Urgent need of guidance and help. Feel terrible!!! :(

Discussion in 'New Muslims' started by Isa92, Sep 12, 2013.

  1. Isa92
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    Isa92 Member

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    Hello brothers and sisters!! I am not quit sure where to post this question. I have recently converted to Islam. But I am very very depressed. I have never felt like this before in my life. I haven't told my family. My mother recently passed away and I only have my father left from my parents. He is very conservative and stubborn but loves me. I am so afraid to lose him and that I can't enjoy things with him anymore. He wanted to go on a long trip with me to a beach resort to relax just the two of us but now I can't because I can't go to the beach like normal people and I can't eat in restaurants with alcohol. My grandmother is old and conservative but she will understand a little better I hope. I am hoping the same with my brother but I am so afraid to lose them. I envy my family for small things as to go to the restaurant. Enjoy a nice day by the sea at night. Traveling on a bus. Small nonsense but it feels as I might never do it again.

    I am going to lose my friends as well. I have a long distance relationship with a girl and I really like her. I feel so so so sad about the fact that I have to leave her. It is just so so very hard for me and I can't find the tranquility and the happiness I want.

    There are not many converts where I live so at the local mosque I face Arabs, Asians or Africans that seem to have their group and are born as Muslims. Or I face people that are not really Muslims that think I am odd to be there since I am white. It is difficult to not have anyone in my position. It feels as I have given up all my life and all that is good in my life. I will lose friends, my beloved family, my girlfriend and the daily duties. But I know Islam is the truth and I try to follow Allah since I am so afraid of the hell fire. I try and I try even if I feel so bad that I want to cry everyday.
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  2. Karima80
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    Karima80 Junior Member

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    As salam aleikum brother,
    Don't lose hope, I was just reading about it, about how many difficulties our beloved Prophet (SalAllahu alayhi wa salam) went through in the early days of Dawah.
    Remember this is now, but soon you have it better InshAllah. Start by focus on your faith and family. One day at a time, be patience. Because you will have a lot to overcome now some convert. But the reward will be so good InshAllah
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  3. Hassan
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    wa alaikum asalaam brother. Welcome to TTI and congratulations on your reversion to Islam. Alhamdulillah, Allah swt has seen fit to guide you, may He keep you steadfast on the straight path.

    I am sorry to hear of your loss. This must be a trying time, and I can understand you feel reluctant to make waves in your relations with other family members. It is clear, however, that you feel overwhelmed, becoming muslim can be overwhelming by itself, so to do so with such personal issues going on must be even more. Sometimes when we feel too much, we end up feeling nothing. The first thing I want to advise you is to take your time. The Qur'an was revealed to Muhammad (salli allahu alaihi wa salaam) over many years, and so even his companions, the Sahaba (radhi allahu anhum) took several years to learn this faith.

    I don't know the details of your situation, but it sounds as though your Dad wants to spend some time with you. If the beach is not good, then maybe some other place? I pray Allah makes clear to you a way. After my reversion, it was a number of years before I let my family know, though I did not live with them so it was maybe easier, but then maybe some other things would have been easier if I had said something straight away.

    There are so many things in your posts, I'm not sure I can reply to them all at one time. There are other members here, if not exactly in your situation, who share many issues with you, and in shaa Allah you will find their posts, or they maybe respond here too. While I don't remember there being someone in your part of the world here, we are all just contributing to the same place, and we are here every day. So feel free to ask anything you do not find. And feel free to PM me if that would help.

    Allah hafiz
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  4. Isa92
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    Isa92 Member

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    It is difficult! But I know the Allah has guided me here for a reason! I must remember that and I must remember that he is doing this to me in order to bless me in the hereafter. He has guided me to the truth! One of my problems with Islam is that it seems I must do everything at once. The prayers and everything must be done from the start I have been told. But hamdulillah I try to manage as much as possible. As mentioned, I can get used to the fact that there will be no more partying or that my friends are no good company anymore. It is very tough for me though that I have to leave my beloved girlfriend. She is the first one that I really love and I would do anything for her. And now I have to brake her heart and end our fantastic story because of my new faith. But inchallah! Allah the most high and the most merciful knows best! And I will always try to follow his will. May Allah bless you with paradise inchallah!! Thank you so much for writing.

    Allahu akbar!
  5. Abu Loren
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    Abu Loren Defender of Islam!

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    Asalaamu Alaikkum bro

    First of all being depressed after converting to Islam is normal. Yes you heard me right. This is because satan is now trying to turn you away from Islam, the only religion recognised by Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala. He will try his best to make you abandon what Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala has given you which is His religion.

    I think the hardest thing for any convert is to tell his/her family about the reversion. To them it could be that they think that we have betrayed them in some way or neglected their 'heritage'. But we are all different and some people find it easier to tell the family straight away and not carry the burden of concealing what we have done whilst others will NEVER tell their family.

