Speed dating

Precious Star

Junior Member
Has anyone tried Muslim speed dating? It seems to be the latest craze, but I'm wondering if it really works.

I think it's more popular among the under-30 crowd.

I would be open to it if others have had positive results, as the matchmaking websites are full of men of very questionable character. Is this a good plan b?
 

Tabassum07

Smile for Allah
:salam2:

Wha? S-s-sp-speed dating? For muslims? There's such a thing?

Um..... is it any different from western speed dating? Just curious, I've never heard of such a thing before.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam alaikum,

I recall a thread in the Sisters section on this. It was on Morocco and seemed to be very popular.
 

Precious Star

Junior Member
These events take place in North America. I think they are the same format as regular non-Muslim speed dating, except that all the attendees are Muslim.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Asalaam alaikum,

No sister they take place all over the world. It is not new. Now, from my understanding they do not follow the same format as the non-Muslim version. They do not have the events that are popular such as cooking classes etc. In the Muslim version there are strict guidelines and time frames.

Why not try it. It is better than rotting at home or waiting for your parents to find the right guy from the same village as they are. I find that very amusing. I actually encountred that scenario with a young woman. Her parents eliminated all possible candidates from the world for the village they once upon a time called home. They did find a young man last month. He was the typical engineer from the right country and they had a full fledged wedding with the glitter and glitz. Naturally, I found the whole thing to be repulsive.

For those sisters who wish to complete their deen in this life go for it. Help yourselves when our communities have turned their backs on us. The worst you can do is have a good laugh; the best you can do is find a companion. As for those who run their mouths..well let them...it's all hot air.
 

Precious Star

Junior Member
It is better than rotting at home or waiting for your parents to find the right guy from the same village as they are. I find that very amusing. .

I'm not really "rotting at home" waiting for my parents to find a guy from their village. In fact, I'm not waiting for my parents to do anything, because they won't.

I'd like to hear if anyone has tried these, in North America. And, if you know of any for the 40+ crowd. I know they have speeddating for nonmuslims over age 38, but muslims tend to focus on the young pretty things.
 

Abd_Al_Hadi

لبيك يا الله
Eharmony is by far the best in terms of finding a compatible soulmate. I'm sure there are good Muslims on there who are looking to fulfill their deen. And the best part is you can be slick enough to put in your email address and not having to pay for it! Thats what I call priceLESS loveeeee
 

Precious Star

Junior Member
Eharmony is by far the best in terms of finding a compatible soulmate. I'm sure there are good Muslims on there who are looking to fulfill their deen. And the best part is you can be slick enough to put in your email address and not having to pay for it! Thats what I call priceLESS loveeeee

No, eharmony is completely useless for muslim women. I've been on it for years. I find that many men lie about their age, occupation, etc., so it makes it very hard to screen people properly.

And they try to scam you with their "membership plans".

No, you can't contact people or communicate with them unless you are a paid member. But again, there are very few muslims on eharmony, and I don't recommend it for any muslim woman, UNLESS you are part of the university crowd -- then it is possible that there may be more muslims on it.

In general, I would advise staying away from eharmony.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam alaikum,

To the brother,

Son...do you even understand what you have just done? You are now a slickster..and no woman in the world would want that for her daughter. It makes you out to be a cheapskate and worse a slickster. Please amend your image immediately!!!!

Sister,

I am in total agreement with you about e-harmony. I tried it out of boredom one day and discovered that they had 0 matches for me world wide. I had to laugh all the advertizing and 0.
Leave yourself a five year space for a potential. I know some sister are embarrassed by younger men but you never know. I leave a fifteen year difference. Anything after that bores me to tears.

I think it will be very difficult for a sister to expose herself on a site like this. It may be easier in the sisters only section. ( to share an experience of this nature).
 

Abd_Al_Hadi

لبيك يا الله
I figured since it matches you based on your personality, it would be ideal. But now that you mention that people lie, it kind of opened my eyes. Seriously, someone has to be a complete moron to lie about their age and occupation when finding a partner....unless if they're out there to play (DISGUSTING!)

Mother Aapa, I never said I signed up for eharmony. I just know things, because I have a whole lot of friends. ALSO, I have a beautiful fiance who's crazy about me. I make her laugh and her mother and father and grandma and siblings and uncles and aunts all ADORE me. And its NOT just because I'm a handsome young man with the prettiest eyelashes and sharp hazel eyes. Its because I'm your fast-acting sertraline ;)
 

Abd_Al_Hadi

لبيك يا الله
btw, Aapa, your eharmony account is active. I just googled it. I didn't know you were 4'11"! Gotta start taking them calcium pills, doll
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam alaikum,

My, you are so wearisome..just like a student. Son, there is no such thing as an engagement in Islam. Please study your faith a little harder. And none of this doll stuff..save that for your wife.
 

