The pressure of being a minority!!

[Amirah84]

Assalama aleikum wa rahmatuAllah brother n sister,

MashaAllah this is my first post!! Although Ive been using the website fo quite sometime. I really think this website is one of the best out there in terms of the "community feeling". May Allah make us the best of muslims, ameen.

I wanted to share a little glimse into the place I study at. I'm a medic student, and study in a group of 45 or so. I'm a GEP medical studnet, which means all of my classmates n me already have another degree and we are an "adult group" of medics...well 22+ up to 40.

What Ive felt from my class i huge segregation and competitiveness. There are two hijabis, me and another sister. And there are a handful of really nice ppl. But in a really strange way I have felt so uncomfortable most of the time since we started in September 06. Sometimes I feel that I measure my worth in their eyes... i.e. I wonder what they think of me, or if they think im really weird or oppressed or whatever. I really don't know why I care so much. Most people in my class have an air of arrogance, even against each other. Actually it's mainly the women.

I'm the type of person who wants to be liked by all! silly and naive...yes yes. So I try to be friendly at all times and give ppl a smile. But u don't always get a smile back.

Anyway I just need some encouragment from my brothers n sisters to I guess be myself.... I really don't know why I bother with people who's opinions of right or wrong changes with the wind. But it seems that it it having an effect upon me. Has any sister or brother felt like this? What did you do about it?


JAzakhuAllah khair for responses,

Take care
Salama aleikum...

 

[Abu Abdullah Al]

:salam2:
What you are feeling sister is pretty normal. After all we are flesh and blood and it is natural to feel vulnerable at times. Muslims have come under a great deal of pressure in the last few years where they are expected to prove their innocence every time they step out of their homes. The media has played a negative role in portraying Muslims as terriroists/untrustworthy/fanatics and crazed people. Some of us feel this pressure and try to distant ourselves from this image. I know of some sisters who stopped wearing the hijab because they were getting a lot of hassle. My advice to you is to see this as a test of your faith and to always remember that Allah is pelased with you for believing in him. I know its hard sometimes but remember that you are very special to your family and friends and to the millions of brothers and sisters who appreciate you and wish you success. You are also learning a subject which would be of great benefit to mankind and may ALlah reward you for that. Please come here and write again when you feel like it..

 

[alhamdulillah]

Bismillah,

Wa'alaikum'Assalam dear sister

and a very warm welcome to the site Masha'Allah.

All praise is due to Allah Alone - Subhan'Allah....we shouldnt really be concerned about what people think of us dear sister, what Allah thinks of us is all that matters. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Verily, Allah does not look to your faces and your wealth but He looks to your hearts and to your deeds” (Muslim)

or

"Truly, Allah does not look at your outward forms and wealth, but rather at your hearts and your works" (Muslim)

In another hadith the Prophet said, “The reward for deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended” (Al-Bukhari)

Let me share with you what i said to our TTI team; You see, we all possess a bunch of keys when it comes to Dawah. And within that bunch we have a 'key' for keeping good relations. If we use it wisely, we can open all doors to goodness with that very same 'key' if you like. I guess keeping good relations and kind treatment is the master key to all soloutions!

Always remember that kind treatment is the remedy for bad conduct. For sure you are being polite, but dont give up Allah will reward you Insha'Allah. Whether they think that we are oppressed or not, we musn't forget to stand as righteous Muslimah's before Allah, fulfilling His Command - Subhan'Allah, may Allah make us all His righteous slaves Ameen.

So I try to be friendly at all times and give ppl a smile. But u don't always get a smile back.

Our beloved Prophet also said, "Every good act is an act of charity" (Sahih Muslim)

In another version the hadith says, "Your smile to your brother is a charitable act." (Sahih Muslim)

Masha'Allah, such comforting words...dont worry if they dont smile back, Allah knows your intention and will reward you accordingly Insha'Allah...Alhamdulillah....remember to Allah we belong and to Him we shall return....we should strive towards pleasing our CREATOR and not the creation....

May Allah give me the ability to implement what ever i said first and formost Ameen.

May Allah guide us all to that which pleases Him Subhanahu wa Ta'aala the most, and may Allah enable us to adhere to the Glorious Qur'an and Sunnah of alayhis sallatu wasalaam, as they are not to be distinguished; together they constitude guidance for all of mankind...Ameen ya Rabb!