    You can do things with him for sure, it's just that you have to keep a safe distance and understand that they will do things that are contrary to our beliefs. They will drink, they will smoke, they will do what all the other things that is forbidden to us but we don't have to detach ourselves from them because they are family and we just have to let them do their thing whilst we do our thing.

    May be one way to break it them gently is to give hints over a period of time and they will put 2 and 2 together and will come up with 4.

    This may sound cruel to people reading this but it is better lose friends who do not understand you or who will accept your choices. You as a Muslim are on a guidance from your Maker and as such you are on a higher plane than everybody else. The scene that immediately comes to mind is when if you are granted Jannah and you look down at Jahannam you will see your friends and loved ones burning in hell fire forever. Their predicament has nothing to do with you but what they have earned whilst they were in this world.

    The situation regarding your relationship with the girl it is haram in Islam. You should think seriously about where you want to go from here.

    Unfortunately it is a fact of life that many Muslim brothers and ignorant and are unreachable. As human beings we like to keep within our own culture and ethnicity and people from 'outside' are not welcome. Many reverts are finding obstacle such as this and many will be disheartened and many leave Islam for this simple reason.

    You must keep strong in faith. My advise would be to read the Qur'an or a translation of it and learn more about Islam and the life of the Prophet (SalAllahu Alyahi Wa Sallam). This will strengthen your imaan In Shaa Allah.

    My other advise would be to never give up hope in the Mercy of Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala then you will really be a loser in this life and in the Hereafter.

    Salaam
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  6. Hassan
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    Allahu akbar.
    I'm sure it does seem that way. The prayers are obligatory, ma shaa Allah, as you say, just do as much as possible, your prayers will not be perfect from day one, just keep to them and you will get there, in shaa Allah. There is much advice on that elsewhere on this site. I don't know how easy you can get halal meat, but stay away from pork in shaa Allah, and of course alcohol too. That will mean no more partying, but doesn't have to mean all your friends are bad company now. As the brother says, it is better to lose some friends. Some friends you immediately will find that once you're not partying you have nothing to say to each other, but also you can be surprised that some others respect and admire that you follow your beliefs, and they can be good for you right now, it is not good to be alone too much. So you may lose friends, but they also deserve a chance to keep up with you. Similarly your girlfriend, you will need to think on that - it is all or nothing, there is only marriage - you will need to do something about the situation.

    So yes, it does seem you need to do everything at once, but break it down into what is obligatory and what is preferred. Keep your prayers, that is a definite, and read Qur'an. Keeping away from the haraam should then become clearer and easier- some people can abruptly cut out a lot of things, others need to let go of things more slowly. Make your intention to please Allah and you will surely succeed.

    Salaam alaikum
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  7. Isa92
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    Isa92 Member

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    Because before this it was my live was going somewhere. After years of hardship, I finally found myself a girl I loved, I gained confidence, met new friends from the entire world, many adventures, career opportunities and my life was really kicking off and I felt good. Then a Muslim friend of mine posted a video about Islam on Facebook and by watching that, Allah started guiding me again hamdulillah.

    But please inspire me. Tell me. Since I had everything and since my life seems to be basically over now. How will it be later? Can it be better than before? Doe one feel more happy as a Muslim after a while? I mean I hear of people that lose wife, family, kids, friends, house, career and everything but say that these things are later replaced with something better.

    I had so many things going on for me. Traveling, friends, music, different sports different ideas about my career and so many things to do. Will I be given a life of meaning again? Will I have a variety of things to do again?

    I mean, it feels like sleeping in on Saturday morning is haram (even if you wake up for your prayers) Do Muslims have enjoyable Friday evenings etc?

    You have to understand that for me it seems like you are giving up anything and basically start to live as christian monks did during the ancient ages.
  8. Abu Loren
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    Abu Loren Defender of Islam!

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    I know you are a new Muslim just learning to crawl rather than walk but I feel that you are confused about a few things. First of what you are describing here are the enjoyment of this life. You must learn to differentiate between what is halal and what is haram. When you attain spirituality these things you describe become non important and you will take it in your stride.

    What you had was enjoyment of this worldly life, that is not real happiness. As an extreme example, take these 'pop stars' who are adored by fans worldwide and have more money than they need and they pick and choose their partners on a whim. But the reality is that they are never happy internally, their souls are void of real happiness and after a short career they lose hope in life because their best friend was satan, then they fall into depression and many end up taking their own lives. This is not happiness, it is a tragedy.

    Again you are describing the things of this dunya which will only last a few days until you fall from favour and either you or your friends move onto something different to satisfy your worldly happiness. You must seriously decide what you want. Unfortunately you cannot enjoy this life too much and gain credits towards your next because they clash. It's one or the other.

    I don't understand what you mean here.


    It doesn't have to be this way, look into things you can do Islamically, you can enjoy life to the extent that our Maker has Willed.