Abd_Al_Hadi

لبيك يا الله
No engagement in Islam? Who told you that? I have a verse directly from the Holy Quran saying its perfectly allowed:


There is no blame on you if ye make an offer of betrothal or hold it in your hearts. Allah knows that ye cherish them in your hearts: But do not make a secret contract with them except in terms Honourable, nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed is fulfilled. And know that Allah Knoweth what is in your hearts, and take heed of Him; and know that Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Forbearing.
( سورة البقرة , Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #235)

Sometimes its best to study your faith a little harder before you tell someone else to.


FYI:
Definition for betrothal:
Web definitions:
a mutual promise to marry.
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn


en·gage·ment/enˈgājmənt/
Noun:

A formal agreement to get married
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
Assalamu alaikim brothers and sisters I found this fatwa:



What is the concept of engagement in Islam. Usually an engagement party is one in which the fiance/fiancee exchange rings. Is this the prescribed method in the shariah?.

Praise be to Allaah. *!
Engagement according to sharee’ah means that the man asks the woman to marry him. The view of the scholars is that engagement is prescribed for one who wants to get married. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):*!

“And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal…”

[al-Baqarah 2:235]*!

and it was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) got engaged to ‘Aa’ishah. (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4793). And in al-Saheeh it also states that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) got engaged to Hafsah. (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4830).*!

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged the one who wants to get engaged to look at the woman to whom he wishes to propose. According to the hadeeth, “When any one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.” (Abu Dawood, al-Nikaah, 2082; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1832).*!

But in Islamic sharee’ah there are no specific practices that must be followed with regard to engagement. What some Muslims do, announcing the engagement, having a party to celebrate and exchanging gifts, all comes under the heading of customs which are permissible in principle, and none of them are haraam except those which sharee’ah indicates are haraam – which includes the exchange of rings between the engaged couple, a custom which is known in Arabic as “dublah.” This custom goes against sharee’ah for the following reasons:*!

1 – Some people think that these rings increase the love between the spouses and have an effect on their relationship. This is an ignorant (jaahili) belief and is an attachment to something for which there is no basis in sharee’ah and which does not make sense. *!

2 – This custom involves imitating the non-Muslims such as Christians and others. It is not a Muslim custom at all. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against that when he said, “You will inevitably follow the paths of those who came before you, handspan by handspan, cubit by cubit, until even if they entered the hole of a lizard, you will follow them.” We said, “O Messenger of Allaah,*! (do you mean) the Jews and Christians?” He said, “Who else?” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-I’tisaam bi’l-Kitaab wa’l-Sunnah, 6889; Muslim, al-‘Ilm, 6723).*!

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Libaas, 4031; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 3401).*!

3 – This engagement usually takes place before the ‘aqd (marriage contract), in which case it is not permissible for the man to put the ring on his fiancée’s hand himself, because she is still a stranger (non-mahram) to him, and has not yet become his wife.*!

Finally, we will quote the words of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) on this matter:*!

“ ‘Dublah’ is a word that refers to the engagement ring. In principle there is nothing wrong with rings (i.e., they are permissible), unless they are accompanied by certain beliefs, as some people do when the man writes his name on the ring that he gives to his fiancée, and the woman writes her name on the ring that she gives to her fiancé, believing that this will guarantee the bonds between the spouses. In this case this ‘dublah’ or engagement ring is haraam, because it represents an attachment to something for which there is no basis in sharee’ah and which does not make sense. Similarly it is not permissible for the man to put the ring on the woman’s hand himself, because she is not yet his wife, so she is still a stranger (i.e., non-mahram) to him; she is not his wife until after the marriage contract is done.”

*!Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 3/914.

Islam Q&A
 

Precious Star

Junior Member
a) This is a thread about speed-dating and whether it has worked or reaped positive benefits for other muslim women living in the west.

b) The issue of Islamic permissibility about an engagement should be the subject of another thread. Suffice it to say, however, that there are many customs that are not explicitly approved or mentioned in Quran or Sunnah yet many muslims willingly follow them. If you think being engaged is haraam, then don't get engaged. But another thread.

thanks.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam alaikum,

Three things:

1. It is not if someone thinks something is haraam. It is or it is not. Our thoughts can not justify what is haraam or halaal.
2. It would be more beneficial if this was taken to the sisters only section. A shy sister would not want to disclose her experiences in front of many.
3. Why don't you fill us in on the benefits. Tell us what you found out. I am sure there is an audience who would wish to learn.
 
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