smile :)

a_brother

a_brother

Make dua for us all
Asalamo alaikom :)

please share any jokes (a story, video, ...)... and smile (there is ajr/reward from a smile :D)...

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) has said: ‘Your smile for your brother is Sadaqah. Your removal of stones, thorns or bones from the paths of people is Sadaqah. Your guidance of a person who is lost is Sadaqah.’ (Bukhari)

Book 031, Number 6050:

(6050) Jarir b. 'Abdullah said: Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) never refused me permission to see him since I embraced Islam and never looked at me but with a smile.


Volume 8, Book 73, Number 110:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

A man came to the Prophet and said, "I have been ruined for I have had sexual relation with my wife in Ramadan (while I was fasting)" The Prophet said (to him), "Manumit a slave." The man said, " I cannot afford that." The Prophet said, "(Then) fast for two successive months continuously". The man said, "I cannot do that." The Prophet said, "(Then) feed sixty poor persons." The man said, "I have nothing (to feed them with)." Then a big basket full of dates was brought to the Prophet. The Prophet said, "Where is the questioner? Go and give this in charity." The man said, "(Shall I give this in charity) to a poorer person than l? By Allah, there is no family in between these two mountains (of Medina) who are poorer than we." The Prophet then smiled till his premolar teeth became visible, and said, "Then (feed) your (family with it). :ma:

a_brother said:
Humour
​
In spite of his office of Prophethood, Muhammad is a pleasant person With all the severity and seriousness of his function, his company was neither boring nor dull and uninteresting, like that of ordinary religious leaders, but was full of pleasant and delightful humour. He often joked with his companions and laughed with them. Abdullah ibn Al-Harith bin Jaz said that he had seen no one more pleasant and smiling than Muhammad. It is reported by Abu Hurairah that Muhammad used to mix with them on familiar terms, even to the extent of enjoying light jokes with them. Some companions asked him, "God's Messenger ! Do you make jokes with us?" He replied, "I speak nothing but the Truth." (Tirmizi) Anas reported that once a man asked Muhammad for an animal to ride. He replied that he would give him the baby of a she-camel to ride on. The man asked what would he do with a she-camel baby. Muhammad replied, "Is there any camel which is not born of a she-camel?" He also reported that once the Prophet addressed him as, "O you with two ears," (meaning very obedient). (Tirmizi and Abu Daud). Anas also reported that the Prophet often joked and laughed with them. Once he asked his younger brother, who was grieved at the death of his little bird', "Abu Umair, what has happened to your little sparrow (nughair)" He also said that an old woman came to see the Prophet and asked him to pray for her that she might go to Paradise. He replied, "No old woman will enter Paradise!" She was very grieved end began crying. Muhammad told his companions to tell her that the old woman would go to Paradise but as a young girl. Auf ibn Malik al-Ashjai reported that he went to God's Messenger at the expedition of Tabuk, when he was sitting in a small tent, and gave a salutation. He resumed it, saying, "Come in." I replied, "The whole of me, God's Messenger?" He replied, "The whole of you," so I went in.

Once Ali was sleeping on the ground and was covered with dust. Muhammad happened to pass that way and said to Ali, "up Abu Turab (father of dust)." After that, this became his nickname. Once Abu Hurairah was playing with a cat when Muhammad came along and said, "Abu Hurairah (father of cats)." This nickname was so dear to him that it became his real name, so that very few people know his own name. Ibn Umar was asked whether the Prophet's companions laughed and joked. He replied that they did, though faith weighed heavier than a mountain in their hearts. Bilal ibn Sa'd said that he had seen them running between the baths and laughing to one another but when night came, they would be like monks. Jarir ibn Somura said that the Prophet always welcomed him from the time he became a Muslim and that he never saw him without a smile.

Anas said that a man from the desert called Zahir ibn Haroun used to bring presents to the Prophet from the desert and God's Messenger would prepare for him what he needed when he intended to depart. The Prophet used to say that Zahir was his desert man and he was his townsman. The Prophet liked him though he was an ugly man. One day the Prophet went to him when he was selling his goods and embraced him from behind. He could not see who it was, so he said, "Let me go, who is this?" But when he turned round and saw the Prophet, he kept his back close against the Prophet's chest. Then the Prophet begun to say, "Who will buy a slave?" He said, "O God's Messenger! By God, you will find me to be worthless goods." The Prophet replied, "But in God's Sight, you are not worthless goods."