    My advise to you again is really study about Islam and you will not be confused.
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  9. Mabsoot
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    Mabsoot Amir Staff Member

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    Assalamu alaykum brother Isa,

    What Abu Loren posted above is totally true, and I suggest you read his words carefully and follow his advice. Having a good foundation as a Muslim is key. Sometimes people want to be Muslim, it somehow clicks for them and they just go through the motions, not listening music, not attending family events because people drink alcohol there etc etc. This is fine, but it needs to be done in tandem with setting up your iman base (Faith). With more knowledge and understanding of Islam, knowing who Allah is, a lot of the things you mentioned will not be considered "enjoyments". You would be really happy not to have that, because you have something a lot better in life. Instead of a girlfriend you have a wife, and ability to be a good husband and father. Instead of going out each saturday night to drink, or club to have fun, you will find that it is actually NOT as much fun as you once thought, plus you save money PLUS you don't get to see all the fights, drunkards and strangeness/danger that accompany such places.

    We do not live like monks, in fact such a life is forbidden:

    A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet :saw: asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)." Hadith - Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, No. 1,

    Many of us left things to become better Muslims. We do not regret it, because our hearts are with peace and we understand that we have lost nothing, but gained everything!

    With regards to enjoying oneself, people have different hobbies and interests. Some Muslims like sports, others like going to cafes, others go bowling, martial arts, I even know a brother who likes diving off cliffs. There are many things we can do - although a lot of it depends on your own personality and your friend group. - Islam forbids drinking alcohol and zinaa (illegal fornication), and anything that gets us close to that we avoid. Bad friends will not let you avoid it, whilst the good ones will steer you away from that.

    Some Muslims consider the above waste of time, and are quite happy to be with their books and lectures. Again this is fine, but it is important not to impose ourselves on others. Everyone is different and some people might need to replenish their batteries in other halal ways.

    Regards

    Amir
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  10. ayoubbrs
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    ayoubbrs New Member

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    salam olaykom , i know dificulte but i tell u what : did u ever heard about a companion by the name "abu ubaidah bin al jarrah" in the battle of Badr ( first battle in islam ) In this battle, he was attacked by his father Abdullah ibn al-Jarrah, who was fighting alongside the army of Quraysh. Abu Ubaidah avoided fighting with him but eventually his father succeeded in blocking Abu Ubaidah's path. Abu Ubaidah then attacked him and killed him he cut his head off .

    The following verse of the Qur'an is about this display of character by Abu 'Ubaidah:
    You shall not find a people who believe in Allah and the latter day befriending those who act in opposition to Allah and His Messenger, even though they were their (own) fathers, or their sons, or their brothers, or their kinsfolk; these are they into whose hearts He has impressed faith, and whom He has strengthened with an inspiration from Him: and He will cause them to enter gardens beneath which rivers flow, abiding therein; Allah is well-pleased with them and they are well-pleased with Him these are Allah's party: now surely the party of Allah are the successful ones.

    —Qur'an sura 58, Al-Mujadila, ayah 22

    ======

    one other example is Abu Bakr (father of Ayesha ) he had a conversation withe his son Abdullah when he become a muslim , Abdullah was fightin in BAdr with Qurayysh against his father , Abdullah said to his father do u know , i saw u in Baddr and i keep avoiding u cuz i dont want to kill u , Abu Bakkrr said i swear by god if i saw u i would kill u .


    Anyone leaves something for the sake of Allah, Allah shall compensate him a better one
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  11. hopeeternal
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    hopeeternal Junior Member

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    just try to take things easily..dont ty to do everything at once
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  12. ibrahimbahmed
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    asalam alaykoum wa rahmatou ALLAH

    "It is true thou wilt not be able to guide every one, whom thou lovest; but Allah guides those whom He will and He knows best those who receive guidance." (Al-Qasas-56)
    Dear brother, it's not you ,me or anyone else in this world who can make -those who you love- convert to islam. thus you have to pray for them asking allah to guide them to the straight path and that's what me must all do.
    at the same time try to tell them about the things that you see they will love and apreciate about ISLAM.
  13. Safiyah_
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    Safiyah_ Junior Member

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    May Allah give you the strenght to get trough this.
    I see that this post is from a while ago, any news? Feeling better?
    I can assure you that leaving things for the sake of Allah only gives you much better things. Allah doesn't take anything away unless He gives you something better alhamdulilaah :SMILY252:

    For your family i've been in this situation with a lot of converts i know and almost everyone's family accepted it at the end. Maybe the beginning is difficult but it's worth it i assure u !
    I've been hiding it for 3-4 Years and was always soo stressed and now alhamdulilah its like i always was muslim.
    Put your faith in Allah and Allah wil help you
  14. englishelm11
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    englishelm11 Junior Member

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    do not be depressed and ask help from Allah and He himself will help you

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