Questionnn

Almeftah

Junior Member
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Running away doesnt solve anything.. It'll only makes things worse for you and your family.
People tend to say crasy things when they are mad or frustrated.
Try to seek a moment when they are calm, and talk things over.. Ask them about what drives them mad or angry.. And try to always stay calm and reasonable while talking to them.
Shytan seeks those moments when people are angry or depressed, and makes them say or do bad things to eachother.

If you think talking will get you no where, try finding someone to be a judge between you and your parents, like an uncle, an elder brother or sister, an aunt, or a close trusted family friend. that should work for you Inshallah.
 

Muslim_Gurl

Thank You Allah!
Assalamu alaikkum

It's either I commit suicide or I run away. I think running away is the best option here. Obviously I'm not going to commit suicide but it couuld happen. Because my parents were saying all these bad things about me that were NOT true and i couldnt say anything to them, cuz first, they will not let me and second, if i did, they probably will not be able to hear me cuz of me crying, or I'd just start screaming at them, which is NOT good. so the only thing i could do was bang my head on the wall when i got to my room lool. and since i was really mad, i didnt feelthe pain, it was after when i got a head ache and there was like this HUGE bump on my head. now i could have killed myself like that. so before i kill myself ACCIDENTLY its better if i run off. and i cannot live with my freinds or relative because then my parents will find me, and i dont want that.
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
Assalamu alaikkum

It's either I commit suicide or I run away. I think running away is the best option here. Obviously I'm not going to commit suicide but it couuld happen. Because my parents were saying all these bad things about me that were NOT true and i couldnt say anything to them, cuz first, they will not let me and second, if i did, they probably will not be able to hear me cuz of me crying, or I'd just start screaming at them, which is NOT good. so the only thing i could do was bang my head on the wall when i got to my room lool. and since i was really mad, i didnt feelthe pain, it was after when i got a head ache and there was like this HUGE bump on my head. now i could have killed myself like that. so before i kill myself ACCIDENTLY its better if i run off. and i cannot live with my freinds or relative because then my parents will find me, and i dont want that.

Asalamu alaykum wrwb. you are not the first nor the last to have thoughts like these. but ukhti, wallahi wallahi you need to calm down. running away will not get you anywhere. committing suicide is FORBIDDEN. and running away? run away to where ukhti? the situation will only get worse. please come on line on msn...i wanna share something private with you. maybe this will help you understand that you're not alone. Asalamu alaykum wrwb and i hope u get back to me before u run away or committ suicide.
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
She wants to run away from her father who hits her: I would be grateful if u answer my problem.my 16 year old female cousin lives currently in the us with her parents & older brother.as due to the country's law no one can hurt her,but her family is planning to go to their homeland for a visit & she is sure that her father will hit her & her mother,as he did before,or marry her of without her consent.her father's side of the family will do nothing & her brother joins in hitting her.i or my family can do nothing to stop this.she is so sure that they will abuse her that she plans to runaway prior to their departure,live with a female friend & never return.i told her that this is against our relegion but she wiling to take the risk of living on the street than being alone with her father.if i tell my family she will never trust me.only u can tell me what a muslim girl is to do.please reply before its to late.


Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for your cousin to run away from her family and live with another family, because that involves disobeying her parents and upsetting them and damaging their reputation. Moreover her living with a strange family will pose a great danger to her and her religious commitment.

No matter how badly she is treated by her family, that cannot compare with what she is planning to do. No woman follows this course but she goes astray and loses her religious commitment. That is the punishment for disobeying her parents that comes in this world, before the Hereafter. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Two things for which the punishment is hastened in this world: injustice and disobedience to parents.” Narrated by al-Haakim and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 2810.

She may come to regret it at the time when regret will be to no avail, when her father or mother dies angry with her.

So she must go back to her family and honour her father and treat him kindly. If he causes some annoyance let her bear it with patience and seek reward. She should understand that the fire of this world is not like the Fire of the Hereafter, and that no matter what hardships she endures in this world, if she earns the pleasure of Allaah and enters Paradise, she will indeed have succeeded, and no matter what comforts of this life she enjoys, if she then incurs the wrath of Allaah and enters His Fire, she will indeed be doomed.

She should regard the harm that her family does her as being like a sickness that cannot be warded off. She does not know, perhaps she may suffer diseases and pains that are many times worse than that harm, as a punishment for her disobedience and her living with someone other than her family.

She should strive to make du’aa’ and turn to Allaah, asking Him to guide her parents and her brother, and to help her to find a righteous husband.

If her parents insist on marrying her to someone who is not suitable for her, she may refer the matter to the sharee’ah court; the same applies if her father refuses to marry her to a compatible man who comes to propose marriage to her.

