What would you do if....?

[palestine]

asalamu alaykum dear respected brothers and sisters. i'm just curious what you would do as an individual if your father or mother told you that you could not see, talk or even mention a good friend of yours because he/she is white? on top of that, you're not allowed to go to any neighbors house, nor go anywhere other than school and home? what would you say, or how would u react to this situation? thanks for the responses, asalamu alaykum.

 

[zainsmommy]

asalamu alaykum dear respected brothers and sisters. i'm just curious what you would do as an individual if your father or mother told you that you could not see, talk or even mention a good friend of yours because he/she is white? on top of that, you're not allowed to go to any neighbors house, nor go anywhere other than school and home? what would you say, or how would u react to this situation? thanks for the responses, asalamu alaykum.

Are your parents Muslim?

 

[palestine]

yeah they are.

 

[palestine]

Are your parents Muslim?

but i did not say it's my parents, i'm just talking in general.

 

[zainsmommy]

but i did not say it's my parents, i'm just talking in general.

Yes, you did say general. I'm sorry.

Well, I am not sure what someone in this situation can do. A person should not defy their parents, but when you know that they are promoting something that is wrong...the only thing to do is to try and plead your case. In a respectful way of course. Let them know that passing judgement on anyone is really not something that is very Muslim- like/ Christian- like. You know? It's hard because sometimes parents can feel so strongly about a certain issue that no matter how much you try to explain, they don't want to hear it.

 

[xohanifaxo]

saaalam

asalamu alaykum dear respected brothers and sisters. i'm just curious what you would do as an individual if your father or mother told you that you could not see, talk or even mention a good friend of yours because he/she is white? on top of that, you're not allowed to go to any neighbors house, nor go anywhere other than school and home? what would you say, or how would u react to this situation? thanks for the responses, asalamu alaykum.

my parents are EXACTLY like that...besides making friends with white ppl..i have alot of them my parents don't care,BUT the whole not being able to go anywhere, i just deal with ....i am not allowed to go anywhere ....ONLY WITH THEM OR CLOSE FAMILY i.e. cousins and their mom
well if u are the one who is in the situation....don't worry u are not alone

 

[palestine]

astaghfirullah. ok it is my dad. i just feel ashamed that he's doing that. and i didn't argue back or anything because nothing gets to him. but my mom told him it's wrong and he shouldn't do that. anyways i'm glad that i'm not alone. but i just hate it, especially when it's a muslim dad doing this. i just feel stupid and ashamed and my friend knows and let me tell you, she's a revert and a pious girl and she's done nothing wrong and doesn't deserve this. and i've respected my dad for everything and it's only for allah's sake, so i'll just wait for allah's plan to happen, but i'm just saddened and ashamed. and he keeps getting worse. he's cutting me off from the rest of the world. i'm not allowed to step out of the house unless for school! have i done something to him? absolutely no, have i uttered a word of disrespect, subhanallah no. and have i refused him in the things he asks of me...no. but he knows this is wrong, so why is he doing it? and also he had lame reasons, saying because she's white, american and probably doesn't know the deen much. she studied her butt off before she entered islam. she knows more than many of the sisters i know. and she is such a pious girl. i'm just hurt. sorry sister zainsmommy, i just felt that it was disgraceful to say that it was him doing it. and my mom is trying to get my friend to come at one point or another without him knowing even though she knows he'll be mad if he finds out. i think its because he wants to feel powerful, not because she's white. and not because she's revert. he is in his70s and i'm only 17yrs, and by the way i always choose my friends carefully....according to the deen, and he has never seen me hang out with bad crowds, but he never trusts me and has stated many times that i'm lying while actually i'm telling the truth. so there it is, out with the truth finally. and thanks guys and girls for your advice. there is not much i can do, except be patient for i know this world is paradise for the disbelievers and a prison for the believers. Love you all. asalamu alaykum.

 

[xohanifaxo]

