think i posted in wrong area before

[lilacmuslimah123]

hi everyone i converted to Islam in May last year 2009 my family who are non muslim are very against me for this (ie think new husband who is muslim brainwashed me!)they are ashamed of me as i wear Hijab the main problem im having at the moment and would like advice on is its my daughters 19th birthday next friday and i had agreed to take her for a meal ( may i just say relations were just getting back a bit on a better footing since she had to leave the home when my new husband moved in due to her outrageouse behaviour towards me and my new husband at the time) but she wanted to go to a resteraunt/bar in town and although i would not drink she is insisting that its her birthday and she can have alcohol if she wants at the same table i have therefore said i can no longer go to this venue but i would take her to another venue with no alcohol but this has caused another outburts from her of the most obscene language etc i dont know what to do my husband is also from different culture and says they would disown a child that treated its mother in this way but i am very soft person and dont seem to be able to say no to her please help i want to do whats right for everyone but especially i want to please Allah(peace and blessings be upon him) hope this all made sense and didn,t seem to trivial sorry.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Asalaam aleakum,

You are the mother and she is your child, if she wants to behave like a spoiled brat then I wouldn't take her anywhere for her birthday. She is an adult and not some angry toddler, I am surprised she even dares to speak to you such a manner. If I used foul language towards my mother I wouldn't have any teeth left, and I am a full grown adult. She needs to learn some boundaries should never be crossed and riasing your voice to your mother needs to be the first one on the list.

You can only control your actions not hers, so lay out the rules on the table and if she chooses not to conform then she will spend her birthday alone. Action and consequence...it is past the time of learning this.

 

[4mMadara2Amina]

Salam alykom my sister

I feel really sad while going trough your sad story about the treatment what have you got lately from your family. InshAllah they one day will accept it. I am happy to read your last words : "...but especially i want to please Allah(peace and blessings be upon him) ..." Those words are the ones who you need to rewread once and one more time again. All you do is your love to Allah. The ones who do good gets good, ones who do bad gets bad. My dear sister even your daughter might ask such a things her should respect mother in first case. You can try to talk with her in a nice way and explain that these kind of things what she is asking for mother is very hard for you, because you do love her a lot,but you are not able to do a bad habbits and recive a bad deeds after all. I wish I could do something more, but hope in some case my long text will going to help you.
First you can try is to not tell your family too much about islam even they might ask. There is a chance that you are not able to answer on all the questions or they might get anoyed of the information you say them about what is good or what is bad , so do with your daughter.
Second you can make your daughter get proud of you that you have no bad habbits as drinking or smoking and give an examples that many persons go astray and make their lifes very bad by drinking or even using a narcotics. Am sure, my dear sister, that you can talk with her like that and she might understand.
Third you need to understand that all what happens has been written and made by Allah Ta'ala before even our birth. Its all about our destiny. The thing what can make any changes into our lifes are Dua's. Allah Ta'ala always listen to those who prise Him. Never think that the wishes we say wont be heard.
And the last thing I might say is to make Dua that your family might get a soft corner of your life of acceptance of your new religion and love you so much, as you are the children and mother of them. Ameen.
I will make Dua's for you my sister.
May Allah bless you.
And remember faith is the thing what keeps as bright and each good deed we are doing we recive the rewards.

Your sister,
AMINA.

 

[Frank_H_Smith]

As Salamu 'Alakum,

I understand what you are saying. As a teenager, I was very stubborn, willful, rebellious, and disrespectful. Had a lived anywhere but in a Western Country, I don't think my father would have chosen to sign my permission slip to join the military as a solution.

Allah taught me the hurt I caused by giving me two clones of myself. My youngest son who is in his mid to late 30's often seemed to take great pleasure in demonstrating that as a young adult, I know longer had any authority over him. I am sure that the reason that I had two sons was because one wouldn't have been able to properly frustrate me.

They are now both living on their own as they have for well over a decade. My youngest son still enjoys the allurements of this world to put it politely.

It is difficult living in Western Society where the children are free to disrespected their parents from a very young age without any consequence. Here in The United States, a parent is responsible for providing for a child until I think 18 regardless of how badly they are verbally disrespected.

I won't offer specific advice, but I will say that sometimes I have had to say to my sons, "I love you; however, I don't approve of that and won't condone it by allowing drinking or smoking in my home or going to a place where it is normal behavior": ie: a bar. But, that the specifics are something that you have to decide.

Insha Allah, your daughter will respect you for who you are and your example will serve as a teacher to her for her whole life.