She does not have the right to arrange her own marriage without the permission of her wali (guardian). If she does that her marriage is invalid because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2085; al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Ibn Maajah, 1881, from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If the marriage has been consummated, the mahr is hers because she has allowed the man to be intimate with her. If there is a dispute, then the ruler is the wali of the one who has no wali.” Narrated by Ahmad, 24417; Abu Dawood, 2083; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 2709.

The point is that you should strive to advise your cousin of what we have said here. If she insists on running away from her family, you have to tell them about that, so as to prevent this great evil from happening, even if that leads to her not trusting you in the future. Denouncing evil is obligatory upon the one who is able to do it, and what you do will be good for her.

Her father should also be advised and reminded of Allaah, and warned against mistreating his children unlawfully. This is the kind of wrongdoing which will be darkness on the Day of Resurrection.

And Allaah knows best.


Islam Q&A
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
Sister maybe i'm too late! but RUNNING AWAY IS FORBIDDEN! please rethink your decision and bare with patience! i'm sure your mom is just saying stuff to make you feel bad. i know that many somali moms do this to prevent there kids from doing bad things...but they do not realize that we are not like they were when they were young. please ukhti don't make me shed tears that i cannot bear to shed! please ukhti....please, i'm begging you - do not run away. Do not runaway for the sake of Allah i ask you. do not. if u think ur running away for Allah's sake, then know that it won't come under that category. please please please a million times, please do not run away!!!!!!!!:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
Assalamu alaikkum

It's either I commit suicide or I run away. I think running away is the best option here. Obviously I'm not going to commit suicide but it couuld happen. Because my parents were saying all these bad things about me that were NOT true and i couldnt say anything to them, cuz first, they will not let me and second, if i did, they probably will not be able to hear me cuz of me crying, or I'd just start screaming at them, which is NOT good. so the only thing i could do was bang my head on the wall when i got to my room lool. and since i was really mad, i didnt feelthe pain, it was after when i got a head ache and there was like this HUGE bump on my head. now i could have killed myself like that. so before i kill myself ACCIDENTLY its better if i run off. and i cannot live with my freinds or relative because then my parents will find me, and i dont want that.

suicide? u dont want to argue with ur parents bcoz its a sin but u can commit suicide. its a sin too!

but where will you go after running? do u have any safe place in ur mind where u can worship Allah properly?

look into all options before taking any step.

PS: if u really run, let us know that u r safe:)
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
:salam2:sister
I am sure if you do extra Ibada more prayers:salah: , more diker , more Istigfar :astag: from all your heart then you will feel better , if you run away may be you will loose your Iman , your dignity ..........Out side your home there are wolfs waiting for an easy victum ......have more patient .....and things will change believe be sister ....we all love you and care about you.....You are not alone we are all with you with our hearts and Duaa.:tti_sister:
 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
:salam2:

Wallahi Amatullah Baji, suicide is NOT worth it. I used to think the same thing like you, that I would get to the point were I would make dua to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla to just send the Angel of Death upon me and let me die, because I couldn't bear it with my parents anymore when they would just hit me and force me to stop practicing Islam the way a Rightoues Muslim should (meaning, doing Salat and reading Quran is the only thing that was "allowed" for me to do). And then at times it got to the point were I would be FORCED by my parents to say, "I love you" or show effection to them, after just BEATING ME for wanting to keep a beard, and afterwards I would just cry out of anger and hit myself repeatedly in the head; and just run away to some other place in my house by the window and just calm down, and then I would do Namaaz and just go to sleep.

THEN what happened is that I would start remembering all of the things my parents would do to me, and then I would remember about what I was forced to do afterwards (show my "apreciation"), and then I would break over on the floor crying in anger and punching the wall repeatedly.

That was actually ONE WHOLE YEAR ago (it would actually be another 7 days though, when it really had happened. meaning on May 20th).

But Baji, Wallahi, know that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla is on your side. :( When I would make dua to him with tears in my eyes to help me, he SAVED ME, and I STILL had to go through the pain afterwards, but after staying patient (meaning bearing all of the pain) and keeping my trust in him, it was FINALLY OVER, after a couple of months, but in the end? I got what I wanted, getting close to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, and I had to bear the harships through patience. Wallahi, it's hard, and the first thing you feel like doing is just getting angry at your parents and refusing to do what they tell you to, but if you stay quiet around your parents, do not raise your voice, and atleast PRETEND that your "sorry" that "you were wrong," then let them just have their "sneering time," but in the end, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla will be pleased with you for bearing the hardships and being patient in him.

