybody know anything about that kind of situation. I don't understand sometimes, i try to warn him about things like nudity in movies and he curses at me. Is it wrong for me to warn him and tell him not to bring those things into our home? i know this is a sensitive issue. Insha'Allah i will get some serious advice on how to handle this situation.
Walaikum,
Hannah

you seem to be a very good wife. inshallah when my time comes to be married she'll be like the way you are with your husband. i think part of the reason that makes marriage so important is that we can keep each other in check. what i mean is that i need my wife to remind me when i'm not doing things by the quran and sunnah. she also needs me to remind her of those things as well, so that we can grow in our deen. sometimes, sister, many people marry wolves in sheeps clothing. inshallah i hope that isn't the case for you. he shouldn't bring those things in the home and he definitely shouldn't be cursing you. i think that you have to keep on reminding him until he realizes that he can't bring these things into the home.

 

[zafariqbal]

Asslam-0-Alaikum

Sister i am your islamic Brother name Zafar. the story of ur husband is very suffering.
i suggest u to be patience becaue patience will bring a good news for you. if u could'nt see happiness in ur whole life then i feel u will find a great place near to the God. and after the end of your life u will feel peace forever and your immodest husband will burn always in the fire which is prepared for those who are not limited in the order of God.


Allah subhan wa talla inshallah will bring ever peace for u it is my dua for you.:tti_sister:

 

[mohsofi_abdullah]

Salam Jabba,
I meant it in a good way, seriously...

I hope some specific persons' sins are not discussed here, what more of our spouses...
We learn to cope with spouses' weaknesses, and there are weaknesses among us that we might find too extreme...
We care about them, but that would be like trying to change someone when that someone doesnt want any advice... It is advised to work on improving the characters of the ones we love, but again sister, you did great by confronting him with his behaviour at home... but, try to find peace with our limitations, and I pray to Allah Subhanahuwataala that you will benefit greatly by talking to your husband about it, but find peaceful means...
Wassalam