astaghfirullah. ok it is my dad. i just feel ashamed that he's doing that. and i didn't argue back or anything because nothing gets to him. but my mom told him it's wrong and he shouldn't do that. anyways i'm glad that i'm not alone. but i just hate it, especially when it's a muslim dad doing this. i just feel stupid and ashamed and my friend knows and let me tell you, she's a revert and a pious girl and she's done nothing wrong and doesn't deserve this. and i've respected my dad for everything and it's only for allah's sake, so i'll just wait for allah's plan to happen, but i'm just saddened and ashamed. and he keeps getting worse. he's cutting me off from the rest of the world. i'm not allowed to step out of the house unless for school! have i done something to him? absolutely no, have i uttered a word of disrespect, subhanallah no. and have i refused him in the things he asks of me...no. but he knows this is wrong, so why is he doing it? and also he had lame reasons, saying because she's white, american and probably doesn't know the deen much. she studied her butt off before she entered islam. she knows more than many of the sisters i know. and she is such a pious girl. i'm just hurt. sorry sister zainsmommy, i just felt that it was disgraceful to say that it was him doing it. and my mom is trying to get my friend to come at one point or another without him knowing even though she knows he'll be mad if he finds out. i think its because he wants to feel powerful, not because she's white. and not because she's revert. he is in his70s and i'm only 17yrs, and by the way i always choose my friends carefully....according to the deen, and he has never seen me hang out with bad crowds, but he never trusts me and has stated many times that i'm lying while actually i'm telling the truth. so there it is, out with the truth finally. and thanks guys and girls for your advice. there is not much i can do, except be patient for i know this world is paradise for the disbelievers and a prison for the believers. Love you all. asalamu alaykum.

i think ur dad doesnt' let u go anywhere ,just like mine, because he doesn't TRUST THE WORLD not YOU....he probably loves u with all his heart but that is what my friend said to me...and i guess it does make sense ...this world is filled with horrible ppl..he doesn't want u to be hurt!
it sucks because after high school and college, ur out on ur own, and now u have no expierence with dealing with ppl, and talkign with ppl at stores... so u feel horrible cuz u never got the chance to do what u wanted

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam dear sister,

I am not sure how able you are to communicate with your father but I wonder if you can use the Socratic method to get your point across? The Socratic method is where you ask questions in a manner that will guide the person towards the correct answer. In this case I would ask your father who the best generation of Muslims were? They were the first generation and every last one of them were converts.

There is a story of a sahaba (I am wracking my brain trying to remember his name) who had no family, was extremely poor, and was physically humble. Rasool (peace be upon him) called him a brother and wept over his body when he fell in battle, he also dug the man's grave personally. This was during a time when having no clan meant you were considered the lowest in society and yet he was called brother by our Prophet. If you know who I am thinking about ask your father about him and his background...ask how he was treated by the most perfect of humans?

Ask your father how he would treat an orphan? How would he treat someone who has risked their home, food, and family name to become Muslim? Ask him if all Muslims should be treated as our brothers and sisters? And if it is not extremely presumptious, ask him how Allah swt will judge us for turning our backs on a pious convert who only has the Ummah to turn to for guidance? For it is a grave sin to break the heart of another Muslim.

I am sorry you are facing this problem, truly you are a good friend to this convert. I will tell you this...when I first converted I was deeply disappointed at how "clan-ish" the Muslims were. Because I wasn't accepted due to being a white convert I was deeply hurt. However there was one person who literally treated me as her sister and soothed my heartache. I think she would give me the shirt off her back if I asked for it. Because of her I was able to continue down my path in Islam with the hopes that there were true Muslims that understood their deen. Inshallah you will be that to your friend.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[user expired!]

:salam2:,

If my parents did that to me i will tell them that why did you bring me to this country in the first place?

 

[bintul islam]

my parents were like that, in the sense of they wouldn't let me sleep over or go out with friends...but now they are more laid back, Im a little older and more independent and they know if they chucked me into the middle of a troop of male soldiers, I would stay strong.
Im assuming as you get older, they will be more flexible, if they know who your friends are, where you're going, when you'll be back etc etc. Meanwhile just be patient and obey them.

 

[aynur7]

maybe u should try 2 talk with them more?Understand their point of view and explain ur point of view.Sometimes parents want 2 control their children even if they 2 well grown up.

 

[Naji Ali]

Parents of a different time and generation.

Asalam Allakum dear brothers and sisters. One should not try and go against our parents, but as a brother mentioned earlier in this thread, parents do not always do the right thing. More than likely they are reacting to how White people in general have treated people of color. As a revert Muslim and half African American/half Palestinian I have seen the frustration when one of my best friends growing up was white. My mother didn't say anything directly, but I still feel she was not completely comfortable with the idea. Different generation I guess, i'm 43 so my mother remember's the Civil Rights movement being raised in the South.

 

[zainsmommy]

Please don't apologize to me! It is not necessary.
And also, don't feel ashamed. I just did the same thing and I cannot tell you how much guilt I have for it. You are better than me because you came forth.

Anyhow, I truly feel for you and your situation. It is a very difficult one. As I already said, when parents feel very strong about a certain issue, it is hard to convince them otherwise.

Someone posted that it is not YOU but the world. I would not doubt that one bit. As hard as it may be to swallow, they really do have your best interest at heart and care deeply about you. Perhaps he experienced something one time, or sees things that he doesn't like and associates all to be the same. You never know...sure it is not the correct way, but what can you do. It seems you are being very patient and Insha'Allah you will be rewarded for it.