:ma:

http://www.pbuh.us/prophetMuhammad.php?f=Ch_Humour
Click to expand...
 
a_brother

a_brother

Make dua for us all
Asalamo Alaikom


Here is the story of an Imam who got up after Friday prayers and announced to the people:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
 
a_brother

a_brother

Make dua for us all
An Imam shocked his community when he announced that he was resigning from that particular Masjid and moving to a drier climate. After the session, a very distraught lady came to the Imam with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kind hearted Imam said "Now, now, sister, don't carry on. The Imam who takes my place might be even better than me".

"Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too . . . "

:lol:
 
a_brother

a_brother

Make dua for us all
Asalamo alaikom

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

---------------------------------

Nasruddin was determined to be decisive and efficient. One day he told his wife he would plow his largest field on the far side of the river and be back for a big dinner. She urged him to say, "If Allah is willing."

He told her whether Allah was willing or not, that was his plan. The frightened wife looked up to Allah and asked forgiveness.

Nasruddin loaded his wooden plow, hitched up the oxen to the wagon, climbed on his donkey, and set off.

But within the short span of a day the river flooded from a cloudburst and washed his donkey downstream, and one of the oxen broke a leg in the mud, leaving Nasruddin to hitch himself in its place to plow the field.

Having finished only half the field, at the sunset he set out for home exhausted and soaking wet. The river was still high so he had to wait until long past dark to cross over.

After midnight a very wet but much wiser Nasruddin knocked at his door. Who is there Asked his wife.

I think it is me, Nasruddin, he replied, if Allah is willing!
 
a_brother

a_brother

Make dua for us all
:salam2:

Sun Proof

parkiong0spacd11.jpg
 
a_brother

a_brother

Make dua for us all
:salam2:

of course, we can't forget this one from the other thread by sister DianeK...lol

Drive Through ATM Procedures

Please note that Banks are installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

MALE PROCEDURE

* 1 Drive up to the cash machine.

* 2 Put down your car window.

* 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

* 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

* 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

* 6 Put window up.

* 7 Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE

* 1 Drive up to cash machine.

* 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.

* 3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down.

* 4 Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.

* 5 Turn the radio down.

* 6 Attempt to insert card into machine.

* 7 Attempt to insert card into machine.

* 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

* 9 Insert card.

* 10 Re-insert card the right side up

* 11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

* 12 Enter PIN.

* 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

* 14 Enter amount of cash required.

* 15 Check make up in rear view mirror.

* 16 Retrieve cash and receipt.

* 17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

* 18 Place receipt in back of checkbook.

* 19 Re-check make-up again.

* 20 Drive forwards 2 feet.

* 21 Reverse back to cash machine.

* 22 Retrieve card.

* 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

* 24 *deleted*

* 25 Restart stalled engine and pull off.

* 26 Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

* 27 Release Parking Brake.
Click to expand...
 
a_brother

a_brother

Make dua for us all
:salam2:


An Imam was selling his horse in the market. An interested buyer came to him and requested if he could get a test drive. The Imam told the man that this horse is unique. In order to make it walk, you have to say Subhanallah. To make it run, you have to say Alhamdulillah and to make it stop, you have to say Allahu Akbar. The man sat on the horse and said Subhanallah. The horse started to walk. Then he said Alhamdulillah and it started to run. He kept saying Alhamdulillah and the horse started running faster and faster. All of a sudden the man noticed that the horse is running towards the edge of the hill that he was riding on. Being overly fearful, he forgot how to stop the horse. He kept saying all these words out of confusion. When the horse was just near the edge, he remembered Allahu Akbar and said it out loud. The horse stopped just one step away from the edge. The man took a deep breath, looked up towards the sky and said Alhamdulillah!

LOL... you know what the horse did when he heard "Alhamdulilah"...lol
 
A

Almaas

Junior Member
Something I posted a few weeks ago...

gzk1 said:
:salam2:

SARDAR JI'S MUMS LETTER

Dear Banta Vahe Guru!

I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is really badmaash (cheeky). He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfil his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.


P.S: Puttar, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
Click to expand...
 
a_brother

a_brother

Make dua for us all
:salam2:

gzk1 said:
Something I posted a few weeks ago...
Click to expand...

:lol: very funny... last sentence was hilarious...

"P.S: Puttar, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter. "

:lol:

Jazaki Allah Kair for sharing... keep them coming (all brothers and sisters) ")
 
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