Will say more, gotta go right now for class.
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
Assalamu alaikkum

It's either I commit suicide or I run away. I think running away is the best option here. Obviously I'm not going to commit suicide but it couuld happen. Because my parents were saying all these bad things about me that were NOT true and i couldnt say anything to them, cuz first, they will not let me and second, if i did, they probably will not be able to hear me cuz of me crying, or I'd just start screaming at them, which is NOT good. so the only thing i could do was bang my head on the wall when i got to my room lool. and since i was really mad, i didnt feelthe pain, it was after when i got a head ache and there was like this HUGE bump on my head. now i could have killed myself like that. so before i kill myself ACCIDENTLY its better if i run off. and i cannot live with my freinds or relative because then my parents will find me, and i dont want that.
Suicide is the ultimate expression of an ungrateful servant which is why it is strictly forbidden and the punishment for it is so severe, ittaqillaah.

If you do run away, then you will certainly run back to your parents humiliated. As for suicide? Lol, you probably do not even know what will and wont kill you and I dont recommend you bother finding out. Your situation will be 100 fold worse after you take these irrational measures you are entertaining.

Having said that, I highly doubt you will do either of those things, I consider you an intelligent sister capable of making wise desicions inshaAllaah, (just to clarify, nothing of which you have so far suggested falls into the category of ''wise'')

wa-alaykum salam wa rahamtullaah.
 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
AAssalamu Alykum Warahmatullahe Wabarakaathuh Amatullah Baji, I just wanted to show you something that I found that's REALLY inspiring that I found in another thread (that you posted in), just to refresh your memory, Inshallah.

13 – Being tested. Calamities and disasters are a test for a person, and this is a sign that Allaah loves him, because this is like medicine: even though it is bitter, but still you offer the medicine, despite its bitterness, to the one whom you love; and Allaah’s is the highest description. According to a saheeh hadeeth: “The greatest reward comes from the greatest trial. When Allaah loves people, He tests them, and whoever accepts it gains the pleasure of Allaah and whoever complains earns His wrath.

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2396; Ibn Maajah, 4031; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani.

For calamities to befall the believer is better than punishments being stored up for him in the Hereafter. How can it be otherwise when he is raised in status and his bad deeds are erased thereby? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When Allaah wills good for His slave, He hastens his punishment in this world, and when He wills bad for His slave, He withholds his sins until he comes with them on the Day of Resurrection.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2396; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.

The scholars have explained that the one from whom calamities and trials are withheld is the hypocrite, for Allaah withholds [his punishment] in this world, so as to bring him with all his sins on the Day of Resurrection.

O Allaah, make us among those whom You love.

Ameen!

ya Baji, do you undferstand what this means?! This is Inshallah, a way to make Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla to Love you more! Darn! I lost all those chances that I had before. But Baji, YOU have the chance to be patient, and get Allah Subhanahu w aTa Alla's pleasure. PLEASE Baji, just try your best to stay patient, and stay strong through your hardships, Inshallah. This is from your Bhai ("little bro," to you! LoL JUST BECAUSE your ONLY three months older than me. :p LoL But it feels like the other way around, that I'm older than you, since I'm the one being like the older brother and giving advise to my Chutu Baji, LoL), and know this: That I just want the best for my Sister in Islam, especially one that has, Mashallah, great character, because there are VERY FEW Muslim sisters that have SUCH Eman like you Baji, and it's SO great that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla has given me the honor of being your brother, Ya Baji. So DON'T let Iblis allow your radiating light to fade away, because THAT is what he wants to happen, that you run away from the battlefield, and what is the battlefield? Your HOUSE. Just fight hard (meaning let the pain from the hardships blow at you constantly), and always NEVER give up (stay patient, remember Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla,), and then YOU will be made Victorious, Inshallah.

And also Baji, remembering Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla is great, Wallahi, when you just feel so upset and depressed, remembering him just brings tears to your eyes. Wallahi, how I miss those precious beautiful times. looks down in sadness* But I want the best for you Baji, and I want to have it be that you arise on al Qiyamah being happy because you stood through the trials that faced you in this Duniyah, and that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla will be happy and Pleased with you, and that he will LOVE you forever. And Wallahi Baji, his Love and Pleasure is better than EVERYTHING that's in Jannah. And his Love is that which beautifies a Mumin and makes them enjoy their Life, and it INCREASES in the Akirah and NEVER goes away. And Verily, to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, belongs all Praise.

For Listening to Quran Online:

www.HalalTunes.com


For FREE Quran Tealawaat Downloads:

www.MP3 Quran.Net


These are my final words tonight, and I want you to ponder over them, Amatullah Baji. I hope the best for you, and that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla always Loves you constantly no matter what, and that you stay patient through your trials from him. Ameen.