If there's in any good in what ive said, then it is from Allah Alone; anything wrongly said, anything dumbfound is from me and the evil doings of Shaytaan!

Wasalam

Your sister in Islam

 

[proud2bemuslim]

Assalamu Alaykum,

Dont worry sister. Try not to think of what others will think of you. Know that Allah is watching you, and that you are doing everything for the sake of Allah. May Allah always guide you and all of us.

 

[Ali_Ibrahim]

first off, may allah give you the strength to be strong minded and courageous to battle these weak thoughts.

You know sister, I am in the same feild as you in regards to the same pressure. This pressure is obviously non-forcable, by means of socities idologies. What whom thinks is clearly just any opinion, but allah tells us, to offer the helping hand, the easy gestures, and character. Rasul saaws said, the most generous zakah, is a smile. The smile is very very radiant, although some people make regard this as a minor greeting but in reality, a smile means a lot, and says a lot, it's the physical attribute that is but of a minor act. The reason why i preach this thought is because i would like you to continue with your calm gestures, but try to contain your kindness because, if you try too hard, you will not get the result you want (in this matter only). The likeness of people, and friendship comes with time, and effort. If you lend a helping hand, then insha allah, you'll get the helping hand back to you. Word of advice, try not to 'not be yourself' meaning, don't say things, that you wouldn't say or do anything that you wouldn't normally do just to get these guy's attention. You being different, is enough for them to question your personality, so let it come to you sister and don't be afraid. What i can tell you and what you can do are 2 different things, but you can only do what you want. In my situation, i have many non-muslim friends, and we hang out at places that im not really comfortable in, but my guard of islam is still up, meaning, you can still have your fun, and cooperate with your group, just remember allah and his power and mercy. Love allah, and ask allah for kindness to come about these people, im sure these people are nice people, so if i were you, i would let things come to you thats the only way happiness is acheived.

 

[Sulikha]

:salam2:
Back then going to high school in US I have the same problem being the onlyone wearing the hijab, It never bothered me becouse they don't understand and they don't want to understand so why bother.

sister you said, those people have some of air of arrogance in them, why bother such poeple what they think of you. beyourself that all it matters to you. goodluck with your medical study.

 

[boupj]

I understand how you feel I have four courses at Uni, lectures from 80-150 students and I'm the only one in Hijab (which I just started wearing). It can be hard and sometimes I feel people looking at me and wondering. I too wonder what they think, if they think I'm oppressed, etc.. The reason I wonder this is because it saddens me that many don't understand the beauty behind wearing the scarf and don't have adequate understanding of the truth of Islam.

One man at my work has noticed since I started wearing the scarf how happy I was, saying I never stop smiling and how I've made such a 180 degree change (in a good way). I later found out that he was saying nasty things behind my back about my hijab (I'm the only one in my workplace who wears one). The fact that he was talking behind my back didn't offend me because I knew it's due to a lack of understanding, he sees such positive changes in me yet still assumes negative things about the religion, and it makes no sense to me. I hope that just by smiling (as you do) people InshaAllah will eventually realize that Islam is beautiful, and they will feel more comfortable asking me questions if they see that I am happy and open.
The man I was talking about actually aks me questions that some would find offensive but I don't because it gives me an opportunity to clarify misconceptions. He asked me if it was true that I have to walk two feet behind a man (my husband, eventhough I'm not married), and I said "Yeah I'll walk two feet behind him and give him a swift kick in the bum." The question to many seems silly but unfortunately it's a stereotype we have to deal with and one that we should be more than open to correcting (I know my answer to the question seems dumb but it was funny so it lightened the mood and I clarified saying that there is no such rule in Islam, and elaborating on th equality of women, my initial joking response showed him that I wasn't offended and made him feel more comfortable to asking further questions, but don't answer this to complete strangers as it is very informal, keep in mind that this coworker of mine is a very close firend).

Also I get the feeling very often that people are extra nice to me because they assume my life must be really bad (I don't know if you feel the same).

You're right, it's hard being a minority, but Allah blesses us with the strength to persevere, and don't worry because there are so many out there who feel that same way. We are all members of the family of Islam, and as such are never alone InshaAllah.

Sorry if I wrote too much I have a tendancy to get carried away.

 

[Amirah84]

Assalama aleikum,

JazakhuAllah khair for all ure replies. It's really heart warming and also gives me a reality check.

I do agree that we're only human and sometimes things like these can affect us. But I'll take all you advice in mind and inshAllah it'll be better.