Insha'Allah things will get better. Just remember that as frustrating as it is right now, they love you and worry about you and only want the best.

MaSalaama

 

[jabba]

asalamu alaykum dear respected brothers and sisters. i'm just curious what you would do as an individual if your father or mother told you that you could not see, talk or even mention a good friend of yours because he/she is white? on top of that, you're not allowed to go to any neighbors house, nor go anywhere other than school and home? what would you say, or how would u react to this situation? thanks for the responses, asalamu alaykum.

:salam2:
That's not very Islamic of them! I would show them that racism is haram......I would seriously feel very sorry for this person, because the parents seem VERY controlling. Alhamdulilah my family has more sense than this.

 

[jabba]

. More than likely they are reacting to how White people in general have treated people of color. As a revert Muslim and half African American/half Palestinian I have seen the frustration when one of my best friends growing up was white. My mother didn't say anything directly, but I still feel she was not completely comfortable with the idea.

:salam2:
that's truly sad, may your mother open her eyes one day.
P.S. it's nice to know how some people generalize white people, ever think about how Muslims are being generalized, if you thought about it maybe you wouldn't have sterotyped

 

[sal12]

Assalamu alaykum,

A lot of people go through this and it's just because ur parents may be cultural and/or not educated enough to know that "white people" are not all bad. Your quite young so it's going to be hard getting used to these rules which u have to obey. Your dad is being overprotective. Parents who behave like this don't realise that their kids have their own mind, can think independently and not be so easily influenced by other people. Some parents really think that their kids are daft and follow other people without thinking about it and they worry and stress about it even when the kid has explained that they're not like those kids who have completely lost their way and doing unacceptable things. Of course some kids do get influenced but u clearly said that u choose ur friends very carefully. It's also frustrating to see that those kids who are doing bad things can go out and hang around with whoever they want so they abuse their parent's trust while u KNOW that u urself wouldn't even consider doing what ur dad thinks u might do when u go out.

I think what u need to do is give examples of those converts in the Prophet's (sallalahu alayhi wassalam) time and how they turned out to be the best Muslims and in fact it may actually be haraam what ur dad is doing. If he still forbids you from seeing ur friend then there's not much u can do but to accept it. U can still speak to ur friend on the phone and maybe meet up in secret (thats what i do). If u have a relationship with ur dad and are able to communicate with each other then ur quite lucky coz u can explain how u feel, if not, then being patient is the key.

When ur older u'll understand the situation more but for now really try and pray to Allah to keep u patient and don't think about it too much. When my dad forbid me from going out anywhere i fell in to depression for years. I knew i was depressed but couldn't tell anyone and i didn't know what to do about it. I didnt do anything wrong, he was just too overprotective. Then as I grew older I just learned to accept it and I don't get depressed as easily, in fact not at all alhamdulillah. I think it's because i realised that although i can't go out much i have everything else and there are people that have much less than me so why should i complain and be depressed? ive got food, clothes, friends who understand me and my situation, a family, education etc. I must also say that it worked out for the best because most of my friends fell into all sorts of fitnah as they were young and are now having a hard time coming back to Allah, but because I was limited in going out I wasn't able to do the things that they did so now they always come to me when asking for Islamic advice and to them im "a strong person" lol! im not boasting im just saying that it worked out for the best for me in the long term compared to them.

Jazakallahu khayrun

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

Assalam sis,

GivE me your father phone and i will give him pieace of my mind? I don't mean to offend you but people like that who are muslim are as ignorant as the Kafairs who harm people cos of their race. We should never judge or degard or anything for that matter do to race. Allah SWT created as like that so if you are Muslim and like that you better hope you never come across me I don't care if you are uneducated but you as human being should judge another person because of race cos you did not chose your race. Anyways, sorry i get carry way there, ask your father to stated a quote from the Quran saying that? so he can see how wrong he is or you can ask a Imaan to decise this topic while your father is in the masjih. Another than that i real wish your to best and follow your and Allah SWT will guide you inshallah.

p.s i real hope you don't have brothers. Like the old saying FATHERS LIKE SONS.

 

[Summer03]

salam sis...

surely you are not the only one, when i lived with my mom and dad, my father was like that. school/home was his only direction for me...i guess it just in our tradition, especially when it came to non muslims friends. i mean..i never asked him why..but i never wanted more problems than wat he was already making with 'no going anywhere' but when u dont grown up in the same 'state of mind' as your children...it will be hard for them to understand.

wish u the best sis.

 

[podolski11]

i think im one lucky kid that doesnt live in the kuffar land n my parents dont make that decision.....but even if they do its for ur own good and ur parents can only do that until u r certain age....eventually u r mature enough to define good friends n bad friends n make ur own decisions