Farewell.......
 

wannabe_muttaqi

A MUSLIM BROTHER
Assalamu Alaikum

:salam2: ,
Hope this post finds you safe and at peace. I'm bit late but want to add my two cents here.

I believe you are from Indo-pak region , i mean you were born in west but your parents are from that region. i guessed it coz it is very common here that parents say all things possible while they are angry but they don't really mean it. My mom has told me that she will kill me more than a million times. There were different versions ....like

1) i will push in the well
2) I will poison your food
3) It would have been easy to kill you while you were a kid

But believe me i tell these things to her now and we both laugh at it . Now she tells me that, had she not done that to discipline me then i wouldn't be what i am today.

What i analyze from your situation is,
1) You are an adolescent ( Adolescence is when there are maximum rifts between kids and parents )

2) You are taking your mom's words very seriously as you have not heard or seen anybody else doing that. If you were in Indo-pak region you would have seen this every other minute in some household or the other.

3) Unlike you, your parents are not good practicing muslims ( they still have that bidah practices which they are sticking to from their root country) and they don't want you to tell them whats correct and whats not. they think that you are going extreme.


And there is only one solution for all these BE PATIENT and prove your CREDIBILITY to your parents by your actions and manners. I mean make them realize that you are correct in your thoughts but in a calm and gentle manner. what i used to do is, whatever my parents say which i don't like ( or hate you can say) i used to keep quiet when they say that. After sometime say after 3 or 4 hours ( or next day) i shall soflty explain them my point and believe me it worked more than 90% of the times. Don't just yell at them while they are saying/doing something wrong coz it will make matter worse as both of you are in anger mood.

Ukthi it is just a passing cloud , believe me be patient and you will not regret anything later.

May ALLAH SWT keep you under his protection always. Ameen

:wasalam:
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
:salam2: young sister
AlhamdduliAllah i was very much worried for your safety :
dear sister:
This life is a test for us ......Allah swt will not ask you about the deeds of your paranets but about yours .........if you read the life of the prophet :saw2: who is our example we find that he was treated the worst kind of treatment among his people ......but he used love and patience and prayed to Allah swt alot .......then things changed and most of his enemies became his friends .........I am sure that your paranets love you .....but they don`t know how to show you .......do good to them for the sake of Allah swt . Don`t be angry this what the prophet told us to do.
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
Alhamdulillah, finally a belated response from you:) Girl if you run away i'm going to catch you. you better remain patient not just for NOW but forever. i don't know if you read the fatwa i posted, but if you truly wanna follow islam, then you mustn't runaway or commit suicide. ya dig? love ya lots.:)
asalamu alaykum wrwb.:)
 

~Ali_

Fixing da foundation
:salam2: ,
Hope this post finds you safe and at peace. I'm bit late but want to add my two cents here.

I believe you are from Indo-pak region , i mean you were born in west but your parents are from that region. i guessed it coz it is very common here that parents say all things possible while they are angry but they don't really mean it. My mom has told me that she will kill me more than a million times. There were different versions ....like

1) i will push in the well
2) I will poison your food
3) It would have been easy to kill you while you were a kid

But believe me i tell these things to her now and we both laugh at it . Now she tells me that, had she not done that to discipline me then i wouldn't be what i am today.

What i analyze from your situation is,
1) You are an adolescent ( Adolescence is when there are maximum rifts between kids and parents )

2) You are taking your mom's words very seriously as you have not heard or seen anybody else doing that. If you were in Indo-pak region you would have seen this every other minute in some household or the other.

3) Unlike you, your parents are not good practicing muslims ( they still have that bidah practices which they are sticking to from their root country) and they don't want you to tell them whats correct and whats not. they think that you are going extreme.


And there is only one solution for all these BE PATIENT and prove your CREDIBILITY to your parents by your actions and manners. I mean make them realize that you are correct in your thoughts but in a calm and gentle manner. what i used to do is, whatever my parents say which i don't like ( or hate you can say) i used to keep quiet when they say that. After sometime say after 3 or 4 hours ( or next day) i shall soflty explain them my point and believe me it worked more than 90% of the times. Don't just yell at them while they are saying/doing something wrong coz it will make matter worse as both of you are in anger mood.

Ukthi it is just a passing cloud , believe me be patient and you will not regret anything later.

May ALLAH SWT keep you under his protection always. Ameen

:wasalam:

Assalamualaikum
This post made me laugh, but I double this :D
Hang tight, if your from the East or Asia or India etc etc.(im Indian so i know)
and your family's a nut job and they wanna kill you :D
don't worry - there all like that (most of 'em)
and they don't mean it LOL
so chill, or a loving and caring sister will come over their and glue you to your computer chair -.-

Walaikumasalam
 
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